Best Plaice Poems
I once dated a pilot …
We both had our head in the clouds
Our relationship lead to a lot of turbulence -
I guess it never really got off the ground!
I once dated a glazier…
He thought I would be putty in his hands
But I could see right through him…
He was constantly smashed
I once dated an undertaker…
He knew he had stiff competition
I couldn’t cope - he was always ‘coffin’ when he picked me up in his hearse
He had no sense of humour in fact he was dead boring
I once dated an angler
The thought he was a real catch…
But the scales soon fell from my eyes
As he was obsessed with his flies
I once dated a footballer
He thought he could score with me
Told me he had great tackle…
But it was just a load of balls
I once dated a fishmonger…
He thought he was cod’s gift to women
He invited me back to his plaice…
Where I found out he was really a cold fish
Submitted to 101 poems in a row
Sponsored by PD Linda:-)
15th April 2016
Categories:
plaice, boyfriend, funny love, humorous,
Form:
Free verse
Deer poet tree righters fore the cite
Pleas will ewe bee sweet
and worn me if ewe have scene any miss stakes eye have maid
butt eye no my speeling and ewes off English is prefect!
Eye am knot shore if eye have ever tolled ewe
that when eye right poet tree at knight ore in the mourning
eye don’t knead too ewes a smell chequer ore a theo sorearse
Off coarse, eye don’t no weather aisle get a first plaice inn the con test
butt eye want John too chews me sew eye can crews two victory!
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU THAT...... Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
11/11/20
Categories:
plaice, humorous, poetry, word play,
Form:
Free verse
It CAN be ‘fish n chips’ stop carping on, there’s no plaice for rudeness!
It's so sad to see a person out of their depths and just floundering
Why is it that some people always think they're right - for the halibut!
What a load of pollocks! Oh my cod she’s crabby … Salmon call a doctor!
I'd order fries with my fish - but I'd get hooked for not calling them chips!
I've had a whale of a time casting out the bait with these fishy puns!
Stop those fishcious lines ...no debait, 'Halibut poem' is fintastic!
It’s shellfish fishing for compliments, but I write a good monoku!
Categories:
plaice, conflict, fish, food, poetry,
Form:
Monoku
It was way after eight, at the Cat in the Hat.
The whole plaice was swimming, quoth the mackrel to sprat.
Though the milk was upset, she still stifled her cry,
So sorry i spilt you, mumbled poor humble pie.
My joints are the bees knees, squealed the honey roast ham,
And the apple agreed, she was better than spam.
Then red herring denied, he had something to hide,
Like a small Bombay duck, is a fish that is dried.
While tasty choux pastry, bared her soul to an eel,
The mock turtle announced, i believe i am veal.
And the ice cube was crushed, as she played fast and loose,
For an orange refused, to be part of fruit juice.
As warm rhubarb crumble, melts in custards embrace,
The sour gooseberry tart, wails she's taking my place
Then a voice in my head, spoke it's all fantasy.
Your table awaits you, said the waitress to me.
I glanced at the menu, it was all a la carte.
I said, bring me everything, but let's start with that tart.
Categories:
plaice, imagination, nonsense,
Form:
Couplet
I once awoke into a dream
And there I saw a sight.
Adrift, a draft of Daffodils
Breezed on a hard day's night.
Still looking up and at the sky,
A Dandelions nest,
Shone down like rays of Buttercups
Alighting up my vest.
“Hello,” I bellied up to it.
And smiling like a wave,
Hoped hoping as I climbed inside
That it was well behaved.
Abound with hobnail boot astride
It turned and travelled on-
Until it reached another place
Where I had not come from.
“It's like a well know strangers face,”
I mused in thoughtish utter.
The one my Fatter used to wear
Before he ground my Mutta.
Then leaping like a jumping bean,
I landed open eyed,
And spied a sandy cobbled shore
where nothing did reside.
“How long,” I said, “have you been here?”
And in a mock reply,
It answered with a knowing look,
Then flew off on a pie.
Alone, I sat beside myself,
For company of course,
And listened while I hummed a song
In tones that made me hoarse.
And then, I swear, as fast as fast,
Beneath a sea of hands,
An orchestra of weeping fish
Grab grabbed me from the sands.
They sat me on a flying Whale
That soared beneath the sea,
And took me home to where he lived
To make us both some tea.
“Oh, what a lovely Plaice you have,”
I told him over grubber,
And with that, getting on all fours
He let me pull his udder.
