Best Beer Poems
-The Same Old SongS-
That's all he ever talks about
~SKAT~
-Sing along to Jingle Bells-
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!
Heeeeeyyyy!
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!
Drinking Michelobe... Sipping on some Jack...
We just made two cups... Give us the balls back!
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Guys can finger cups... Girls know they can blow...
I'm hall of fame, In this game, cause I drink like a pro
OOOOhh!
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!
Heeeeeyyyy!
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!
A day or two ago... Drinking Miller Light...
I had won eight games, and then got in a fight...
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
We ran out of beer... Had to get some more...
If I'm alive, then I can drive, let's all go to the store!
OOOOhh!
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you sink, the more I drink.
It's Christmas, let's get drunk!
Heeeeeyyyy!
Beer pong balls! Beer pong balls!
Landing in my cup.
The more you make, the more I take.
It's Christmas, lets get drunk!
"I swear, so help me God"
The essence of a divine oath
As Supreme Court Judge
You are now a member of the "Donald Clan"
Prosecutor buried in a black hole
Why do women not have the same impact as men?
08.10.2018
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Justice -- Word of the Year, Old or New Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Carolyn Devonshire
1st place in the contest
Meg has two old battered beer keg legs
that don't look to hold much more than dregs.
But when Greg comes along
she begs; "Please, please, belong
to me. I still gotta lotta eggs.”
*Written at Elizabeth Wesley's request.
Beer dad did pour;
placed on floor but
dad sure full glass
Sis gulped dad’s beer,
Felt so *****… sick
Oh dear, dad’s sad!
Drank dad’s home brew
Age just two, poor
Dad knew - too late!
A true poem about my sister and dad who were visiting his friend Alexis. Dad poured a glass of home brew and put it on the floor - next thing he discovered was my sister had picked it up and drank it all! She was pretty sick and mum was very cross!
Sponsor: Marugu Mo
Contest: Than-Bauk on Human Folly
02~16~16
the pain of being human
can be negated
by beer
sex
and beer
in a steady supply, i might add
there is nothing worse
than waking up
out of beer
and being human
There was a boy who liked to drink beer
He'd been more naughty than nice all year
Sudden drop of energy
Caused by sudden allergy
Sadly made for sober Christmas cheer
AP: 1st place 2025
Submitted on November 19, 2019 for contest HOLIDAY THEMED LIMERICK sponsored by TANIA KITCHIN - RANKED 4TH
Two cigarettes and a beer, dear
That's how long I'll be here
If you never show
Then I'm gonna go
After two cigarettes and a beer.
You know I'm not big on forgivin’
And not much for talkin’ things through
But if you’ll swing on by
I'll give it a try
Though I don't think I'll hear nothin’ new
Baby I've heard your last reason
For standin’ me up like you do
You think it's all right
If I'm waitin’ all night
And that's why I'm just givin’ you
Two cigarettes and a beer, dear
That's how long I'll be here
If you never show
Then I'm gonna go
After two cigarettes and a beer.
I was in the saloon to beat the heat
To have a few beers and rest my feet
I removed my hat a took a seat
Just then someone called me to the street
I look out the swinging doors and see Black Bart
The fastest gunslinger in these parts
I don't know how this trouble got its start
His eyes are as black as his evil heart
He calls me out with his hand on his gun
I cannot talk him down, I cannot run
My back is to the setting sun
The end of this showdown has just begun
I draw first and shot off his ear
He is surprised but shows no fear
Just those black eyes and that evil sneer
He shoots and his bullet whizzed by very near
My second shot got him right between the eyes
He didn't have time to realize
That the undertaker had already calculated his size
Even before I closed his eyes
There is a lesson to be learned here
It was a long hot trail to get here
No matter how black your heart or evil your sneer
Never interrupt a cowpoke and his beer
2019 Poetry Marathon Mile 18 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Mark Toney
2/13/19
~
A broken torpedo got wedged in my eye,
making me squint out some tea
Laughed at a submarine sauntering by,
hoagies afloat on the sea
Gathering minnows from dams ‘bout to break,
opening flood gates again
Stood midst a puddle dressed up like a lake,
watching a red herring trend
Drove to the village where parrots can sing,
lyrics in cracker crumb chords
Clarinet solos encrusted with bling,
blended with Chevys or Fords
Fell off the wagon as drunk as a dog,
staggering, swaggering tail
Some call it beer but to me it’s called grog,
others will shout out, “it’s ale”
Snuck through the door where the hairdresser sleeps,
fondled her comb and her brush
Searched for the broom that her half-sister keeps,
swept but there wasn’t a rush
Gather your hopes in a jar on the sill,
pay past-due taxes on time
Ignore this verse, it is meant as a fill,
another stanza of rhyme
So here we have it, whatever you find,
words I decided to write
Merely a world that exists in my mind,
keeping me up late at night
Hoping for meanings as words start to dance,
all to a random request
Not even this has the faintest of chance,
I think it’s time for a rest
~
Beer Head
Can't drive my brain into gear
my thinking right now is not truly clear,
a headache may come is what I do fear
I should not of drank all that beer.
