Best Dachshunds Poems
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Un-cool Terrier:
Dorky
Yorkie
Spaniel dog breeder:
Cocker
Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
Cocker
Mocker
Book on how to care for Cockers:
Spaniel
Manuel
Originally from England, a well-rounded Spaniel stays in shape by playing:
Cocker
Soccer
Then showers and dresses by its:
Cocker
Locker
Dachshund headgear:
Weenie
Beenie
Grouchy Dachshund:
Meany
Weenie
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
Dachshund making critcal life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Lassie was a level-headed dog and never engaged in:
Collie
Folly
Reared in a loving environnment, she was a rather:
Jolly
Collie
Bred in the capitol city of NC, making her a:
Raleigh
Collie
To commemorate her frequent (and often rowdy) visits to N.O. a streetcar was renamed the:
Collie
Trolley
Snoopy immigrated to the States but alas, was found not to be a:
Legal
Beagle
Thus he was deported back to England but was promptly knighted by the Queen becoming a:
Regal
Beagle
Now a celebrity, he even had an entourage of nubile young female beagles named:
Snoopy's
Groupies
Eventually, he met his soul mate, married her in Westminster Abbey and it is rumored that they engaged in numerous and somewhat kinky sessions of:
Snoopy
Whoopie
Categories:
dachshunds, animal, dog, funny,
Form:
Footle
Some folks call me a sausage dog
I think they couldn’t be meaner
It’s not my fault I’m long and short
And look like a misshapen wiener
I’ve got four stumpy little legs
So my tummy is near to the ground
My owner’s take me for a drag not a walk
Guess that's why they named me Cigarette!
01~16~15
Contest: Dachshunds – Rob Carmack
~awarded 9th place~
Premiere Contest #13 sponsored by SKAT
Categories:
dachshunds, dog, humorous,
Form:
Free verse
One
Chloee? Yes Reginald!
Why do they call us Dachshunds, Wiener Dogs?
Maybe they call you a Wiener Reginald!
You cut me off at the legs with that one Chloee!
Two
Chloee? Yes Reginald! Have you ever smelled mothballs.
No Reginald it's too difficult to spread their tiny legs.
My that was a low blow Chloee. You wish Reginald, you wish!
Three
Reginald? Yes Chloee! I was at the park with my owner playing
Frisbee. As I watched the Frisbee I wondered why it was getting
bigger and bigger as it came towards me than it hit me.
Four
Chloee? Yes Reginald!
I was just lying down in the park the other day watching a Labrador
chasing his tail an' I thought ain't that amazing how easily amused
Labradors are! Then I realized I was watching the Labrador chase his tail.
Five
Reginald? Yes Chloee! I've written a poem it goes like this.
"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. And some don't!"
Six
Chloee? Yes Reginald! I was at a restaurant, I ordered a chicken sandwich,
but I don’t think the waitress understood me. Because she said,
“How would you like your eggs?” So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said,
“Incubated! And then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked,
and then cut up, and then put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun.
Damn! It’s gonna take a while. I don’t have time. Scrambled!”
The Finale
A Dachshund walks under a bar. I mean walks into a bar. Goes to the
bar and sits down. Asks the bartender "can I have a Budweiser Light
Beer" the bartender serves him and informs him "that will be seven dollars".
The Dachshund pays. The bartender keeps looking at the Dachshund.
Finally the Dachshund yells "What?" The bartender explains "no I'm
sorry we just never get Dachshunds in this bar." The Dachshund replies
"I'm not surprised...at seven dollars for a beer..."
The Encore
Reginald? Yes Chloee! When you cut your nails, do you file them?
Yes Chloee as a matter of fact I do! Pity! I just throw mine out!
Curtains!
01~10~2015
Sponsor: rob carmack
Contest: Daschunds
Categories:
dachshunds, funny, humor, humorous, roses
Form:
Burlesque
FOOTLES FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEASTS -
Bad-ass old bear:
Grizzly
Grizzly
Dachshund making critical life choices:
Eenie
Weenie...
Cougar from Arizona:
Yuma
Puma
Cowardly Cock-a-Doodle-Doer:
Chicken
Chicken
Slave Driving Beaver:
Dam it
Damn it!
Aptly named female feathered friend:
Robin
Robin
Alaska poacher gets mauled by a:
Polar's
Molars
Overweight Terrier:
Porky
Yorkie
Scavenger Mores:
Vulture
Culture
After sex, bears often share a:
Yogi
Stogie
Neutered Tomcat:
Benign
Feline
Wolf in Sheep’s clothing:
Mutton
Glutton
Proportionally, male Dachshunds have:
Teenie
Weenies
(But size isn't everything)
.........................................
