Best Holmes Poems
A double sonnet in which the great detective and his faithful sidekick, Dr. Watson, alternately deduce the cause of Sherlock’s latest malady…
Part the first
Sherlock could not deduce his source of pain
at first. “Try as I might, I cannot find
the cause – is it contusion, or a sprain?
Perchance a mere psychosis of the mind?
“Yet by deduction, I’ve ruled out the plague,
consumption, smallpox, cholera, and mumps.
My symptoms, although serious, are vague –
this lack of answers has me in the dumps!
“Where’s Watson? He would have a quick prognosis –
I’ve never seen him err in all our years”.
Then! Churn of stomach yields its diagnosis
just as his friend, the good doctor, appears:
“What seems to be the problem, troubled one?”
“It’s alimentary, my dear Watson!”
Part the second
But from the learnéd doctor’s point of view,
there yet were tests and readings still to take.
He’d learnt the ill effects of poor review
and on his friend would not make that mistake.
“Stick out your tongue! Now, turn your head and cough!
Say ‘ah’. Hold this thermometer in place,
and while you’re at it, take your trousers off -
we’d better check your prostate, just in case!"
But Sherlock dashes to the water closet
in dire urgency and grave chagrin
to make a loud and liquidy deposit.
“It’s diarrhea!” Doc yells with a grin.
“How did you know?”, shouts Holmes. “How in tarnation?”
“Why, Holmes, mere process of elimination!”
written 17 Jan 2020
“Holmes, what is the secret of your glory,
What keeps us thrilled and rapt right to the end?”
“The hook of a swell detective story -
Quite elementary, my modern friend."
“Your methods by deduction, I must tell,
Earned you renown for the most brilliant mind.”
“Crime is common, logic rare, so I dwell
On hidden clues, the suspects leave behind.”
"Some tricky cases racked Scotland Yard's brains,
What would be your best sleuthing card to play?"
"The very truth lies in what still remains,
As slim improbabilities outweigh."
“With such demanding hardcore duty, you
must have pastime of some distinguished type.”
“No doubt, my curious fan, I have a few:
Observations, dear Watson and my pipe.”
“Where are you in the matters of the heart,
The rumor has it, women aren’t your 'thing'?”
“There was but one I held in high regard,
The one, who could plot well as well as sing.”
“With due respect to your uncanny wit,
What’s your advice to those, who murder still?”
“One’s life is not your own, hands off it,
No one is granted a license to kill!”
“Would you please share your most frustrating case?”
“Here, the cold one to my shame and disgrace :
Watson and I once camping at the site,
Turned out to be a very chilled event.
By shrewdly staring at the starry night,
I then deduced that someone stole our tent!
That scurrilous tent thief getting away,
Like Speckled Band still haunts me to this day.”
"Born most revered detective of all times,
Well, Sherlock, what’s the saga of your birth?”
“This basic question, though I solved tough crimes,
You’d ask Sir Conan Doyle for what that’s worth.”
February 5, 2022
i
am so special
i
won't suck you dry
i
need to be someone
I
have such anger
i
am a stranger
to myself, myself
I promise to me
to let myself be free
I WILL do better
I WILL forget
the things said
be better, no regret
I will be better
than you
I already am
Damn...
WHO was the dastard - Moriarty again?
WHAT was the reason for kidnapping Watson, my friend?
WHEN did Moriarty strike?
WHERE could Watson be?
WHY is Moriarty always instigating dastardly deeds?
5-W's contest
Seventh Place
Fictional detective Sherlock Holmes
Worthy subject for my poem.
His sleuthing skills may be tested
But the criminals are always arrested.
see this blank
not me
NOT ME
Sherlock Holmes and Watson made
A duo fighting crime
The wise detective and his friend
The greatest in their time!
It all began with 'Gloria Scott'
When old man Trevor died
Sherlock then, to help his friend
His hobby theories tried
Whether Naval Treaties lost
Or strange Red-headed League
Holmes and trusty Watson solved
Conundrums and intrigue
Whether 'twas the Second Stain
Or swan at Abbey Grange
Those dearest fellows smoked their pipes
On matters grave and strange
If Watson never understood
'Till matters did conclude
It sometimes seems 'twas Holmes's fault
That things were misconstrued
Then there came the felons' dread
The sudden shout, "Halloa!"
And Watson, sometimes young Lestrade
Would run to see below
I think, perhaps, that Watson's mind
Was sharper yet than ours
For putting up with Holmes's quirks
Could be like counting stars
mom
love you
need you
please
love me
need me
too
Sherlock Holmes once said to Watson,
“This murder was done by a dachshund!
It’s quite elementary;
He’s short and he’s hairy
And walks with two pairs of socks on.”
Opening the fridge,
All of the chocolate gone-
Shivers down my spine.
Little boy curls, sweets, and treats, lots of love,
When granny meets
Big boy, cigarettes, booze, and “love”
Uni, work, much too hard, heavens above!
Wife number one. Crazy, 5 months; I’m gone.
Wife number two, only wanted money, but two great
Daughters filled my heart.
Then a stranger came in our shade; I’m off! Enough!
And new start made.
Chinese wife was number three, dim sum at weekends, scented tea;
But told many lies, short time, cries. No more dim-sum; now eating pies,
Fractured love, attracting flies.
Retired with pension, not too large, should I live on a barge?
The winter’s cold, so didn’t dare; off to South East Asia I did repair.
My darling wife, she’s number four, the best of the lot;
(She loves me more)
Now I’m treated like a king, and gladly purchased golden ring.
Sugar in the morning, cream at night, best of all, we rarely fight.
Now in clover with my honey, some would say, that’s kind of funny,
At sixty two, you’ve waited long, for love’s sweet note, to sing its song.
Yes indeed, the truth is *****, how crooked, early life did steer; dark clouds
Haunt my dim dark past; but now only sun, with Vietnam lass.
Written for Bio contest 17/042014
Just call me Mr. Ruffle,
Because I'm stacking my chips,
One more roll of the dice,
One more lick of your lips,
Just call me Mr. Lucky,
Because I'm supposedly clever,
One more flip of that card,
One more pull of that lever,
Just call me Mr. Broke,
Because I took that last chance,
One more failed attempt,
One more empty pocketed pants.
By Mac
You're too much for me
Your smile, attitude
It's too beautiful
My sweet child
I am so glad
you are better than me
I miss you when you are away
being better than me
or your father
I know you are a visionary
you are a professor
you will somehow
make it sing
You know what?
i am here so unclearlry
i love you so fiercely
that's all that I know
i'll get in trouble
loven you, you loven me
I am unashambled naked
You'll take me, won't you?
like this
Just because
I ate
you paid
doesn't mean
I lay
I open
I preen
Take me home
fast as you can
I'm too young
your'e too much a man
I want to lay in my mama's bed
I want to watch the news
I want to hear how people died
that's not as scary as you
Kim