Best Grinch Poems
'Twas the night before Christmas and their pages were bare
Not one word could they write, not one verse to declare
The Grinch had snuck in, and in one fell swoop
Had stolen the muses from poets on the "Soup"!
It was the thing that all poets dread
As visions of emptiness swirled in their heads
No syllables floated to fill in the gap
Some poets decided their contest to scrap!
Then on the blog page there arose such a chatter
Poets rushed over to see what was the matter
The blogger's avatar was just a red sash
She said she could get back the muses, for a large sum of cash
Many of the poets thought this was a trick
It was just a scheme to make money real quick
But in the blink of an eye another blogger came
He said that St. Nicholas was his real name!
Now Heidi, now Anne-Lise, now Andrea and Jan
They told us that St. Nicholas had a plan
To the realm of the Grinch where green snowflakes fall
St Nicholas would go and retrieve the muses for all!
In no time at all he took to the sky
And to the realm of the Grinch on his sleigh he did fly
As the Grinch lay sleeping the muses he withdrew
And to the Soup, again he flew
He delivered the muses to all the poets around
Poets started writing their words did abound
They wrote of angels and bright stars, and things that uplift
St. Nick had given them the muse as their gift
Then St. Nick called for all his reindeer
And soon he took off and flew out of there
But they heard him say, before he left the site
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good write!!
The cruelest of all villains lives on Mount Crumpit
for when it comes to Christmas, he says, "Dump it!"
He keeps trying to "Pooh pooh" that sacred holiday,
but so far everyone's efforts have kept him at bay.
Oh, he's a real mean one, that monster, Mr. Grinch
A devilish fiend that I would love to catch and lynch
I'd gladly dump his body in a cactus patch or ditch
if someone would tell me where he is. It's ok to snitch.
To celebrate Christmas, he has never been willin'
to let children enjoy the day. He needs to be chillin'
and stop trying to ruin the holiday when Santa comes,
and if he's a good grinch, he might get a set of drums.
He's big and he's a beast, bad-tempered to say the least
so, he's never been invited to join in a Christmas feast.
Oh, he's a vile one, that Mr. Grinch with flesh of green,
a supervillain without a heart, meanest of the mean!
He's such a grouch, wanting to commit the dirty deed
of stealing Christmas and that makes him a bad seed.
What an evil wretch to kidnap Santa and children's toys.
That's one of his sinister schemes and dastardly ploys.
If I can catch him sleeping before December rolls around,
I'll find a way to bring that thieving horrible creature down.
Oh, he's a mean one with a twisted soul, that Mr. Grinch.
Will you help me rid the world of him if I get into a pinch?
September 4, 2022
Superhero or Supervillain Contest
Sponsor: Robert James Liguori
Thankfully Socialist Santa wasn’t elected,
because we now have a lovely wall being erected.
Given will be no free handout for the illegal masses,
and received will be no gifts of crime, drugs, and grasses.
Lights from above will twinkle from helicopters,
as tear gas will float to choke out the coughers.
Asylum seekers they surely are not,
the invaders will be rejected and never achieve the globalization they sought.
So, sleep in comfort and in peace dear little children,
Our wonderful president Trump keeps America secure and free from criminal invasion.
Our country sleeps well because the good gave a good fight,
so sleep well to all, and to all a good night.
Yikes, all I feel is attitude with zero Christmas mood.
Blessed am I for Jesus’ birth and sacrificial rood,
but Santa and his deer had best just skip our roof
or I might very well rage out on every furry hoof.
All my Christmas feel of unique is long past its peak.
Do color me aloof, uncouth if you choose, or bleak,
but my entire entirety still feels yuletide fatigue
from the Christmas I’m sure we just had last week.
Makes no mind to me if stuffing that gleeful day
stirs relatives into a finger wagging, yapping say.
I’ll show critics red and green done fist proper,
Christmas-awe land them on their tree topper.
I would rather hang with the Grinch and Scrooge
than endure another round of Santa subterfuge.
Aint no way I’m buying, baking, craftily stressing
while wrapping, decorating or glee impressing.
Ho, Ho, Ho can ever so jolly just blow, blow, blow.
I flat out dare Santa to plan to show, show, show.
... CayCay Jennings
December 13, 2017
he wakes up
in the early morn
he is grouchy
mean as a lout
he barks
at times
I wonder
does he have green ears and a big snout?
Horns sticking out of his devilish head
I bet he steals gifts to hide under his bed
I had him arrested
the police, they had him thoroughly tested
is he just a Grinchy grouch?
or a grouchy Grinch who stole all of Christmas?
He is hairy and green
he stole all the maple syrup it surely seems
the Mounted Police have unfortunately seen
he eats pancakes with brown French baked beans!
Now we all know a crime has been absolutely committed
we can smell the evidence thus evicted
This Grinch or grouch or who knows what
well he smells and yes he also pouts!
He pleads and begs
and begs some more
please a coffee, I am just out of bed!
I am not so bad, once my coffee I have had!
Well, look at that angel face, he can't be all that mad!
All the children came running, up to the jail
laughing and dancing., at this grouch so frail
let him out, let him out , they all chant and sing
This is Dear Santa, not that green Grinchy grouchy old lout
Even the most innocent of infants knows
a morning without a cupa
all would be grouchy, no one at all goes with outa
double double, and a donut to take
Why this is saint nick, his beard clearly shows
Look at the red suit, come on, every kid knows
see over there that wheel chair decked in red
and 12 reindeer all ready to pull that wheelchair sled!
Today, I'll do my best to teach you
the recipe to keep Christmas true.
You'll need to start with a loving heart,
or else your plans will all fall apart.
Decorating a tree sets the mood,
so smile and indulge in Christmas food.
Eggnog and ribbon candy are fine,
but do uncork a bottle of wine.
Belt out Christmas carols with gusto,
and hug your friends when it's time to go.
But don't forget to add just a pinch
of that Santa wannabe, the Grinch.
Attend church to give the Lord His due
and thank Him for all He's given you.
Bonding with the folks you love the most;
gather your friends and family close.
Wrap your gifts in bright ribbons and bows,
and wear traditional Christmas clothes.
Now, add a dash of wintertime fun,
and build a snowman before you're done.
Which Grinch Stole Christmas
You may gain inches
Feel big waist when it pinches
Which Grinch stole Christmas.
Jim Horn
(Any resemblance between said title,
as told tummy by ya finch,
and commander in chief,...
not accidental, nor a cinch
buttock hum posed on behalf
of these bottom ming out
fifty states, plus Puerto Rico inch
ching, donning, and clamoring
desperately for fluffin snuff pinch)
hitter to aright "FAKE"
government even a cameo by David Lynch,
would pilot ship of state with nary a flinch
bucking creative enterprise winch
cha ya know
as writ by this average Joe
brainstorms offbeat ideas
caw king like a black crow
boot probably relegated
to same fate as dodo
bird long extinct,
asper could also be woe
full destiny of this poe
whit (wannabe), plus aspirant
aiming, mulling, vying,
et cetera tubby
next presidential bozo
and thwart further ruses to hoodwink
by subterfuge, treachery, unethical...brink
man ship, Capital One citizen bankers
to re: captcha how to MAGA,
and avoid pitching country
slipping into behavioral sink,
which White House bumstead "FAKE"
golden blond dee antics even entice pink
panther to coon sitter entering 2020 elections
amidst what promises tubby hang nail biting,
knuckle cracking, hair pulling - each kink
Putin on brakes against
collusion, sans frightful - link
king voter bribery, disenfranchisement, fraud...
calling joint efforts of Captain Nemo,
Captain Kangaroo, Captain America...ink
kin, a pact (minus any imp) potent fink
power hungry, money grubbing, apprenticed
tan hatt man spinning wheel of misfortune
beady barren eyes that never blink
immodest, impertinent, impudent,
et cetera hyperlink
to flesh eating, debauchery,
bacchanalian web pages
kickstarting naked lunch high jink.
The feast was all done,
For Grinch and the Who’s,
And after the meal,
Came terrible news.
For Max and the Grinch,
And Who’s gathered round,
No one spoke a word,
Or a single Who Sound.
The mayor spoke up,
About our grinch crook,
Of all that he broke,
And all that he took.
“You still did the crimes,
So you’ll be on trial,
For crimes of last night
And all in your file.”
The chief of police,
Had sprung in a-bound,
He handcuffed the grinch,
And took Max to the pound.
So off they all went,
And hightailed to jail.
The grinch stole from all,
So none would bail.
The grinch shared a cell,
With a cat that is said,
Had terrorized kids,
With a hat on his head.
Along with the cat,
Was a small orange beast,
Harassing the ones,
Who’d cut down all the trees.
A few days had past,
With no time to lose,
He went to a judge ,
And a jury of Who’s.
They mounted their case,
Which started to grow.
When grilling the grinch,
From crimes days ago.
Recordings were there,
And prints were abound,
And from the Roast Beast,
DNA had been found.
His lawyer had rested,
No proof to dispense,
As you could expect,
With public defense.
The trial was quick,
And done in no time,
To choose if the grinch,
Should pay for his crime.
The jury came out,
With none of the strife,
While serving the Grinch,
With thirty to life.
So as for the Grinch,
His heart may be greater,
While stealing Christmas,
He paid for it later.
