Walking in the front door with my sisters in tow, the phone on the sideboard in the dining room started ringing incessantly. Upon answering the phone, a very determent voice accosted my ear with, ‘You are the lucky winner in our draw to receive a Life Coat makeover for your house—‘
‘This is not my house …’
‘Well, may I speak to Mr “X”?’
‘No, sorry. My father passed away an hour ago. We have just returned from the hospital—‘
The register in his voice went up an octave: ‘Well, put your mother on the phone, then.’
‘She passed away last week—‘
‘Of all the [expletive] excuses I have ever heard …’ And with that he slammed down the phone.
laughter is
the best medicine
s.c.a.n.d.a.l.i.s.e.d
don’t judge
till you know
the story …
Categories:
salesman, death, grief, parents, satire,
Form: Other
A sleazy greedy cheating single-minded
lying used car salesman with ambition
had higher aspiration hopes
of a top managerial position
altho' customer trust was a must
as the fast-talking low-life archetype
his focus was on moving their money
into his pocket with one fell swipe
so to move as much merchandise
as a man can possibly do
while on rota to meet his quota
he'd advertise low mileage good as new
yet of the hundred motors or more
parked polished outdoors and on show
when viewers knew not what to purchase
and wanting a coupe which would go
as prospective buyers they'd ask in dismay
the pointed all-important question
'Which car should I buy, of those on display?'
he would reply, 'Try my auto suggestion.'
Categories:
salesman, car, fun, humorous, silly,
Form: Rhyme
Scam Likely called me eleven times yesterday
Fifty-two times this week
I do not pick up
I used to though
When I was younger sales calls were a personal challenge to me.
I wanted to see if I could make them hang up first.
Salesman: Do you own your own home?
Me: No, but I would love to. Can you send me some money?
Salesman: Would you love to have new windows?
Me: I live in a tent down by the river.
Salesman: I can give you a terrific insurance quote
Me; What’s that?
Salesman (or Scam Likely): I can tell you how to save money
Me: I save money by not paying for insurance.
When my children were younger, I discovered something marvelous.
If you hand the phone to a toddler, the child is delighted.
Babbling, gurgling and burping into the receiver with glee.
Scam Likely hangs up first every time.
Categories:
salesman, people,
Form: Narrative
sloppy flimflam man
selling inferior wares
hes run out of town
Categories:
salesman, life,
Form: Senryu
Johnny Rocko was born to be a salesman.
His words are breezy.
He has a devil-may-care attitude.
His ways are playful and jaunty.
He is the pied piper of Chicago.
Other young men rush to buy his wares.
They love his schemes, his ideals and his ideas.
He wines and dines them, and they have a great time.
Some of them have been cut off from their inheritance.
They stick around anyway; he is the sun. They bask next to him.
Johnny Rocko is debonair and delightfully dashing.
He is a rakish playboy-like salesman.
It does not matter what he is selling, people want to buy.
He always has beautiful women rubbing his back.
Most of them are like him, attractive and unrestrained.
Categories:
salesman, work,
Form: Free verse
Some say presentation is everything and more
That’s certainly important if selling is your game
I learned that while managing a piano store.
Sponsoring concerts with musicians of fame,
Selling the idea that a buyer can learn how to play
That’s certainly important if selling is your game.
We demonstrated easy piano tunes every day
Teaching buyers simple tunes anyone can learn
Selling the idea that a buyer can learn how to play.
And it is true, anyone can memorize a pattern,
Playing an uncomplicated melody with satisfaction
Teaching buyers simple tunes anyone can learn.
To say anyone can play well merits a retraction
For only the truly gifted can learn to play well
Playing an uncomplicated melody with satisfaction.
Playing a few simple ditties is certainly swell
Some say presentation is everything and more
For only the truly gifted can learn to play well
I learned that while managing a piano store.
Written August 5, 2022
Categories:
salesman, music, perspective, teacher,
Form: Terzanelle
~A knock on my door came late in the day,
in wonder I pondered, who could be there.
I peered through the peep to keep them at bay,
eyeing this merchant, returning my stare.
I asked through the crack, just what have you sir,
he stated, my friend, just wait till you see,
it slices, it dices, mixes and stirs,
from all of these chores, you’re quickly set free.
