Best Menopause Poems
When Betty hit the menopause
her symptoms all came on at once,
with her brain fog; she feels a dunce!
At night in bed, the hot sweat pours
and her nightie is soaked right through
she changes; then runs to the loo!
Bill tries to speak and Betty ROARS
as her mood swings are quite severe,
he grits his teeth and says ‘yes dear’!
She nags at him without just cause,
and Bill’s wants are quickly dismissed…
there’s no sex, it’s right off her list!
He wished there was a get out clause
but they’ve been wed for many years
Bill understands, copes with her tears
When Betty hit the menopause
at night in bed, the hot sweat pours.
Bill tries to speak and Betty ROARS
she nags at him without just cause …
he wished there was a get out clause!
Inspired by Constanza Contest
Best rhyming poem October to December 2017
Sponsored by John Hamilton
Entered on 07/28/20 into Old or New Constanza poetry Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May
NB This poem was written by an English poet - so to the 'British ear' the rhyme is correct
11-19-17
We forced her into menopause well ahead of her time.
Mother Nature’s prematurely changing and we’ll regret our crime.
We cut off her tresses that once bushed across her land,
polluted her oceans and soiled her golden sand.
Moody and unpredictable her volcanic eruptions flows,
fed a daily diet of plastics, pesticides and GMO’s.
We sweated out her edges and turned her temples gray,
while her hot flashes melt the glaciers that dissolve more each day.
Her skin is dry and arid as she blazes across her earth,
destroying crops and animal life, unyielding, no longer giving birth.
We ravaged her Amazon where green algae and flora once flourished,
only two days shipping while populations starve and many undernourished.
Waken with a splitting headache as earthquakes and tornados roar,
we have become her burden with our excessive cries for more.
Gas emissions have choked her and left her in a daze.
The damage is done, too late before we change our ways.
She is like a bridge as our weight has caused her back to bend
with greed, corruption and the unconscionable conscience of men.
How will humanity survive when Mother Nature has no more to give,
what will become of our children, where will they have to live?
This is a time of urgency, but we have been fore warned.
Her end is rapidly approaching, for “hell has no fury like a woman scorned”.
MM
Menopause Moment
It comes on uninvited
And it doesn't make you excited
Heart flutters ensue
To an almighty hue
Of crimson red
Lighting up your face and head
Next comes the tsunami of sweat
Accompanied by an almighty dread
Will anyone see the tell tale signs
Will they think l’ve been on the wine?
Doctors’ scratch their chins and ponder
While you garble questions and just wonder
Will your brain capsize?
Will you stay alive?
Beneath the bluster and blunder
Which is now your life
Thank God your no ones wife!
So, there is no womb prayer
Just you, pulling out your hair
No soft voice
In the middle of the night
Telling you it will be alright?
Copyright Sinead Looby.
It's only October but I'm in despair
So I'm writing to old St Nick
My feet are up no care for my hair
In bedroom feeling quite sea sick
I know I'm very blessed today
Even if it's normal pink pain
Years roll on like a test of faith
I STILL bleed like I'm cutting vein.
I have to ask dear Santa Clause
To deliver me one thing early
Take me into menopause
I will showcase a smile so pearly.
No more super bad headaches
No more needs for tampon, pad
No more favorite things ruined, great
No more making him a dad.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord for no more heat
For if it comes, I’ll be awake
I pray the Lord, don’t make me bake
I’ll even get down on my knees
And pray the Lord “Lord, pretty please”
Please don’t turn my furnace on
My flesh is weak, my patience’s gone
I haven’t had a good night’s sleep
Since menopause turned on the heat
And it’s no good Lord, counting sheep
If into fire, Lord they leap
So Lord, please grant me this request
And take this fire from my chest
Let someone else be thusly blessed
And let me finally get some rest
Short Poem contest - Honorable Mention finish
Mdailey
written for my wife
Some call it flushing, Some call it flashing
but when mother suffered dad would come dashing
I think he was worried he might get a bashing
but a ten year old boy just couldn't help laughing .
Mum boiling over thinking no one is caring
Under her breath but I can still hear her swearing
Dad should go to the pub but he's not that daring
its a funny old world my parents are sharing.
Dad wastes a crumb , Why did she bother
I heard mum say , He's just like his mother
No one would miss her if she ran off with another
Yet loved by five daughters and their little brother.
