When a whisper shifts, it hollows out
tombs of insecurities, the smiles in which
I hold fade with each whisper. Thoughts, no longer mine
Running from reflections hidden behind painted walls
When a whisper shifts, suicidal ideation forms, knocking at unhinged doors
It’s footsteps creaking on bedroom floors
these thoughts are not my own
When a whisper shifts, my soul no longer belongs to me,
its cold air creeping through,
inviting the mental disorders I thought I buried
When a whisper shifts so does the rope hanging
facing disorders at an early age is "your" fault
this isn't what i learned, what i was taught
thinking of the memories my disorder has brought
"this is normal", that's what we thought
i talk to someone, they label me as crazy
i'm just begging for someone to save me
now they only see what i want them to see
the color red stains my favorite tee
i try and try, but get nothing in return
how will they feel when tables have turned
i think of the acts of people i've learned
they fake and pretend to be concerned
depression? anxiety? bipolar? here's some medications
they won't heal my thoughts of temptations
no one understands, no one's in relations
being numb is the new sensation
putting the blame on people for how they are
it's only going to push them so far
thoughts are hanging as high as the stars
do you know how you're making them feel?
the emotions they had, their disorder will steal
no one can save us, nothing left to heal
now nothing seems real
Pain squizzes life out of my paralyzed mind and it feels like a grain of sugar under attack from ants.
Induring comes with an ocean of tears
Never ending and excruciating
Sending my body into manifestational shivers
Needing an escape with immediate effect
Every nerve is hyperbolically numbing
Enough to shut doors when the world outside peeps into my life
Darts of mental disorders are hurled at me , my mind is infested with anxious ants nibbling on my confidence
Looking for rest I drown my fears and anxieties in a slumber.
Echoes of numbing pain pin me down as I crawl to the exit door
Shaky knees won't hold me for long lest my life I lose without the anchors of heaven.
So I pray and become the prey
Failing to comprehend my period of testing marathons from my predator
I fail to testify for the man at Calvary playing scavenge hunting for my sake
Not wanting to form scars to avenge
Every single day I seek him, he lifts my fallen face and reminds me of his might
And when my enemies attack he is my shield in this tag of war .
So I know when my iniquities hide his face I'll tag him to my place of refuge
The power within you is unique
if you are true to yourself
Today closer to fine
Navigating your inner self
changing landscapes
shadow pages and the imprint of the past
fear fake investors
The word had a different meaning
than expected
Today closer to fine
It is possible
to rise again after a fall
Today closer to fine
Trauma and mental disorders
let go of your expectations
hidden patterns and habits
One step forward and two to the side
move slowly and regularly from side to side
Nobody cares if you can't dance well
Reward yourself with positive affirmations
Today closer to fine
20.02.2023
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Poem of the Day 21.02.2023
Saint Dymphna, please help with mine and other people's mental disorders and challenges.
1. Generalilzed Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
2. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
3. Panic Disorder
4. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
5. Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder)
6. Agoraphobia
7. Gilbert's Syndrome
8. Insomnia Disorder
9. Oppositional Defiant Disorder
10. Separation Anxiety Disorder
11. Schizoaffective Disorder
12. Depression
13. Mania
14. Restless Legs Syndrome
They died protecting law and order,
But are dismissed only with the word "decent" by those with
grave, mental disorders.
No great honor at all will be paid to them.
After all they were not elected, they simply chose to protect all humans.
Yes, those in blue ready to save our lives, leave behind wives, husbands
and children.
God bless the families left behind with faith, love and acumen!
No Nobel Peace Prize will any ever receive!
This year it will go to those who destroy, burn, loot and kill..those are humanity's sleaze!
In a nightmarish world, I do live!
Where two hundred seventy six riots, demand a Nobel Peace Prize to win!
Good men and women in blue are trashed, spit upon or dead, while people
with brains and souls in America do cry.
Why this inequity Lord, oh please tell us why?
2-3-2021
~ 2 ~
My Muse!
My muse is not an imaginary being made up by ancient civilizations saying that inspiration
for everything comes from supernatural beings different ones assigned to different things
instead it comes from inside of my brain
which derives from my creativity
my imagination
my fantastical thoughts
my intellect
my stupidity
my rage
my anger
my indecisiveness
my two year old tantrum throwing
my acting before thinking rationally
my truly raw and naked side of me
my selfishness
my introvertedness
my extrovertedness
my imbalances
my believes
my disbelieves
my wants
my desires
my goals
my dreams
my problems
my solutions
my uncontrollables
my unknowable
my travels
my mental disorders
my passions
my hatreds
my biases
my nonsenses
my nuances
my lovers
my ex-lovers
my interests
my disinterests
my attacks
my heart aches
my heart breaks
my successes
my failures
my anything and everything inspires me to write whatever comes my way
whenever I make it come to pass
by writing it into existence through my poetry and my poetic-proses!
