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Best Have A Cow Poems | Poetry

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Copyright © SKAT A | Year Posted 2010

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Kitty Kat Kourage

This Kitty Kat is back
As a matter of fact

I was hit by a car, I was discouraged.
I let them get the best of me--
--Thanks for pushing me off the ledge.

After getting bitter attacks
I realize I have something they lack.

It's been 5 days since I left drop the soup
Then I realize these poets are a fun group

My daughter and sister are having fun without me
Did you hear, without me

I got a couple of things to clear

I  have an attitude change.
Who cares if things in here are strange

Give me the poetry news.
I will comment your Haiku, without having a clue

From now on I will be happy dandy,  Meow Meow.
Until someone else makes me have a cow!.
Thanks for giving me the courage 
Standing up to the poetry soup punks

Copyright © SKAT A | Year Posted 2010

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a real relationship

I want a relationship that'll bring championships. 
I don't want to be reading fake scripts. 
I want something that's real. 
So my heart won't ever have to heal. 
I want that kind of thrill. 
Some people had said this. 
And still went on to have a fake kiss. 
I'm not like that. 
I like to chat. 
I'll listen. 
And I'm a Christian. 
I don't want a random companion. 
I want a companion that'll help me become a champion.
I want someone who shares the same beliefs and not someone who thinks I'm underneath. 
I want someone who can handle my jokes. 
Not someone who'll give me strokes. 
I don't want someone to change my personality. 
I want someone who can adapt to my family. 
I want someone to love. 
Not someone to shove. 
I don't want drama. 
That always comes with karma. 
I want a girl. 
And definitely not hurl. 
Maybe your that companion. 
Just let me shoot you out of a Canon to be sure. 
And let's see if your mature. 
Honestly I don't know where to go now. 
If you have a cow. 
I'll help you chow down. 
Oh boy I hope I meet clown.

Copyright © Dakota Burroughs | Year Posted 2016

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First Love - How I Met My Hubby

How I Met My Hubby Summer 1955  (using 1950s slang)

I answered the horn—it was my friend, Bobby.
He told me he knows someone I might dig,
and he’d like me to cast an eyeball on him!
He said he is very earthbound and hep!
So, I told him, “Okay, see ‘ya later, alligator!”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was on cloud 9
and cranked, and so full of illuminations!
But then thought to myself, don’t have a cow!
He could be a fake out or a fream,
so I shouldn’t flip until I meet him!
I put on my best poodle skirt and saddle shoes,
and then brushed my hair up in a ponytail.

Bobby pulled up in his flip-top, and I go ape!
He gives me that made in the shade look.
Then he got out of the machine, and
Bobby introduced him to me as Bill.
Tall, with a flat top, classy chassis, and nice threads—
I was glad he wasn’t a greaser or grody.
As we talked, I’m thinking to myself—this,
this is like crazy! He’s the most! Boss!
We talked more and then went inside my pad
to hang and play my collection of sides.

Before long, time for Bill and Bobby to cut out.
We did have a blast, and Bill was so cool.
I whispered to Bobby that I really dig Bill,
and he said Bill thinks I’m a dolly.
Before they jumped back into Bobby’s chariot,
Bill asked me to go see a flick the next night.
I calmly said yes, but inside I began to flip!
Said he would call me on the horn in the morning.
“Okay, punch it,”  Bill said to Bobby,
so he popped the clutch and they split.

My brother said, “What’s you tale, nightingale?”
I said, “Cool it—and cut the gas!  Get with it,
and don’t be cruisin for a bruisin!”
Brother said he heard Bill ask me out to a flick,
and to make sure he doesn’t take me to that passion pit!
“Righto, and don’t bug me,” I said under my breath.
“I’m gonna cut out to listen to some sounds
upstairs and pile up some Z’s.”

