Best Grunted Poems
Out of the burrows and hedges and dreys
Heads began bobbing and eyes were agaze.
Rumours were twittered and grunted and squealed:
‘The combine is coming to harvest the field!’
The moles and the voles and the rabbits and hares
All hurried and scurried and scattered in pairs.
The hedgehogs and ladybirds, pheasants and shrews
Did all that they could to distribute the news.
Then all made a dash for old wise badger’s sett;
The only safe refuge in face of the threat.
There, in the deep hollow they felt the vibration
They shivered and shuddered in great trepidation.
The thrumming and thundering monster machine
Soon passed overhead... and then all was serene.
And out of the hollow came heads, tails and paws
Another day safe from the harvester’s jaws!
Most recently entered into 'Your Best Rhyme Poem That Is Trophy Worthy Contest 3 Poetry Contest' sponsored by Tania Kitchin - 05.10.19
I chose this poem because not only is it one of my personal favourites, but to this day, I've no idea where all these little creatures came from! Written early on in my poetic endeavours, it made me appreciate fully the amazing powers of the imagination!
'A rattling rhyme contest' sponsored by Nina Parmenter
12/08/18
04/12/18
'I cannot believe I wrote that Poetry contest' : sponsored by Nina Parmenter
Your Choice,Any Form,Any Theme Poetry Contest : sponsored by Brian Strand
It’s always a good practice when living on a farm,
To have a family of cats living in the barn
They always keep the rats and mice at bay and furnish humor too –
Wherever you find kittens there’s usually a laugh or two.
Now, I remember one time, I was out there milking cows,
When I noticed three young kittens, out and on the prowl.
One, a fine young tomcat, was really acting brave
And I wondered if he faced some fear just how he would behave.
Skillfully I squeezed and threw some milk across his face –
He winced a bit, then licked his lips – he knew he’d found the place.
We played around awhile and soon the playing stalled
When he stopped and took a minute to answer nature’s call.
He didn’t know it but he backed himself up to a fresh cow pad
He grunted; then had the best little poop a kitten ever had.
He turned around to cover it; then began the fun.
He knew what he saw lying there was more than he had done.
He arched his back, let out a scream and broke into a run.
I thought, at first, it might have been something I had done.
But soon it was no mystery what scared that little cat.
There was the giant pile of poop I couldn’t help laughing at.
This kitten was the alpha kitten of the litter
Who ultimately proved to me that he was no quitter.
So, when the time came to find him a name…
Well ….. I just called him……”Fraidy”
Written By John Posey
05/29/13
In a playground of mud
One time I made friends with a pig
He had the most wonderful gig
In a playground of mud
My new friend went thud
I’ll tell you, that sucker was big
Then one day it seemed he was shaken
I realized that he was mistaken
I said, have no fear
I’d rather have beer
And really don’t care much for bacon
He went back to playing again
Then got on his knees in his pen
He looked to the sky
And let out a sigh
I swear that pig grunted “amen”
8/31/18
For the: Any Animal or Creature Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Charles Messina
It started with the beeping of my clock.
Sometimes I want to bash that irksome thing.
My dog barked for his food and then a walk.
While walking him, my cell phone went brring brrring.
I passed some school girls chattering away
like chirping birds. Back to my house I went
to feed the cats that mewed without delay.
I grunted next. My bills had gone unsent.
To mail them I zoomed off inside my car.
It rained. Outside my car I had to slosh
through puddles with no boots on. Great! Har har.
I splashed back to my car, and oh my gosh,
someone had whammed into my new car’s door.
I nearly bawled. Not even noon – what more?
A flamenco dancer in Spain
encountered a nun in the rain.
He shouted,' Olé.'
Her fingers astray,
she grunted, 'I'm coming again.'
Just some silliness, written today for Andrea's limerick contest
I’ll take you back, to the old dark times,
To try and paint you a picture.
A tale of a man, just sixteen years old,
Who had a bit too much liquor.
