I have a mixed diagnosis after trying to kill myself, aged sixteen. Just after six months in hospital,
“I’m worse now “, “Than when I went in”, “I had clean arms back then.”
“I ran away from my parents; they called the police”, “I phoned home during the night as I got scared”. “Things are better today, no PRN” and “I stopped drugs, sleeping around, I have now started knitting”.
We laughed together.
My story, -I’m a drunk. -A womaniser.
She added “I think you lie more than anyone I know! Apart from the girl, who lied about a brain tumour?”. However, I was drinking at 9am. I gave her half-truths while continuing to lie. She gave me her number. “Together we have more problems than you know.”
We laughed even more.
Trumpet call
And all down tools,
People who don't live by the rules,
Listen to these trumpets calls
The caller is a hypnotiser,
A cad and a womaniser,
He is also a billionaire,
Without any savoir faire.
Avarice and powerful too
He tells others what to do
The trumpeter is extremely bad,
Some people think he must be mad,
He keeps going on and on,
Committing crimes that to others are wrong,
Many followers of this man
Always agree with any silly plan,
That this deranged man expounds,
No matter how ridiculous it may sound.
They follow him like a flock of sheep,
His self-centred rallies make the educated weep.
Trumpeter claps himself when he is on the stage,
He dances to music to engage
While pointing to people in the crowd
As his followers cheer and clap out loud
Everything gets to a fever pitch
Like a circus without a hitch.
The trumpeter's power grows and grows,
His audience loves him; the louder he blows,
Then one day at one of these rallies,
A Bugler played the reveille
It was the necessary wake-up call
And the start of the trumpeter's fall.
THE ARTIST
An artist from the city of Rangoon
Wanted to paint the crater's of the moon
Packed canvas, brush and paint
Told his wife who did faint
Then he took off in a hot air balloon.
THE SCIENTIST
A bright scientist who worked at the zoo
Thought in genetics he'd make a breakthrough
Mixed some bovine
With some feline
And now all the lions at the zoo roar moo.
CLIFF
A young butcher from New York called Cliff
Checked cold storage cos of a strong whiff
He then opened the lock
Forgot to use the chock
The next morning they found him quite stiff.
THE SHERIFF
Then there was the old sheriff of SouthPaw
Went up the hills to arrest an outlaw
It wasn't the sheriff's day
Cos the baddie got away
Shouted" up yours old sheriff and yee haw".
FREDDY
A womaniser called Freddy from Fife
Was caught out by his long suffering wife
Of course he denied
"You liar" she cried
And while he slept took revenge with a knife.
Written 6th July 2019.
Being a gentleman farmer, should be wiser
selecting the correct type of fertiliser,
perhaps request information from adviser
would sure need to be free, because I'm a miser,
won't even spend money on an analyser,
just a poor farmer paid less than supervisor,
though some say I'm a cheater a womaniser,
no time for that, busy as an organiser
a good business man, provider, merchandiser
I sell my produce no need for advertiser,
how much for animal feed?need tranquilliser,
as poor as a church mouse just a compromiser.
Composed 16/1/2017
Checked on howmanysyllables.com.
12 by 12 monorhyme contest.
Gracious are you,
blessed are you,
amazing it is,
strange is it.
I am to vain,
you ain't a womaniser
and not adultery.
Our friendship is little like a trance,
in a disney world,
you seemed to be a sternly,
our friendship is a subsided,
of an amazing level.
I would share my soul,
for you to live.
I shall give you a name,
give as it is...
a precious treasure,
a pleasure of life.
Glory for me amazing it is,
I am blessed yeh,
don't change to taken.
I am just saying,
let us be Soul Buddyz.
I'm a ****, womaniser, philandering man whore,
I'm a player of every woman I know.
Every single and divorced, each widowed and married,
Every man's lawn it is I that will mow.
I wine and then dine, laugh, smile, and chat,
She feels needed, important, secure.
I help her feel want for the feelings she feels,
And safe to feel feelings of impure.
Others want quick, straight to the point,
No staring at stars or the moon.
Like a quick text message to meet at her place,
On Tuesday around about noon.
What I do is so nice, I'm so good for this town,
How I live is kind of an art.
I provide what women need, want or desire,
All from the goodness of my heart.
For SO Saints and Sinners contest. this was written 10th September
Unconditional Love By Jack Horne and Beth Winchcombe
We’ve been through this a thousand times!
What can I say to make you see?
The love I felt for you has died -
I’m sorry, you’re not right for me.
You made me laugh!
You made me cry!
Now it seems you’ve gone away!
I should hate you,
BUT,
Love and hate are much akin.
I know you want another chance,
But feel we’ve had that one last try!
I never meant to break your heart.
It tears me up to see you cry.
I’m missing you so much
Already,
You heartless swine!
Leaving me alone!
Why did you come into my life
If you didn’t mean to stay?
Unless I owned a crystal ball,
How could I know how it would end?
I love you still - but not enough!
I know your broken heart will mend.
What I felt for you
Is liken to a tap
I just can't turn it off.
You're nothing but a whimp,
A bastard,
A womaniser,
Someone I should hate!
Can't you see what you've done to me?
I wish now that we'd never met!
Sadly though I'd still forgive you.
I've got myself a dog, he won't let me down!
Unconditional love, that's what I need right now!
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