I went to my room, definitely cranked and on cloud 9,
thinking about my blast tomorrow with Bill.
I couldn’t wait to make the scene—
A burger, fries, Coke and a flick…fat city!
And, maybe, I thought, a little back seat bingo too??
And then slowly, I nodded off to sleep…

*Never a thought we’d be circled in June 1958

Sandra M. Haight

~3rd Place~
Contest: First Love
Sponsor: Frank Herrera
Judged 10/07/2016

~1st Place~
Contest: Talk the Talk and Walk the Walk – 1950’s Slang
Sponsor: Debbie Guzzi
Judged: 06/25/2015

Reference for 1950’s slang:

Copyright © Sandra Haight | Year Posted 2015

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Soliloquy Colloquial

When I saw this contest
I knew I had it beat
Speaking plain and simple
is really kinda sweet
Like stealing candy, from a baby
It will be a piece of cake
They won't know, just what hit them
When I leave them in my wake
But I'm sure they'll rack their brains
And put their ducks all in a row
Hold their cards close to their chest
'cause they think their in the know
But of course, as fate would have it
I'll finish last and have a cow
while someone other than myself
Will have wrote, the cat's meow

Copyright © Jerry T Curtis | Year Posted 2015

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The impersonator

"The Impersonator"
Discovered on karaoke night 
A few friends gave him a dare
To imitate the star he thought most of 
For a hundred bucks if he cared

He got up on stage and sang with a whimper
It was his first time under pressure
To the boos and the heckles
This was not in good measure

With nothing to lose he got rid of his fright
Before he said a good night to all
He picked up the pace, to Usher he would sing 
That is if he had the gall

Getting better he was with the rhythm 
Showing people what he hadn't given them yet
A well oiled machine oh yes
He was determined to win that bet

Dancing around with dynamic class
There was no stopping him now
His associates took big drinks of the liquor
Losing all that money they were going to have a cow
 His voice box was a storage crate 
Filled with tons of jovial surprise
'Give me that money' he said
That they did with new found awe in their eyes

He was good they retorted
You should go on tour
Unless you have other talents better than this
Say a desk job somewhere, but god what a bore

He went around impressing people 
The man and the image were becoming closer
For the joy how it started
It was actually hard work to be good and not a joker

There were no problems being an entertainer
Some time went by with growing popularity
Admiration built on another person's fame
There was no problem leaching serendipity

Then one day he grew so big 
And the man himself showed up
He was about to knock him in the face 
But saw he was still just a pup

A youngster with nothing else to do 
This moment built up consternation
Stealing efforts off the artist's image
He hoped that it started out as admiration

It did though, so he punched him not
In fact he started blushing, for imitation is flattery
A major reason he picked the man in the first place
The issue resolved itself without assault or battery 

They decided to go on tour together
The differences would be minor
Covering his sick days and vacations many a time
The copy cat would not live finer

For a long time they lasted taking over for each other
The secret would go with them forever
To give them a bond of deception on the audience
Their ties no one could sever 

Copyright © karl marszalowicz | Year Posted 2011

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A Metaphor Is Such A Bore

A metaphor is such a bore,
When it is overused,
And words that rhyme are out-of-line,
When they are so abused

And those cliches are 'here to stay',
And drive us all insane,
But we continue using them,
And so we're all to blame.

It's like 'we're on the same old page',
Or 'talking to the wall',
Don't mean to 'beat around the bush',
So please don't 'have a cow'.

A 'screen-door on a submarine',
Is such a useless thing,
And when I rant and criticize,
I'm 'going out on a string'.

For many disagree with me,
And say that I am wrong,
And then they 'go their separate ways',
And 'sing the same old song'.

A metaphor is such a bore,
When it is overused,
But I have trouble finding words,
So please have me excused.

Copyright © David Pekrul | Year Posted 2017

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Performance Anxiety

We all know that we know there’s someone that’s smarter
That our best’s not the best that will ever be done.
But that is no reason to quit, a no starter,
And it’s not like a small bit of work’s a burden.

