it's a christmas rule
calories don't count eat up
santa claus says so
The sun never shines
On Santa's behind
As his sleigh only flies
Across nighttime skies
Still in the blink of an eye
The gifts do arrive
Let us all take pause
To thank Santa Claus
For year after year
He brings us good cheer
And the way to receive
Is you simply believe
“Twas the night before Christmas” four decades ago,
when my late ex-husband suited up as Santa Claus so
he could surprise our two toddlers and spice our
Christmas Eve party through the midnight hour.
It is our family tradition to celebrate Christmas on
Christmas Eve and we committed to keep it going on.
A joyous family gathering to welcome the birth
of our Lord, a family celebration filled with mirth.
On this particular night, my son was so excited to see
Santa and when scooped and twirled, he giggled with glee.
Santa carried him and I carried his little sister to our van,
got all seated and I kissed Santa that his curiosity began.
He asked me many questions, “are we going to grandpa’s now,
where is Dad, why is Santa driving our van, does Santa know how
to drive a car, where is his sleigh?” and Santa and I felt so bad
bursting in laughter, laughter he recognized and said, “Santa is Dad!”
I'm a bad boy, and it is uncanny
How I always get hit on my fanny.
If I could get my paws...
What I mean, Santa Claus -
I wish Julie Andrews for my nanny.
We are children of the planets,
We are children made of stars.
We once believed in a magic old man
Riding in an airborne sled.
With a bounty of unconditional love
For every child, a bounty for any child.
We must remain those children,
Believing this love is universal,
Believing it is truly unconditional,
Love that glides on sleigh runners
Over ethereal vistas of clouds.
Immortal love, so much greater than
The sum of its parts.
To put an end to the Gaza genocide,
To put an end to future holocausts,
This is the only hope for our species.
We are children of the planets,
We are children made of stars.
In England it is almost twelve o'clock
I just saw Santa Claus in his red smock
He left parcels galore
Outside of my front door
Asked him in, but he said his lips were sore.
Xmas is here tonight
At midnight, what a night!
Let's write a bad poem about Christmas
Before the Midnight Mass
As we offer our best wishes to all on the planet
This is it
Santa Claus is sliding in the chimney
Hurray, hurray!
Papa Noël is coming to town to bring gifts
Garlic, olive oil and onion
To everyone
Stop all types of cheats.
Long live Papa Noël
Who hates to dwell
On negative things
Santa Claus stutters and sings
All the time
And he will never nickel and dime
The poor, the crazy and the pelicans
Except the poor Republicans.
Long Live Santa Claus
Regardless
Of our mess
He has been fair to all of us.
If you like this poem
Please wish your friends and neighbors
A very Merry Christmas and many Happy New Years
To come
Oh! Ho
Ho, Ho!
This is a gaffe
For Baby Jesus: laugh and laugh.
Copyright © December 2014, Hébert Logerie, All rights reserved.
Hébert Logerie is the author of several collections of poems.
Snow had fallen, Christmas Eve morning,
On every rooftop and branch adorning
Burying my rural world in white,
And changing this place overnight
Early, I had wandered out the door,
Wanting to take in the forest more
I did gasp and my foot did pause,
When indeed, I saw Santa Claus
Standing alone there in the clearing,
Attending to his reindeer, so endearing
Quietly, I peered from behind a tree,
Hoping that he would not spot me
That day ... I did believe my eyes,
For the truth is hard to disguise
He was no man with a loose beard,
He was not the kind that children feared
Dressed up in a phony costume,
Wandering around a department store room
Golden jingle bells rang out their sound,
When his sleigh lifted off the ground
I knew that what I saw was real,
Because the young at heart can feel.
Santa Claus was bellowing, things were wacked,
the giant red sleigh was packed,
the reindeer weren't harnessed up,
he stomped in the snow, broke his cocoa cup.
Suddenly, there in the far end of the barn,
what he saw caused alarm,
Rudolph was playing poker,
he was blitzed, being a joker.
Santa's face was beet red,
"Rudolph, get harnessed for the sled!"
Well, Rudolph was lit up in the wrong way,
and slurred his words to disrespectfully say.
"Hey Santa, I'm not freezing my jingle bells,
in the sky tonight, I'm in a drunken spell,"
Morty, the klutzy moose was at the barn door,
"Santa, my fellow moose and I will get you off the floor!"
And, by golly, they took the sleigh into the night,
a team of moose led by Morty's benevolent might,
Christmas Eve was saved,
and Rudolph and his team were in shame.
Santa forgave them in a few days,
because they began to go to AA,
and, in the following New Year,
they were once again Santa's favorite reindeer!
Today I’m thankful for still believing in the message of Santa Claus
The message of love and that giving is more important than receiving
a message that…
no matter how old I get
I will never stop believing
The kids sneaked downstairs to take a peek
Spying a glimpse of Santa is what each did seek
Much more than what they wanted to see, they saw.
It was their mommy kissing Santa Claus!
What on earth! Where is Daddy? They asked.
Each tiptoed up and gave a silent gasp.
Horrified, they returned to their beds.
Hoping to get this sight out of their heads.
This was a more innocent time, for sure.
The fifties, when trees sparkled and hearts were pure.
But these children never forgot the sight.
Of Mommy kissing Santa Claus on this night.
ate my apple sauce
had received from Santa Claus
around put my paws
I saw mommy kissing Santa again
Not this year old man, time to feel the pain
My dad would be proud of me
I knocked off his beard you see
Oh!... I think somebody better explain…
Dec 14, 2022
Funny Santa Limerick Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
(checked w/ howmanysyllables.com)
My Granddad's Father Christmas
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
I’ve known since, as a waif,
I heard his Father Christmas voice
That deep and rumbling friendly noise.
It kept me warm and safe.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
He’s big and soft and loving.
And when I’m sad – a bit upset
His silly jokes make me forget,
Then I’m afraid of nothing.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
The beard gives it away.
It covers up his face by half
But cannot hide that booming laugh
That resonates all day.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
When he comes round it’s funny.
His tricks and rhymes and gifts are magic
(Although his singing’s rather tragic)
He turns a dull day sunny.
My granddad’s Father Christmas.
Though what do people see?
An ageing man with bulging gut.
To you he’s nothing special but
He’s Santa Claus to me.
I am not applying for Santa's job
It is lies that's coming from Mr Floods gob
But there's drone footage as proof
Terry pushed him off the roof
And a large sack with bricks in he did lob.
Theres a warrant out for Terry Flood
All the kids in the world want his blood
His evil scheming will fail
There's a top cop on his trail
His scheme will crash to earth with a thud.
Written on 29th November 2022
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