Best Captain Cook Poems
Lenny was 30 and still living with his old cheese, everyone called, Lenny’s mum.
She was always on his Cadbury Snack to go find a trouble and strife for a chum.
“Geez, leave off mum, I’ve been looking down at the Punchbowl rubbity Dub”.
“Well Lenny, go to the grab a granny at the Rissole, Fridý night will ya luv”.
Friday came, Lenny put on his best bag of fruit and fired up his old VS Dunny Door.
With his pay in his sky rocket as he hit the frog and toad with the peddle to the floor.
Mum put some of dad’s old brill cream in his Fred Astaire before he left the house.
“Be good Lenny, me little china plate, if ya need a lift home give me a Wally Grout”.
Jenny was on the rock ‘n’ roll so she saved up her oxford scholars for a big night out.
She wasn’t flash to look at, with her bifocal monkey’s arses but she had a good jam tart.
She walked into the Rissole, tilting her leg as she let rip a decent Royce Hart.
Her dad would’ve said, “A bit more choke and it would’ve made you start”.
Jenny met Lenny at the near ‘n far, knowing he was giving her the old Captain Cook.
Introductions made and Lenny thought she was a bit of alright, as he had a second look.
They hit it off after Jenny’s Third vodka and Lenny’s fifth schooner of pigs ear.
Feasting on bar snacks of party dogs eyes, Jenny dripping the dead horse in Lenny’s beer.
A couple of young blokes walk up to Jenny and tried to give her Reg Grundies a flick.
Jenny started throwing cut lunches, smashing him on the Lionel Rose, then gave him a kick.
Lenny intervened, saying, “We don’t want any froth and bubble.” Before thing got nasty.
He took Jenny outside screaming, “He’s got a face like a half eaten pasty”.
And that’s how Lenny and Jenny met, Lenny’s mum was happy seeing Lenny with stars in his mud pies.
They got cash ‘n carried, had a couple of billy lids, that loved to eat burgers and fries.
It’s not at all romantic, but that’s how most Aussie love stories go.
Lenny and Jenny together forever, They’re mates most of us will know.
What is this flower perched like bird on stem
With tiny feathery florets in pews
Aligned along rows on cylinder heads?
Tis Banksia, native of Australia.
Named after botanist Sir Joseph Banks,
Who sailed on "Endeavour" with Captain Cook
To unearth Australia, the Great South Land
With shores bedecked with Banksia flowers.
Not a rose with its gaudy petal flush
Nor a daffodil or iris pendants
Nor ring of daisy petals stuck to sun
But hundreds of small flowers pinned on heads
Plethora of colors, earthy and rare
Red, yellow, brown, cream, white and orange hues
The colors of dawn and dusk and the moon
The colors of soil in the dry parched land.
Flower candles on candelabra bush
Arise like flames from sharp serrated leaves
Lighting the Australian bush with color
A pleasure, joy, delight to see in bloom
Enjoy Banksia flowers in gardens
As picked in vase they look so out of place.
Better still, see them in their native scrub
Outback of Dwellingup and way beyond.
Captain Cook was cruising in Hawaii
Yes,he deserved better fate, no wifi
But his lucky star smiled
He found Venus beguiled
He nailed his colours to the mast, said, "Hi"
Australia the lucky country but not for all,
It's time to tell a tale that's not so tall.
The country's past is dark and really no mystery,
Most people know the country has a black history.
Captain Cook arrived, things would never be the same,
Two decades later the natives felt nothing but pain.
In 1788 eleven ships arrived to occupy their land,
But the Aboriginal people said no and took a stand.
Violent acts of resistance followed, many fought but lost,
This invasion was so similar to the Tasmanian holocaust.
Harassment, persecution, white Australia's illegal activities,
More than 200 years of discrimination against Oz's aborigines.
Racking and stacking them in prison, they're living in hell,
No justice for Eddie Murray who was found dead in a cell.
Police showed no remorse or regret when Ian Ward was literally cooked to death.