At times it is difficult just getting started,
The task isn’t well defined, time frame is crazy,
My budget’s a pittance, the path is uncharted.
It is normal in fact that I’m feeling lazy.

My parents were too strict, my boss even meaner,
All my friends self-absorbed and employees too green,
I think that I need it, where’s my intervener?
Don’t desert me God, help me make sense of this scene?

Well the day’s close to ending, it won’t be long now,
Just one more Dr. Pepper, conclusion forgone,
My sweet wife will be home soon and she’ll have a cow
There is really no choice, shoot, I’d best mow the lawn!

Brian Johnston
August 4, 2014

Copyright © Brian Johnston | Year Posted 2014

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Save Me From Myself

Save me from myself
Please save me from me
Save me from myself, Lord
This is my heartfelt plea

Save me from myself, Lord
I can’t do it on my own
I tried to do it by myself,
And look how much I’ve grown

Save me from myself, Lord
This mountain’s much too high
If I climb it on my own, Lord
I’ll sit, and pout, and cry!

Save me from my self, Lord
The billow’s o’re the bough
If you leave me on this ship alone
Well, I just might have a cow!

As you can see, I need your help
I’m better in your hands
Save me from me, and keep me safe
And I’ll do as your will demands!

Copyright © Brandlynn Young | Year Posted 2007

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Cow Licks

You've heard of those, haven't you?
Those hanks of hair, standing straight up
toward heaven, as though
to guide you on your way?

Well, where we came from,
people talked about cow licks.
If you complained about your hair,
they would say, “You have a cow lick,”
as if that settled the matter.

What, a cow licked the top of my head
when I was on my way into the world?
Who invited a cow to that event?
I hate cows. I'm terrified of cows.
I run from cows.

You struggle, you gel, you brush,
you tease, you use super-hold hair spray.
Nothing, but nothing, works.

It's a curse, that's what it is.
For all of my life, wherever I am,
No matter what I'm doing, I will wear
that mark smack in the top of my head.

I don't know much about that new body
we're promised in heaven, but I've
already put in a request to St. Peter
for a smaller set of boobs. I think I'll
add a postscript, “And get rid of this
#*%@# dad-blamed cow lick!

Copyright © Cona Adams | Year Posted 2014

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I was so bent on finding my Prince charming,
that I took a class on agriculture and farming.

Had to have hands on training and milk a cow,
but there was no one in sight to show me how.

I got all A’s in the class portion, so I said I got this
that darn cow was so mean and just would resist.

The milk went everywhere but into the pail,
so I just sat there and I would scream and yell.

While me and the cow was fussin, I heard a laugh,
I just had to know who made fun of my new craft.

I looked up and saw the most handsome man,
He said” Ms. can I help you my name is Stan.

I forgot who I was for second let alone a cow,
“come over here I’d be happy to show you how.

Stan and I have been together every since that day,
all because I took up farming and my Prince came my way.

Alexis Y. 

Copyright © Alexis Y. | Year Posted 2018

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dawn's over-usage

dawn's over-usage 

Again, again I hear another use of the word dawn in a poem,
in a phrase, in a conversation ... in my headache
... another sweet dawn, another morning dawn,
... another break of dawn, dawn's eyes peaking, another dawning
dawn, dawn, dawn
that sneak
why, why, why
I want to vomit with her overuse, already
her smug little face i see every daybreak
every morning
no i'm not jeolous 
such rotten eggs to my eyes and ears
dawn, dawn, dawn
can life shed some good light
put it this way
Connie's going to have a cow soon
it won't be pretty
listen connie
helps on the way
Connie we hear you, we do
trust us
help is on the way we repeat
we're sending your physch doctors right away
then again maybe we're not
okay, rats
it's just that everyone's in love with dawn, doc
why the infatuation
like i woke up to a new dawn, please
people writing, like she's an animate object
people speaking like she'd a god, doc
that she ... oh, oh, will spring to life and open her arms
like an angel, or celestial being
she's not, doc
she nothing special
she not the easter bunny, 
she's an overused phrase, doc
point being how how often do you read
about eve standing center stage
getting fawned ,exposed 
not as much as dawn, doc
that ...
where did you go doc,
doc, help ... what was that about blasphemy 
where did you go doc,
yet. yet just look what I read
Saturday's Wall Street Journal
head lines
vomit time
Trump Starts A New Dawn
Please, you
please, find an answer to this riddle