“Please don't do that!” A Fishcake cried,
“You don't know where he's from.”
But having learned this lessen once
I noticed I had gone.
Categories:
plaice, humor, humorous, nonsense, daffodils,
Form:
Rhyme
When eye was eating my serial this mourning
Aye red the hole rules four the contest
Eye sore it inn black and white
It was plane for all two sea
The sponsor said wee CAN make miss steaks
Butt too me this practise isn’t write,
Nun are aloud, they are usually band
Yule have guest its throne me off coarse
Ewe awl no wee kneed too right perfect poetry
How can wee expect two win
Hour poem mite bee bard
Weave always bean tolled Anne error can't bee maid
Sew is the fax I didn’t ewes my spell chequer a gambol…
May bee I knead a lessen how too rite inn the write tents two
Tell me strait, do my versus make any scents too ewe?
Who nose, my poem mite sale to a plaice at the top of the podium
Contest Don’t fight it ….write it!!!! – Sponsor John Lawless
08~13~15
Categories:
plaice, humorous, poetry, writing,
Form:
Free verse
lets meat-
my mary friends for a pot LUCK meal
at my plaice
colleen can you m a k e
your hale mary chilly
patricia please make your suite
bury pi
steve l o o k i n g foreword to the
grate stake you fry
I will
by wight whine and read whine
and brown and wight bred
owe deer dessert !
monica HOW about
pair moose . . .
and sum 1 bring p i c k l e s and beats
our GREEN will be pees
and later we will have tee-
I t h i n k that's write !
wee will meat at the our of ate
on SATURDAY next weak . . .
___________________________
December 2, 2017
Poetry/Free Verse/'u wanna piece of me'
Copyright Protected, ID 17-9680-29-0
All Rights Reserved. Written Under Pseudonym.
Categories:
plaice, food,
Form:
Free verse
One night an octopus said,
Those whelks should be in bed.
Said the herring to the plaice,
Would you please say grace.
"I say" said a passing whale,
"Is that kipper for sale."
There is somethingvery odd,
Repied a bewildered cod.
"Excuse me" asked the shark,
"Did you hear that dogfish bark".
The haddock with a smile serene,
Said the mermaid is our queen.
May I join you said the seal,
To the mackerel with some appeal.
Of course the snapper replied,
Yes,yes the mullet cried.
Categories:
plaice, nonsense,
Form:
Rhyme
Said a Cod to a wise old Eel,
I would like to know how you feel?
Though people snack on dips,
Lots more eat fish and chips.
They say it has great meal appeal!
Said the Eel to the wise old Cod,
I find that unusually odd.
I've never had to worry,
As so many eat curry.
Very few are after my bod!
Just then a worldly old Squid,
Doing what Squids always did.
Went swimming slowly on by.
Said he "Me, they'll never fry"
"They'll only eat me jellied!"
Next came a Lobster and Blue Crab.
Followed by a Flounder and Dab.
They agreed with the old Cod,
A fish with a succulent 'bod'
Always ends up on a slab!
Then a Shrimp, Whelk and a Mussel.
All went by in a hustle.
Then the Winkle with the Clam,
Who said "I'd better scram!"
"Cos I give chowder its muscle!
Following next came the Herring,
In a disguise he was wearing.
For he was truly afraid,
That the batter being made,
Was for him. His instinct unerring!
Then both a large and small-mouthed Bass,
And a lone, solitary Wrasse.
Not to forget the Scallop,
Going by at a gallop.
All getting away en masse!
Next Mackerel, Haddock and Plaice.
Not one with a smile on its face.
The handsome Halibut too,
Was looking glum and blue,
Which went as well for the Dace!
Now to all fish its crystal clear.
Most of them have plenty to fear.
Be they skinned, fried and eaten
With bread - White, Brown or Wheaten,
Or soaked and battered in beer!
Rhymer. December 6th, 2016.
Categories:
plaice, allusion, fantasy, nonsense,
Form:
Rhyme
I comfort-ate my way all day
To try to drive the blues away.
Too many sweets my lips did pass,
Six o'clock Monday: Weight Watchers' class.
Exquisite garden full of flowers,
I sit and doze away the hours
Enchanted by those bird refrains,
Midday Today: Man clearing the drains.
I hold your image in my mind,
A deeper love I'll never find.
Aspects of your lovely face,
Thursday: Must buy trout and plaice.
A story I read made me feel good,
Things turned out just as they should
The sort of plot where all things click,
It's Friday and the cat's been sick.
