I see my face in a fractured mirror,
It reflects shattered images quite deep,
Secrets that the fragments can hardly hide,
A warped and slanted view of what I was,
Reflecting a pale painful pining face.
I try to glue the pieces together,
But that is a battle lost before-hand,
The fracture dealt, too wide and pulled aside,
The sharp sardonic sides still stay stalemate,
Reflecting myself as a ghastly ghost.
An indoor life, on my way,
glimpsing nirvana slipping away, cacophonous mind.
Only you as therapy,
to sword off overthinking
and purge the insomnia.
These eyes long to gaze that rare soul, craving for my sight to mingle with yours, Amarinah.
From your kiss,
I contract lovesickness;
Is your desire to see me bleed born out of your love?
When the moon weeps, a silver rain falls
Soft on rooftops, a gentle music,
No thunder,no wild wind whips the sea,
Just tranquil tears, simmering and slow.
Perhaps the shadows lengthen on earth
With the fading of light in the sky
Or, one feels the loneliness of night
With a pining heart, when the moon weeps.
Those minuscule gaps,
the dripping from the tap,
that soon became the sea between you and me
My fading glow, with the things I didn’t know.
How you’d take my years as your sign to go.
But am I ever in your head, dead of night, in your bed?
Do your hands still reach for the phone?
Does your head hold the regret of all the seeds you could’ve sown?
Because
every time I see your face, trace your name and start the chase
I recall how you left me
and how you left me
Alone.
Pining away into the cosmic dust everyday
Faster than the second hand flies across the face of the moon
Changing its course in an elipse of untold counting.
Here lies the one that got nowhere with no one on the earth,
The burst of flames made the way that told its ending would be soon
Amongst the ashes of the forgotten teardrops dried crust.
Where Pluto goes comes the dawn of lifetimes on the earthly planes,
Two hundred forty eight earth years to be exactly right on time
For the birth death cycles of many hearts including mine.
My heart is closed again,
Croaking with but a beat to stay alive.
It is angry, cramped.
It is remorseful,
Now scared of the possibilities,
Of false ties and
Infarct seeping once reflected.
It is drunken,
Longing to say soaking,
To inflate and explode in waves,
Clawing at it’s enclosure.
It is confused,
What are these ties?
The string woven over each other,
Wrapping and complex and unintelligible.
Elder fingers could not have the insight
Into a tale as known as this one.
My heart wants to know who you are,
But it aches still,
As my brain absorbs our string,
And it spits out Morning Glory.
.
he touched hern
all about hern
whilst mine
watched
how jealous
every fiber
uv
mine mine
damn
withering
my
damn'd
mine
*note uv truth y'all; this didn't happen to me,
thoze who knowz edvard knowz that this be
thuh only melancholic write in 17yearz on thuh
soup that i've ever written...{save elegy'z} merely
wanted to prove, that this think isn't impossible
for me to write(once wuz enough..daaang)......
though i'll share this mine fellow'z; thuh thought
wuz poisonous, toxic...there were lots-o-love'n for
a few days...had tuh rince that out ")
He says I’m beautiful but does he see
The pains of my heart the shuffle of my feet
The rains of dark mysteries of my inner beasts
That torture my my mind when I thirst for peace
I told him about my denim disabilities
Was quite shocked that he is not running
Seems this man’s finds in me his queen
And in him could be king my Prince Charming
I say could because life is no dream
I am not as gullible as I seem
Just because we find in ourselves esteem
And want a mate to place a ring
Oh how do we know what God means
When free will is real and we choose many things
I’m a free spirit and this love is green
Not that I fear it but I’m not trusting
Not ready to say I do anything
Not willing to melt into his dream
Of a life a wife a diamond wearing queen
Perhaps I am too free God must call me
For I wrestle with the winds of destiny
And ancestors call in the red floral breeze
I’m a southern woman who loves and needs
A great deal of passion planting my purple peace.
I Want You Back
I want you back because it saves me looking
It’s not your sexual enchantment, or fabulous cooking
Solitary and forlorn without your condemnation
I offer you this olive branch for your consideration
It will also save me time, I’m used to its misery
Suffering is as addictive as it is derisory
Can you see your way, to eating my food
Ignoring me daily and to my family, rude
I can overlook all this, no need to make me tea
I’ll be your doormat if you’ll come home to me
Please keep your salary. I’ll fund your life
Keep all your charms that cut like a knife
Come home, do nothing at all if you wish
Don’t wash a fork, knife or a dish
Let’s give it a crack, say forty-five years
At least I won’t be lonely, one of my fears
So, what do you say? Return to the rut
I’ll be subservient, my mouth will be shut.
David Cox 16/10/22
Love and sorrow are conjoined at the hip
They are the same emotion
They have the same pulling in my chest
And the same hopeful dispair
Something, rather than someone, missing,
As I now dream of us kissing.
The Pining Pine Tree
The pining pine tree brings Christmas joy,
and then is discarded.
Ever missed that warming love,
That from honest heart comes?
It’s more assuring than all hopes,
Far sweeter than honey’s combs.
It’s such solacing truth amidst lies,
Heart-strengthening feel like none;
That renews sick worn-out sinew,
And resuscitates the injured man.
By rarest graces such love’s found,
Not by one’s painstaking searches,
It's not buyable with buck or pound;
It’s wholly divinely given from above.
Pining is the result when such love
Isn’t found among those around us,
Sobs ensue if such warmth’s lacked;
Losing love so true is bitterest curse!
The sun shines briefly then disappears
Taking my mood with it
Breadcrumbs of hope dissipate as hours tick by
disappointment kicks in again
I want to be excited about something
Not always fighting to survive
I will only tolerate the burn for so long
Before I put out the flame
Expel those bitter pangs of unrequited love
Lest the pungent taste of gall infest the soul,
And steal the joy unattended in your heart
For love that’s lost is seldom ever reclaimed.
By fast-held pining, sorrow, and crying spells
Consider how quickly your lover went away,
Likely, to embrace another with open arms
Shedding nary a tear nor suffering the loss.
written July 22, 2021
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