Best Bloke Poems

A wizened boy who lived at seventy-two Oak
Relaxed in his tub with a lemon salt soak
Ate a curly pretzel, downed a harsh throat coke
An honest child who sprang from truthful folk

Dressed himself in a red and yellow super hero cloak
Flew around New York City watching...

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Another long weekend’s upon us and we’re ready, set to go,
To get amongst the bream again, along the river Tambo.
Our adrenaline is rushing and we’re really bloody keen,
To celebrate with fishing while, we’re toasting to the queen…
And when arriving Friday night,
We were told the fishing’s...

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There once was a big bloke of a poke
fella’s mom screw’d him if he'd cocke
Hard games still he play’d  
Lil' stick not he let stray’d
went in and came quickly as a stroke


Limerick, 5 lines syllable count 9,9,6,6,9
Rhyme Scheme: aabba
Date write: 10.06.2014
Contest Bawdy Limerick II
Sponsor:Roy...

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Myself being in love with you
was just the wrong thing for me to
my heart was broke, I almost choked
I was a woman , not a bloke.

To be betrayed in the worst way
my fault, because I gave you say
my soul was bent and almost broke
I was...

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THE LAMENT OF A PENNILESS BLOKE

For want of avocation, I became a poet
To bleed my misery on paper calling for an eye,
To see me in my tattered footwear and backless shirt,
But no hear have I got even with my wildest cries.
I sought for love but...

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bizarre stuff
in fact, she'd never visited a golf course before

in fact, as i took my daughter to the clubhouse toilet
i held the door open for her 

the contents of the coffee was
all over the floor

i hit my tee shot against the trees
and the ball ricocheted...

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the kids are going nuts
one almost keeled over

one inquires about the whereabouts
of the large-caliber pipe pistol

one gives the spheroid
a handshake and hug

the arm like an tartarean
eclipse with a surreptitious

star-nosed mourning
mole on the end of it

one gives the projectile
a high five, invented by a

basketball player with
four...

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he keeps saying it's
gonna
be a bumpy ride

but that's life

and all these spin-offs
about juggernauts 
space fairies
and
helmets with no chin straps 

riding in his 
space cow
across the galaxy

i'm considering a chin-strap-beard
we are
one tonight

i explain to the human geography teacher 
in the lounge
that i am a completionist
i don't...

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As the mind of humanity’s flesh
Simply wants all of the world’s cash
As bills smell in congress they pass
Laws  resembling methane gas
Poof, aloof, savings gone in a flash
Of cash stash, my soul is free at last


Our retirement savings of cash stashes 
Like bad memories as...

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there's a bloke in this cafe wearing 
heart-shaped spectacles 

they're a mauve slash purple colour
but they're not your franklin bi-focals

john hegley said you could trust
a man in glasses (big time)

harry angstrom felt naked
wearing glasses

his posture is overblown
he's sampling his tea genially

with an extensive face
he's immersed...

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I once knew a bloke
Who hailed from Stoke
He saw me on the street
And so we did greet
But I said to him with much ire
"You're a liar
You call me your chummy
But you hate me mummy"
To the allegation he did respond:
"You are mistaken, of your mum I...

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he's been there doing that for 
about twenty minutes

it's both palms on both 
face pastries 

he was here the other day 
laptop in front of him

bopping and biffing
like in a boat race

chronic stress? enervation?
or giving the epidermis

something to think about
sod retinoids and clarins 

maybe the...

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I Am Bloke...

I am bloke you see
that I happen to be,
from Terra Australis land, 
and who likes to write about
the many things I’ve found,
that it is of the bush,
the scrub,
and other places be.
however, it is most of all
are the animals that interest to me,
who creep...

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there's a bloke in this cafe wearing a cape
a macabre, satiny number

who does he think he is?
no one brings it up?

this clobber
this kind of attire

who wears 'em?
the neanderthals?

wolverines with thick fur
sewing tools around the campfire

a fifty-thousand year old siberian needle
for hoodies and beanies 

the man...

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I’ve always been a fit bloke and can’t remember when,
my last visit to a doctor was, and what for way back then.
I’ve always eaten what I liked and drank gallons of grog,
then had no fear of the morning, and a hair of the dog.

But just...

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