Splits Poems

Balls

When first I went ten-pin bowling
was in a league of my own
tho' hot to trot my score was shot
splits and gutterballs set the tone
my opponent bowled professionally
outclassed before I'd begun
she demonstrated then remonstrated
“It's not 'only a game' to some!”
tho' bet my set I'd met my match
when playing each frame for a round
looked like I'm paying heard me saying
"The next one's on me, I'll be bound."
with a spin a difficult situation
unlikely to escape she placed me in
and looking down the lane found myself
once more behind the eight pin

Hiranyagarbha splits

If heart be pure and for freedom we beg,
the one that was two becomes one again,
by hatching our soul from the cosmic egg,
polarities balanced and free from stain,
uniting in heart, whence bliss falls like rain,
this happenstance occurring not be chance
but rather when we make erect our stance.

Wee Willy

 I knew a wee man with a claim to fame
Who was on stage, Wee Willy was his name
He could do the splits
As well as high kicks
But wearing a kilt put his name to shame.

One doesn't need to explain reasons why
All is revealed when he kicks his legs high
What’s out on display
It swings either way,
Some ladies may cry, yet others sigh.

Once I remember he fell on his back,
The audience heard his scream and the crack,
But we were in luck
Wee Willy stood up
With his cracked back strapped to an ice pack.

As ice does, it melted there on the stage
Which had Wee Willy dancing in rage
But not only that
His ardour went flat
And his performance went down a grade.

Road Splits

New encounters
goodbye tears
life is less
like turns 
and twists
more like 
roads that join
and split
till all roads  
finally meet
to forever
in two split
if God's light
is kept alit
right side 
will surely pick
and love harbor 
will reach
where all hearts
in unison sing
joy of life
in peaceful bliss.
Without tempting
devils' forks
minds on roads
fall asleep
missing fight
to choose and win
glory crown
and banquet feast.
In His wisdom 
God ordained 
wheat and cockle
together thrive
giving time 
to wayward sons
steer the helm
to Jesus' balm
opening eyes
at every split
to seek forgiveness
for mischief
and enter gate
to eternal bliss
not descent
with bandaged eyes
to the damned 
fiery abyss.


Fifth Place Winner: Robert Liguori-Life-10/23/23

Giraffe Dropped Down For the Splits

~Awkward Splits :~)

horse in stable laugh
even the cow and her calf
giraffe took half bow

Doing the Splits

Doing the Splits
Got knickers in a twist doing the splits 
Tearing my trousers and hurting my hips
Hubby made hullabaloo 
Turning the atmosphere blue
And now I’m hobbling around on two sticks. 

+*+*+*+

13th May 2023

Funny, Bawdy or Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin

Doing the Splits

on a frozen lake
fresh snowfall covers black ice~
duck performs the splits

Written 17th January 2022

For winter haiku  poetry contest

Sponsored By Tania Kitchin

Syllables checked with how many syllables.com

Silence Splits

ice clasps barren ground 
lancet winds slice solitude … 
frozen silence splits

January 9, 2021
Contest : Hi-Ku (6) Place Promise
Sponsor : Brian Strand

Till Lightning Splits

Thy self a grand impostor,
what other people see

A bark that hides what fate ingrains,
a cover that deceives

It’s others held opinion,
that pulp you hide behind

Till lightning splits your trunk in two
—the roots left undefined

(Ronald McDonald House: February, 2020)

Glitz Ritz Splits Blitz Mitts

If you had a little glitz
You and I could do the splits,
In front of the Hotel Ritz
Did you just call me a ditz?

Come here and put up your mitts.
Do not care if Mom has fits.
Come and show me all your grits.
I will fight you with my wits.

Oh no, do not blame your blitz.
Up to you to do the splits.
Unless you want lots of hits
Meet me at the Hotel Ritz.

Cut me up in little bits?
Witnesses will laugh with spits.
Did you just call me a ditz?
Come here and put up your mitts.

Come on grandma, use your wits.
Kidding truly little ditz.
Cannot make Mom have such fits
And there is no Hotel Ritz

A New Dance Explained - 'Behind Your Lovers Back'

clap your hands
behind each other's backs 
whilst doing a double splits
while still down
and to the beat
hands on each other's shoulders
now push each other up
until your on your feet
repeat 

clap your hands
behind each other's backs 
whilst doing a double splits
while still down
and to the beat
hands on each other's shoulders
now push each other up
until your on your feet
one more time

clap your hands
behind each other's backs 
whilst doing a double splits
while still down
and to the beat
hands on each other's shoulders
now push each other up
until your on your feet
and, no, you're done.

you've just split three times
in your lives
and pulled yourselves 
back together now go home
and remember you've just danced
the dance of your lives
most folks split once
and don't survive
this dance 'behind your lovers back'

04/28/18

A New Dance Explained - Poetry Contest sponsored by Brenda Chiri

Lickety Splits

Look this is not a ‘Bang Up To The Elephant’ poem

It splits licks like ‘Bit Buttered Up The Bacon’ but

Come on don’t we poets like forgotten phrases

Klutzy Kai is not ‘Smothering A Parrot’ does not drink

Except those mysterious phrases that do not ‘Kill The Canary’

To win or not to win a contest is not the quirky question

Yours truly is ‘Mad As Hops’ but not ‘Tight As A Boiled Owl’


Such a ‘Tatur-Trap’ ‘Dash My Wig’

Pure ‘Skilamalink ‘Umber-Cum-Stumble’ ‘Whooperups’ 

Lost in ‘Battyfang’ ‘Podsnappery’ 

Irksome or ‘Goddie gum drops’ 'Jolly Hockey Sticks'

To the tee and ‘Damfino’ if Kai knows what he means but his

'Saucebox’ had ‘Nanty Narking’ now ? Splickety Licks?


08th April 2018

Written for the Acrostic Contest 'Lickety Split'

I used the plural deliberately, because words come very rapidly.

Zayn Splits From 1d

No more
Riffs o’er. 

Half time
No mime. 

Will stand
Sound grand. 

Without 
The tout. 

Zayn’s cool 
We rule.

Splits of Pain

You know not
O my dear soul
How many fragments I had
Of my whole
When you bade me
Just before the goal
Ages have passed
In the effort to collect
All those fragments
Yet alas! 
The more I gather
The more they scatter
They have become infinite
Though I wished
I could merge them
Into a bigger whole
So that I had not to bear
The endless torture
Slowly but surely
In the small pieces
The little drops of pain
Give harder stain
Be your mercy on my heart
And help me divert
The bitterness of every grain
As a whole
And save me 
From wearing away
In small drops
You are the only one
Who can reassemble
Them again
For, only you know
How you splited them
I want to have 
The whole painful slab
To be dropped on me
As forcefully as you can
Then bury me deep
In my solo grave
Under the slab
And engrave on it
Your name in bold
'The World’s Greatest
Assembler of 
The Broken Hearts’

Sweet Banana Splits

Egyptian flavours
Candie's; chaste
Marshmellows
Delicious
Autumn's shaved
Ice French vanilla
Cream; covered in
German soft milk 
Chocolates
Virgin Italian
Cherries; soaked
Coconut rum
English toffee
Pineapple bits
Melting
In our mouths
Swirling intoxications
Asian strawberries
Spanish caramels
Candie's
African mints
Dipped, in Autumn's
Native cream.

• Short Splits Poems
• Famous Splits Poems
• Best Splits Poems
• Read Splits Poems
• Long Splits Poems
• Splits Quotes