Best Grocery Poems
Marching down life’s highway, my feet became very sore
I then came upon a sign that read “Heaven’s Grocery Store”
When I got closer the doors swung open wide
Next thing I knew I was standing there inside
I saw a flock of angels positioned everywhere
They handed me a basket and said, “Child shop with care.”
Everything a human required was in that grocery store
With many commodities to carry, you could always come back for more
First I acquired some Patience; Love was in that same row
Further down was Understanding, you require that everywhere you go
I grabbed a box of Wisdom and Faith, a bag or two
And obtained Charity of course but more than just a few
And then reached for Courage to help me run this wicked race
My basket was almost full but remembered some loving Grace
I then chose Salvation for it was advertised as free
I tried to collect enough of that for both you and me
Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill
For I thought I had everything to do the Master’s will
As I went up the aisle, I saw Prayer and proceeded put that in
For I knew when I stepped outside I was bound to encounter sin
Peace and Joy were plentiful, the last thing on that shelf
Song and Praise were hanging near so I just helped myself
Then I asked an angel, “Now how much do I owe?”
She smiled and said, “Just take them wherever you may go.”
Again I asked, “No really, how much do I owe?”
“My child,” she said, “God paid your bill a long time ago.”
The Bombay Grocery (Indian)- North Carolina
Shyam*, finds cat food at special rate near the door.
Goes to check out to manager of the grocery store
Doubting manager asks to bring cat if he has one
Shyam returns with his small cat to buy food anon.
Next day Shyam comes with a bag in his hand
And ask the manager to put his hand to the end
Manager puts his hand and shouts “Poo,Doodie pure”
Shyam says, “ yes, sir, I want the toilet paper sure”
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Fourth Place winner IN
Contest: Grocery Grammer by Linda-Marie, the sweetheart
* Shyam is an Indian name. Shyam also means Black-cloud colour. It is one of the name of
Lord Krishna. It happens to be the name of one of my grandson living in Charlotte (NC)
The grocery store becomes a maze
the moment I walk in~
a senior-sized obstacle course
I never signed up for.
The top shelves taunt me first,
stacked with everything I actually need.
I stretch, I rise on tiptoe,
I perform a small, wobbly ballet~
only to watch the cereal box
remain smugly out of reach.
Then come the bottom shelves,
where the soda cartons lurk.
I squat like a cautious archaeologist,
praying my knees won’t file a complaint.
I tug at the twelve-pack~
it tugs back.
We negotiate.
Eventually, I win,
but only by calling it a team lift
between me and the Holy Spirit.
Carts whiz by like racecars,
children dart like squirrels,
and I weave through the aisles
with the grace of a retired gymnast
who misplaced her balance in 1998.
But somehow, I make it~
past the shelves, past the soda,
past the checkout line that moves
with the speed of continental drift.
And when I finally reach my car,
I feel triumphant.
Victorious.
Practically athletic.
Who needs a gym membership
when the grocery store
offers a full-body workout
and a spiritual lesson
in patience, perseverance,
and laughing at myself
every single time.
Shopping for groceries is so much fun
Trying to find things on your list
Best not to go with wifey poo though
For fear of a marital rift
It seems we can never see eye to eye
Bout products we need to try
I go for meals that are microwave ready
No coupons? Cathie won't buy
We compromise meaning Cathie wins out
Husbands usually lose in the end
The only way to keep peace in the family
On her direction in life I depend!
© Jack Ellison 2013
Small town grocery stores nowadays are very rare indeed,
But in simpler times they supplied a family's every need.
As a Hoosier lad, I worked in Mr L B Owen's Grocery Store,
In charge of absolutely nothing, but was given every rotten chore!
Poor Mr Owens was prone to go into a very ballistic state,
At the least of my many blunders - he could really get irate!
If I caused a crash of his neat display of vegetable soup,
He'd scream, "Stack it again, you incompetent nincompoop!"
It was a social club where neighbors met each Saturday night.
Men in overalls, women in calico - what a varied sight!
Ladies bartered with shrewd Mr Owens their eggs and butter,
While seeking bargains midst the narrow aisles and clutter!
Ah, but the sights, sounds and smells will e'er remain with me;
The squeaky floor, the odor of onions, the fresh ground coffee,
The butcher wielding his cleaver, slicing orders to please,
Barrels of dill pickles, colorful fruits and wheels of cheese!
There wasn't a PA system blaring, "Cleanup needed on aisle four!"
Nor surly, gum-chewing cashiers - he would've shown them the door!
Even in my stumbling, bumbling way I tried to be of service,
But I suspect my feeble efforts made Mr Owens, very, very nervous!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Waiting at the Grocery Store
Looking around, my fingers fidgeting a multicolored scarf,
Searching through pockets for a letter that needs to be read,
a phone call message I need to hear, but there are none.
And I am going over the list one more time,
Standing semi-still under artificial lights,
Balancing on alternate limbs
For a carton of skim milk, a loaf of French bread, coffee grounds, cream.
With the arm of a dangling child, a mother rushes by
Pushing cold rubber wheels across the linoleum.
The frantic woman at the register cries about her coupon.
