*This poem will make more sense to Americans
who watched t.v. in the 1970’s
TIC TAC TOE
the board real tidy. today Tiger would hold
together the family photo. how old the queuing.
surely the Brady six hated tic tac toe -
the anniversary cake blows
the squares, it’s centerfold - Borgnine, Lynde
and Rivers. family full of puzzling fun,
riveting answers. Alice lines them up -
his and her kids, girls on one side, boys
on the other, mom and dad, and plops
herself in the middle, as an inclusion.
delusional housekeeper dates Sam the butcher.
braces and nose job…Marcia…Marcia…Marcia
singing group, house of cards, a charm bracelet.
Tiger’s a thief. Kitty Carryall, his beef.
blame Bobby. Jan gets revenge by sneezing.
sneezing…sneezing…sneezing, sends
the dog away. “in what state was Lincoln born?”
Lynde’s square lit up. He grabs hold of his muse:
“like all of us naked and screaming.” sardonic
tic, tac, toe vibrations of Uncle Arthur’s laugh.
Categories:
nose job, america,
Form: Free verse
A face lift here and a tummy tuck there
Pearly white implants and bionic gold hair
A nose job that rocks
Once a hound now a fox
Beauty skin deep just got you a billionaire
12/20/22
Categories:
nose job, humor, satire,
Form: Limerick
Nose job
nasal piercing; yeuk!
more suitable for cattle
what a silly moo!
Written after I saw a teenager with a large metal ring through her septum. I can understand ear piercing but the thought of a stud or ring in my nose ... yeuk, but each to their own
3/7/18
Categories:
nose job, body, how i feel,
Form: Senryu
my next wife I'm gonna let God pick her and I'm gonna stick to picking watermelons and continue to not be a felon n' stop being don juan. when I look at my wife of some now many years late I wonder why she never got a nose job to make it a little more straight and I'll chuckle cause I promised and never did lose that weight. mah nex wife when she think-bananas, that's what I'll hand her cause I answer to her every whim and want if not what's the point? the point is like I said before my next wife umma let God pick her, somebody was saying something about everything nice n' sugar n' spice not with my other wives. I don't think I have to take this more far cause mah nex wife I'm gonna let God pick har'
Categories:
nose job, blessing,
Form: Dramatic Monologue
If I was a girl
and ugly as a freak
my life was gonna be
miserable
first
i was gonna need
a total facelift
a huge nose job
and a job
on my lips
a job on my boobs
and of course
a butt-lift
a fun guy to date
with tattoos,
and a sport car
and marry a guy
who works in Wall Street
loaded with money
and a villa
on the beach
a big SUV and a couple
of kids
who hopefully won't need
like me
a facelift...
Who said
i want to be a girl
anyway?!!!...
Categories:
nose job, funny, parody,
Form: Free verse
I LOVE YOU is what you said
but you can't show it
CAN I LAY BESIDE YOU
ewe i want to throw up
LET ME TOUCH YOUR BODY
not this one on to the next
YOU'RE MY SPECIAL GIRL
i bet
I WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON YOU WILL NEVER FORGET
don't want to learn pssh i quit
YOU ARE FOREVER ENTITLED TO MY HEART
can you just stop I've had enough of it
YOU'RE ONE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS I'VE EVER SEEN
liar don't make me get mean
Your song lyrics work on my nerves
like a bad nose job
or a headache to the head
Categories:
nose job, lost loveme,
Form: I do not know?
GUYS WHO WORK IN THE ZOO
Laryngitis specialist for the giraffe
A dozen lozenges for her calf
Dental assistant doing fillings
Or bridgework for baby crocodillings
Pest control officer for monkeys
But I don’t gotta eat them fleas
Cook doing anteater lunch each day
“Always ants again !” they say
Dry cleaning the striped pyjamas
For horses to masquerade as zebras
Satisfying the needs of the doe
For the big bucks….oh yes oh!
Nose-job surgeon for rhinos fair?
A Depardieu or a Jackson, sir?
A tail-tip trimmer as a try-on?
Especially for the male lion
But not a slimmer trainer for a hippo
A hopeless task becoming a beau
Categories:
nose job,
Form: Couplet
I think I'll cover my bald head
maybe with a brand new baseball hat.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
if it weren't for that..
I'm thinking about having surgery
have these bags trimmed from under my eyes.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
if it weren't for them bags of mine.
You can see I need a nose job
cut about half off and a little less wide.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
if my nose, I could hide.
My ears I could get pinned back
so they don't stick-out like taxi doors.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
if my ears weren't shaped like boards.
They could cut this mole off my butt
it's ugly, but I don't see it much.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
when I got my pants pulled up.
I don't know about my pretty wife
she won't even give me a kiss.
Because I'm damn good lookin'
if it weren't for my ugliness'.
Categories:
nose job, funny,
Form: Quatrain