Mental Disorders
My Brain,
My Brain is as messed up as this world.
“why?”
The doctors,
The doctors say medicine will help.
“This is just too much.”
The therapists,
The therapists say talking will help
“I hate this.”
They don’t know.
“No one understands.”
No one can help.
“Please, take me away from this.”
No one can stop the voices.
“It’s consuming me.”
I feel,
I feel alone and broken.
“Everyone always leaves.”
My anxiety,
My anxiety makes it impossible to learn.
“I’m so stupid.”
I feel,
I feel as stupid as a squirrel that runs back in front of a car after running from it.
“I’m a failure.”
Depression,
Depression is breaking me
“My heart is in pieces.”
My life,
My life is as messed up as a word scramble game.
“I’m done with this…”
*BOOM*
Something changed my life.
At 17 they said I had a milliard of mental disorders,
I got committed to a mental clinic.
That was’t it.
I didn’t go in willingly,
Wasn’t allowed to talk or see anyone from outside for a month.
That wasn’t it.
I’d always had a therapist,
Ever since I can remember,
This one was the one who saved me from myself.
She wasn’t it.
I had many moments of despair,
Many moments where I couldn’t take it anymore.
None of them were it.
Days, weeks, months,
An eternity passed,
I was still there.
The silliest thing happened one morning.
Doing yoga on the corner of the terrace,
The sun was peering through the greenery of the tiny yard.
Then it happened.
As I was looking at the way the sun reflected on the bamboos,
The way even though months had passed and I was still there,
A feeling of peace overcame me.
A peace I’d never felt before,
A peace that only comes from within yourself.
From accepting that where you are,
What you’re doing,
What surrounds you,
It all is exactly how it should be.
I had found my happy place,
And I’d go there anytime I wanted,
By just closing my eyes.
Mental illness still a forbidden subject to talk
for some one.
It is still viewed as a weakness or flaw.
Causing deep anguish in the patient.
Some mental illness are caused by emotional
affairs. Others by biochemical disbalances.
Some of the mental disorders are treated with
prescribed pills and counseling.
The most severe mental disorders require to
hospitalize the patient in a mental institution.
Anxiety, Depression, Schizophrenia, Bipolarism,
Borderline Disorder. Mental disorders that affect
a vast population of humanity.
If you know some one with one of these disorders,
be kind to him or her.
It is enough with the daily struggle to live with the
ailment.
Besides, is nobody fault a mental illness.
9-6-2015
Superman
He just stands there
Hands on hips
As if on guard - watching
His legs are flared in a wide stance
His feet planted firmly on the ground
His red cape flaps in the wind
What he sees, I can’t imagine
What he hears is beyond my range
If he feels, he never shows it
If he speaks it is with an authority only he recognizes
If he flys, it is only off the handle
Chronologically, he is 34 years old
On his good days, maybe 8, maybe 10
On a bad day – you don’t want to know
He just stands there
Hands on hips
As if on guard - watching
He is my superman
This is dedicated to anyone who knows someone mentally challenged be it autism or any number of other mental disorders.
Society is wrong
college is too long
a subtle bubble that wraps and cuddles
like snookies thong, its junk
thinkin youre grown up
and matured in 4 years
under pressure of peers
that cant release till 2 beers
Youve smeared your smirk
your boys seared and jerked to be frank ya furt
it stanks that the mirror doesnt flirt
so is that why,
you try treat me second rate
then kaput and dog what i say
cause youre insecure and afraid
and its got to gnaw at the base
im the salt to your taste
I hope all of these words
are a saw to your face
ive stirred the hornets nest
hoppin the fence with each rhyme
like i was just south of the most southwest lines
its time to diss this order, screw the court of florida
this border torture is a scorcher
but we can afford ta pay for ya house, a spouse, hospital bills,
more of whatever you feel and all of your mental disorders
its hilarious, my diss burns like asparagus
when you piss out your arogance in the middle of the toilet
Its so hott I could drop a egg in it and hard boil it
you've baked your plans o imma have to spoil it
you could saran-wrap your grams and still foil it
Just cover your manhood when the recoil hits
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