1706, is the year we shall set,
As the young man woke himself up.
He found himself on a sailing ship,
Whilst holding a silver cup.
His clothes were ragged, as was his smell,
As he wearily opened his eyes.
He was lay on some sacks, of wheat and hay,
As he looked up to dark grey skies.
He’d drunk too much rum, the night before,
His head was banging like drums.
He looked down to his feet, then to his hands,
To make sure he had his fingers and toes.
‘Alas, he’s awake!’ He heard someone shout,
As he cradled his banging sore head.
‘Get up my boy, you’ve work to do!’
The voice bellowed as he lay on his bed.
‘Where am I?’ Said the boy, in a shaken whisper,
As he tried to get himself up.
A sailor approached, and grabbed his arm,
In turn, then dropping his cup.
‘Ow! My arm!’ The boy would cry,
As the sailor did drag him along.
‘Captain! He’s here’ the sailor did shout,
As other men started a song.
They bellowed sea shanties, as the ship caught wind,
through a perilous gloomy storm.
“The wind it would cry, with salt in my eye,
As we sailed on till the morn”
‘Get up my lad, you signed for this!’,
The captain grunted his voice.
‘Signed up for what?’ The boy did squeak,
‘Your term of work, You had a choice!’
All of a sudden, the memories came back,
What happened the night before.
The frail young lad, had gone to a pub,
With rum, he kept asking for more.
Sailors were nearby, and saw the boy,
Who was now just lay in the street.
‘Sign this my boy, and we’ll take you home’,
The boy soon signed, on their meet.
The rest was history, as the boy closed his eyes,
to find himself on a ship.
He was now a sailor, a working man,
On his way to an 8 month trip.
She was a quarter horse with blue sapphire eyes
She won many races and even won the triple crown
I remember watching her race as our family placed bets
Years passed and I never knew what became of her
I came back to Kentucky for a family wedding celebration
It was mid-winter and the horse racing was on hold until spring
My cousin asked if I heard about Destiny, the horse with blue eyes
She told me that her owner’s died recently and selling their farm
She is being sent to a slaughterhouse next week if no one adopts her
I found out she is being kept at an old farm down the road
Family is caring for her for the next few weeks until she is sold
I decided to drive down to the farm to visit her, it has been years
I walked into the barn, and she saw me as I saw her sapphire eyes
She whinnied and grunted, came to me with joy as she nickered a smile
I decided to buy the old farm and barn and carry on their equine legacy
It was at that moment that I knew, adopting Destiny became mine
Poetry Wheel Challenge:
Theme: Destiny
Emotion: Joy
Color: Sapphire
Season: Midwinter
Form: Free Verse
Object: Crown
Verb: Carry
Created using the PoetrySoup Poetry Wheel.
Oh Cupid! You still looking? It’s me...
Where’s my dream man? You know...muscled he.
And some brains would be nice,
otherwise, no lice,
fumigating has caused allergy.
That stupid pig was NOT company.
He just grunted and rooted, you see.
Take that thing you call bow
and bring my man in tow.
Oh Cupid, where’s the love pin for me?
The lawn regrew from your fiery blaze.
I forgive you, the alcohol raze...
Ev’ry year, I’m older,
so Cupid, I’m bolder!
Justifiable, menopause phase!
Janet Vick
Burning down all around EVERY LIVING SOUL.
UP IN SMOKE, You choked? That MIRROR YOU KNOW
YOU BROKE? The flames you stoked. UP IN SMOKE.
Not a living soul has an ABODE to call their own. No
HUT NOR HOME. Be stronger than strong sang the playing
Song. Now WHO STIRRED THE VERB? EVERY LIVING
SOUL HEARD THE WORD. "WELL, on the brink of the brim
Of a empty bottle of rum" grunted the sober bum.
HOMELESSNESS ABOUNDS. BURNING DOWN ALL AROUND.
THE FIRES RAGED WITH MORE BLAZE. Then hear the
FURIOUS FLAMES FLICKER AND FIGHT FOR FUEL.