My body and eyes all a blear
to many I drank to toast a cheer,
clinking my booze to whoever was near
to each and everyone - an equal peer.
Dance moves controlled by my beer puppeteer,
my feet stomps the floor like a ready charged deer,
shout singing the songs - not a cool look they sneer,
wrong words song sung sang, heard in the jeer.
My voice is hoarse an a ringing left ear
only to realise in my right I cannot hear,
panic sets in falling awkwardly on my rear
only to flatten my new expensive headgear.
Broken remains took me to save for a year,
self-pity pours in - I even shed a tear,
sober I stay and will do adhere
if not, beer just may ruin my career.
31.08.20
Someday soon
I'm gonna quit what's killing me
The pain in my side's not by choice
But I beg to be free
I remember the days
When it was all in fun
Now my head is loaded
And its aimed at this gun
I quit the beer....
But it never quit me
This first steps the hardest
And the anger goes deep
Most will say it's a downer
But it makes me feel good
My last chance is death
I'd give it up if I could
I look for reasons
To justify what I do
But I'm guessing it stems back
To my past that's the truth
I'm already broken
And it helps me write songs
This habit loves heartache
That's why we get along
I quit the beer....
But it never quit me
This first steps the hardest
And the anger goes deep
Most will say it's a downer
But it makes me feel good
My last chance is death, I'm full of regret
I'd give it up if I could
Poured out my last cold ones
Many times down the drain
To only go buy more
In just a few days
When my hearts steady racing
I pray to the Lord
Let me make it through this night, I see the good in my life
But He knows I'm lying once more
I quit the beer....
But it never quit me
This first steps the hardest......
And the anger goes....... deep
In the beginning there was salt
And it was good and tasty and dry
Anyway it was hot outside
Mouths became parched and thirsty
Later came fish then amphibians
Dinosaurs and birds began to fly
Without a pilot's license or any training
People followed later with a thirst for more
They invented pretzels that came with salt
They drank beer to quench their thirst
They drink it here on Earth because
In heaven there ain't no beer
That is why we drink it here
Authors note: Genesis - not to be confused with Guinness.
The author apologies for the line, “In heaven there ain't no beer that is why we drink it here.” He regrets it because it is goofy and clearly he is not the originator. He regrets it because he will get caught using it and because “ain't” is poor grammar and “ain't” ain't a word. He begs for your forgiveness for his seeming references to biblical beginnings found in the bible. God will certainly punish him for any misrepresentation of creation matters. He will surely relinquish his drinking privileges in heaven. (That includes beer. That is why the author will drink it here.)
Feline on the Town
8/21/2023
Tried to bathe cat in my kitchen sink,
She ran out the back door in a wink!
Kitty, my kitty,you are bad.
Too much beer you indeed had!
Here you recline in public,very stoned.
Taking you home right now, to atone!
A time capsule was uncovered in Olde Boston the other day.
'Twas found in the Statehouse cornerstone, so they say.
'Twas placed there by patriots Samuel Adams and Paul Revere.
'Mongst other things found were three jugs of Samuel Adams Beer!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved