Best Committee Poems
Toilet Bowl Committee (aka: Uptown Hood)
A lavatory confinement
my$h!tdontstinkcomode.com
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If you want to moderate this place, pick up the pace
From the mouth down to the @$$
Your so called kind has no class,
Fed by these political rejects, never elected for what was!
No matter,
They wipe their assets clean with our dreams
Forgetting to wipe their own toilet seats clean
Trying to make us feel dirtier than scat
Feeding off our paper when their toilet bowl water level is low
Toilet bowl PO-poes, wiping without dental floss
Missing everything in between reality
Trying to be kind, saying "One Day We'll Be Good Enough!"
Offering their Golden Plunger,
straight from the Home Depot shelves
No Thank You! My plunger a true gift from Mr. Wal-Mart himself
Next time you feel the need to offer a reference point
Please caption your name when you drop by,
Rinse thoroughly when speaking my name,
Then I will listen when you talk civilized
Correct my punctuations and spelling errors
The weakest trait you wear
You are no Prophet, just white tissue turning brown
Your Justification comes from old dry grapes falling from the vines
Ridicule will never give you the respect, for what you are!
We, the few poets from the hood,
overpower any change you offer Goodwill
Crumbling and flushing what does not meet your standards
Trying hard to force feed us soup, without giving us bibs
Thank you
Toilet Bowl Committee
For clogging up my drain with your bull$h!T
By: Keeping it Real (The Downtown Hood)
Date: 12-15-13
~*~
I know that you have seen them walking,
and I know that you have heard them talking,
'bout all thoses rhymes and reasons,
the birds and bees and,
sometimes I can't understand,
how that they roll them eyes,
and stomp their feet,
smacking their lips, in the summer heat.
See they belong to a prestious club,
where none of the fellas get no love.
They are the coochie committee,
secretly meeting in our towns and cities.
I tried to infiltrate them,
by going out on a date,
when I nearly met my fate,
only to find out that my sister, mother,grandma,
and aunt, all participate.
They all were up in arms,
One lady shouted,
"sound the alarm!!!"
they planned to do this man some bodily harm.
I ran as fast as i could,
back to my neighborhood.
called upon my brethern there,
but they couldn't relate,
as I tried to explain this place,
bout the coochie committee,
Some brothas, didn't care.
So I just hold my toungue,
whenever a woman is around,
contemplating what will go down,
cause you never know,
the power a woman has,
and if she posseses a pass,
with the coochie committee,
as matter of fact,
It always seems to,
have her back!!!!
Children must be kept under
strict control at all times.
BY ORDER OF T' COMMITTEE.
There’ll be no swearing
in front of t' ladies.
BY ORDER OF T' COMMITTEE.
There’ll be no talking
during t' bingo.
BY ORDER OF T' COMMITTEE.
All affiliated members
must sign in by ten.
BY ORDER OF T' COMMITTEE.
All members WILL
enjoy themselves
BY ORDER OF T' COMMITTEE.
The Committee To Re-Elect the President
By Elton Camp
On political matters I take no position
But it’s fun to watch those with ambition
This Committee is now composed of two
And they seem to know just what to do
To ensure the president’s election again,
They expose his opponents’ list of sin
A battle between adulterer and millionaire
All their dirty linen in public they do air
And available resources they expend
In a primary it seems will never end
But when a candidate is finally selected
His shortcoming will have been detected
Imagine the clips that will appear on TV
That the entire country will then get to see
To them, the president, his hat must doff
All while he merrily “laughs his ass off”
The President had not been elected yet,but an unseen scandal had been set! The opposition was making some bets that the running President would not pass "The Scandal Test"!!!! The same day that the scandal was set";Tiger Woods had just made "A Whole In One",and the running "President"had been having a lot of fun,and the opposition was betting that a scandal would cause him to look like a bum!Tiger Woods surprised his opposition by making "A Whole In One'!The Presidential Scandal Prevention Committee was getting ready to be put to the test to see if it was better than the opposition who was trying to create a scandalous mess!!! The running President had been accused of unauthorized touching,and unauthorized smiling,and unauthorized showing of compassion,and unauthorized winking at younger women!!!The Presidential Scandal Prevention Committee decided to stop the foolish foolishness that day,and the opposition that the running President had said that was ok,because "The War" with Iraq was on its way,and they all said that we had best get together to protect "Democracy" in this world ,and especially in the U.S.A!!!The winking,and touching,did not mean a thing,because when "The TwinTowers"fell "Americans" realized,and saw what "Hell"could bring!!!! The real enemy tried to bring down"Democracy"and American self esteem"!!! The war was sickening,and many innocent people died,and there were innocent people on both sides!!! The suicide bombers as to this date commit suicide! The "Trojan Horse" called "Oil" failed that day,and "Americans" started fracking right away!! The American People decided to fight "Terrorist"for their own freedom,and their own land!!! "The Presidential Scandal Prevention Committee,and those who opposed that committee decided to get together on 9-11,and not bicker about trivial things,and fight what is wrong:and not let "Terrorism"or Terrorist" live on!!!!Love was revived in its own way to show its power over "Terrorism",and Terrorist,ethinic cleasing,racism ,hate bigatry,in a special way!!!!!The Presidential Scandal Prevention Committee came together in the midst of stormy unpredictable weather for the better!!!!!
So I joined the " social committee"
because they said it would be lots of fun.
But after barely an hour
all I wanted to do was run.
I suggested Friday night poker.
they said "we'll play bingo" instead.
I said "how about group bungy jumping".
They said I was sick in the head.
So I started to yawn and to fidget,
my patience had run out the door.
I held up my hand to ask about wine.
They said I no longer had the floor.
Apparently I am not social.
There are bartenders who would disagree.
I haven't given up on my ideas.
I'll win them over, you'll see.
Margarita Mondays will soon be here,
Tequila Tuesdays as well,
'cause if the committee doesn't like my ideas
they can all go straight to hell.
The little pity committee
And I'm the president
I see everything that's
Good as a strange gesture just
to get close to me
Then when I feel they are in my
hearts they love to tweak it
Rip it, shred it, obliterate it
I thought I could change
But it gets worse
And everytime it gets worse I
want to cling to someone else
so they can help me
Yet
I become an even bigger
burden
And everyone I cling to leaves
me
I can't deal with this alone
I need someone
My whole life is based upon one
person
The only person who hasn't
ripped
My heart out and skewered it
with the points of their teeth
And as soon as that person
decides to change
As will I
And the rags
The remaining trash of my
heart left in my soul will yearn
for a new horizon summoned in
one word
Death
The itty bitty committee
meets at intervals unknown
to mediate its cause
convinced the case is airtight
for they can see no flaws
The gavel at their table
sounds a tone of doubt and dread
for this committee meeting
takes place inside my head.
4/14/14
Like a 5-person committee in a conference room,
they had gathered to engage in weather business.
Although a committee of five, they acted as one.
Their orchestrations for forecasting were easy,
and yesterday would be no different. Or would it?
There were white clouds, grey clouds, moisture,
sun, and mild wind. When unified in the canopy of
the sky, they are a force with which to be reckoned,
creating tornadoes, heavy rainstorms, floods, fires,
mudslides, and avalanches.
On yesterday, they had just one item of business,
but suddenly, that was quickly changed. A tiny bit
of moisture flexed its will but quickly pulled back,
giving way to the committee's will to produce a rainbow.
Me thinks that they were over-ruled by God. They wanted
to make it rain, but God wanted to make a rainbow to
remind everyone about His perpetual Rainbow Covenant.*
Each committee member never ceases to be arrested and
amazed by the rainbows they produce. Yesterday was no
different as they all smiled and dismissed the meeting.
8522PS*Gen. 9:12-17
A grayish blue beluga whale arrived two minutes too late.
The whole committee yelled "no" before half past eight.
Fifteen minutes later, a filthy, smelly camel tromped in,
Making the whole committee laugh out of their skin.
A lion tried to enter, roaring with all of his might.
We knew we couldn't get him back out without a fight.
So we barricaded the door, and we shushed each other,
And we tried not to argue, which was hard for my mother.
There wasn't any problem until three days ago.
We had no beefs, and it had not yet snowed.
Our ideal window washer has been here forever and a day.
He’d be here still if the good Lord had not taken him away.
He was here yesterday, the big, giant cad.
But he's dead now, and we're all spitting mad.
This committee was hastily assembled in the aftermath.
Fred had been here forever and a day, our own smart giraffe.
He’d washed our windows, he’d sorted our mail, he’d spoiled us rotten,
And now he was resting outside in a soft fluffy field of cotton.
“No, sorry, we’d say quickly, without fear.
Wishing Fred would wake up and come running back here.
But the giraffes cannot go on after they're dead,
So we ended up hiring a stack of monkeys instead.
Senator Lindsey Graham is crackers
As are all those Bill Cosby backers
Females are not toys
For abuse by boys
Who are clearly sadistic bushwhackers!
Nikki Haley, Sean Spicer,
Trey Goudy, Richard Grenell,
Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly,
Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin,
Rick Santorum, Tucker Carlson,
Rupert Murdoch, Kimberly Guilfoyle,
Ed Rollins, Eric Trump,
Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump, Jr,
Brian Kilmeade, Laura Ingraham,
Dan Bongino, Raymond Arroyo,
Steve Hilton, Kayleigh McEnany,
Maria Bartiromo, John Gibson,
Andrew Gilligan, Steven Milloy,
Karl Rove, Bill Shine,
Eric Bolling, Ed Henry,
Jared Kushner, Tomi Lahren,
Alan Dershowitz, Elizabeth McDonald,
Stuart Varney, Dagen McDowell,
David Asman, Gregg Jarrett,
Ashley Webster, Jason Chaffetz,
Candace Owens, Bo Dietl,
Judy Slater, Greg Gutfeld,
Steve Doocy, Harris Faulkner,
Dana Perino, Mark Steyn,
Leo Terrell, Jeanine Piro,
Dean Cain, Scott Brown,
Charles Payne, Jay Sekulow,
Lou Dobbs, Rick Scott,
Trace Gallagher, Newsmax,
OAN and Real America.
This was written a while ago as a member
of a another poetry site. It was about a
South African lady who I loved and admired
greatly! I miss her wit, her charm and most of all
her great creative talent! She challenged me
to write a poem describing her official job title
which turned out to be no mean task...
She's our leading lady, you know who I mean
All she does is write great poetry
She's a marvellous gal with a heart of gold
Now here's a bit about her psychometry
She asked me to describe her job in rhyme
This marvellous and talented lady
She's the Assistant Program Director
of the South African Program
of the Peace Education Division of the
American Friends Service Committee
Some say it's a cover for something shady
Can't write much more, I'm all out of breath
I should store as much as I can
One never knows when I'll need that reserve
For a reprieve, well at least that's my plan
She didn't think I was up to the task
But her occupation is included herewith
Don't ask me how I managed to accomplish it
Sheer genius I suppose, it's a gift!
LOL
© Jack Ellison 2012
Polithieves
On my behalf, a conclave of crows
Then, my Imminent appointment follows
Orchastrated triumph at the polls
Heralds me into Parliament of Owls
Perching in the FAAC Convocation
In control of State notes
I go swift lyk Abacha o.
I have the antidote to your sting
The unremitted signed-off sum
arouses my Swiss account into ******
While you ejaculate Pains after intense
romance with poverty
In my hands lies the antidote to poverty's
venomous sting in your lives.
With unclouded vision
I see the bruised Roads
hospitals with chronic illness
sick Schools diagnosed with illiteracy
Upon dusk, the 9th Plague of God
on Egypt is reawakened:
Transformers with no heartbeat.
***
Your rivers of gold enticing enough
to lure Oludumare dine with injustice
Greediness vampired you with Insatiable
thirst for wealth
Conscience numb like the corpse of Bin Laden;
With flaming greed, that ablazes the ocean.
You emissaries of Esu
Bearers of anguish
Farmers with bountiful reaping yet no sowing.
Santas with sack bulging with hoarded wealth
Drownless river trickles down our faces
Hades empathise, but with you - epicaricacy.
"Tins go beta" - their ghost promise
Yet we are maltreated wives to poverty
Submerged in sorrow with no depth
Our rainy eyes experience no drought
Then He welcomed me
On to Las Heavens' which
Is heaven from above
He accennted me with a
Understanding and conciliation
Which only could have
Been athwart his munitions'
Only moment's befor
Fore it was guarded buy
The Gate's of Heaven
From the clouds' to the floor
Then, It was shielded by such a thing'
A true feeling that which I have
Never felt befor
And then I knew that it must have
Been Jesus,
Fore it must have been love
Fore He was standing at
The Gate Of Salvation
Standing at the door
GF