Best Goober Poems
Your Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected in the cesspools of your morning sun.
An ivory tusk is what you're after,
a monument to fun and laughter,
she shaves your neck out on the street for fun,
she's New Delhinese from head to toes,
but you brought her to the Poconos,
where your Taj Mahal outshines the morning sun.
You talk about the plight of Gandhi
most of the night and all day Sunday,
and tell your friends about the things she's done,
at her spinning wheel she worships you,
but she's leaving in a week or two,
if she told you now it wouldn't be much fun.
She'll board a ship that's hoisting anchor
and meet a poet or a banker,
avoiding caste from where she once belonged,
she'll remember you for making her
one more monument to how things were,
when your Taj Mahal was whiter than the sun.
© ron wilson aka vee bdosa the doylestown poet
Categories:
goober, beauty, fantasy, travel,
Form:
Iambic Pentameter
Like Goober from Andy Griffin he couldn't keep a secret
knowing all about the twelve top secret ingredients
the mystery is gone now everyone in the world knows
Colonel Sanders nephew putting on an innocent show,
Since 1930 people ate his original fried chicken
they loved it so much afterwards gave their fingers a licking
just ordering the chicken had its air of mystery
so secretive the CIA top agents were frustrated and filled with misery,
Poor Colonel Sanders has long passed but its so sad
the recipe of his original fried chicken now out of the bag
now people will make it in their own kitchens at home
leaving all the KFC's empty and employees all alone...
Categories:
goober, food, humor, mystery,
Form:
Light Verse
Yes, I must confess that I did that ish…
I watched as he crawled across the place
The bug-a-boo had the nerve to try and touch my face
With shillelagh in tow, I just knew he had to go!
I caught the angle where his many eyes couldn’t see
Yes, I was determined this would be the last time he’d bug me,
I’d ask for a stay of execution but what could I say
In this big ole bug-eyed world I was as guilty as…. Hey
Wait a minute; call for my chef, tell him to send everything on the menu
And tell him to make it a grand table setting fit for two,
Send me the best bubbly non-alcoholic of course
And two large fruit pies big enough to choke a horse.
Maybe even throw in some chocolate mousse.
Now, Warden Wilner and Goober--ner Fairhaven please be seated and feast
And listen to my story whilst you grease won’t you please.
You see, I was sitting watching a game with my dear friend cricket,
When the lord of the flies kept a buzzing in my ear ~
Obnoxious words I just could not bear to hear.
Yes, I confess his dialogue was quite wicked!
I first opened the door and bade him kindly to go,
But then he decided to put on a show…
I opened the window and he still would not budge,
I thought to myself what’s wrong with this bug!
Then he bit me, Oh it was on I would have rather he’d tried to hit me…
It was a crime of passion truly I tell you both
I bopped him with one swift yet mighty stroke…
Truly, I do not mean to offend, but that bite hurt so bad I hit ‘im again …!
I am not one to bribe, however I want out of this mess and that’s no jive!
Well, after much deliberation, such fine conversation and a fantastic meal
The Goober—ner Fairhaven and Warden Wilner shook hands and sealed the deal,
I’d be free before the morning ink on the parchment could dry
This knowledge was enough to make a poor soul cry…
Instead I got down on my knees and gave thanks for such an act
Could have found me on my way to being quite dead; Yes, I confess I did that ish!
