Best Splits Poems

on a frozen lake
fresh snowfall covers black ice~
duck performs the splits

Written 17th January 2022

For winter haiku  poetry contest

Sponsored By Tania Kitchin

Syllables checked with how many syllables.com...

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Egyptian flavours
Candie's; chaste
Marshmellows
Delicious
Autumn's shaved
Ice French vanilla
Cream; covered in
German soft milk 
Chocolates
Virgin Italian
Cherries; soaked
Coconut rum
English toffee
Pineapple bits
Melting
In our mouths
Swirling intoxications
Asian strawberries
Spanish caramels
Candie's
African mints
Dipped, in Autumn's
Native cream....

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Egyptian; Candie's

Chaste marshmellows

Delicious....

Autumn's shaved ice 

French vanilla cream

Covered with, German

Soft milk chocolate's....

Virgin Italian cherries

Soaked; coconut rum

English pineapple bits

Melting in our mouths

Swirling intoxications....

Asian strawberries 

Spanish caramel

Candie's; African mints 

In, Autumn's native cream....

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...."Sweet Banana Splits" ~...

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No more
Riffs o’er. 

Half time
No mime. 

Will stand
Sound grand. 

Without 
The tout. 

Zayn’s cool 
We rule....

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Doing the Splits
Got knickers in a twist doing the splits 
Tearing my trousers and hurting my hips
Hubby made hullabaloo 
Turning the atmosphere blue
And now I’m hobbling around on two sticks. 

+*+*+*+

13th May 2023

Funny, Bawdy or Humorous Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin...

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You know not
O my dear soul
How many fragments I had
Of my whole
When you bade me
Just before the goal
Ages have passed
In the effort to collect
All those fragments
Yet alas! 
The more I gather
The more they scatter
They have become infinite
Though I wished
I could merge them
Into a bigger whole
So...

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Look this is not a ‘Bang Up To The Elephant’ poem

It splits licks like ‘Bit Buttered Up The Bacon’ but

Come on don’t we poets like forgotten phrases

Klutzy Kai is not ‘Smothering A Parrot’ does not drink

Except those mysterious phrases that do not ‘Kill The Canary’

To...

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If you had a little glitz
You and I could do the splits,
In front of the Hotel Ritz
Did you just call me a ditz?

Come here and put up your mitts.
Do not care if Mom has fits.
Come and show me all your grits.
I will fight you with...

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ice clasps barren ground 
lancet winds slice solitude … 
frozen silence splits

January 9, 2021
Contest : Hi-Ku (6) Place Promise
Sponsor : Brian Strand...

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~Awkward Splits :~)

horse in stable laugh
even the cow and her calf
giraffe took half bow...

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my road is split trying to go two ways.
one is going toward trying to fit in and being something im not.
the other is going  toward being myself.
ive been caught at the fork and not noing what to do
but ive choosen my path of no...

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New encounters
goodbye tears
life is less
like turns 
and twists
more like 
roads that join
and split
till all roads  
finally meet
to forever
in two split
if God's light
is kept alit
right side 
will surely pick
and love harbor 
will reach
where all hearts
in unison sing
joy of life
in peaceful bliss.
Without tempting
devils' forks
minds on roads
fall...

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Thy self a grand impostor,
what other people see

A bark that hides what fate ingrains,
a cover that deceives

It’s others held opinion,
that pulp you hide behind

Till lightning splits your trunk in two
—the roots left undefined

(Ronald McDonald House: February, 2020)...

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 I knew a wee man with a claim to fame
Who was on stage, Wee Willy was his name
He could do the splits
As well as high kicks
But wearing a kilt put his name to shame.

One doesn't need to explain reasons why
All is revealed when he...

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clap your hands
behind each other's backs 
whilst doing a double splits
while still down
and to the beat
hands on each other's shoulders
now push each other up
until your on your feet
repeat 

clap your hands
behind each other's backs 
whilst doing a double splits
while still down
and to the beat
hands on...

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