Short Fender Poems

he can be a funny man
he can  be a preacher hand
he can be leader of a band
he don't have the lords land
he just ba fender bender
THE
DEVIL IS  PRETENDER...

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Fender acoustic performed for the Queen
keeping her age and shining her sheen,
Purchased from ex with the funny cigar
creating anew with a sweet, warm guitar....

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a deafening thud
seatbelt hurriedly fastened
a fender bender
a cell phone quickly hidden
s/he can't explain what happened

written January 26, 2022...

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Na- Nu Na-Nu
greetings earthlings How do you do
I'm captain Zendor from planet Sur Render 
shazbot someone crashed into my spaceship's fender
hit me so hard made me go krap-poo...

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Red paint upon this stage
Overdrive from electric strums
Crowds gather from every age
Knife decals cross on drums
Brand new fender blue tinge
Arrival at airports always delay
Noon prompts a drinking binge
Drunk ballads from music's cliche...

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three alcoholic cats
went on a bender
one stumbled into the road
and left on a fender
two alcoholic cats
went out on the town
one fell on the curb
passed out with a frown
one alcoholic cat
got so full of drink
it kept seeing
elephants pink...

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Pounding each key
like a Fender Rhodes
the computer bent and wailed
Bits and bytes
of encrypted language
messages derailed

Memory freezes
last chance rebooted
restart zero-sum
The riff uncapped
its printout fading
—typeface on the run

(The New Room: 8/6/2023)...

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Delighted in sight
Breathing the night
Movement in flight 
Come on with it
This isn't that
Not quite right, what is it?
That that's diabolical 
I'm fortunate Angelic 
Endeavor and Fender 
Demons devoured heavily

3/3/23
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr 2o23...

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my car broke down
when i went out of town
i got mad and kicked the fender
i never should have took the lender
so i had it towed back to town
and then i saw that stinkin clown
and then i started to frown
it's been a long day 
so i went home to my wife
i wonder if i can continue my life....

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The first snowfall of the winter
Was predicted to be a real winner
Well in spite of all the dire predictions
We missed the worst of it
Perhaps six inches at the most
Driving conditions were not too good
With quite a few fender benders
With upset drivers
No violence but for a couple of hotheads...

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There are services Ruth can’t render
Because clearly she is quite tender
And you have no right of A Bender …

I mean, Ruth may try a News Vendor
Or your car wash only its fender 
Or your shoes keep leaving with Mender
And in your kitchen with A Blender …

Never forget that Ruth is slender 
And of The Feminine Gender....

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Said a cocky old gentleman from Kent
Whose mind was like irreparably bent
“I’m in tolerable shape
But I look like an old ape,
My bumper is shriveled, my fender bent." 

FIRST PLACE WINNER
Written May 29, 2022
10/10/7/7/10 (HMS)
Submitted to "A Funny Limerick" Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin...

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Unremitting responsibilities 
Aspirations tampered by reality
Relentless quest for more
Beautiful wife, children, home
Cars, boat, vacations, clothes
All requisite trappings
Abundance of wealth and success
Colleges, tuitions, mortgages
Debt free, substantial savings
Old age, sickness, infirmity
Dusty, unplayed
Fender Stratocaster guitar...

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Young buck
steals truck

Drives fast
Flies past

Beeps horn
To warn

Road rage
Rampage

Cuts in
Too thin

Fender 
Bender

Crashed car
Poor Pa!*

Huge mess …
confess

In cell
It’s hell

In clink
Can think

British way of saying 'pa' which sounds like 'par'*
6th June 2015
a more serious set of footles...

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In a mystery that starts with an abduction, 
And ends in what might be the perfect crime, 
I noted, with a sigh of resignation, 
How evidence depends on space and time.
There was little that gave telling on the surface.
The more I looked, the less I knew the score;
Just scratches on the Maserati’s fender,
And a young child’s dirty handprint on the door....