Categories:
goober, imagery, imagination, irony, silly,
Form:
Free verse
Cotton Lizard yellowhammer Heart of Dixie We dare defend our rights. Seward's Ice Box Land of the midnight sun The Last Frontier north to the future. Baby Italy copper apache sand sweetheart sunset God enriches. Natural wonder land of opportunity bear bowie hot springs razor back toothpick The people rule. Eureka Lost City of Gold El Dorado Golden attempted to make In God We Trust I have found it Colorful Centennial Mother of Rivers Rocky Mountain Empire Columbine Nothing without the deity Land of Steady Habits Freestone Blue Law Nutmeg Constitution He who transplanted sustains Small Wonder Fighting blue hens New Sweden First All power is of God Liberty and Independence District of Columbia Freedom and order Nation's Capital DMV Justice for All Orange Sunshine everglade alligator gulf flower In God We Trust Peach cracker goober adventure Strength is in Unity Wisdom, Justice, Moderation Aloha youngest pineapple rainbow paradise The life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness Gem of the Mountains Little Ida Spud Peace to you, Mark, my Evangelist. Here your body shall rest Let it be perpetual
Categories:
goober, allegory, america, bible, freedom,
Form:
Free verse
down south we love our goobers
salt em up and set to roast
eat em by the dozens
drink em in our cokes
fix em fancy in deserts
peanut butter pie
big and small all size and sorts
eat em till the day we die
granny loves to cook em
goobers in down home green beans
adds a bit of crunchiness
to the sunday dinner scene
with newspapers set out on the floor
in front of television sets
cracking shells like walker texas ranger
does good for nothing yankee heads
buy em hot and buy em boiled
along the roadside stand
spilling goober juices
all over the cars naugahyde rotan
finger licking greasy
from out a planters can
down south we love our goobers
like you done heard me said
Categories:
goober, funny, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
You starred on Hee Haw and the Andy Griffith Show.
You were talented and people hated to see you go.
You continued to star as Goober on Mayberry R.F.D.
Sadly you passed away at the age of eighty-three.
People loved to see you act, that much is clear.
You were a very funny man while you were here.
You were Floyd the barber's friend and you wore a funny hat.
You entertained millions for thirty years and people loved that.
I'll see you in Heaven but it may be a while.
You did a damn good job as Goober Pyle.
(Dedicated to George Lindsey who died on May 6, 2012.)
Categories:
goober, death, dedication, people, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected in the cesspools of your morning sun.
An ivory tusk is what you're after,
a monument to fun and laughter,
she shaves your neck out on the street for fun,
she's New Delhinese from head to toes,
but you brought her to the Poconos,
where your Taj Mahal outshines the morning sun.
You talk about the plight of Gandhi
most of the night and all day Sunday,
and tell your friends about the things she's done,
at her spinning wheel she worships you,
but she's leaving in a week or two,
if she told you now it wouldn't be much fun.
She'll board a ship that's hoisting anchor
and meet a poet or a banker,
avoiding caste from where she once belonged,
she'll remember you for making her
one more monument to how things were,
when your Taj Mahal was whiter than the sun.
© ron wilson aka Vee Bdosa the doylestown poet
Categories:
goober, anger, betrayal, conflict, irony,
Form:
Lyric
Peanuts
Dr. James E. Martin
©December, 2013
Peanuts are known as goober peas
They simply are weirdly named.
After eating more than just a few
One’s gut is usually not tamed.
Peanuts was the childhood name of a girl
Who was sister of a friend of mine.
As she grew older and more serious about life
Her appearance was way beyond fine.
And who can forget the character of cartoons
Who was known by Charlie Brown?
In all the uses described above
They all were joyfully found.
Categories:
goober, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
Goober went panning for gold in the creek
Hot and bothered, needed to take a leak ~
Goober pulled down his drawers
His hose produced more and more ~
Cried, "O, my, but doesn't liquid gold reek!"
Categories:
goober, humorous, money, spoken word,
Form:
Limerick
Rude awaakenings
passive resistances
offset reposes
nominal com-pre-poses
clattering synopsis
reflective rejections
loveless offerings
sentient longings
goober finales
creepy filings
jubrient jiltings
assinine intentions
cooperative unintentions
lazy notions
graded offerings
misguided annotations
guilded gonads
perserverant punishments
unabridged miscellaneous
assertive nothings
blinded essentials
ill acquaintances
riddled resentments
staved sequences
toiled romances
piss pot potentials
dragged molecules
finite measures
copious credentials
minor mirrors
killed desires
zoned inadequacies
victim gags
witless endeavors
yearless covenants
useless touches
homely juxtaposes
unfiled females
tattered testosterone
monumental misguidedness
aperture unfocused
twitterpatted wantings
yielded misgivings
drop dead desires
perpetrated hum drums
bread crum bewilderment
quilted quietudes
aforementioned alls
envious emotions
leveled trash
yearning alofts
zoo plays
dead and gones
in a postmortem periphery of
dance denied inequalities that
superstand a millennia of non
standard consequence of a riddled
ridicule composite cramp-pede
psychosociodomesticoillnatureds
fecalfried anesthetizing bewilderwilderments
co-efficient based non soulecular biscuits
baked clammer insistent on/off comforts
couture of random thoughtless criminals
effacement of non living entitlement egos
Good f-ing luck with thats.
