Best Loonies Poems
Donkey’s ogling artful masks
like drunks ogling addictive flasks –
You sure look fancy—Nancy!
Be submissive! Behaving neurotic
is now patriotic – loonies in charge
of the asylum;
Be safe! Give them your first
born...and second – they have an appetite
for helpless babies, and religions that
object –
teachers becoming malevolent
preachers, mouthing the party line –
they look to godless heavens for the
accepted sign your beloved offspring
are bullied into carrying –
Keep your eyes to their worshiped
skies – stars of tyranny and leprosy….
Well, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
Loaded my truck, found a place, and here I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand,
And I've been learnin' how to use a computor,
How to do some picture takin' with a cell phone,
How to get insurance for my truck and motor scooter,
But city life is nothing like back home,
Because where I come from, they call it the boonies,
Dirt roads, back woods, life as country as can be,
Though now I'm mixed in with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,
Yea, I can still plant me a nice little garden,
Though not nearly as big as it use to be,
And still listen to country music, Dolly Parton,
She's on my coffee mug for all to see,
And I still get to do some dear huntin'
For those split tails runnin' 'round here,
And I make sure to keep my truck tuned and runnin'
By way of Auto Zone, or I'd run out of beer,
Yea, I livin' in the hood, straight from the boonies,
It's great be an American and free,
Though I'm mixed in good with all the town loonies,
They'll never take the country out of me,
Yea, I moved into town to live like a city slicker,
And I'm doin' the best that I can...
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm just a country boy with a city slicker plan,
I can drive by Churchill Downs and hear the horses nicker,
I'm still a country boy, yea, that's who I am,
Though a country boy has a head a bit thicker,
City life is not so hard to understand.
On a night sable, my door hastily thrown
abducted in a rush by one-eyed loonies,
neon- yellow skin reflecting oval heads
whisking me in a shuttle, circling far away.
Taken to a realm where their master reigned,
impish a jabber, worse than 'Nanu, Nanu ,'
stuttering words, a version of 'Yabba daba doo!'
until minions got enticed by my own Beyonce tune.
While I hummed some more, they gathered in peace
their nimble fingers reading my human mind.
But as time was running out for an escape,
everyone heard the despotic lord, groaning aloud
dressed in a chrome-like armor, totally grim
ordering the puppets, his slaves for my deadly fall.
Instead, all minions clobbered this evil one
as the land of orbit grew warm in sunset's kiss,
happy loonies practicing new lyrics, Beyonce's song.
2/26/2016
Minions Contest sponsored by Silent One
Chuckles, giggles and guffaws
That's the only way to fly
Find silliness in all everyday things
Tears of joy will fill your eyes
In fact if you're not careful
You'll infect your fellow man
Before you can say "pink panties"
Loonies will be running the land
Now wait a minute let me see
They already are I'm afraid
They resemble a flock of turkeys
Look at the mess they've made
We pay them scads of money
To perform their comedic routine
That won't change any time soon
So enjoy your plate of poutine
Always look on the bright side of life
Things have got to get better
So why not try to enjoy yourself
And just carry on unfettered
©Jack Ellison 2012
“Poutine” is a French Canadian dish of french fries, cheese curds, and rich dark brown gravy! YUM! A heart attack on a plate!
as not you with yarmulke
delivering yogurts past the age of curdle
what you asked from me a cuddle
as in a tent you phantom
I'll be drooling for thank you
your mistake
as many tests show will be a park ranger
to deliver needles clean the life of certain
as a choice and not sunday school
waiting in line every saturday for chicken
but the rest of the week peanut butter
to cajoled an heart and a pee
I wish I had a dick to tell you all
and if my dog take a leak on a fire hydrant
no thanks to you
my camp close to the loonies
as discharged not to clog the jail
I kept them quiet at night
with sing song a lullaby
and one two three may be a tree
get your broom to make it clean
I've recorded the song, which you can hear here:
I did vocals and guitar - Sung to the tune of "We Can Work it Out"
What a TV Show
American Idol
There’s so many loonies seeking fortune
and fame
But I’m suicidal
Paula Abdul’s gone and Ellen’s just not the same
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
Some of them have talent
Many more are fruitcakes who love to screech
and howl
Oh so brave and gallant
‘Til they’re subjected to the snide remarks of
Simon Cowell
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For every Clay Aiken, 10,000 Sanjayas
Are making an awful sound
You’re much mistaken if your burning desire’s
To hear Larry sing “Pants on the Ground”
Can I find a reason
To withstand my co-workers gentle rebukes
Yet every season
I tune in for more zany crazy tone deaf kooks
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For every Fantasia, 10,000 William Hungs
Eagerly wait in the wings
They’ll amaze ya, these delusional throngs
Tell me why do we enjoy such things?
American Idol
There’s a bunch of loonies seeking fortune
and fame
Think I need a Midol
Good or bad, next year we won’t remember their names
What a tv show!
What a tv show!
For John Heck's "Beatlemania" Contest - The Beatles "We Can Work it Out"
one evening in the desert the moon began to glow
far off in the western sky the sun was sinking low
i looked out on the mesa and lo what did i see
lights of blue and yellow purple red and even green
i slowly started walking to see what i could see
the lights were getting closer then a voice called out to me
hello and sir how are you on this clear and summer night
we come from kuna dola just to see your earthly sights
he said please mr earthling now dont you tell a soul
that we were on the desert underneath the moonlights glow
i said dont worry kuna i will tell no one today
they would lock me up with loonies and throw the key away
Will there ever be total peace in the world
Or am I just a silly old goon
As long as loonies want more than their share
Even want a piece of the moon
Good people of earth will forever resist
When countries get too big for their britches
And want much more than they're entitled
Like a bigger share of the world's riches
They risk the chance of destroying our planet
Destroying it for their own greedy plans
They can't be allowed to accomplish their goals
The future of mankind is at hand
These brutal subhumans must be stopped at all cost
Their plan is usually world domination
Sound familiar? Reminiscent of World War II?
Must avoid the same contamination
So with the time I have left of a wonderful life
What a fitting climax it would be
To wake up one morning before getting the call
Finding all world's people are free!
© Jack Ellison 2015
There's an H-Bomb on our doorstep
That's threatening to kill us all
There's a F-Bomb on my tender lips
And I'm bouncing off the wall
My middle digit is raised on high
In a glorious finger salute
Dropping my drawers in bold defiance
With a happy mooning to boot
Take heed, listen to what I'm saying
Damn sure I'm not alone
A peace movement has started a-brewing
So put down that damn red phone
Tired of constantly being threatened
With annihilation of all humankind
My kids just want a solemn promise
No more messing with their fragile minds
I'm sure it really isn't all that difficult
Listen here you bunch of loonies
Just let us live our own simple lives
Next semester we can all be roomies
© Jack Ellison 2012
Monstrous Loonies in the air;
Monstrous Loonies everywhere,
Monstrous Loonies without a care;
That's our politicians!
Monstrous Loonies worldwide,
Monstrous Loonies, nowhere to hide!
Monstrous Loonies, let's stem the tide;
Of useless politicians.
Monstrous Loonies, a set of dopes,
Monstrous Loonies, how can we cope?
Monstrous Loonies, we need some hope!
But not through politicians!
Monstrous Loonies running wild,
Monstrous loonies not so mild!
Monstrous Loonies get us riled;
These painful politicians!
Monstrous Loonies, sanction that;
Monstrous Loonies, drive us 'bats';
Monstrous Loonies squabble like cats:
Our illustrious politicians, or a set of clowns!!!!
Up here in Canada we have our own words
Everywhere does, some think ours are absurd
Between toques, hosers and rhyming currency
Like loonies and toonies, we do speak uniquely
But narrow it down to one province specific
Our Saskatchewan tongue is fairly prolific
We drive on the blacktop to get to the grid
To get to the cabin you went to as a kid
Past the RM’s to grab a two four o’ Pil
Put on my bunnyhug to ward off a chill
Wearing thongs in the summer to the river and back
But the ones on our feet, not the ones up our crack
Kitty-corner from the LB is the Rider store
For watermelon helmets, jerseys and more
Our die-hard fans, they all bleed green
Filling the stands, not a bush league team
Daylight savings? Not on our clocks or phones
For anyone in Saskabush or Pile’o’Bones
Or Elbow, Eyebrow, Climax and Oxbow
Moosejaw, Moosamin and Findlater also
And if you were in P.A. for any time spent
You’d know poor deadly is a compliment
Swimming at Pike used to give you the itch
But it’s all better now so jump in, in your gitch
Even if you’re in the city you know everyone
Probably from the small town that their cousin is from
Someone always chuckles when they say Speedy Creek
We like eating dainties, drinking Vico and Beep
Land of the living skies on or license plates
With good prairie storm clouds, the view’s kinda great
Take a left by the elevator and a right at the barn
Keep going until you’re 20 clicks past the farm
See the dog with one ear up and one ear down
And those are all the directions to get to that town
Full of colloquialisms you may not know well
If you're not from the easy to draw, hard to spell ;)
Need a cuddle, are you available?
I promise not to linger too long
Maybe seven, maybe eight hours straight
Maybe till the break of dawn
Just enough time to satisfy my craving
That haunts me day and night
Gonna wind up in the bin for loonies
If I can't taste your sweet delights
Need a cuddle, please say you're available
To take me to heaven's door
I promise not to overstay my welcome
Till eternity, not a moment more
Sure must've done something quite heroic
To deserve your tender sweet love
Can't think of what it could have been
But you've given my heart a shove
Succumbed to your sweet delicate beauty
Many many years ago
The flame's stayed alive for all this time
Still making this old heart glow
Need a cuddle, are you available?
Promise not to linger too long
Maybe an eternity plus a couple of lifetimes
An eternity filled with song
Thinking all of this time
that I stood next to giants
'til I realized those giants were mad
But what brought me here
was impulsive stupidity
I see now that I have been had
Why seek fame and glory
when those who would give it
are truly a senseless lot?
I'll waste no more time
nor anymore energy
in giving them all that I've got
Theirs is no standard
to which I aspire
I'd sooner bed down with the hogs
For there is more honor
right there in the mud
than among all those rabid dogs
The loonies are now
in charge of the nuthouse
The owner turned over the keys
But I will not beg
nor will I borrow
I'll not even offer a 'please'
I no longer need them
I'll go my own way
Their nakedness has been exposed
There's no getting through
the madness of giants
Their eyes and their minds are all closed
Gosh-o-Roonies, said the Moonies,
Drag you out into the boonies
Watch you be cut up by loonies
Feed you to the starving goonies.
Michiganderer Philandered and Rachel Maddow
She is most modest and not a mad cow
Which is why we love Rachel Maddow
Now or brown or full blown all over town
She is none other than Maddow world renown.
Definitely can maintain her composure
Even if on her show she aired exposure
About Governor who is a Michigander
Panders money and it is a philanderer.
Up to Trump's door they all did troop
So they could hear horrible latest scoop
Which is what people started to realize
Flies flew around his much to our surprise.
Tippecanoe as well as terrible Trump too
Also according to my latest point of view
Trump should give up go ahead and yield
Loonies and losers like him belong in left field.
When towards fielder comes galloping ground ball
He has to concentrate on it over the long haul
But if as hard as he tries ball passes him byes
If he said he caught it was a pack of lies.
Maddow, Maddow have some wind blow all of
his BS by and bad feelings somehow. There are
two other BS's not standing for Bernie Sanders.
Whatever, someone take care of those not taking
care Flint who we happen to find of their money
were philanderers.
James Hilarious Serious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Bolivia, NC
PS. Does anyone have a Maddow email address
that I can email this to?