connie pachecho


Copyright © connie pachecho | Year Posted 2017

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connie meets dough boy at dawn

connie meets dough boy at dawn

so connie went to the bakery at dawn
bright eyed and bushy
out of a story book pops her dough boy
so plump, especially in the rump
so hairy, especially in the brow
so cute, especially in the eyes
connie's in love
this time it's for real
bells in her cache are ringing
dolphins are singing in her well
swans are dancing in her strawberry patch
connie's beside herself
soon dough boy, too
come on god let this be the one
come on angles start rooting for me for once
dough boy comes on over to her, great
now keep in mind there about the same age, perfect
even though he has gomer in him...
ma'am would you like a sample
connie blushes five shades of red
so much for the poker face
dough boy ringing her bell, blowing her whistle
connie can see dough boy in her oven ... making some lov'en
samplin his buffet spread, too
then the balloon pops
see another tease .. another baker icing her heart
 dough boy turns her pages back,    i knew it
ma'am I have apple fritter squares that you can sample
connie rolls her eyes
connie chokes on his words
connie ready to have a cow
connie leaves broken hearted
gees, mightest well put the whips and clips back on ice
...forever, connie will never find her man
why couldn't it have been (insert heart, cupid arrow, two love birds)
His smiles glisten like a river of waves 
Beckoning her to ride the rapids with him
Together they rode the white sheet of trim
riding it's banks to a whitewash of splash 
of course not
thank you my angels
ma'am you want an apple fritter

connie pachecho


Copyright © connie pachecho | Year Posted 2017

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I Messed with Daylight Saving's Time

I Messed with Daylight Saving's Time
By Franklin Price

I messed with daylight saving's time
Right after Trick or Treat
When the clocks were showing 9:00 PM
Made change to sleeplessness defeat

Stopped the old grandfather clock
To let the hour pass the day
Took the analogs and turned them back
In the Fall that is the way

Changed the hours on the digitals
The PM's  to indicate
Microwave and stove the easiest
The numbered keys are really great

Swung the pendulum on old grandpa
When the hour passed was done
Was the last change in the house
An hour gained for sleep what fun

Cheated by five hours
The 2:00 AM directive change
I knew I would be sleeping then
Was not about to rearrange

I thought I was all finished
Now awakened by the sun
I see the cars with clocks in them
There is not only one

Each has its way of setting
The manuals could tell me how
But I'm a man can't look at them
Rather curse and have a cow

But you know today is Sunday
It's the day we praise the Lord
Guess I'll change the clocks by manual
On the Honda and the Ford

Copyright © Franklin Price | Year Posted 2015

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Remember we take responsibility on our own account
As of now
Could you have any idea what I'm about
If you just listen to what came out of another person's mouth
Especially if it was negative and rather foul
Then don't you dare have a cow
Before giving me a chance to disprove the doubts
Not that I'm worried about having to verify or vouch
And with that I'm out

Stomach continuing to growl
Time to get some chow
Preferrably kung pao

Cruising around the town
To familiar and unfamiliar grounds

Enjoying the moment atop the mountains and the profound
Amount of clouds

Aiming to rise higher with less fluctuation than the renowned DOW
And if not, I'd still be proud
For trying instead of giving up and holding my head down

It's not allowed
Don't cross the line or move out of bounds

Like a wolf, I like to stare up at the moon and howl
Before continuing on the prowl
With senses and vision sharper than an owl
Never blowing my cover or making a sound

Sometimes I burn up so much loud
All by myself or with a crowd

By: Dalton Ogletree

Copyright © Dalton Ogletree | Year Posted 2017

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Surfing Waves of Excrement

Most surfers love Nature, don’t seem a nefarious lot,
Ride their waves just for fun, don’t use drugs on the main,
Don't incite poor to riot, dismiss Camelot,
Don't yell fire in close spaces for personal gain.