Dad pours the doctor a cup of tea
Delighted when he prescribes H.R.T.
Will that return my wife to me
The doctor says he must wait and see.
Over a month her temper subsiding
Mum and dads love was once more abiding
Together into the future they were striding
and a very young boy knew when it was his luck he was riding.
The menopause has hit me,
My oestrogen is going,
I'm very hot and sweaty,
My face all red and glowing.
My mood is unpredictable,
I scream and then I shout,
My waistbands getting tighter,
I'm fatter without a doubt.
My hair is getting thinner
On the top of my head,
But it's sprouting out of my chin
And upper lip instead.
My mind gets confused,
I'm forgetful, make mistakes,
Everywhere is itchy,
I just want to take a break.
So I'm off to see the doctor
To get some HRT,
Can't deal with all the symptoms
Of this menopause misery!
IS IT HOT IN HERE?
I`m a physical, mental wreck, waiting for a beard
I have no sense of time, I`m definitely weird.
I`m peri-menopausal, go from blazing hot to cold,
I have wrinkles, bags, am fat, and very very old.
I sometimes find my my car keys in obscure places
I often forget names, while remembering certain faces.
I`m 50 shades of madness, go from saint to sinner,
I eat chocolate for my breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner.
I often lie in bed with my heart and mind both racing
bang on red alert when it`s just my pillow I`m facing
I have a yen for change, I want a tie dye dress in blue.
I want to get naked in a field under a snuggly at midnight, true.
I`d rather have a hob nob than a quickie with a stranger
I`ve forgotten all the words to "Away in a manger".
I often google questions, that apparently nobody asks,
The naughtiest I get, is putting whites with colourfast.
I wander round my place with a million good intentions
to complete the jobs at hand, then start dreaming of inventions.
I get time warped, tongue tied, and prickly
I lose my direction and the plot quite quickly.
I`m managing not to pee when I sneeze
I`m doing pelvic exercises would you please.
My sex is definitely not "on fire"
I don`t even fancy Danny Dyer!
Is it Monday today? I`ve forgotten what I was saying..........
I wish to speak for the cause of women now in menopause.
I once heard a man joke or may be it was just a poke.
What really does this stage cause?
Do men now look but yet they pause?
I went thru it so long ago.
It's just a natural ebb and flow.
It causes some changes quite unknown.
I think perhaps my whore did moan.
I never went on hrt's, just let it happen naturally.
I had no rages, no extra fire.
My girth grew wider, my skin grew drier.
I think perhaps that God must jest as suddenly I got my breasts.
It keeps them looking wouldn't you know and saves me from
seeing what happened below.
~Female Menopause~
Skin that was so soft with the glow still upon it,
Smooth and luscious and warm to caress,
Young and lovely it used to be,
Not now, oh woe, my skin is a mess.
I shaved my legs my underarms too,
I never thought I’d grow a beard just like you.
Why did this happen and why is it now?
I’m not that age yet, no I’m not, no how.
I’m nearly old enough to be a granny
Never mind a loving wife,
It crept upon me with stealth,
Through the days of my short life.
The telly, it tells me each and every day,
That my skin looses elasticity
I’m sick of the telly and the creams that don’t work.
I ply them all over with a spade and a fork.
My skin needs some moisture, or so they say,
I’ve found a good supply, a bottle of white wine each day
My skin now still glows, but it’s covered in sweat,
I’m dripping and ripping my clothes off and yet.
It’s not in the heat of the moment that I do it,
No passion, no lust, I just find I’m going through it.
I never thought I’d have to ask you,
How to shave my chin and get it smooth too.
I’ll be invisible, bearded, fat and ignored,
So sign me up now for a freak show abroad.
At least in the sun I’ll have reason to sweat
No on will know but I’m not finished just yet.
©~GG~2011
~The Male Menopause~
Did you know girl's, men run on hormones too?
They are not so different girls from me or from you
But when a man reaches his fifties he becomes unstable
To blame it on the woman though, - that he is still able.
He never likes to think that his hormones are shot
He fancies all the woman, and still tries a lot.
When his fancy lets him down it never is his fault
He blames the woman he’s with - she’s not worth his salt.
They like to talk dirty it gets them aroused and all hot
But talking about dirty clothes and dishes, is what we have got
They have strange fancies and talk to each other
“What I could do for her never mind her mother...”
