Best Freaking Poems

Ms. Dolly has something with things
that a naked eye can’t see.
Once she went for dinner;
a charming date,
and a plate of fine cuisine.
A plate of tilapia fish was right in front of her.
She could see an eye looking straight
at her – still and unblinking. She felt...

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Snow, snow, freaking damn snow
When will it end, sure nobody knows
A pretty mild winter
Now hear me whimper
Enough already, had it up to my nose...

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Standing in front of my closet right now
Wondering what I should wear, my assets to wow
Some manly attire
That girlies admire
Y'all know how I'm so sexually endowed...

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Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess
“Will you marry me?”, the Princess said, “No!”
But the Prince lived happily ever after
As away on his Harley-Davidson he rode

He started dating lotsa full-breasted women
Hunted and fished and raced cars
Was seen courting ladies less than half his...

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THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY OLD HERO---GABBY HAYES

IT MAKES ONE WONDER, IT MAKES ONE THINK
IT CAUSES ONE'S HEART TO SINK
IS HE, WILL HE, DOES HE HEAR,
DOES HE CONSIDER A CHILD'S FEAR?

I DON'T KNOW AND MAY  NEVER WILL
IS HE SOMETHING OR IS HE NIL?
IS HE...

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Standing in front of my closet right now
Wondering what I should wear, my assets to wow
Some manly attire
That girlies admire
Y'all know how I'm so sexually endowed...

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my great white hunter
i'm so freaking proud of you 
for keeping the peace

no idea the hell
that you must try to cool down
too much emotion

too much dysfunction
sorry it's so hard for you
do the best you can...

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I glanced at her nails
  saw fins and scales

Reached for her hair
  Hmm. Nothing there

Took her right hand
  felt just like sand

Looked at her face
  Is she from outer space

Next time I'll not tempt fate
  and agree to a blind...

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Another freaking cold Canadian winter's day
BUT that glorious warm sun makes it almost okay
Temps are frigid
Reminds me of Brigitte
But that's another part of my private dossier...

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She really wanted to see a ghost…ecstatically excited.
She heard this place had plenty, and a spooky atmosphere.
She’d have to pinch herself, ready to cheer…elated.
She’d spend a romantic weekend there with a freaking-out spouse.

He’s a scaredy-cat! He rarely finds anything funny!
He stutters. He’s bony. Of course...

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Freaking me out

One day as I looked in the mirror
I saw that a third eye had appeared
In the middle of my face.
It was red, it was huge.
I was horrified by its proportions.
How could a 59-year-old still have zits upon their face?
I felt like a cyclops
A...

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The freaking cold weather is here again
Fillies want to snuggle for a piece of me they yen
Have to spread me thin
Double my double chin
Fillies by the hundreds crowd into my den!...

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Yo she’s so freaking hot
Imma shoot my shot
‘My name starts with a B and your name starts with a B, quiche 2 O’s in between and they become boobs… just like you have’
Dude you are going at it the wrong way
‘Me, you, my house with...

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Greenish meadows, stony benches
Doves and crows toilet in bunches
Huge turnout..

Without fear of baited string bides
Flying fishes in lone seasides
From hideout..

Tree top squirrels wandered bottom
Like torpor kings in their kingdom
Free rollout..

Weeds and shoots sprouting from the soil
Dormant seeds sensing human spoil
They freakout..

Birds and beasts call on...

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Freaking frigid today, wear your woollies
Spring's just around the corner, no need for hoodies
The promise of warm temps
A bunch of outdoor events
Serving coffee and cookies and homemade goodies...

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