Best Monthly Poems
My wife is a Registered Nurse
At 60, she still had "The Curse"
A Time Machine
Helped her come clean
But our Edsel is stuck in reverse
Emotions scuttle through me
Like clouds across a sky
One minute I feel glee
The next I feel I'll die
My face is red and blotchy
My eyes feverishly bright
I know if I saw clearly
My face would be a fright
My hair feels like a birds nest
My memory's shot to hell
My sleep's when conversation's best
Naught could wake me but a fire bell
Guys say they cannot bear us
That we're snappish and we're rude
I know for sure they'd fuss
If THEY had to deal with these moods
The worst is the pain of the belly
Harmless cramps they say?
My abdomen's turned to jelly
Why should we suffer this way?
What a frustrating time we spend
Before our PMSing ends
Following is the April 2012 Monthly Activity Report compiled by the TSA.
I appears that Fred Feely Fingers and his pals do a thorough job, I must say!
Those diligent and dedicated folks earn their pay according to this survey.
For your information, I hasten to report their detailed findings without delay!
They discovered eighty-seven transvestites - terrorists - zilch!
Three natural blondes were detected - terrorists - zilch!
Fifty-thousand breast implants - terrorists - zilch!
Over three thousand serious hemorrhoid cases - terrorists - zilch!
Nearly fourteen hundred hernias - terrorists - zilch!
Eight thousand enlarged prostates - terrorists - zilch!
Don't you feel safer flying the friendly skies having learned these facts?
Having had our physical exams we can now board with confidence and relax!
(Let's pray those guys won't be so obsessed with us dropping our slacks,
That they let guns and strange-looking drawers fall through the cracks!)
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I'm caught in a trap
A merry-go-round of events-
Life's monthly cycle.
The sky was lovely on that summer day,
The time just seemed to slip away.
We were going on our monthly trip,
Heading for a mountainy dip.
At the bottom there lay a fabulous stream,
Just like one you'd have in a dream.
With the water flowing over the tiny stones,
And birds singing out at such high tones.
We all felt at ease.
We stopped beside a jagged rock,
Lay down our things and sat to talk.
Black clouds now cover the summer sky,
As we all let out a disappointed sigh.
We soon set of as one big team,
Leaving behind the peaceful stream.
As we turn onto a leafy lane,
I feel the first drop of the rain.
I run for cover under a tree,
But not before the rain soaks me!
Form:
I want to place a bet,
I want to play a music set,
I want to cuddle my pet,
So that I can take it to the vet.
The butcher slaughtered the meat,
Under the sun’s high heat,
As he stood on his feet.
The farmer planted the crop,
The director designed the film’s prop,
For it to be ranked top.
After writing this poem, I will stop, shop till I drop.
I have no nails to hang my sale of pails in a board. Otherwise my employer will wail and say that my fail would sail his business off course. Dear friend, will I ever make a good sale if I am narrated in every tale to be ranked as tail?
I need you to recover me from this fail or otherwise I will go to where I hail from.
God will educate
He teaches things that are great
to swim, ski and skate
poetry reading
poems to us will be feeding
in I am leading
Poetry reading at 1100 AM EST
every 2d Saturday of the month.
It’s too soon to predict when the monsoon winds will start blowing.
We never eat until its noon.
Baboons don’t blow balloons.
Spoon-feeding is what students nowadays want instead of using a harpoon to fish knowledge.
In camp Lazlo cartoon, Lumpus came out of the large cocoon.
Every Wednesday my company has a meeting after work.
Not a drinking, carousing, laughing, eating meeting.
Rather a staid, sad, depressing, numbers are down again meeting.
It has taken on a depressingly steady downhill dour attitude for eleven months.
To entertain myself, I study the players.
Chostsy, who wears her dresses too tight, and plays with her legs.
Barney, who perpetually looks at his phone under the table.
Dramada who apparently has no life and never wants to leave.
Just as we start to go, she asks a question.
Only it is not really a question. It is always something more.
A way to obtain accolades, attention, or credit for something.
She likes to be noticed, and apparently has a terrible home life.
She keeps the meeting going for another horrible extra thirty minutes or so.
Every month the same scenario.
One month Barney died, so I looked at my phone under the table.
Dramada raised her hand to ask the question just as we started to rise to leave.
“Sit back down!” the boss instructed us.
Apparently she has nowhere to be either.
I wish they would just stay and chat with each other.
In the event we go out, make sure you have logged out from the internet.
I have a perfume business, I have mastered dozens of scents to the point I know what my client needs without a sent whats app request.
I trip severally, that’s when I remember the saying everything is not meant to be.
It is after lent period that Jesus told His followers He’ll descent.
Until then, I always cement my relationship with God to avoid the devil’s torment.
To ask a stoner about the universe
will teach you more than a monthly subscription
about love and lies and free verse
take what resonates, and act with conviction
To live for the hope of it all
will teach you to feel it in your nerves
but don't stare too long at the mirrorball
and take what you get - get what you deserve
The garden of Eden,
Daniel in the lion of den,
The stone tablets written without a pen,
The three wise-men,
The cock crowed not the hen,
All the commandments are ten,
Of all the disciples, none was named Ben,
The question everybody asks about Jesus’ coming is when?
"I should not go to school today,"
Says every girl who feels this way.
"I've got the monthlies and the cramps,
A flood, a flush, and uterine camps.
My mood swings low, my temper is high.
Nature's tide flows, I can't deny.
My abdomen's as hard as rocks,
I've counted twenty bathroom stops.
Yet still I rise and face the day,
Pack necessities, and make my way.
My back is sore, my clothes are tight,
But I'll push through with all my might.
I ache and moan but still, I go,
To learn and grow, despite the flow.
My head throbs when I slightly bend,
But assignments I'll still attend.
My muscles protest, my patience wanes,
I fear those unexpected stains.
My feet are swollen, my chest is sore,
But I'll keep striving, that's for sure.
Concentration's hard to keep,
When cramps make me want to weep.
Emotions flood, but I stay strong,
In class, I know I still belong.
My stomach churns like stormy seas,
But I'll raise my hand with expertise.
Skin broke out, but the mind stayed clear,
I'm more than just the pain I bear.
I have cramps, but my heart is steady,
For challenges, I'm always ready.
What's that? You say you understand?
With support, I'll make my stand!
At home, I'll help and do my share,
Though my body screams, 'It's not fair!'
In school, I'll learn and participate,
My potential, I'll cultivate.
For I'm a girl with dreams so vast,
This monthly trial will soon be past.
Through pain and flood, I'll persevere,
My strength and spirit are crystal clear!”
Tough to fight,
Difficult to write,
Hard to unscrew, it’s too tight,
Not coke its sprite,
Not tomorrow its tonight,
I am not obese am a couple of pounds light,
It’s dark, shine the light.