RANDOM AND RATHER REDICULOUS FOOTLES -
Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper
Overweight Janitor:
Whopper
Mopper
Spaced-out church officer:
Freekin’
Deacon
Church officer forced to depend on Depends:
Leakin'
Deacon
Unhappy restaurant client:
Diner
Whiner
Cosa Nostra restaurant special:
Mobster
Lobster
Yep, you guessed it. A criminal Crustacean:
Lobster
Mobster
Why did she slap me? All I did was:
Toot her
Hooter
Careless Urologist:
Pecker
Wrecker
Categories:
dachshunds, funny,
Form:
Footle
As a pup she sailed through the air
Jumping from chair to chair
An eagle's elegant poise void
Just a thud 'pon the air
Those short legs carried her swiftly
As her chest drug the ground
Most all small furry creatures drew
A bristle and grrrr sound
Her red coat matched her fiery growl
As enemies she faced
Until that brave cat stood her ground
And a red dachshund chased
The moral of this story is
Don't get all bristled up
You might meet your match dear friend
In a small dachshund pup
Sponsor: Rob Carmach
Contest: Dachshunds
Written: January 26, 2015
I puppy sat and now dog sit my daughter's dachshund
Her personality is still the same fiery..
Fiery can have either two or three syllables
I used it as two..
This is a form of Poulter's measure..
Categories:
dachshunds, dog, pets, drug,
Form:
Rhyme
I saw a tap-dancer with
Squirming sheaf of vigor
Toes tapping as if dancing.
Is he hoping for a rendezvous?
His Dachshund-clan romance?
Prancing around like ponies
With gentle nose, silent eyes
With sweet licks and nuzzles.
Care free clan, if they like it
It can never be of anyone else.
If they take it anything from anywhere
It’s theirs and of nobody else’s.
The four legged hairy puppets
With all the fascinating features.
I don’t think a dachsie thinks of money
Or fame or other worldly pleasures
But thinking of the pure love of God
Remembering always those moments
By waggling his tail with pure love and joy.
When He made him to brighten up
The day of Adam and Eve and then
Christening them as “dog”, a reflection
Of His own as one looks into the mirror.
January 20, 2015
Form : Free verse
Contest:Dachshunds
Categories:
dachshunds, animal,
Form:
Free verse
Sausage some call me
I beg to disagree.
I know I am not tall
In fact I am quite small
My body long and thin
About which I never grin.
Low to the ground
Is how I trot around
Floppy ears hanging down
Makes me look like a clown.
I will make a wish upon a star
It’s not supposed to matter what you are
Time for a change Kit and caboodle
I wish I was a stately poodle.
Categories:
dachshunds, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
Small little Molly
Waddles around in the yard
Center attention
Birth of two children changed things
We forgot, Molly!!! Outside!!!
1/4/2015
Contest: Dachshunds
Sponsor: Rob Carmack
Categories:
dachshunds, children, dog, love,
Form:
Tanka
He was just a little wiener;
our precious little pup
and I was just a toddler,
when my breakfast, he did sup.
How he loved his burgers;
ham he loved, as much.
He could quickly murder
bologna, cheese and such.
I toddled along behind him
his tail, I held in brace.
He didn't mind my toddler whims,
when we were face-to-face.
He was just a little wiener;
a playful little friend.
He had the best demeanor
and we loved him, to the end.
Entered in contest: Dachshunds
Sponsored by: Rob Carmack
1-15-15
Categories:
dachshunds, animal, best friend, dog,
Form:
Rhyme
Dachshunds - Poetry Contest
My Doll, My Dachshund
An old abandoned house in the country, is where we saved our precious hound
Covered in mange, fleas, ticks and whatever deathly smell she had found
I called her name; from out of the yonder she came when she heard my yell
We could see she was excited to be rescued and the car ride went well
Once we arrived home, it was bath time, eating, then sleep
For hours she snuggled next to me without even a weep
She was red, small, a miniature seven year old baby of mine
We shared everything together and talked all the time
We would cuddle in blankets when weather was cold
No matter the circumstance, she and I fit the mold
One day she came to me, however not feeling right
I rushed her to the clinic and sat there all night
The doctor informed me that she could no longer walk
I sat there stunned, desperately crying, I couldn't talk
Our only option, as you can imagine, was true
I held her in my arms as she went into the sky blue
She is buried by the creek bed where she loved to play
There is not a moment that I don’t miss her every single day
Not knowing if I will ever feel the same way as I did then
Hoping that someday, her little nose will nudge me again
01-07-15 Dachshund poetry-soup contest
For sissy, you are missed my pet.
Categories:
dachshunds, best friend, dog, loss,
Form:
Rhyme
Patches of choco brown and black wrap my fur
with long hotdog body, I roll in loops,
“ Hershey” is what they fondly name me
flopping ears as mice and ants rush for a kill…
and with the kids, nose snuggles for tickle feast
while Mom runs amuck with suds on her hair;
these bug me, bathing and trimming of nails.
When holidays come, it’s fashion show time
like a German spy, I nibble the costumes
feigning sleep as teeth snarl those threads!