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Fender strung upside down
 big hands pressing strings to frets.
 Woodstocks’ last scheduled act, Jimi 
 exercized his “Right to Free Speech.”
The world heard an eclectic electric version
of  “Star Spangled Banner.” Those notes still
reverberate “All Along the Watchtower.”

“Hey Joe,” “Are You Experienced?”

 “WELL, I AM !”



*To honor Jimi Hendrix in Raul Moreno's contest....

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Take a ballet slipper full of dancer’s blood,
A broken drop light and a lug wrench,
A Chevy fender splashed with bayou mud,
Your boyfriend shackled to his work bench.
Use a duck tape gag that’s labeled Gator Bait,
So only God will hear his dying wish.
Leave the swamp gate open, pour a drink and wait.
That’s how jealous Cajun women ghoti.
Hell hath no fury like a woman hooked on phonics....

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It was December twenty-fourth
when Rudolf went on a bender.
This red-nosed hero from the north,
a lousy driver, drink did render.

He went out on a tear
and rammed into Blitzen's fender.
Santa was in despair
Rudy broke his leg, needed a public defender.

Rudolf's gal said she'd guide the sleigh,
though she was another gender.
Now, Saint Nick was on his way,
when Rudolf, he did lend her....

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hello brother,
 irish hearing of translations

in american creole we leave, ears are not left nor right
they perk and grass talls to a tickling memory for running up to the hairs of trigger
trigger is limber and frequiently as december
bestow herselfish visits when attendants of time
dare not his fender
his fender glides in names as thumper
neither care to scamper yet both shall parent springs...

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The big Rabbit 
On my way home at twilight and with
a bag of abstract pearls I was stopped
by a giant leporine, it was silky blue but
had fangs like a walrus.
Was it a Cenzon Totochtin or could it be
a Minorcan Lagomorph, a Roly Poly.
Rabbits used to be big in pre-historic time
this one bit the fender of my car
before jumping into the bushes.
Alas, I had no camera, when I told my wife
she didn`t believe me....

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1/2 CUP OF CELERY DICED
1 & 1/2 CUP OF ONIONS DICED
3 CUPS OF CHOPPED STRAWBERRIES
1 CUP OF APPLE JUICE
1 CUP OF BALSAMIC VINAGER
5 TABLESPOONS OF GARLIC
5 TABLESPOONS OF FISHSTOCK
1/2 CUP OF LIME JUICE
1/3 CUP OF CASHEWS
1/2 WHITE WINE
1 TABLESPOON OF CAYEENE

PUREE SMOOTH, STRAIN, AND COVER 6 CHICKEN BREAST
MARANADE OVERNIGHT ( OR FOUR TO SIX HOURS)
GRILL CHICKEN BREAST. REDUCE THE SAUCE TO SAUCE
THE CHICKEN!...

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You felt so good the other day
So sorry that it’s been so long
Upon your body I did play
That is where my hands belong

The sounds you made, they were so sweet
No other time, have I heard such sound
When it was over, I felt so complete
I promise now to keep you around

Ill want to play with you again this night
But, only if you let me have my way
Oh, Fender Strat, you’re sheer delight
You are the guitar that I choose to play...

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The mode of transportation I prefer,
is walking with my feet.
There’s so many things to see
along the way that are so neat .
If you see some juicy berries,
you can stop awhile and eat.
There’s no back seat drivers,
or fender benders to run you off the street.
Therefore if I had my choice
of car, plane or feet.
I’d have to choose to travel 
with my own two feet 






For Barbara Gorelick “Your Favorite Form of Transportation...

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We cannot take passengers mice cautioned me
But the blue spotted frog was desperate you see
Hang on to the fender, I told him in the kindest way
Thanks for the ride! He said. You have made my day!

A miniature chickadee swooped down from her perch.
We are delivering groceries! Yelled out the grouchy mouse Berch.
It is okay, I told him as long as we get it all delivered today.
We picked up six more passengers before the end of the day....

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