And why do people celebrate invasion day?
January 26th is just a disrespectful display.
They're still suffering, still neglected, still living among violence,
The world needs to take notice of the great Australian silence.
Captain Cook.
I built a ship in a vale of stones and thorny bushes
it took 24 years and a bit more .
from here I set sail on the dream boat to China.
I met her in the blue sea off of Malaga, sailed
on her to she was 71 and sought refuge in coastal
water and anchorage in the bay of Mandal.
Deep sea ship are so limited, they only sail from
port to port and are not allowed to stray from
the chart set by the man in charge; and every ship
looks the same, practical and sleepless.
Not once did they let me be in charge go back to
your galley you mad cook, they bellowed, you´ll
only collide with Dogger Bank, so I built my own
ship, four decks and a bridge too far from shore
to be of annoyance to no one and the locals call
me captain brave heart, the man who cleared
the dale of snakes.
Captain Cook he had a chook
But eggs it wouldn't lay,
So he ate the chook and now he's crook,
He cockle-doodle-doos all day.
Captain Cook he had a horse
But the horse it wouldn't run,
So he ate the horse as a main course,
Now he neighs in the noon day sun.
Captain Cook he had a cat
But the cat it wouldn't meow,
So he ate the cat, now he's so fat,
His belly-button just went pow!
-more poems like this can be found at:
kidscomedypoetry.com.au
WHAT DO WE DO...?
What do we do...?
When Tantalizer is no longer tantalizing
When Captain cook is no longer Captain at cooking
When Mr. Biggs has suddenly become big for nothing
When Mr. Banwil no longer have the will for satisfying
What do we do...?
When the holy matrimony has become arena of agony
When Uncle John is no longer John by behaviour
But now Young John producing wickedly
When Aunty Sukura had become Mhiz Skushi
Seriously What do we do...?
When Daddy Pastor and Chief Imam now tells us who to vote for
Not minding our own option and perception
What do we do about Uncle Smart meant to teach our sisters and daughters C.R.S
But has suddenly turned them to lab of durex
What do we do...?
When the only means to distinction
In our respective higher institution
Is to adopt the way of prostitution
What do we do...?
When Mr Drummer boy no longer drum to worship God
But to impress the likes of Florence, Juliet, Sandra, Bukola and Ruth
Just to have another wonderful session in the other room
What do we do...?
When inside meat pie resides no meat
When inside egg roll rolls no egg
When inside the sachet resides no pure water
What do we do...?
What do we do I know not of
Or do you?
No longer are we isolated,
In this far away country,
With the toy of modern society,
Internet and satellite TV.
A little picture tube,
That brings the world to our shore;
The Universe is at our doorstep,
Knocking at our door;
Bringing crisis and drama,
That we heedlessly consume;
Tonight it's World Recession
Right in our living room;
Isn’t it amazing!
would give Captain Cook a shock
New Holland sure has changed James
Now don’t go off your block
Britannia doesn't rule supreme,
Her powers not worth a cent
The Colony's now a Nation,
With its own Government:
Terrorists, skyscrapers and ATM’s
Drugs, You Tube and modern machines
Don’t worry Royalties intact
The Queens not into jeans
Stop fuming in your grave James!
No need to shout and cuss!
There's talk of a Republic,
So you'll soon be rid of us!
You are hosting the Olympics
So I won’t dig in the knife
You’re going down the gurgler
Streuth you’re in a lot of strife.
Mate we’re the clever country
Even in cricket you failed the test
You’re part of the Common Market
Now James don’t get so distressed
Yes life has changed since Botany Bay
Now James do not work up a sweat
Today we’re all in unison
As we converse on the Internet
‘Rule Britannia” it’s out of date
You no longer rule the waves
And today we’ve come of age
Your Aussie convict slaves.