Another Halloween approaches
Kids all up in my face, the roaches!
They're running up to my house
Candy is what it's all about about
Maybe I should keep them guessing
No candy till we say a blessing
For all those rotted teeth forthcoming
Sugar messing up their plumbing
Grabbing handfuls from my candy dish
Put mousetraps in there? Oh how I wish
I can almost hear them whisper
What a rotten trick there mister.
I would smile and only say
Its the tricks that make my day
treats are for the few you see
who do not come to bother me
I'll send it to them in the mail
They love to get it without fail.
They'll ask their parents where it came from
Who'll answer from the old mean one
The one who lives across the street
The one who hates Halloween
He wants all the kids to stay away
We know just how to make him pay.
When Halloween next it comes
We'll all gather every one
and keep ringing his old doorbell
Until his eardrums start to swell
Then we'll take all those mousetraps
Throw them in his waiting lap
and whatever they happen to latch upon
Won't matter to us we'll be gone
At the hospital when they ask him
who did this deed on just a whim
He'll say it was for Halloween
His trick sure was a special treat.
On the Who Net a rumor was making its way
the mean old green Grinch planned to steal Christmas Day!
Cindy Lou Who(who was not more than two)
and all the Who kids knew just what they'd do.
Thus on Christmas Eve they all went to bed
like angels—parents didn't care what they'd said!
The kids all kept watch out their windows that night
just waiting for “Green Ass” to come into sight,
which he did as I'm sure it's not hard to guess
so they had their stuff ready to get in his mess.
He came into Cindy Lou Who's window first;
she was so excited she practically burst!
But she had her air gun loaded and ready
and looked through the cross hairs right good and steady.
Before the Grinch entered not one leg, but two
she'd leveled her weapon right at his “Hoo-Hoo”!
He not only screamed like a banshee from hell
he jumped from the house and ran off as well.
The other Who kids knew what to do, too:
they jumped from their windows and shouted, “Guess Who?”
They shot him in just the same place Cindy hit,
with all the abuse it had grown quite a bit!
They kept shooting and shooting as he quickly ran
like a big old wet booger they'd tossed in the can!
It wasn't his heart that three sizes grew,
but his now-swollen, green-tighted, throbbing Hoo-Hoo!
The Next morning Who Christmas came after all,
with all of the new toys the kids had a ball!
The Grinch was not seen again by the Who;
with a Hoo-Hoo that swollen, I'd stay home too!
11/26/17
Beware the ol' Grinch, for it’s a cinch
Into your Christmas, he’ll throw a wrench
He loves to belittle
With poo-poo and piddle
Wherever he goes he leaves a stench.
written December 16, 2021
I am the Grinch,
I'm not green with envy.
My heart is not two sizes to small,
Or made of coal,
With demons in my soul.
I am the grinch,
With hatred for an overrated holiday.
Based upon nothing,
But money and greed.
Family time doesn't come in to play,
It's like a board game of Monopoly,
A race to make it to the boardwalk.
And screw everyone else.
A holiday to compare who got the better Christmas gift.
And how much it cost.
I am the Grinch,
I am not green with full of envy,
My heart is not two sizes too small,
But four sizes too big.
I have a heart of gold,
And unlike the real Grinch,
I Would give you my shirt off my back if needed.
I am the Grinch,
Why you need a holiday to spend time with family
Makes no sense to me.
We spend enough money all year round for retail.
Just for them to get richer on a holiday,
Raises prices above prices.
And all the greed in the world gets more expensive,
And Uglier.
With two simple words,
Merry Christmas.
Happy Halidays.
I am the Grinch,
That didn't steal Christmas,
Just the Grinch,
Just hates the holidays,
and what they have become.
Descending October days buzzed on caffeine
My house transforms into a living scene
Walking past you’ll see it’s quite obscene
Ghostly silhouettes dance beside the evergreen
From the roof swings a broken doll figurine
A creepy lonesome head lay just below a guillotine
Zombie moans, hanging guts and sagging spleen
From the darkness jump out ghouls unforeseen
Bloody vampire waiting for his next cuisine
A familiar cannibal has an appetizer of fava bean
Of gloom and doom I’m the local fright queen
Full of fervour and dread the kids will convene
Dressed as batman and squid game and wolverine
Ever keen for a scare, from tot to tween
Eyes a-twinkle in a trick or treat rush of dopamine
A haunted “Open soon” sign flashes citrine
But the treat of this trick, it is a smoke screen
Is wickedness a hereditary gene?
My heart did not shrink or grow, nor am I green
Yet I remain all hallows Grinch, the meanest of mean
Because the best part of this festive routine
Is I take it all down, the day before Halloween
MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!
October 25, 2022
Halloween Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Emile Pinet