See this coupon? What it buys?
I’m waving it before your eyes.
Make some things up, tell some lies,
and you can win tonight’s star prize.
(Beat the clock, you gotta beat the clock)
Work for people you despise,
counting kerbstones, packing pies,
Eric Morecambe, Ernie Wise –
(use the yard for exercise).
(Beat the clock, you gotta beat the clock)
Sporting jackets, wearing ties,
feed the porkers, clean their sties.
Cut consumption down to size.
The loser is the one that dies.
Piglets and pigs are the picks of my pens
Practically perfect in ink
Parsimonious pip-squeaking partners
In pulchritudinous pink
Presumptuous porkers on pineapple pizzas
As porcupine people must think.
Submitted to the "Bite-size Poem #35" poetry contest
on February 4, 2022
Sponsored by Line Gauthier
At a drive-thru, I'm asked if they can take my order
“I'd like a coffee with six sugars and no comments, you porkers”
The voice stuttered like a goober
“Did you say SIX SUGARS???”
“You have a problem with that? Look, everyone has their own disorders!”
Five fat Porkers
Five fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Emily,
Was taken out one day,
Now delicious rashers of Bacon,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Four fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Reginald,
Was taken out one day,
To make some succulent Sausages,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Three fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Millicent,
Was taken out one day,
To star in a Roast Hog Supper,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Two fat Porkers, in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a me oh my.
One of these Pigs called Albert,
Was taken out one day,
To craft some joints of juicy Pork,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
One fat Porker, all alone in a Pig Sty
Eating Swill and Cabbages,
Grunting with a cry and a sigh.
One fat Sow called Rita,
Was taken out one day,
Put in the field with the Gloucester’s,
Three cheers and a hip hooray.
Meet Mr. Hamuel Porkington
His closest friends call him “Hammy”
A special hard working farmer
With an extremely industrious family
With his pretty and faithful wife “Porksy”
And their ten little chopperettes
They're known in the town of Swillsville
As the nicest pig family you've met
For providing hot meals to the needy
And sheltering them from the cold
They've received a special recognition
One of the greatest stories told
The President recently visited them
Warmly welcomed by the Porkingtons
They treated their guest to Hominy Grits
And homemade Tennessee bourbon
The President granted them a special honour
Which everyone was in total accord
With tree bark, worms and garbage for life
And a prestigious achievement award
So raise your pitch forks, raise 'em on high
In salute of this family of corkers
Heroes like these don't come by very often
They're a very special breed of porkers
© Jack Ellison 2015
Meet Mr. Hamuel Porkington
His closest friends call him “Hammy”
A special hard working farmer
With an extremely industrious family
With his pretty and faithful wife “Porksy”
And their ten little chopperettes
They're known in the town of Swillsville
As the nicest pig family you've met
For providing hot meals to the needy
And sheltering them from the cold
They've received a special recognition
One of the greatest stories told
The President recently visited them
Warmly welcomed by the Porkingtons
They treated their guest to Hominy Grits
And homemade Tennessee bourbon
The President granted them a special honour
Which everyone was in total accord
With tree bark, worms and garbage for life
And a prestigious achievement award
So raise your pitch forks, raise 'em on high
In salute of this family of corkers
Heroes like these don't come by very often
They're a very special breed of porkers
©Jack Ellison 2012
I received a cheque for three thousand pounds
For not rearing fifty pigs!
I laughed and I cried, I was aghast, so
I danced a little jig!
The difficulty is…. not knowing how
You keep a detailed account?
Of the pigs not reared in any one month,
It could be a large amount!
So I wrote and asked which pigs not to rear
Was it bacon or porkers as well?
Gloucesters and Saddlebacks were both rare breeds
As far as I could tell!
Do I get a large bonus for not rearing these?
Put me down for a hundred a night.
In six months or so a millionaire I’d become:
I won’t put up much of a fight!
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