So the word is out
In most of the Pacific places
Captain Cook sailed to on his voyages
Local laws and customs were broken
And he was lucky to not be killed
For these offences by the local people
But he was a great navigator who knew
Where he was on the planet
At all times in his voyages
When his luck ran out on Hawaii
When the natives killed him in a property dispute
And his men had to leave his body
The natives took his body
And boiled it down for his bones
But they returned his hands and his buttocks
To his shipmates to honour him
So what was left of Cook was buried at sea
As was fitting for the great sailor and navigator that he was.
© Paul Warren Poetry
We docked the ship
dropped anchor in the bay
headed for the shore
pulling oars all the way
the Captain at the helm
the Scientist at his side
the joy in his face
had no place to hide
look at the Botany
was all he could say
then Captain Cook said
call it Botany Bay
It wasn't in India, it wasn't even here,
rather, where you wanted it to be my dear,
I don't like the food and all the old fogeys,
they all just sit there picking their bogeys.
We tell stories: some chap worked for Unilevers,
was he selling Mars bars in Africa - would you believe us?
I was there - they ask me: 'Why did you return?'
I'll tell you: 'Before my balls started to burn.'
Before I was hacked like Captain Cook in the South Seas,
my time was over when I was the 'bee's knees,'
however, I miss the wide open spaces when heart races,
due to sky and horizon with great interfaces.
Now I'd like the time back when I saw a cheetah in my path,
If they asked me: 'Did it hurt?' 'Only when I laugh.'
Located where, is Heaven, on these maps?
Cleverly hidden in Epitaphs?
Perchance in Stars seen from afar-
Or buried with Captain Cook, perhaps?
Let me teach you a thing or two
Passed down from elders’ past,
You won’t learn this from library books
Nor technology contrast.
About so-called Australia
About the frontier wars,
About all of my ancestors…
Shot dead upon the shores.
Captain Cook discovered Australia
In my ears they drilled,
School salute the flag of loot
No mention of the skilled…
Cunningly shaping weapons and tools;
For white man broke the lores
Protecting women and children;
Black men in frontier wars.
How they shocked Aboriginals;
The aliens from overseas…
Ordered and rewarded
To hang them all from trees.
When they killed most of the men
Hence minority about,
They raped the women and the girls
To breed the black right out.
Complete success they did not have
As “Australia” tried a-building,
Evilness again transpired
Stealing all the children.
My Mother, My Nana, My great Nan,
All stolen from their parents
The Australian Government did it again-
For slavery insurance.
I was Indiana, riding with rifle pointing ahead,
then Cassanova, lost count of how many in my bed,
as Sitting Bull, I looked down directing my braves,
I passed under an arch, giving one of Cleopatra's waves.
Tried to change history - it wasn't Custer's last stand,
as Columbus, I called America India, got mixed up with the land,
we couldn't have Captain Cook murdered by a bunch of savages,
Moses didn't take any tablets - just lots of stone pages.
We knew that Nelson was gay when he said: 'Kiss me Hardy,'
and Napoleon was shunted off to St. Helena reluctantly,
I prevented 'The Maid of Orle'ans' from being burnt at the stake,
Fagin asked me to pick pockets - it was more than I could take.
Then back to the beginning - maybe Tutenkamen would do,
which exotic personage could you emulate if it was you?
far back in 278 Anno Domini
Emperor Claudius II had hung
a holy priest called Valentine,
Captain Cook on the 14th of '79
having circumnavigated his life was
not a God, so killed by native blood line
the Teddy Bear's 14th felt sorrowfully
when lost to him on that day in '84
his mother, Mittie, and wife, Alice Lee
that was the day back in '29
when thugs gunned down thugs
their revenged vendetta time
same time as Chicago gunned down
penicillin was also discovered
supplanting the sulfa drugs around
dehydrated with fever oozing out
virally you left too that 14th day
leaving me with a sorrowed doubt
so remembered year after year
love's shot in the heart
of those brothers we hold dear
in some future 14th to come, perhaps
my loving lover's gaze I'll remember
handing some flowers, a love relapse
© Goode Guy 2012-02-09
for my closest brother