Did the first creature to crawl
out of the proverbial, primal primordial,
onto the sand,
feel like a fish out of water,
out of its depth,
when high and dry on land?
With no wish to carp or cock a snook
I won't leave you in the lurch
but oh my cod take a look
what a plaice to perch
as just for the halibut
putting seahorses out to paddock
is enough to give one
a severely bad haddock
so no red herring I don't flounder around
take a peeled eel flake of baked hake
plus a pinch of pickled pilchard
and an ichthyic sandwich make
but if my words are vitriolic
you may grunt and kiss my bass
as it's all a load of pollock(s)
It CAN be ‘fish n chips’ stop carping on, there’s no plaice for rudeness!
It's so sad to see a person out of their depths and just floundering
Why is it that some people always think they're right - for the halibut!
What a load of pollocks! Oh my cod she’s crabby … Salmon call a doctor!
I'd order fries with my fish - but I'd get hooked for not calling them chips!
I've had a whale of a time casting out the bait with these fishy puns!
Stop those fishcious lines ...no debait, 'Halibut poem' is fintastic!
It’s shellfish fishing for compliments, but I write a good monoku!
Don't talk about Chloe's Paradise:
All about surplus bags of rice
Commoners hate their present price
And now don't near without advice.
Tell me of other paradise:
Chloe had reached his through some thrown dice;
A means you and I could devise:
Chloe's source of wealth 'A Twin Of Vice'.
Envy I not Chloe's paradise:
Why would one heads soon to host lice?
Prophesy I cruel strikes by mice
Of Chloe's Rice they adore like plaice.
Bags of rice never paradise
Or I'll include Bread Cake a big slice.
Now see a fine display in market hall
Where fishmonger's stalls sell the freshest catch.
A world of wet white tiles and melting ice.
Seafood displayed, arranged in rank and file.
One Scottish salmon commands centre stage
Stretched out upon its own tray of crushed ice
And next to a few Icelandic haddock
Along with cod trawled from the Dogger Bank.
To one side are some plaice all flopped and flat.
Seems they are staring up with fixed focus.
A side display of small fry, placed parallel
And herrings heaped up in sad slump of grey.
Some calamari, tasteless rubbery squid
Are off stage with other seldom sold bits.
In the corner there's offal bin with heads,
Guts, skeletons and several layers of skin.
Take for your cat. Put pence in charity box.
A fine display we see in market hall.
her lying alibi was found dead at sea ~ his sole’s in the right plaice
Dont hatchet your chickens before they can count
Play bye
The rules definitively
crowded by the losses
slapped by the hand of me burd
please get me wrogn
i know your leg hurts but your uglliey ( insult to- you get it)
Bit the alien bull(PHONE HOME)
how could the devil turn up if you were speaking to him/her/it/?
Between dwayne johnson and stone plaice
Helped a fiddle that was having a fit
That stallion told me straight
your mime is good i guess
set fire to loyd and jeff
wind brought on the runs
made a killing
when i stoned two birds
straw straw straw straw straw straw straw straw
straw straw straw straw straw straw straw straw
trust me the next straw will be th
Dont hatchet your chickens before they can count
Play bye
The rules definitively
crowded by the losses
slapped by the hand of me burd
please get me wrogn
i know your leg hurts but your uglliey ( insult to- you get it)
Bit the alien bull(PHONE HOME)
how could the devil turn up if you were speaking to him/her/it/?
Between dwayne johnson and stone plaice
Helped a fiddle that was having a fit
That stallion told me straight
your mime is good i guess
set fire to loyd and jeff
wind brought on the runs
made a killing
when i stoned two birds
straw straw straw straw straw straw straw straw
straw straw straw straw straw straw straw straw
trust me the next straw will be th
Deer poet tree righters fore the cite
Pleas will ewe bee sweet
and worn me if ewe have scene any miss stakes eye have maid
butt eye no my speeling and ewes off English is prefect!
Eye am knot shore if eye have ever tolled ewe
that when eye right poet tree at knight ore in the mourning
eye don’t knead too ewes a smell chequer ore a theo sorearse
Off coarse, eye don’t no weather aisle get a first plaice inn the con test
butt eye want John too chews me sew eye can crews two victory!
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU THAT...... Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
11/11/20
One night an octopus said,
Those whelks should be in bed.
Said the herring to the plaice,
Would you please say grace.
