Short Duffer Poems

Played a round of mini golf today
Hot and sunny, too hot to play
Too much sun got me
Curtailed my glee
Poor old duffer, please send a bouquet...

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Well oh well, can you imagine this
This old duffer is a master of the kiss
Many years experience
Made me quite fastidious
World renowned for my wet fish kiss...

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Buck up you silly old duffer I say
You've still got many more days to play
A young fellow at heart
More giggles to impart
Still do pirouettes in life's sweet ballet...

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Long long ago in the days of yore
Lived a gorgeous filly, made young studs roar
Was scantily clad
Delighting each lad
Also makes this old duffer writhe on the floor...

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A silly old duffer I have always been
Just an older version of a silly youman bean
Never miss my cereal
Watched nature material
Nature's intrigued me since an oversexed teen...

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A silly old duffer I have always been
Just an older version of a silly youman bean
Never miss my cereal
Watched nature material
Nature's intrigued me since being an oversexed teen...

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Buck up you silly old duffer I say
You've still got many more days to play
A young fellow at heart
More giggles to impart
Still do pirouettes in life's sweet ballet


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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I'm an 80 year old duffer with a great big belly
Because of my love of toast with PB and jelly
A favourite of mine
Since the beginning of time
All I do is lie on the couch and watch the telly...

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THE DUFFER


Clyde Rolf
Played golf

In rough
That's tough

Mishap
Sand trap

Putts missed
He's pissed

So far
No par

Entry for Jan Allison's "Five Fabulous Fun Footles" Contest
(22 Oct 2016)...

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There was a weekend duffer named Rolf

   Who proclaimed he knew all about golf

      Ball dinged a guy's head

         Hapless guy saw red

            Rolf should have yelled "FORE" when he teed off!

(23 March 2013)...

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One thing that's puzzled this old duffer
Immediately before the Big Bang was discovered
Was there a big bunch of zip
Or did everything fit
In one tiny atom such as somebody's supper


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Some say “broken picture” instead of “broken record”
Let's get our idioms straight to avoid the literary hoards
Kinda humorous though
Turned my crank, don't ya know
Holy doo doo, this old duffer is really bored!...

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Baseball's always had me by the proverbial short curlies
Since a very young duffer, even more than young girlies
Even now that I'm old
Though my body's not cold
The Bambino's number three, I still wear his jersey...

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Baseball's always had me by the proverbial short curlies
Since a very young duffer, even more than young girlies
Even now that I'm old
Though my body's not cold
The Bambino's number three, I still wear his jersey...

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Baseball's always had me by the proverbial short curlies
Since a very young duffer, even more than young girlies
Even now that I'm old
Though my body's not cold
The Bambino's number three, I still wear his jersey...

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Miss Terry sent me Soup Mail, included much love
Bright lights flashed across the skies up above
My mind sped up
Felt like a young pup
My pulse started racing giving my heart a huge shove

You have touched this old duffer, dearest Terry!!!...

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I do not like our national leader
If I had a pet shark, he'd be a feeder
Hard to believe he's not a big joke
Oh what a homely pumpkin-head bloke.

I saw a rat, I saw a mouse
I saw a gobshyte near my house
His name ain't Paddy, his name ain't Rolf
He's a big cheater at the game of golf....

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Randolph
Tried golf

Paid fees
Bought tees

Teed off
Pals scoff

Drive muff
In rough

Balls lost
They cost!

Oh crap
Sand trap!

Putts bad
Gets mad!

More flubs
Breaks clubs!

So far
No par

Played poor
No more!

Club house
To souse!

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired...

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He who is loved but is not in love, is a fool – teach him,
He who is in love but is not loved, is forlorn – foster him,
He who is in love and is loved, is happy – embrace him,
He who is neither in love nor is loved, is a duffer – shun him!




~For a Brian Strand Contest...

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Thanksgiving meal has come,
A big feast for the tum,
But not so good for the waist. 

Each eager guest hovers,
Hungry, turkey lovers
Cannot wait for that first taste.

Each child and each duffer,
Tomorrow will suffer
That to the table they raced.

Some folks lose their reason
In holiday season.
They pig out until disgraced.

For Dr. Mehta's contest...

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whimsy and fantasy are for a fluffer
I am a concrete wall, none of that for me.
No weird nicknames like little duffer.
I’m hard and rough and coarse as I can be.
Don’t try to soften me up or make me smile.
I am not happy, merry, excited or gay.
Your cagey ways you need to back pedal dial.
I’m strict and staunch and mean-like; and I like it that way!...

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The people who love me.
I'm a crazy girl for them.
The people who hate me.
I'm a lousy gal for them.
The people who ruined my life.
I'm a broken reed for them.
The people who upbraid me.
I'm a hoyden for them.
The people who poke fun at me.
I'm a duffer for them.
The people who betrayed me.
I'm a dud for them.
The people who don't know me.
I'm a stranger to them....

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Each morning birds chatter and wake me from sleep
In avian society talk is cheep
**
A balding sheep who writes poems in the farmyard
Has written a sonnet and signed it, ‘The Baaahd’
**
The police came along and I’m locked up with felons
But I only admired the grocer girl’s melons
**
My Gran says respect the elderly or we all suffer
The thing is, she’s batty, the geriatric, old duffer...

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Nihilist
Nihilist say we are here for no reason,
say logic in fact has no chance,
But we are born every season,
to lowlife and better half dance,
no memory of why do we suffer?
No recall of love in the mist,
hanged like the odd Cattle Duffer,
the burn on me neck do insist,
ironic we lack some good reason,
door shut in the well of the mind,
i'm here for what bloody reason,
the past of the path don't unwind?
Don Johnson...

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Some call me prolific
I call me obsessed
Some say I'm a kook
I say I'm blessed

It's all that I think of
Poems from the heart
But silly damn nonsense
Is still my main art

Takes the same effort
To make people laugh
As it does to depress them
To make you gasp

So this here is me
Just little old me
A happy old duffer
Filled with much glee

So next time you're looking
For a morning boost
Check out this old Jester
He'll be riding the roost

© Jack Ellison 2013...

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