Categories:
goober, education, feelings, imagery, philosophy,
Form:
Free verse
speak up my dear
the class can't hear you
when you mumble
e-n-u-n-c-i-a-t-e
stand up straight
pull that hair back
from your face
no wonder no one wants
to play with you
at recess all you ever do
is sit outside the classroom door
nose in a book
"look, look! it's bug-eyes"
she hears somebody say
"she's such a booger-nosed,
knobby-kneed, goober-dweeb"
she waits . . .
until their voices fade
to wipe her tears
away
Categories:
goober, childhood, school
Form:
Elegy
I read the words you wrote for me
My eyes just can’t look away
And my hart swells with feelings I though were lost
Like a favorite toy I left in a house I moved away from
Yet their you are
Pulled from a box I didn’t see till now
As if to say
‘Goober iv been here the whole time’
I can not fight the smile that creeps on to my lips
When I look over and I see your eyes
Always watching me
And though sometimes I shy away
I love the way your eyes feels gazing upon my skin
All of my being starves for you
Your touch
Smell
The way you make me feel like I’m the only one
I know I’m the women for you
Because it seems we were made for each other
I fit right next to you
And my warmth warms you up too
You let me pamper you the only way I know how
Making you feel good makes me feel good
I know you could ever hurt me
Like I know I will only give my self to you
And though I can not see you now
You have never left my hart
My mind
I think of you all the time
From when I wake
To when I lay my head down for the night
I want to spend my life with you
Wake up next to you
Because I feel that you bring out the best in me
And simply
I love you
Categories:
goober, love, me, love, me,
Form:
Your Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected in the cesspools of your morning sun.
An ivory tusk is what you're after,
a monument to fun and laughter,
she shaves your neck out on the street for fun,
she's New Delhinese from head to toes,
but you brought her to the Poconos,
where your Taj Mahal outshines the morning sun.
You talk about the plight of Gandhi
most of the night and all day Sunday,
and tell your friends about the things she's done,
at her spinning wheel she worships you,
but she's leaving in a week or two,
if she told you now it wouldn't be much fun.
She'll board a ship that's hoisting anchor
and meet a poet or a banker,
avoiding caste from where she once belonged,
she'll remember you for making her
one more monument to how things were,
when your Taj Mahal was whiter than the sun.
Categories:
goober, angst, black african american,
Form:
Lyric
To battle off intruders
I hired a dog named Goober
He came to me packing heat
I think it is a Luger
He's not a German Shepard
Though his collar and holster are made of leather
He graduated Obedience School
Proudly wearing his Letter Sweater
I pay him in dog biscuits
Which cuts down on doing dishes
As we toss ideas around
When problems arise Goober licks it
He came with papers so all could see
Showing he is the best of breed
Also to lay out on the floor
In case Goober feels the need
Goober has been a great asset
All the intruders around here left
In case you feel the need to ask
...Just don't ask the cat
Categories:
goober, animal, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
This poem is not meant to offend anyone or belittle their beliefs. This is only my attempt at humor.
~Things I’ll Give Up for Lent~
Liver and onions,
Minced meat pie.
Drinking beer from a can,
Celebrating the 5th of July.
I’ll do away with Haggis,
Kiviak and Sheepshead Smalahoue.
Rocky Mountain Oysters,
Escargot and Fuhu.
Escamoles and fried Tarantula,
Jellied Moose and Airag.
Gaeng Kai Mot Daeng,
and baked polliwog.
Chocolate-covered bacon,
Candy corn or a root beer float
Goodbye Goober burgers,
and pickled ear of goat.
Koolickles, popsicles,
Hominy grits and Spam.
Frog’s eye salad and Turducken,
Tapioca and jellied Ham.
But on this Valentine's Day my dear,
know that there is one thing that's very true.
I'd rather give up my chance to go to Heaven,
then spend a single minute without you.
Categories:
goober, humor, poetry, valentines day,
Form:
Rhyme