They never once think, that what they have got
Is certainly what all the girls want - NOT
Their hair grows in their ears and in their nose
But from the top of their heads that’s from where it goes.
Their brains seem to disappear, along with their hair
Gosh hormones are hard - life isn’t’ that fair.
The male menopause it tends to be of a shorter length
But they think its your fault when they begin to lose their strength.
Things start to fail and they may look elsewhere
But whoever would have them - has already been there
They are too old for the young, yet to young for the coffin
So just carry on loving them and try to stop scoffing.
Tell them they are still - muscular and hot
They do it for you, even if they do not
They will repay you your kindness when your turns comes around
They will show you how to shave, when your beard does abound.
They will pretend that your sweats, is them making you hot
Just let them get on with it because it happens a lot
When your hair goes thin they will say they love it more
That’s what a loving relationship and growing old together is for
©~GG~10/07/2012
A Woman’s lot!
Not yet 50 - well nearly - but not yet!
But I would never have bet
That this would be the year
That would start to drive me to tears
And night sweats….and brain fog
That makes life at times a bit of a slog
Now, who in their right mind would invent
Menopause - someone obviously hell bent
on wanting to cause maximum destruction and misery
As when a mood swing occurs and the potential of causing injury
A woman can easily say “sorry about that” and simply forget
As she embarks on another night of sweats!
Now, where was I, I do forget
It’s my memory you see, again it’s let
me down. From numbers to names
at times they all merge and become the same!
So, I’m told that reaching 50 that it is a great age
to do what you want - even get on that stage
But wait one second - my glamour has gone
My hair is falling out, my weight is bent on
increasing - so to the diet book I must go
to a menu of soup and salad and sometimes I have to throw
caution to the wind and have a bit of bread
to stop me throwing my Ted
at someone’s head!
Sleeping - who needs sleep?
Is it a habit I want to keep?
“Yes” I cry, I love my kip and my good dreams
not the night sweats that streams
down my body - leaving me soaked to the skin.
But not all is lost as to these words I have written
on a topic that is often untold - even forbidden.
So share these words I will
for these feelings and emotions we need to spill
and share with all
so we know it’s ok not to be ok
And make tomorrow (however hard!) another day of people we will not slay!
MENOPAUSE MOMENT
It comes on uninvited and it does not make you excited
Heart flutters ensue
To an almighty hue
Of crimson red
Lighting up your face and head
Next comes the tsunami of sweat
Accompanied by an almighty dread
Will anyone see the tell-tale signs
Will they think I have been on the wine?
Doctors scratch their chins and ponder
While you garble questions and just wonder Will your brain capsize? Will you stay alive? Beneath the bluster and blunder
Which is now your life
Thank God your no one’s wife!
So, there is no womb prayer
Just you, pulling out your hair No soft voice
In the middle of the night
Telling you it will be alright?
Menopause uggg
Adam was given work for his sin
Eve was given the privilege to produce kin
Never once was menopause mentioned
Who created this invention?
They say get an ablation, it’s the best thing since apple pie
You’ll stop bleeding and you don’t have to try
What they don’t tell you is, it doesn’t always work
But heck, the no cramping is a perk!!
Whatever!! It threw me right into the change
My life seems a little nuts in exchange
My kids think I’m lazy but in actuality I’m a lot crazy
I don’t sleep, and I stay wide awake
My moods are all over so the niceness is all fake
I wake in a pool of sweat
Only to later freeze, throw me the net !!
Oh the hot flashes are real
It’s great for sex appeal
The man says you must be hot for me
I just roll over and say no, I gotta pee
Weight gain is going at turbo speed
Chocolate is the number one need.
I just want to be left alone and not bothered
Give me peace and I’ll be honored
Don’t wish for periods to end
You’ll never be right again my friend.
From birth to middle age
Tell tale signs sending us into a rage
Not knowing what to expect
Slowly approaching wondering what comes next
Hot flushes to mood swings
I wish someone would have told me these things
Trying to find a way to cope
Visits to the doctor for a glimmer of hope
Feelings of anxiety and despair
Searching for remedies it’s so unfair
Balancing hormones to reach a safe place
Tiredness constantly it shows on our face
Family life disrupted on a daily basis
Looking for normality researching cases
Always saying sorry to the ones, we love
Will it work out is it enough