Best Laxatives Poems
Her limericks posted on Soup
are full of the merits of poop,
of farts and of pee,
of laxatives' glee,
and hard ons - or those with a droop!
For my hilarious friend Jan Allison
Categories:
laxatives, tribute,
Form:
Limerick
My boyfriend was agitated
Because I was constipated
We'd be late for the game
Of course I was to blame
My butt hole's not dialated
On and on he whined and waited
Use of laxatives, debated
In my gut it was stuck
I could smell it... oh yuck
Boyfriend getting more frustrated
I could hear the game on the phone
I said, "Go. Just leave me alone!"
But he didn't hear me
His team was up by three
Stomach hurt, I let out a moan
Half hour later, he was snoring
I guess the game must be boring
I still sat on the can
Cursing my boyfriend, Dan
Who was no longer adoring.
After being lubricated
I sighed at being elated
Although my butt was sore
I had to poop no more
My bowels had been vacated
I found Dan's note and shook my head
"I had to poop, so went home instead
of waiting for you, Sue.
After this, we are through!"
That's exactly what his note said.
I felt relief, more ways than one
Happy that Dan and I were done
Now I can be alone
When sitting on my throne
No one shouting, "Hurry up, Hun!!"
Categories:
laxatives, humor,
Form:
Limerick
Our religious institutions
Are now filled with spiritual prostitution
Worshiping dollar bills
Instead of the one whose blood spilled.
Preachers administer biblical laxatives
Making many thin
Where is the Holy Spirit?
Who is supposed to shine within?
There is Accountability
And Responsibility
When your flocks is left emaciated,
Emotionally raided
But you’re afraid you’ll be hated.
The word of God is sharper than any two edged sward
If you eat the real gospel great will be your reward
Complicated the living word that is simple
Afraid the sheep won’t leave with dimples.
Ear tickling messages burning in flames
When you were supposed to bring Gods name fame
The truth hurts.
Hurt me with the truth!
Eternity is a long time to suffer for my youth.
Hypnotically medicated
By an enemy who is dedicated
Did you ever really give God your all?
Did you really answer his call?
The assignment rest in the makers hands
And, yes there are spiritual demands.
Everyone these days is offended
I rather you offend me now
Cause the word says every knee,
Every knee will bow!
You’re Hungry with in
Because you worship your sin
Looking everywhere but to the king
Ruler over everything.
Many cry into the wind
Pride stops you from confessing your sin
The wages of sin is death,
Do you know if you get a next breath?
The waves are crashing
The earth is groaning
Masses are roaming.
The rain longs to wash it away
But only you can choose life today.
BY: Sabina Nicole
Categories:
laxatives, christian, leadership, rap, slam,
Form:
Rhyme
A long those dark, dank corridors underneath the earth, an anomaly is growing.
N ebulous in it's beginnings, an as yet unknown species prepares to arise
E longated in it's skeletal structure, slight and slender, they slither about
W ily in nature, these unique elusive creatures are prone to evade the light.
S linking about at night with iridescent, bold bright eyes, they warily
P eek and peer at people, pacing about in dark, dreary alleyways
E xamining interactions, obsessed in their observations, in order to
C onnect and draw upon human energy, like sophisticated sponges.
I ntent on leeching the life force out of human beings, these humanoids wish to
E merge and spike world leaders' drinks with explosive laxatives, thus
S triking and stalling them on their "thrones", subsequently taking over our world!
Written on 2/23/2016
Categories:
laxatives, science fiction,
Form:
Acrostic
Not sure if this would be consider taboo
To even mention the view
Did I just hear her say the word touche
When the doctor proceeded to do what she had to do
With stage crew and camara in hand
Filming what little dignity I have left
Are the tapes rolling, I may need consoling
When this crazy trip finds somewhere to land
Do I even need to mention the day before
Pills and laxatives by the score
To clean out my innards must be least 10 pounds thinner
Need I say anything anymore
Back to the uncomfortable crowd
You can hear a pin drop at the sound
For them it's routine, for me a dastardly deed
Could someone please send in the clowns
Adding a touch of savoir faire
Excuse me, is there enough room in there
If things get a bit tight make sure the pliers are sanitize
Anyone up for a game of truth or dare
Doesn't get anymore personal than this
Best friends now without even a kiss
Operation at 7 film at 11
To be viewed YouTube via Internet
#sayitisntso #didhejustgothere #doyouhavenodignity
Just had my Colonoscopy this morning...nothing like a good follow up poem!
Categories:
laxatives, funny, humor,
Form:
Free verse
POOP - TALE : for contest
No embarrassment , everyone poops
So relaxed is the feel after all 's out
No gold and riches can ever buy such feel
I am sure all will agree silently though!
We get that feel for free as nature calls
In body, poop factory is so well- fitted
Based on our lifestyle it is regulated
Frequency n' timing our habits decide
As far as we breathe , we have to poop
No matter where you are, who you are...
How many times daily varies with species and diet...
Bamboos and honey diet makes Panda bears poop,
more than a forty times in a single day !
In other species range follows bell shaped curve
A balanced input-output cycle continues..
