Trigger Warning:
This poem contains themes of toxic relationships, manipulation, emotional abuse, and references to suicidal threats. Please read with care.
I am too alive to die,
But too dead to live
Meeting you was a slow burn,
Like a burn given by cig.
Started with breaking friendships,
And then you hated to see—
simple dinners with family,
Me just trying to be.
"I want you to myself"
"You don't give me enough time"
"I'll kill myself if you ignore."
"You better stay in line."
I didn't want anyone to hurt,
So I always complied.
You quoted this was love,
And I believed your lies.
It has become the past now,
And I know it wasn't love.
But the bitter taste still lingers
And it stays like ash in my lungs.
I sit and I wait
Wait for your return
Have I done enough
My tummy starts to turn
I don’t know when it will happen
or why I want to stay
but here is all I’ve wanted, since I’ve been away.
I look for my home, but home is in the past.
Now everything is broken,gone and I’m the last.
I don’t know what I want, where I’m meant to be
What I want from life, young me I am truly sorry.
I’m so desperate to find my world but strictly clinging on
To toxic relationships that I know have gone all wrong
But the past is what I want, where I once felt me
A decade on and I just cannot feel free
I’ll continue the cycle until I’m unstuck and happy
I know why I go back, to feel truly loved
Controlled, told what to do, just for that one hug
That feeling of safety when I was once a child
Where waking up and living life, was all and enough
Just judging myself
I know it’s just a shame,
that I waste my days, losing all my pride
I push others aside,
that affection can’t compare to those beautiful eyes
I think of him, That voice and that grin
And I am hooked right back and then,
I’m wondering when he’ll be in my life again
I’m no victim, I’m the crime
I’ll keep chasing him until I get my time
I just want to feel truly seen again
Just by him and no other men.
By Rosie Hill
In shadowed depths where silence wraps its cloak,
My heart, once strong, now aches in quiet plea,
For love’s lost light, a fading, gentle smoke,
Has left me cold and longing to be free.
You came like dawn, a promise of the spring,
But left me caught in winter’s cruel embrace,
Your words were warmth, yet now a bitter sting,
Each memory a ghost I must replace.
In tender dreams, I sought a love so true,
Yet found instead a storm of endless tears,
Where once was joy, now only skies of blue,
And echoes of the pain from all those years.
Oh, grant me peace, release this mournful score,
For in my heart, I cannot bear to cry more.
You made my love a convenience just needing me whenever you want me
used and misused, selfishly
I knew there was something fishy
But I didn't want to explore the fish in the sea
But now I see what you truly wanted I just refused to believe
Why do we let others continue to hurt us when we know their intention was never to heal
You got desires
Using me like a spare tire, there's only one
In case of emergencies
I have an emergency but hate hospitals
And I can't seem to figure it out myself
What to do, what to do
Guess I'll continue to let you choose
Because being ignored is worth less than being used
p.s. at this stage I'm confused...
Sorry, mom says I can’t
kiss you - even with grape,
Lysol, safety lipstick =/
Harsh pandemic facts
and parents stand against us.
What a hazardous waste!
She asked me "Who's the most beautiful girl you've seen ever?";
She retracted the question quickly, as she saw me nervously shiver;
I'd been with her, since forever as a friend;
Through all her toxic relationships, work and errands;
She'd always look for girls for me to win over;
Now how am I supposed to tell her "It had always been HER"
I look for you,
I look for a cliff, so you can pull me up.
I look for heartbreaks, so you can mend them.
I look for rebellion, so you can frown at me.
Heck, at least you’ll be looking at me.
I look for you,
In the depths of despair,
In the cracks of toxic relationships
In the torment of my failed dreams.
In the vague I love you
In the scattered heart pieces on my floor.
But you haunt me,
Every memory i have of you haunts me.
But I look for you, I still look for you.
In the men i love,
In their blood shot eyes
In their aimed fists,
In their intimidating screams,
In their deteriorating, pernicious
Envious, overbearing, Grasp.
I look for you,
The only man who broke my heart
Before i even knew i had one.
But Papa, i still look for you.
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