Waddled Poems | Examples

Tinkle, Tinkle

Sonny Boy...fresh out of diapers
Ogled my iced tea
Gulped every last drop 
Grinned like the Cheshire Cat 
Yodeled a catchy tune
Blew me a kiss and waddled away
One hour later...
Tea-toter stinky, whipped out his winky
Tinkle, tinkle, little pee monster
Oops...Tee hee hee...WTF!
Missed everything but my wallet...guess better in my back pocket...than my hand!

A day at the Zoo

I called to the monkey who wore a pinstriped suit,
Found out the giraffe and hippo are mute.
Saw a man stare at a lemur 'til dark,
Like he was waiting for some kind of spark.

The leaves fell from trees, an impressive display,
So I waved my arms like I made it that way.
A woman made comment to me, "Don’t be silly,"
As a flamingo tapped by, all dressed up and frilly.

Sun-bear, lions, and kangaroo too,
A gorilla looked like he had nothing to do.
Sunning themselves, no care in the world,
While a shoebill gave my head quite the whirl.

A man with some popcorn meant for a snack,
Tossed some to pigeons—who launched an attack!
He zigzagged away, arms flailing in dread,
Yelling, “They pooped on my head!” as he fled.

A grandma danced by the penguin parade,
Imitating the shuffle those little ones made.
They watched for a moment, then gave her a glance,
And waddled behind her to join in the dance.

I stretched with a yawn, gave one last glance,
At flamingos mid-strut and a penguin dance.
With a heart full of wonder and shoes full of dirt,
I left the zoo grinning, my cheeks kinda hurt

Blue cheese and old pickles

I shudder while peering at sepia photographs,
showing visits to my maiden Aunt Hilda’s house.
Even though I was very young
it was clear she didn’t tolerate children.
I was to be ‘Seen and not heard.’
Pa said I wasn’t to utter a word.
I loathed being pushed and forced to kiss her.
Aunt's wrinkled leathery skin looked like
she’d been pickled in vinegar.  
 
As she waddled around with a damp duster,
wiping at my finger marks that only she could see,
the wooden floorboards creaked like old bones
for she was grossly overweight.
Her buxom breasts smelled awful
and emitted a musty, moldy, cheesy smell.
Stretchy tan tights were never able to camouflage
the vivid blue bulging varicose veins
which snaked from her calves to her fat ankles.

The old sour puss passed away when I was six
Now, as I reminisce, I will no longer remain silent!

Jealousy Creates a Mess

Turquoise chalice was terrified that she was not as curvy
As the fade- out banana who had a touch of scurvy
Clothes pin cousin laughed at the chalice's distress
Lightbulb filament rolled his eyes at this jealous mess
Screwdriver did not have anything much to say
Lockset said “I’ll come back another day”.
Cork found himself surrounded by disturbed items now.
He waddled off, looking for a piggy bank or a snowplow.

A Lass Called Pat Limerick

                  There once was a lass who waddled.
                  She liked running, but she dawdled.
                  With one terrible roar,
                  She fell hard to the floor.
                  Pat gave up eating Mac Donalds!


                                
                     11/1/2024   Poem 4

skunk waddled through our dog door

ebony skunk waddled through our dog door yesterday afternoon
don’t worry said husband, he will probably leave very soon
instead, he invited in guests, two monkeys and a baboon
they decided to stay with us during the latest monsoon

the dogs did not care for the skunk, chased him up the hallway
he gave me a grin, that said “don’t worry, I will fix this right away”.
I knew what It meant and dove under a dresser where I planned to stay.
My husband was looking for cover too, along with our neighbor May.

Skunk spritzed them with an aroma that made my face turn blue.
no worries. I needed a tomato bath, it was long overdue.
the monkeys and baboon were in the kitchen eating crackers at two.
they were stale, but who cares? I wanted to get away from this zoo.

Today's Weather was Comfortably Cool

today’s August Kansas weather was comfortably cool
Sixty-eight degrees is much more palatable than ninety-nine
a delightful change after ten days of
sweltering, scorching, sizzling hot humid high nineties
my dogs and I did not know what to do for a second
We usually shut the front door to the heat and tried napping
my male dogs began to play and chase, their youth came out
old lady dog waddled off to be alone; I waddled the other direction
the high today is going to be eighty-four degrees
I am optimistic that we might be more energetic
my male pups nearly knocked me down with their happy bodies
as they began to chase each other around a car
today’s August Kansas weather was comfortably cool

rooster with attitude

Rooster with attitude did a high karate kick
His partner flew through the barn so thick
Barely escaping a pitchfork and rake.
Screaming her head off, for sanity’s sake.

The rest of the barnyard animals turned away.
Not wanting to ruin their almost happy Tuesday.
Rooster with attitude tossed a sheep into a door.
Always a meanie said the cow Mrs. Forevermore.

Since he took lessons he has been impossible.
His arrogant head is filled with himself, I mean full.
Rooster’s partner waddled off, an angry old hen.
She’ll get him back, she has outlived three men.

if it walks like a goose

If it walks like a goose and talks like a goose it might be a goose.
I was confused because my mother and her friends' talk is loose. 
My brother waddles like one, when he is in their habitat, it is his way.
I stared at the wizened man but did not answer him at all that day.

Then two chubby geese waddled past and he asked “see what I mean?”
The funny thing is, that one of the geese was my brother Gene.
I kept my thoughts to myself and drank down my sweet cherry juice.
But if it walks like and talks like a goose, it is not always a goose.

The Labrador

If I wasn't there,
the rain swollen clouds
would have still dumped 
their dark weight over the bay
and through a gaping tear,
let down a curtain of sunlight
to start the day.

And if I wasn't there,
the old, arthritic labrador 
would have still waddled
along the street
with its bent but steady gait,
undistracted, self absorbed 
and fixed in its own stare
that allowed no deviation 
from years of devoted plod.

The morning had no need
for me, what happened
would have happened anyway.
There's an annoying sadness
in knowing the earth 
doesn't seem to care
if things pass unnoticed.
Sunsets and waterfalls
carry no favor. 
To it, the achingly beautiful 
and the catastrophic can
happily go unreported.

And yet I still ask -
what's the point -
and entertain the notion
that the universe has this
innate and unfathomable need
for a witness
to take in Creations 
unfolding riddle
and make it fit together.

I could be wrong,
but for each of us, 
the privilege of being here
on this gifted earth,
to understand, care for 
and tell its story in song
fulfills a purpose,
if only to this end -
or something more.

No the Blue Jeans Screamed

No! The blue jeans screamed. We do not stretch that far!
The people driving by began laughing it up in the car.
They had seen the old woman who had eaten a moon and a star.
She waddled into the house clutching a huge candy bar.

Please no! The blue jeans screamed as she sat on the bed.
She pulled off her sweatpants and swiveled her head.
I bet these blue jeans will not split she said to her man.
He dared not even look as the jeans’ torment began.

She slid them to her knees, but they would not go over.
Come lick my legs a bit, she suggested to her good dog Rover.
She tried the best she could, but she could not get them up.
Guess we will not split today! One leg said to the pup.

Keiths Toothache

His cheeks had bloomed up and over his chair
His mouth was extraordinarily large now, his face looked like a bear
Let me guess, toothache? I asked, recognizing the signs as my own.
His tongue was so swollen, he could not gasp, answer or phone.

I called up the dentist and made him an appointment for two.
I hate that place he said! What did you do?
It took a cancellation, and another couple of days
Before he finally gave up and waddled into the office of Doctor McVeys.

He had horror stories to tell, but I could not listen.
His teeth were black, hardly any of them gave a glisten.
That’s what happens I said, when you do not take care of your teeth.
He stuck his tongue out at me, my neighbor, angry old Keith.

Moments 'Fore the Feast

Gathered 'round the table
    moments 'fore the feast
  Heads down, hands folded
    thanking God for what they'd eat

  They ate like no tomorrow
    bellies stuffed, plates vacuum-clean
  Waddled off to the dessert buffet
    G-d forsaken in this scene

Drama Queen Hog

she waddled over and stuck in her toe
ooh! it’s cold she squealed with a feminine glow
the rest of us sows ignored her, she is a drama queen
she walked out to the end of the diving board then, so serene

she won’t ever jump one of the hogs said, she’s a faker
she passed gas all the way back, she is a real quaker
we rolled over and ignored her, which really got her goat
the next thing we knew, she was out in a boat

In the Heat

I won a chess game in the heat, they say that
chess players are nerds, like Robert the rat,
he comes into my garden, can't escape my black cat,
persistence pays off or rather down like a brown splat.

I won a bridge game in the heat, they say that
not everyone is suited, like England going into bat,
the wicket-keeper waddled out of his crease, too fat,
I would have stayed, no devils on my shoulders sat.

I won a tennis match, I had my wrong way round hat,
played the ladies mixed - all they do is pit - a - pat,
I won a bowls match, went and slipped on the mat,
alll these games, I think I'll just stick to baccarat.

They can't beat me, I'm too hot, ever since I came,
only one choice left - I think I'll play the blame game.

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