Doctors diagnose ailments examining poop,
Sausage shape is ideal poop the doc opines..
Mothers of kids worry if they cry while they poop
Too much delay makes happy a trader in laxatives!
Night soil in fields have made a fertile land
Poop of cattle folk is a manure too good
Everyone poops and is so useful too...
Deadlines and work pressure,meetings with boss
Petty tussles with friends or your own spouse.
Ask for a break saying you need to poop
Instantly you are permitted and you may slide out
Enjoy this break behind washroom doors !!
No more shy business, everyone poops!
Engrossed in reading a suspense thriller,
Or watching the climax of a movie horror
As soon as poop siren raises alarm, you got to go!
Ultimate rule is please don't control
Happily you poop poop poop and flush out !
FOR CONTEST- EVERYONE POOPS
Sponsored by:Roy Jerden
Submitted by: Anulaxmi Nayak
Date: 9th August 2015
glossary:
Bell shaped curve: the normal distribution curve
which has values of all ranges and takes a bell-shape.
Categories:
laxatives, art, nature, poetry,
Form:
Free verse
My son is getting older, and he just went back to College, the other day.
But he had enjoyed the summer, by adding a new game to his daily play.
He called it Troll Tipping as daily he targeted another, and wore him out.
By dinner, the Troll would fall asleep, as my son claimed his dessert, so devout.
But wearing out a Troll, is not such an easy thing, so many a night, a Troll got his.
What a shame! But as a resourceful college man, at devising plans he was a whiz.
He offered them a Fun Filled Tip, yes, a way to get others, to do their daily chores.
The cost to each individual Troll, was their sweet dessert, that night, nothing more.
He was doing great, as he ran thru many a Troll, but then our suspicions did unfold.
You see, this bred unrest, as a number of fights started, amongst our beloved Trolls.
Scheming isn’t sharing, so Grandpa Troll had a TALK, life changing, or so it’s told.
But Boys are boys, and desserts were to be had, so he made a new plan, quite bold.
You might say he invented Granny Tipping, yes, now it was MY dessert, on the line.
Now this would be quite simple, for at my age, I can easily, become tiredly inclined.
But the one thing he’d forgot: is how crafty age had made this old one, in her efforts.
As dinner wound down, I cued Grandpa Troll, to help deliver, those delicious desserts.
I told my son, that they were made to be his favorite, simply in honor, of his behalf.
Then I pretended to fall asleep, and he quickly took my dessert, with a joyous laugh.
Then suddenly his eyes grew big! And I awoke, looking him quite clearly, in the eye.
I lied that, I added laxatives and terrible cod liver oil, to my dessert nightly, yes, so sly.
Making them easier to swallow, but if he wanted more dessert, he only had to ASK.
He quickly sped away, to wash that terrible taste, out of his mouth, a daunting task!
And we all had our chance to laugh at him… as the joke was finally on him, at last.
I call this, Bad Behavior Tipping, and from that day to this, he asks for more, at last!
The game seemed to lose its luster that day, yes, manners did a BIG, comeback.
The moral is to politely ask… Playing clever little games… is NEVER for the best!
Categories:
laxatives, adventure, children, education, family,
Form:
Light Verse
Christmas Day has arrived; the thought fills me with such dread
For over twenty years they’ve come to me; it's doing in my head!
I get up at the crack of dawn to get the turkey in the oven
Gran moans about my cooking – she belongs in a witches’ coven
I always arrange the festive table last thing on Christmas Eve
I don’t sit next to granny; her table manners make me heave!
My sister is so overweight; you should see the size of her fanny
She belches loudly when she eats, so I’ll sit her next to granny
The taxi arrives at twelve o’clock and I crack open the sherry
When they sit down at the table they are starting to get merry
I slave over a hot stove; no one moves they act too grand
I’ve given up asking for help, they treat me so off-hand
Well this year I’ve rebelled and put laxatives in their soup
I’ll smile secretly when off to the toilet they will all troop
The soup has been devoured and I clear away the plates
When the laxatives take effect they’ll be in dire straits!
The turkey has been carved; all the vegetables are piled high
Uncle Albert grosses out; he needs a trough in a pigsty!
Turkey, and all the trimmings they will quickly devour
Granny moans about the sprouts she said that one was sour
I quietly sit seething whilst they get all get steaming drunk
Uncle Albert farts loudly – he’s worse than a blinking skunk!
Christmas pudding is eaten, followed by juicy mince pies
Sister Annie stuffs her face, as more fat piles on her thighs
Single handily I clear the table, and then we open up the gifts
It costs me an utter fortune; you should have seen their lists
Annie has knitted me the most disgusting baggy jumper
I smile sweetly and thank her, but I really want to thump her!
At four o’clock the taxi comes and they all go off home
I sit by the fire with a cup of tea, I’m so glad to be alone
Next year it’s going to be different; I’m going to go away
Booked a luxury cruise – I’ll be abroad on Christmas Day!