Many surfers still strive to be their brother's keeper,
While others view life as a zero-sum game,
Surreptitiously acting like Al-Qaeda sleeper,
Serve terrorist goals but in Patriot's name.

An actual Patriot mans ship of state with his heart,
And rejects the idea we’re all lost at sea
He knows making ship smaller just drives men apart,
Only fools are sectarian, “You can’t be me!”

It’s pure excrement really men stand on their own legs,
Republican pride adds scant flavor to turds,
They are liars and hypocrites, (walking on bad eggs?),
“Free will” means betray those who trust in your words.

They lay it on thick but can’t love anyone but themselves,
No assistance to those who have nothing to lose,
Let them look under toad stools and find their own elves!
Why give squat to your country (if you have the blues)?

The Republicans love their despicable role play,
And double speak always is good for a laugh,
With George Orwell as mentor, and Russians for foreplay,
A Putin suggestion, “Go on, have a calf!” (1)

Brian Johnston
July 28, 2017

Poet’s Notes:
(1) “Don’t have a cow!” –  “Don’t get angry” transmogrifies into “Go on, have a calf!” - “You think I care if you are angry? Ha!” OK, I took some liberties

Copyright © Brian Johnston | Year Posted 2017

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The Answer to the Quiz Poem

Guess some are wondering what the answer is,
To that little poem of a quiz.
Since we all don’t know Liz,
And even I don’t know who she is, 
Then the answer to be, so simple you see 
Is at the end of this quiz, so hurry, hurry.
How can I tell you in such a way, 
that you can enjoy what I say.
Well Al my Pal wanted something funny,
So tried my best without spending money.
But money brings up a hint to the answer,
don’t get excited it’s not a banker.
Now let me see, where to go from here,
Think there’s a grin from ear to ear,
Is that you Al with that big ole smile?
Well glad there’s laughter for a while.
Back to where we’re suppose to be,
Thinking of the answer don’t you see.
We now have one clue more then we had,
And that ain’t too bad.
Lets gather together all we got’s,
Am so happy no one’s distraught.
There’s something about the color green, 
Maybe something we wear in spring.
The four leaf clover might have been a guess,
But not the answer to this test
But relates to what we are thinking of,
Here comes the answer from above.
Dover oh Dover, many miles away, 
Knows the answer, but will not say.
Has anyone thought of a pot of gold?
This relates I am told.
If you haven’t guessed by now,
Then here’s the answer, don’t have a cow.
Chaun is the last part of it his name.
Look real close to find a Lep,
Then all that is left is a Re.
Putting them together gives the answer to be.
They are scrambled a bit,
But don’t have a fit.
Think of the pot of gold, where he sits 
We’ll just call him Leprechaun.

Copyright © Kenneth Fordham | Year Posted 2007

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Reba on the radio

Reba on the radio
Were we will stop unknown for now
Kids screaming in stereo
MOM tell Ronnie not to have a cow!!

Just me and my boys gone for the day
Did we remember to feed the dogs and the cat
If not I'll call nana they will be okay
MOM Riley is being a brat!!

The road is so peaceful and fun
But some time I wonder if I am nuts
All ways out on the run
BOY'S stop it or I will spank both your butts!!!

Stop the car get out for a while
The trees and sky are perfectly colored today
The bright greens and blues make me smile
MOM your silly but we love you anyway!!

Reba on the radio
Stopped in a place we all know
Kids laughing in stereo
GOD I love watching them grow!!!