EVERY LIVING SOUL CRIED WITNESSING THEIR FUTURE
DIE.
Up in smoke, cursed the soaring bird. Quenching, down CAME
The crushing DELUGE FROM HOSES, SEEMING to be every
Where in mediocre DOSES.
"THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT " said my fine feathered
Friend first to fly.
The end of life as we know it, repeated I, and I AM ON HIGH.
THAT'S THE WORD. AMEN, AMEN AND AGAIN AMEN.
"It's finally arrived," he thought relaxed by his campfire.
He waited all his life for this day. The day he would retire,
and after saying his good byes to all that he loved
he ventured deep into the wilderness, where clouds hug mountain tops above.
It's been days now perhaps weeks since he last saw society.
He was now one with himself and with nature, liberated and free.
No sooner had he had these thoughts ever so serene
did he find himself looking eye to eye at a huge grizzly.
The beast was only about 15 feet away.
It's pointless to run now, you'll only trigger the bear's predatory state
and there isn't anywhere to run to anyway.
He couldn't help but think to himself, "This may be my very last day."
The words of an old friend flashed through his mind
who was very knowledgeable about behavior of the grizzly bear kind.
'You must not only not display any fear on the outside of you
you must truly be fearless all within you too.
You can display the world's greatest poker face
but if inside you fear for your life, you will lose this deadly game and race.
The bear can smell fear as well as aggression.
If the bear smells either on you, you then become prey or enemy to them."
The bear's massive head began to sink down low.
That's an aggressive stance in case you didn't know,
then the bear raised it's head and sniffed all around the air.
The bear grunted somewhat,
turned and displayed its back
then walked off into the forest as it slowly disappeared.
He stood there still motionless as the bear disappeared before his eyes.
He then proceeded to throw up and faint nearly missing the campfire.
When he'd awaken the next day to the morning birds sweet song,
It would be his new birthday. The Wolf Man is born.
While unconscious, the local wolf pack emerged and surrounded him.
When he awakens the next morning, The Wolf Man Legend begins.
To Be Continued.
Oh, what am I going to do, today?
I've got so much time on my hands that I
Will simply go mad if I don't find a way
To fill it all up with some stuff to get by.
I try to stay busy with this and with that
And sometimes it works but at others falls flat
I think at such length that my head starts to hurt
And then I relax with a cup of yogurt.
I once had a job where they worked me to death
I grunted and groaned 'til I gave my last breath
The medics restarted my heart with a jolt
I thanked them, then, wisely, decided to bolt.
I could someday make a good living at rhymes
But all I might do is to fall on hard times
I'm cracking my skull like a ripe coconut
To pull myself up and well out of this rut.
A jack of all trades but sad master of none
Among all that's not new now under the sun
I can't just go out there and find a nice niche
It makes me so crazy I want to yell, "SHEESH!"
“Aye, me maties, ‘tis a stormy sea dis day
Shiver me timbers, let’s make way for da bay”
But as Peg Leg Pete slowly turned ’is ship ‘round
A great beauty on da rocks was t' be found
“We’ll save ye, lassie,” 'e cried t' da girl
Once rescued, 'e took ‘er below fer a whirl
Crew listened as Pete’s peg on da ship’s hull beat
All steamed ‘twas da cabin, a-swirl in da heat
“Argh, men, let’s show ‘im,” grunted one jealous mate
Months asea dey’d sailed wit nary one date
So when Pete thumped ‘is way back t' da deck
'e found himself aboard a sinking wreck
“Blasted mutiny,” Pete screamed, den caught sight
O' da rum-soaked crew a-rowin’ in dim light
Aboard thar rowboat ‘twas Pete’s prized treasure chest
‘is ire was raised, as ye might 'ave guessed
Seeing Polly Parrot had left da ship too
‘Tis a lesson in dis, a sad one but true
Pirates who choose t' make love t' a beauty
Oft’ find thar mates abscond wit thar looty
I got up it was way past noon
Thought I’d go for a walk.