C form contest
Sponsored by Broken Wings
12~30~16
Categories:
laxatives, christmas, family, food, humorous,
Form:
Couplet
Many returns are sent by faxes
Declaring our earnings for taxes
When they don't work it out
Please give me a shout
Next time I'll send them some laxatives
Categories:
laxatives, funny, political
Form:
Limerick
And
WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME???
The pity…
I can’t stand the pity in your beautiful eyes.
If I could tear out my heart
I’d hold my hand over yours as you fight in
vain to keep the vessels from erupting.
WHY ARE YOU HERE WITH ME???
Can’t you see I’ll drag you down with me?
I believe in love, it’s true,
but I’m ninety percent introverted. I can’t let
anyone into my personal space. Especially you.
I just can’t do it.
I refuse to compromise and yet I’m surrounded
by impunity.
I dare not submit in the face of patriarchy
I spit on book knowledge in a society that glorifies ‘diplomas’
My arthritic bones laugh at me whenever I
start a new exercise regime
My mouth craves sugar and my
heart spasms in the wake of cholesterol
My eyes shoot daggers at you as my
hand charms you with poetry. And yet…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??
The back of my head aches and I drown myself
in cheap pain killers and back door laxatives.
I mean, what am I to do when I can’t afford a brain
scan and my family is lounging in poverty?
Lately I find myself forgetting things, mixing words,
Misspeling phrasis… But I’m a writer…
Aaargh!!! Why is this happening to me?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW???
Stay away from me, my love, my precious.
I don’t want you near me when I self-destruct.
Can’t you see??? …I just can’t win…
Categories:
laxatives, introspection, life, me,
Form:
Free verse
Creationist scientists who dig
with astro-paleontologists
As they seek the bones
Of australepithecus
Foretold in the Book of Leviticus
& the Dead Sea Scrolls
Sounded by the deadly tolls
From the bells
Harbored in the Vatican,
Those who mistake the accidents
For the sake of unholy laxatives
To be forced in controlling the pacifists
10% of your income,
& then some
The cross holds one
For ransom
It doesn't matter if your
Beautiful or handsome
Since, the endless chasms
Flood like restless cytoplasm
Induced by the
Phantom's iconoclasm
As the masses reduce
To being merely a bantam
Docile & trite,
This isn't right
What's done in the dark,
Must be brought to the light
Stand up, & fight
For the right,
Rise with all our might
& working through the nights
New World Order plights
Will never bring a fright
Fear no evil,
See no evil,
Speak no evil
They're all just weasels
Being painted on the easel
With the colors of greed & lust
Nobody to trust
But, yourself
As one must
In order to be just
With one & all
& all in one
Categories:
laxatives, courage, forgiveness, freedom, imagination,
Form:
Rhyme
You thought you were being so clever Bobby
Sneaking my Halloween stash while I was asleep
But I heard you quietly rattling my candies
Being so entranced, you did not see me peep
After last years stealing, I devised a clever plan
For sure the final time of my treats, you will be a fan
If you would have asked, I would have given you some
Now your in a pickle, and feeling really dumb
Bro, I injected laxatives in that full size chocolate bar
That I am sure you hungeredly and enjoyably ate
Do not worry I will inform all of your buddies
Of your absence from school or uncomfortable late
~ Oct 29, 2019
For contest ~ Image I was your brother
Categories:
laxatives, brother, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
These laxatives don't work that I've been taking.
As I sit on the crapper, the inside of my butt is aching.
I've been eating these laxatives for weeks and I still can't do number two.
I can't take a dump no matter how hard I try and I don't know what else to do.
I just learned something and I am so embarrassed.
These laxatives are suppositories that are supposed to go up my ass.
Categories:
laxatives, funny
Form:
Rhyme
Hey you!
Yeah, you.
Know what I plan to do?
I’ll spread Vaseline all over your windshield
And Krazy Glue your wipers in place.
I’ll insert sewing needles, point up,
Into your driver’s seat cushion.
I’ll put dog poop in your air vents
And a dead fish in the bottom of your glove box.
I'll write your cell phone number and email address
On restroom walls at truck stops and sleazy taverns.
I’ll scatter thumbtacks on the shag carpet
On your side of the bed and spit curses into your pillow case.
I’ll fill your shoes with menthol shaving gel.
I’ll smear anchovy paste on the crotch of all of your panties
and put them neatly back in your drawer.
I’ll mix pubic hairs in with your tuna salad,
Dissolve laxatives and sleeping pills in your split pea soup,
Replace your mouthwash with Windex,
Scratch my anus with your toothbrush,
Piss in your bottle of scotch and then...
And then I’ll start to get nasty.
Trust me.
I’m just getting warmed up.
Have another scotch.
Categories:
laxatives, allegory, relationship,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
Detrimentally captive,
wrapped in tinsel, hung from the beams and force fed laxatives,
the obscene dream of relapsin,
relinquished orgasmic compatriots glancing over their shoulders at the advancing boulders
as the romance smoulders.
They told her and told her it's over it's over but she chose her one leaf clover overture
and smiles at her teeth in the glass
sings unknown soldier and reflects on when she was told he adores her.
Categories:
laxatives, marriage,
Form:
ABC