Copyright © nita martin | Year Posted 2007

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underserved pressure

there is a  boulder on my shoulder
there sits a block upon my head
no matter what I say or do
nothing ever seems to be good enough for you

I have found someone great
I have found someone true
but that doesn't matter too much now
I say a couple words and ya have a cow

you are always caring to criticize
I don't ever proclaim to know everything
nor will I pretend I am never wrong
the times you choose to trust in me are never for very long

I love you yes I love you true
but this is what I am going to do
I will make my good choices and my mistakes
I will stick by his side for both our sakes

I can't help how I feel
I won't tuck it away
so opposite yes, this much may be true
but I really like him, and he likes me too

Copyright © Tiffany Demske | Year Posted 2007

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My Mom

I love my mom i really do
Don't mess with her kids or she gone 
       hit you in the face with her shoe
She is married now
Don't mess with her man or she will 
       have a cow
One day I made her very mad
I don't what I did but she hurt my
       feeling and it made me very sad
She treats my little brother better then she
       treats me
I told her how i felt now I think she can see
Before I told her she never treated us the same
She use to take her attitude out on me
       like I'm the one to blame
I trust my mom I really do
And I'm glad now cause she trust me too

Copyright © Aerial Dampier | Year Posted 2009

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As My Town Goes Sinking

                                    As My Town Goes Sinking

My town goes sinking,sinking
Beneath a sea of shopping malls
As I sit and ponder, drinking
Staring into merchandise stalls.

Each mall boasts two dozen stores for shoes,
Providing fashion for Yuppie feet,
While all I can do is feel confused
As I watch the disappearance of my streets.

Now it's 300K for every tiny townhouse
For the foreign invader and his spouse
Come to commute and born to shop,
To drain the town's spirit to the last fatal drop.

Seems to me my memory to a nice little town
Used to exist here, before the glitterdomes
A place where one felt up when things were down,
With sensible people in sensible homes.

Now I just sit sometimes, and watch it all sink
As I help myself to another drink.
Now Bart Simpson, over across the way,
Advises me, as he did yesterday
Not to get worked up, or "Have a cow";
But on reflection, 
At the risk of rejection,
If I could, I would - right here and now.

Copyright © William Masonis | Year Posted 2018

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The Fiddle Dance

Pick up your fiddle get to the floor 
stomp your foot say gimme more  
chin to the wood its understood 
no I can't - yes I could !
Tilt the bow don't have a cow 
stand up close frog it now 
slide that thing make it sing 
no you can't -yes you could !
Pick up your fiddle get to the door 
stomp your foot say, "give me more" 
Chin to the wood, out to the hood 
play it again now,  
no I can't - yes I could 
no I can't - yes I could 
no I can't - yest I could. 

Copyright © Pixie Dust | Year Posted 2018

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grandpa use to sit in his rockin chair
I'd climb in his lap
both started to nod off
so we took a nap
he'd let me play in his bread
offend time he'll wake up
snorting, coughing, and showing
spitting hailing hands waving
jumping up out of his seat
screaming hollering what's this

He'd jump up
and he would say yell
Dadgum it boy
whaz ya dun did now
My grandpa seemingly
would have a cow
He'd said
Dadgum it boy
Later on that day I seen him out in the yard
With a shovel in his hands
Appears he was diggin a hole
I had laid my rake down
And as grandpa turned around
He took a few steps
And stepped on the head of that rake
as that pole of the rake hit him in the face... he said
 he would say yell
Dadgum it boy
whaz ya dun did now
My grandpa seemingly
would have a cow
He'd said
Dadgum it boy
ya, can't do nothin right
git right over there and sit down, don't move a muscle
Dadgum it

Written words  by James Edward Lee Sr.©2018

                                                    10th ANNUAL 

                                     INTERGENERATIONAL POETRY CONTEST
                                           University of Nebraska Omaha
                                         DEPARTMENT OF GERONTOLOGY
                      Poetry to Bridge Generations. Poetry is the voice of the soul
                         How the world views or how society treats older people.  
                                                     Submission by 

Copyright © James Edward Lee Sr. | Year Posted 2018