Preparing for a battle, she shakes her head
And waves the war flag,
Fifty-five cents off a box of Lucky Charms.
She spits discontent at a tiny, gray haired cashier.
“Expired?”
In the distance a child is being abused.
There will be no gum, no M&Ms, no sugar-silence.
The man behind me chimes, “Man, these lines. Never seen such lines.”
And he lies about a place where there are no lines.
He looks in my eyes, tries.
I barely nod, no need for provoking conversation.
Like the man at the bar who mistook, “Hello” for “Let’s go ****.”
The back of my head still throbs.
And I hate them all.
And I shift away, burning in my skin under the artificial lights,
Waiting for waiting.
A Bear in the Grocery Store
By Elton Camp
The greeter on the grocery side
Screamed as her eyes grew wide.
Never had she seen that before.
A black bear walked in the door.
Customers looked to see the matter.
Spotted the bear and began to scatter.
The public address began to blare,
Ordering associates to come there.
Customers were asked to leave the store.
“Just right now, we can’t sell any more.
Leave your shopping carts where they are,
Quietly and orderly file out to your car.”
The bear seemed to think all was fine.
And all orders to leave he did decline.
Only a deep, angry growl need he say
To make all the associates back away.
“I won’t risk incurring the bear’s rage.
Why, they only pay me minimum wage.
The manager’s the one who should care.
So, it is up to him to get rid of this bear.”
The bear stopped for a big bite of fruit.
Then the beef counter he began to root.
Once he seemed to have enough to eat,
He then reared up high on his hind feet.
The bear let out with a ferocious roar
One that completely emptied the store.
But when workers arrived from the zoo,
They were ones who knew what to do.
So, it was easy enough, in their eyes,
The wild bear to simply tranquilize.
The local newspaper had this to say:
“Wal-Mart had a bear market today.”
Today
I made the grocery list
For delivery.
The breads, the turkey
Slices, and ham, the lettuce
For salad
Which led to discussing tomatoes;
The yogurt, milk, cream;
peanut butter; tissues even,
But, oh confound!
I forgot cake!
How do I forgive myself that?
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(c) sally young Eslinger 3/14/21
I have my mother's grocery list,
It's actually quite small.
She is eighty-five years old
And doesn't eat much at all.
I don't mind doing her shopping.
I am blessed that she's still here.
I dread the day, when it arrives,
That she will no longer be near.
It's just a little grocery list,
One small thing that I can do.
I know she really appreciates it
But if she only knew.....
I am so thankful that I can be
Of use in this simple way.
She's done so much for me all my life
That I can never repay.
I love my mother dearly
And enjoy this little chore.
It really is just a little thing,
Taking her list to the store.
After weighing myself and gaining five pounds
I knew the consequences were profound
I bowed my head and softly prayed
Please let these pounds melt away
I had made a grocery list to send
It was time for a home delivery again
I knew I had to do as I must
Edit the darn thing or my belt would bust
The sugar became Splenda the doughnuts were gone
Ordering those Reeces cups was just plain wrong
No more jellybeans the soda became diet
I deleted the white bread, whole wheat got to try it
The syrup and jellies became low fat
Peanut M & M's no more of that
Brown rice replaced white rice making sense
While Nestle Quick became milk at two percent
But Halloween was dawning so would I dare
Order a giant bag of chocolate to pass out and share
I knew I could do it not nibble a one
So I order the big bag for the holiday fun
My groceries arrived and the deliverer put them inside
I begin putting everything away my order seemed okay
But emptying the last bag I was disappointed to see
My order did not contain my giant bag of candy
So I checked my e-mail for the grocery review
And it was something I should have knew
I did pray for myself to lose weight
The candy was out-of-stock, ain't God great
Urban legend now bared to the bone
Yet its trademark can no larger store clone
No glossy signs, spacious lots fealty to hone
But in colloquial parlance a tradition has grown
Larger Discount stores with dignity stand alone
Corner grocery, its squalid tenement doth bemoan
Manicured plots, concentric lots posh boutiques tone
Corner mart encased in fragile clapboards; skyscrapers of stone
Dilapidated phone booth anchors the curbstone
Squeaky door, bristling bell on entry doth groan
Large retailers, in furnished bakeries bake cakes, fancy scones
Mom and Pop, in one-stove kitchens; yeast rolls, cornbread pone
Serious browsers in large retailers with oversize carts spendthrift prone
At corner store, single-minded shoppers poach sustenance, then are gone
Large franchise with hefty profits and in fertile market sown
Corner grocer in depressed neighborhood; indebted to Savings & Loan
If we don’t have time for the supermarket,
there’s a store on the corner for what we can get.
For years, it has stood.
The quality and service are good.
We get what we need and more
at the CORNER GROCERY STORE.
I try to pass the powdered donuts
They jump off the display
landing happily in my grocery cart.
I am next met by a shelf full of potato chips.
Lays – my favorite brand.
They throw themselves at my face.
I catch a bag in midair.
What kind of grocery store is this? I wonder.
Marie Callender’s lemon meringue pie laughs
and begins chasing after me.
Toothpaste, shampoo, soap.
Immodium on Aisle 3,
next to the Depends.....