I swung wide the door, responding in kind,
I care not to buy these wares that you sell.
He placed in my hand this wonderful find
then sold me on whim and quickly turned tail.
It broke the next day, though spared from the trash
to always remind me...never pay cash.
June 30, 2022
Categories:
salesman, humorous,
Form: Sonnet
I met a curious fella
Who had a furry glabella
He was hard to trust
But trust him I must
He was a vehicle seller!
Categories:
salesman, humor,
Form: Limerick
Al pushed to sale the most cars on the lot
He came up short, he gave it his best shot
Went to a online sales school
Paid much, he felt like a fool
The class was useless and it was for naught
So he studied some tapes of car salesmen
One guy stood out and his name was big Glen
Big Glen was very good
Al thought,” He could, I could
The next day poor Al came up short again
He left that car lot and he didn’t look back
Did not want his boss to give him the sack
Took out all his savings
Gave in to the cravings
Bought car lot up the road with his friend Mack
02/28/2022
Inspired By The Tall Tale
Contest
Categories:
salesman, humor,
Form: Limerick
Thank you for selling me a lemon of a car
It did not work very often or go very far
But thanks to you I was stranded on side of the a road
And the guy who stopped to help me has a heart of gold
So If you had not sold me this lemon of a car
I would probably be single, and not a mother of two
I have warned thousands of others about your practices too
So you won't have to stay up nights worrying any more
You can thank me as I leave through this exit door
Categories:
salesman, car,
Form: Rhyme
I would like to purchase a prairie schooner if you please.
The car salesman was brand spanking new.
He had to ask several other salesmen what a prairie schooner was.
None of them knew, so he “Googled” it.
Is this what you mean? He asked, showing her a photo of a prairie schooner.
Yes she said. “And I want it in pink.”
Categories:
salesman, car,
Form: Light Verse
The Wife of an American Insurance Salesman
David J Walker
Somehow I imagined you
Living in a small town in Maryland
Where the only person I know
Wouldn’t know you
Somehow I imagined it as
Your parallel life
The wife of an American
Insurance Salesman
Somehow I Imagined that In some ways
You loved him but moreover you loved
the Children you made with an American
Insurance salesman husband
Somehow I think you quietly forget me
And never think or say my name out loud
Sometimes I think you think of me
And I feel it
Did I Mention
I have nothing against insurance salesmen
My father was one
Categories:
salesman, lost love,
Form: Rhyme
Salesman on the phone
A game I play well.
Love it too
When my children were toddlers
I merely
handed them the phone
When they got older
I started trying to sell the salesman
aluminum siding, Tupperware, Avon,
I called this new game
Beat the clock
The win was easy….did I beat my last time?
How long would it take
for the salesman to get irritated
and hang up.
My best time
Three minutes
I am proud of that.
Categories:
salesman, life,
Form: Prose Poetry
“Welcome to Kansas Sofa Mart. How are you today? Looking for anything in particular?”
They look like an odd couple. He is old and ugly; she is young and cute. Too cute.
Husband glares. Wife runs toward salesman, jumps on my lap, strokes my beard.
“You remind me of my daddy,” wife says. Husband looks damned mad.
I jump out the sofa, dumping wife onto the floor. This seems to please him.
(He may have the checkbook after all).
“Sofas,” she says. “We want a sofa” (Easy, peasy. They sell themselves).
“We have such a fine selection of sofas,” I tell them, giving them my winning smile.
I lead them to the sofa section. We have at least two hundred sofas.
She tries out all of them; he stands around, shaking his head, acting mad.
She loves color; he does not. She loves paisleys, plaids, polka dots, stripes.
He makes it clear it is black leather or nothing. Two hours later they choose nothing.
“Thank you for coming in,” I say. Trying to gulp up a bit of a smile.
(And wasting six hours of my day by not buying anything).
Categories:
salesman, hilarious,
Form: Prose Poetry
once a slick salesman from nice
soaked his suits in tubs of grease
so he slid through town
with nary a frown
till someone called the police.
Categories:
salesman, adventure, anxiety, business, cheer
Form: Limerick
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