"I say" said a passing whale,
"Is that kipper for sale."
There is somethingvery odd,
Repied a bewildered cod.
"Excuse me" asked the shark,
"Did you hear that dogfish bark".
The haddock with a smile serene,
Said the mermaid is our queen.
May I join you said the seal,
To the mackerel with some appeal.
Of course the snapper replied,
Yes,yes the mullet cried.
lets meat-
my mary friends for a pot LUCK meal
at my plaice
colleen can you m a k e
your hale mary chilly
patricia please make your suite
bury pi
steve l o o k i n g foreword to the
grate stake you fry
I will
by wight whine and read whine
and brown and wight bred
owe deer dessert !
monica HOW about
pair moose . . .
and sum 1 bring p i c k l e s and beats
our GREEN will be pees
and later we will have tee-
I t h i n k that's write !
wee will meat at the our of ate
on SATURDAY next weak . . .
___________________________
December 2, 2017
Poetry/Free Verse/'u wanna piece of me'
Copyright Protected, ID 17-9680-29-0
All Rights Reserved. Written Under Pseudonym.
It was way after eight, at the Cat in the Hat.
The whole plaice was swimming, quoth the mackrel to sprat.
Though the milk was upset, she still stifled her cry,
So sorry i spilt you, mumbled poor humble pie.
My joints are the bees knees, squealed the honey roast ham,
And the apple agreed, she was better than spam.
Then red herring denied, he had something to hide,
Like a small Bombay duck, is a fish that is dried.
While tasty choux pastry, bared her soul to an eel,
The mock turtle announced, i believe i am veal.
And the ice cube was crushed, as she played fast and loose,
For an orange refused, to be part of fruit juice.
As warm rhubarb crumble, melts in custards embrace,
The sour gooseberry tart, wails she's taking my place
Then a voice in my head, spoke it's all fantasy.
Your table awaits you, said the waitress to me.
I glanced at the menu, it was all a la carte.
I said, bring me everything, but let's start with that tart.
IF YOU READ THE WORDS OUT LOUD IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE!
Once eye never had a hare out of plaice
Now I’m going bawled and eye am feeling blew
People are laughing and are starting to stair
Eye am going horse telling them my tail
Sum folks are very suite and don’t mention my bold scull
But others have no hart and eye hate the way they teas me
Eye am not vane, but my heir has not groan for sum weaks
Who nose what will happen, eye cannot altar my hare with die
Eye think eye knead to ware a flour in my lox and eye will look sew sheikh
FICTIONAL WRITE USING HOMOPHONES
09~19~16
I once dated a pilot …
We both had our head in the clouds
Our relationship lead to a lot of turbulence -
I guess it never really got off the ground!
I once dated a glazier…
He thought I would be putty in his hands
But I could see right through him…
He was constantly smashed
I once dated an undertaker…
He knew he had stiff competition
I couldn’t cope - he was always ‘coffin’ when he picked me up in his hearse
He had no sense of humour in fact he was dead boring
I once dated an angler
The thought he was a real catch…
But the scales soon fell from my eyes
As he was obsessed with his flies
I once dated a footballer
He thought he could score with me
Told me he had great tackle…
But it was just a load of balls
I once dated a fishmonger…
He thought he was cod’s gift to women
He invited me back to his plaice…
Where I found out he was really a cold fish
Submitted to 101 poems in a row
Sponsored by PD Linda:-)
15th April 2016
When eye was eating my serial this mourning
Aye red the hole rules four the contest
Eye sore it inn black and white
It was plane for all two sea
The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks
Butt too me this practise isn’t write,
Nun are aloud, they are usually band
Yule have guest its throne me off coarse
Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry
How can wee expect two win
Hour poem mite bee bard
Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid
Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol…
May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two
Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe?
Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium
Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless
08~13~15
I comfort-ate my way all day
To try to drive the blues away.
Too many sweets my lips did pass,
Six o'clock Monday: Weight Watchers' class.
Exquisite garden full of flowers,
I sit and doze away the hours
Enchanted by those bird refrains,
Midday Today: Man clearing the drains.
I hold your image in my mind,
A deeper love I'll never find.
Aspects of your lovely face,
Thursday: Must buy trout and plaice.
A story I read made me feel good,
Things turned out just as they should
The sort of plot where all things click,
It's Friday and the cat's been sick.
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