Short Vegans Poems

Three Vegans went to church today
Lighting candles along the way
For garlic cloves
Cooking on stoves
That never once heard, "lettuce pray"...

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Vegans deliver "praise-me" talks
And brag about their healthy walks
They all spout facts
But watch their backs
Because they know celery stalks!...

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Freed a dozen hens today
 For a week or so
 $2 (additional) the price of freedom
 On the supermarket shelves
 Even though I may pontentially
 Have stolen all their children...

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Orange peel bondage 
tapering across a Sunset view 

Luminous swirls hit glass 
and behind a window, we sit blue 

Frisky neighbors forgotten 
in our eyes, another Sunday gone blind 

Should have gone to church 
At the back, with wine, unwind....

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Today I cooked some steaks, 
I do believe steak is great,
I don't care what vegans say,
Maybe they should all piss off today!
Just kidding, believe what you like, I say,
I am cooking great steaks today!
No need to fuss, hold the bus,
Signed, one of the 'carnivores are us'!...

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Vegans want protected status given to religious beliefs, 
good grief,
they see themselves objectively separate, 
a people underneath, 
claim they are bullied when really teased, 
it’s unnatural to never eat meat, 
compare a faith with your choice of diet, 
know your place, shut up and be quiet...

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Oft I've pondered this question a lot


     Do vegans eat animal crackers or not


          I know they don't eat meat


               And with eggs must be discreet


                    Or their diet might soon go to pot

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved...

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No one likes dead lettuce
It must be crisp and cool
And dousing wounds with vinegar
Is certainly not cruel!

For Vegans can not see
Why lettuce choose to be
On a different frequency
Than Donald Trump might be

A salad will pass away
Shivering with cold today
Disgusted Vegans will say,
"I never heard lettuce pray"...

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One himself as Spring
One as Summer
The other as fall
One bragged about
Winter.and several as
All!
None understood
The whole ball of
Wax.
The Everything
The All
Knowthing before
And
Knowthing after
The way
The truth
The light
The All!
In proper
In slang
In real
Wrong
And right
All 
And
Efficant
The
Whole
 Ball
Of 
Wax!...

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One himself as Spring
One as Summer
The other as fall
One bragged about
Winter.and several as
All!
None understood
The whole ball of
Wax.
The Everything
The All
Knowthing before
And
Knowthing after
The way
The truth
The light
The All!
In proper
In slang
In real
Wrong
And right
All 
And
Efficant
The
Whole
 Ball
Of 
Wax!...

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Let this be my sacrament of lust.
Red dripping flesh I tear with my teeth,
Absorbed by my viscera,
Becoming one with my being,
Merging with my soul.
I am an eater of dead things,
As are we all.
Why should I not indulge my instincts?
I am as I was made,
Not as you would wish.
Simpering vegans, 
Pantywaist abstainers,
Steer clear of my path 
Lest I eat you alive tonight
And you’ll all be defecate by morning.
Na zdravie....

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Panic In the Vegetable Garden

By Elton Camp

The carrot turn from yellow to pale
“Danger!” it called out to the kale

The tomato gaped in great fear
“Caution broccoli, they’re here.” 

Mushroom whispered to the squash,
“Beware for they’re here to nosh.”

Pumpkin felt of his hard shell
“If they touch me, I’ll yell.”

“Oh horrors!” said the peas
“How we hate such as these.”

Why did the veggies begin to shout?
Because vegans were roving about!...

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many 
prepping   

quickly 
stepping  

no time 
wasting

bird needs
basting

ham needs 
slicing

spuds need
dicing

boil them
quickly

cream them
thickly

dressing’s 
baking 

long time
taking

pintos
sweet peas

mac and
cheese, please

baking
chess pies

watching
rolls rise

tea is
brewing



feast, they’re
viewing

blessing’s
sincere

partake
with cheer

November 22, 2022
for Brian Strand's Premiere Choice Poetry Contest...

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they are green anarchist who listen
 to national public radio along with 
pseudo punk rock chick bands.

they are angry and i am pretty 
 sure they killed jesus.

 they have names like ryan and ashley
 and in the fourth grade they kicked me
 in the nuts and left me on the ground
 at recess.

 these angry vegans also like to chew 
on organic vanilla granola they buy 
at the local new seasons store.
 going outside afterwards to 
chain smoke and give me 
dirty looks....

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