Categories:
plaice, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
IF YOU READ THE WORDS OUT LOUD IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE!
Once eye never had a hare out of plaice
Now I’m going bawled and eye am feeling blew
People are laughing and are starting to stair
Eye am going horse telling them my tail
Sum folks are very suite and don’t mention my bold scull
But others have no hart and eye hate the way they teas me
Eye am not vane, but my heir has not groan for sum weaks
Who nose what will happen, eye cannot altar my hare with die
Eye think eye knead to ware a flour in my lox and eye will look sew sheikh
FICTIONAL WRITE USING HOMOPHONES
09~19~16
Categories:
plaice, anti bullying, hair, humorous,
Form:
Light Verse
These humorous lines were inspired by
Viv Wigley's "Food Fight" contest.
Could not resist the temptation:)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lettuce pray before eating.
He likes rabbit, but can’t stand hair in stew.
A carrot is worth its weight in gold.
To lam a lamb? Terrible!!
Is it wise to pare a pear before eating?
Chopin onions – not musical but certainly tearful!
The bull’s life is at steak.
Cross my heart said the honest brussel sprout.
The pig was too thin...that saved his bacon.
Wearing a bird costume sent me raven mad.
Buy caviar from stir gin’s row.
The servant was maid to eat umble pie.
She could hardly talk after eating hoarse meat.
He’s wrapped up in his food.
Humbug! This is apple sauce!
Excitement in the kitchen – fat in the fire.
A flounder struggles to walk. It’s flat footed.
I enjoyed my drink – pleased as Punch.
One look at the dessert...I scream!
Take the guilt off the gingerbread.
I invited the golfer to high tee.
Take your plaice at the table; we’re eating fish today.
Open the lid and reveal some of the meat.
What a pity! The gobbling turkey had a lump in its throat.
The peacemeal destroyed our friendship.
Make no bones about filleted fish.
Next time just ask for dessert; don’t mince words.
Keep your eye on the roast, or else it will go to pot.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Placed 3rd
© 28th December 2017
Categories:
plaice, food, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
When I awoke, I found I was in a different land
stood amongst trees and flowers made of sand
still holding the tv Tuna in my hand.
I walked in through the Crabs side door
and Floundered, couldn't feel my feet any more
they had gone from right under my nose
Why they were there in the first Plaice? Who knows?
The Crab wasn't home, so I left him a note
with no pen or paper, you may ask how was it wrote?
ahh, well, that's none of your business
but all the Fish know how it is.
Through the window, I see horses, oh Seahorses
Something sparked and made me squeal
I just trod on an Electric Eel
A smile Bream-ed wide across my face
as I plugged in my double Bass
rockin' out with Squid and George Martin
having a party in the Octopus' garden.
Oh such a happy place to be, below the waves and under the sea!
©John-Ovan.P.Hull
Categories:
plaice, adventure, fantasy, funny, nature,
Form:
Rhyme
It so early it's only four o'clock and it's dark on a freezing cold and wet morning,
A man with a cap rings a bell to let us know times getting on and dawn’s dawning,
As the bell rings all the lights on at Billingsgate Market famous for it's fish,
Lighting all the fishy stalls and the dark walkways selling seafood's for a dish,
Haddocks and plaice packed in boxes with ice for many chip shops, frying tonight,
Fresh the same day for a restaurant for weight watchers who want something light,
A strong smell ozone wafts around the whole fish market from the prostrate cod,
Caught in big trawler nets by weathered fishermen on the sea with nets not a rod.
Sellers in this market shout aloud fishy slogans like, ‘Wink-wink-wink-winkles’,
Have em with some salt, pepper and vinegar that you can ‘Spri-spri-spri-sprinkle’,
Railway carts shunting, clashing, banging rolling along tangles of narrow streets,
From the Monument to the market their shouting is matched by the seagulls shriek.
A fleet of horse drawn carts take fish to nearby shops dropping off boxes outside,
Over cobblestone, waking all as they thunder along bouncing in uncomfortable rides.
Categories:
plaice, history, dark, dark, fish,
Form:
Prose Poetry
I saw a pigeon;
I heard a ' bang!'.
There was no bird.
I saw a plaice;
I heard a 'splash!'.
There was no fish.
I saw a tree;
I heard a 'hack!'.
There was no forest.
I saw a house;
I heard a 'boom!'.
There was no shelter.
I saw a Man;
I heard a “nothing!”.
There was no being.
Categories:
plaice, social
Form: