Short Helluva Poems

Morrison's musical Doors close ~ he opens up a helluva gym...

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Got my lip busted  
It's been one helluva night  
Got to old too fight!...

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You had a helluva ride
a bit on the stubborn side
‘course over here
our worst fear
is to surrender pride...

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Ding Dong

A man sat too close to a gong
Went comatose when it went bong
He dreamt about tarts
Massaging his parts
And woke with a helluva dong...

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H  eck yeah, I be PROUD to one a dose!
I  nbred? Lemme think (Who da HELL knows?)
C  ountry to the core and reapin what I hoe
K  ickin ass, takin names (Wantin sum mo?)...

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BARNYARD BOUQUET

Poor Mahitabel
Got et the yard boys do tell
Little Johnny’s pet

Johnny’s pal got et
Noisiest bird iver heard
Gobblin day and night

Ran em plum ragged
Put up one helluva fight
What a bedlam sight...

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I want a car, an older car, a 56 Corvette
That will drive down the highway miles, speeding fast with no regret.
I want a car that's sleek and smooth and gives one helluva ride. 
An old car that knows its stuff and can do a "Hollywood Slide"....

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Coconut, coconut
Brown and hairy
Trying to crack you 
Is bloody scary

Holding you gingerly
And fairly afraid 
I set to with gusto 
Wielding a blade 

And once I succeed 
I'm flush with success.... 
But I see you've shattered  
Into a helluva mess...

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When I'm old and tired
I reckon I'll say and do stuff
in my typically bold way will
inspire people wanna take me down.

I deserve it.
(Deserve is one helluva word, ain't it?)

When I'm old and tired
hope folks will overlook
glaring eccentricities and contradictions

In favor of effort to love....

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There was once an old geezer named Bernie,

    Who was nearing the end of life's journey.

        With a raspy voice he cried,

            "Life's been one helluva ride!"

                As he was whisked away on a gurney!

Entry for Carolyn Devonshire's "Limericks Old or New" Contest...

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In the lovely town of Bonavista, 
a smart business lady named Krista
serves coffee and tea
and most folks agree
she's really one helluva barista!

This smart business woman named Krista,
who lives in the town of Bonavista,
wears bright stylish clothes
so everyone knows
she's a barista and fashionista!...

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There's a game I'd like to play
but hammered from an insane day
of smiling at crazies and calming them down

If brain cells were firing I'd start with a poem
my soul would roam wistfully gleefully home 
where me and the muse would dress up for the town

Unfortunately it's been one helluva day
and all my tired brain cells coherently say
is
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick....

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last night you made me cry
tonight you made me smile
tomorrow night I'll sigh
knowing our insanity's worth while
      yesterday I made you frown
      today I made you laugh
      tomorrow I won't let you down
      but I will make you take a bath!
nights and days go on and on
getting crazier with time
but when this life is gone
baby, we'll have written one helluva rhyme!...

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Late to the doc
    I ran the last block

  Was about to enter
    when right in the center

  of the office 
    there she stood 

  my old flame

  My brain went a-reelin'
    the room spun around
  I saw 'twarn't no use
    to put my head down

  and pretend it was over
    'cos Lord knows it was not...

  Twenty years later for lovers
    just ain't a helluva lot...

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Why do people smoke? Gives them bad breath causes death.
Makes you age, makes you wrinkle makes you stink a little.
Gives you yellow teeth, makes you unable to breathe.
You can't even smoke in a bar anymore they cost a helluva lot even
at a grocery store. I used to like to smoke until the cost of them went up and cough so hard in the morning until i threw up. I hate smoking and glad i quit i hate the habit and glad i got rid of it....

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To devout Roman Catholics I posture as Pope,
but that's in no way the end of my scope.
Zealous aspirations I daily inspire
by promising to deliver the coming Messiah.
Bible-belt believers in any doubt or suspense
are soon reassured by Vice President  Pence.
Proud boys, not famed for their devotion to God,
stand by in the street awaiting a nod.
Just in case your sympathies lie with the Devil,
to you I  can promise a helluva revel....

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