Then, it started to rain
I’m talking heavy rain
The rain that soaks you rain.
I saw my neighbour Mrs Pratt
She was out walking her little dog.
You’ve guessed, they were wet too
I’m talking really wet.
They were both dripping.
I said "hello" and she grunted a greeting
Not happy I thought, but it’s only rain.
Then a bus drove by and hit a big puddle,
And then Mrs Pratt screamed as the puddle
engulfed her.
Strange I thought, she is already wet.
But then I realised why she had screamed
the poor little dog was not moving.
I went to the pub and the barman said
“You look wet”
“Do I” I replied, " I just saw a dead dog".
Written on 21st of September
For contra poetry contest sponsored by Jesse Rowe.
January 31, 2017
A long, long time ago in the lands of the giant tulip trees
Lived a wondrous animal, called the Alley Phont Sheeze.
Standing as tall as the great Coconut Shrine,
He pounded thru the jungle like the Notshurus Rine.
He was big and ungainly standing on all fours,
Making his was gallantly thru the sunny outdoors.
He grunted and hissed with occasionally a snort;
Only the Emerald River gave cause, for the great Sheeze to abort.
He had his own domain which he marked with his tongue;
Four brothers and sisters but none of his own young.
He didn't like girls and their dainty perfume;
He much preferred the purple woods, and its moldy mushrooms.
He would dance all the night in the light of the moons,
Even when his older sister said - he looked the buffoon!
He slept with his feet high, high in the air;
Keeping all three eyes open, watching for baer.
Now over the orange hill, in the Land of the Mist,
Lived a fair maiden, seemed he couldn't resist.
But alas as fate would have it, it wasn't meant to be;
The great Sheeze could only watch from his coconut tree.
For you see the two lands were in two different realms,
And travel was forbidden so's not to overwhelm.
Violet would climb that daunting, orange hill each day
Hoping to catch a glimpse of her Sheeze, in his gaudy array.
But the law forbid, that the two should ever meet
And all that silly quodropod could do, was to shuffle his feet.
So the years rolled by not so quickly, for this doting duo,
Until one day when it was planned for a magical luo.
Each islander would dress in their very best tume';
A great party began that very night, and in the morning resumed
Somehow in the shuffle and the bustle and such,
Realms were transposed and their hands - well, they touched!
Violet and her adoring Sheeze ran right to the shore;
As we come to the end of our story - there just isn't much more.
Yet many years later in the brisk mountain breezes -
There were what appeared to be three, maybe four, little Alley Phont Sheezes.
Poe was always revising his prose between publications. Here are the longest extended versions of sentences he shortened for their final publication in his lifetime:
"We loved each other with a love that was more than love, more love than fit in an empty grotes bag, more than the love of worms if you were a hungry, hungry catfish."
"I became insane, with long intervals of sanity, then more insanity, then sane for a while, then my brain got all twisted up and went mad, then I got better. I've lost track."
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream, within another dream, within a rusty tubular tin box of sewing needles made into the handle of a doll's hairbrush."
"Believe only half of what you see, nothing of what you hear, three quarters of what you taste, one-tenth of what you feel, but the entirety of what you smell."
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night, as for example bats, yes bats, did you know you could leave the cage door open in the bright of day and your bats will go nowhere."
"Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them, also the neighbor's nippy little dog, egads I hate that dog."
"If you wish to forget anything on the Spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered, then tie it to Spot's collar, and turn him loose in some terrible neighborhood where people eat dogs."
"To elevate the soul, poetry is necessary, also those little candy root beer barrels."
"I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow, but it was Catterina that farted."
"I fell violently on my face, rolled to my side, grunted horrible grunts of gruntlyness, then flopped onto my back and waved my arms all about, still grunting."
"Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all, while Catterina licked her paws and I felt around in my pocket for my last dime but all I found was a raggedy little hole."