Loyal and cute, my almond eyes wink to charm…
but bark I do when strangers knock , and Hannah,
our neighbor trembles as I “arf” at her mere scent.
I love to sneak out the gate to play and goof off;
one day, a runaway thrill off the street did harm…
a rogue snatched me , bugged my neck
hearing faint shouts, “ Hershey, come back!”
Oh,I miss the awful hair washes, patter of kids’ feet,
warm cuddles, and dog gone evening tricks.
For eight years, I reigned as a Weenie princess…
Now, I look at the stars and touch my family’s faces.
-----------
*it’s been 3 years since our dachshund, Hershey,
got lost. My nephews and I miss her!
rob carmack's Dachshunds Contest
Categories:
dachshunds, dog, happiness, , cute,
Form:
Free verse
Dachshunds
I don’t mean to be ….GGRRRRRR
un-grrrrrr-ateful…
to the genetics of the genome…BUT
my legs are too short
my body’s too long
my gut hangs so low
I can’t wear a thong
my ears….they get stepped on
by me….not by others
I can’t scratch my nose
only my brothers
and don’t even ask
in the snow…..what I do
for before I can circle
the whole thing turns…..blue
with legs oh so short
you may think it funny
to see me pass by
a skateboard ‘neath my tummy
then there are those
who dare to suggest
that I was conceived
during Octoberfest
My head may bulge out
and my tail may bulge in
but I’m a damn good looking dog
for the shape that I’m in.
submitted to Rob Carmack – Dachshunds – Poetry contest
1/14/21015
Categories:
dachshunds, dog, humorous, image,
Form:
Free verse
Dachshunds
Charming pair of brave dachshunds,
Possessive and stubborn,
Grew up with my only son,
Always jealous of my love for him,
Playing games with lot of wit,
Full of humour they were a perfect fit,
Till a day burglars broke into the house,
Defying their skills of suspicion and hunt,
Took away one along with them,
The other kept digging the garden in search of him,
No praise or treats could console,
Even the police failed to prove their role,
We all died each day with rising passion,
Loneliness had turned into obsession,
Till the other disappeared too the other day,
after turning garden into a heap of clay,
Parting was unbearable to our hearts,
Teary eyes, grief tore our souls apart,
Comical clowns that gave us smiles,
Must have found peace or travelled miles,
Memories haunt and turn to torrents,
Lost are the lively days with Dachshunds !
Written Jan 21st, 2015
For contest "Dachshunds" by Rob carmack
Awarded 5th place
Now entered for contest "your fav old poem #2" by Shadow Hamilton
Awarded 2nd place
Entered for "I love my pets" poetry contest by Laura loo
Awarded 2nd place win
Categories:
dachshunds, emotions, longing, lost, love,
Form:
Free verse
I am not a dog lover, although dogs are cute,
I'd rather have none of these
around the house...the last one I had
was a dark-blonde dachshund:
he refused to obey a single rule,
he wanted to eat crackers and cheese!
Dogs lovers, I apologize for having made such a comment...
for having said an awful thing about my disobedient dog;
I still love dogs, but I've no patience to train them:
while they run around and bark at a burning log!
I agree they should abide by those strict rules, but
a soft guy like me simply is unable to enforce them!
Dogs are like gorgeous children that some adore more than a gem,
and if they rip apart your expensive kids' stuffed toys,
don't punish them with harsh words and alienate them;
readers, don't flood my inbox with outrageous comments:
you have your likes and dislikes; even perfect characters have a rip!
I hope other dachshunds haven't heard what I said about Ranger,
they will surely show up at my door and start a vicious doggy war!
Ah! Here they come! I must call the Animal Attack Hotline...help!!!
Categories:
dachshunds, dog, how i feel,
Form:
Rhyme
I can't recall the last time I've had a good night's rest.
It ain't because I'm stressed or restless or depressed.
Nor is it the fitful snorin' of my spouse sprawlin' by my side.
It's that consarned nocturnal symphony a-goin' on outside!
First, all the neighborhood mutts join in discordant refrain.
Heard is yippin' by poodles and the bellowin' of a Great Dane!
Chihuahuas, dachshunds and spaniels join in the raucous fray.
Addin' to the din, a quartet of Bassett hounds begin to bay!
Just as I was relaxin' comfortably in Morpheus' gentle arms,
There arose 'neath my window a squabble causin' more alarms.
A couple of cats on their customary nocturnal prowlin'
Had it out on my lawn a-screechin' and a-yowlin'!
Along about midnight the strident din began to fade,
Then, a legion of crickets began a monotonous serenade!
Addin' to my plight, I heard the blarin' klaxon of a train,
And the screamin' jet engines of a low-flyin' plane!
The grandfather clock struck four and I'm still wide awake.
I should've been a-snoozin' hours ago, for heavens' sake!
Lord, what can be done to stifle that dissonant cacophony,
My nemesis, that ceaseless, infernal nocturnal symphony!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Categories:
dachshunds, funny
Form:
Rhyme