Lordy Poems

Political Nightmare

not entered in a contest

"There is no more dangerous menace to civilization 
than a government of incompetent, corrupt, or vile men."
                                                    ~ Ludwig von Mises


Presidential candidates are men of the same unfit kiN
Only one thing they are after ~ the votes of you and I
Left wing or the right; it's a catastrophe in the makinG
Its leadership offered, but it's just their word of moutH
They've made promises that neither of them has kepT
I make no distinction between a donkey or pachyderM
Curmudgeons are they, past prime. One with dementiA
And the other a felon with insufferable moral behavioR
Lordy, what dismal choices when America goes to votE

Slang Footles for Male Names: Part 3

Always Prepared

Ready 
Freddy

The Untamed

Feral
Ferril

What’s in Frankie’s Pockets?

Frankie’s
hankies

Patriotic Guy

Yankee
Frankie

Of the highest Quality

Fraser’s
razors

Small Eater

Grazer
Frazer

The Warlock

Pagan
Fagin

The Brilliant One

Star Glow
Fargo

Something’s About to Happen to Him

Herald
Gerald

Poet

The bard
Gerard

The Mimic

Parrot
Garret

Who Needs Pudding and Pie

Georgie 
Porgie

Good Grief!

Lordy,
Gordy!

Best Things in his Garden

Gerrett’s
carrots

The Stoic

Steely
Greeley

What People Always Say to Him

Really,
Greeley?

The Generous One

Sharin’
Garen

Thrill Seeker

Gnarly
Harley

So Angry

Snarly
Harley

Embittered

Soured
Howard

Not Brave at All

Coward
Howard

What’s in Henny’s pocket

Henny’s
Pennies

The Pest

Vermin
Herman

What Herman Gives Each Sunday

Herman’s
sermons

Why Can’t He Just Stay Home?

Roamer
Homer

Better Than Ice Cream
 
Sherbet
Herbert

Get Him Band-aids

Howie’s
Owies

Nonsensical

Phooey
Huey

Always Amazed

Wowie
Howie

The Overly Sentimental One

Gooey
Huey

Spotting a Sasquatch

It is a Sasquatch said a child who has seen several I know.
It was hairy and tall, lumbering along in the deep snow.
Moving faster than most of us who are wearing snowshoes.
Is there ever a pair? Do we ever see them in two’s?

It’s an ape, probably has run off from the zoo, I bet.
Said my far-sighted neighbor, Mrs. Tootles McRett.
We did not know what it was but did not run after it either.
We are smarter than that said my cousin, Lordy McTeter.

Forgetting Birthdays

Couplets On
Forgetting Birthdays
Miracle Man
3/12/2023

Another year came and went,
leaving me not broke, just badly bent.

Year’s speed by so fast, lordy-lordy.
and someone special just turned forty.

Seems I forget her birthday on most years,
she always laughs, I shed virtual tears.

I hope my forgetting you won’t besmirch,
my reputation with those we know at church.

Some say that forgetfulness is born of age,
that as we age brain’s just won’t engage.

But we will not break, though we may bend,
as we await that page that says, THE END.


Happy (Late) Birthday Katie
We Love You
Tom & what’s her name

Who, Indeed

Lordy, forty, kind regards!
we’ll be standing in your yard.
Pranking friends, we never tire:
fifteenth letter, set on fire...

----------

H/T to Caren Krutsinger's Who Am I

Pot Boiling To Save the Day

O Lord have Mercy, here it is!
Another spotless 'write' page on AP.
Auto-correct save me!

Time to open the drapes,
let some light in,
take out the mind-words
and not get them stuck
between tone-deaf teeth.

It's a big thing
this plucking at the skin
of a morning rooster
to see if is has
some cock a doodle to say.

Must relax to the max,
must flatter, coax, and cajole
a mumbling morning muse,
make it trot all over this white space
a place left over from my last
endeavor or whatever.

Lordy, I have an inclination,
the pressure of poesy demands
that I write of dragonflies,
of scintillating flights
and other such transparent temporizations.

To enter the compound eye
of a crystalline sky
to wiz off on a hope and a prayer.

There, tiz done.
Fear not that it means not a lot.
It is a big thing in a small think;
a matter and fact, and well set,
to be this flicker in a gnatcatchers net.

Chants In a Breakfast Diner

The door rings
I look up 
then
back to my eggs and hash browns.

The door rings
I look up
nobody I know,
my first time here
why should I know anyone!
Back to the eggs.

Two sunny-side-up,
the busting of yellow yokes
with a tip of toast --- O Lordy.

I look up
the waitress has bodacious tats,
a phone bursts into song
 another vibrates
as loud as a sleeping panther.

The door rings
creamy salutations
of comfort and grease.
Spoons jangle on tinkling handles,
spatulas knell upon the  griddle.

A buttery booth crush
a flush-faced coffee klatch.
The skinny cook yells in Kentucky Yiddish.
I look up 
flapjacks slap air
syrup pours and dongs in jug and jar.

The door chants and chimes -
Hallelujah for this ring-a-ding diner
and our Waffle House hunger.

Burning Bush

See, Bathsheba looks hot in the tub,
gives King David a bit of a chub.
He exclaims, “Lordy, Moses!”
then, Uriah, disposes,
and gets burned when he burns for that shrub.


----------

H/T to Rico Leffanta's Oral Robbers

Kamori Clap

You know I had to
leave by 1:00.
I had a date with 
Somethang Special.
So I decided to
plow both sides of the 
ole circle feild
down by
Suttle's place.
i got the edges first cause I knew
Ole Sutle's wife did laundry
on Wedsday,. Well anyway
I got about all but done
when i looked over
across the feild
and saw them two knucleheaded Gals
out there throwing red tomatos
at Old Suttle's wifes
freshly clean clothes.
I yelled o'er there
a said, stop that you
two damn Gals.
They looked and me a gave some
hand jesture, and told that
tall one "you couldn't  wet yo' self wiff water"
Ya'll best be gone, cause I'm
aah tellin Ole Suttler's wife ya'lls doings"
that ole Hussy Gal told me
"Blank you!" waving her midlle finger at
me. I told "Ole Sutter's wife
and she delt wiff them Smupetts:
cussing them out and yelling.
They got on there motorbike and
left. Wear those hiked up
spandex shorts, lordy be
something going on round year!

Singing the Blues of Covet

My neighbors bought a shiny new car,
it is sleek and runs faster than a cheetah,
on sunny days the convertible top is down,
I see them take off for a ride to town.

Oh Lordy, I'm singing the blues of covet.

A third cousin of mine won the state lottery,
he and his wife took off for romantic Hawaii,
and when it was over they bought a big house,
four stories tall to the delight of his spouse.

Oh Lordy, I'm singing the blues of covet.

I applied for an upgraded position hoping to get,
polished my resume till it shined like a mirror,
wore my best blazer and coordinated dress,
someone else got the job making me feel less.

Oh Lordy, I'm singing the blues of covet.

It is time to change my covetous attitude,
turning green with envy is eating me alive,
time to feel content with my hum-drum life,
doing away with days of continous strife.

Oh Lordy, I'm no longer singing the blues of covet.


March 16, 2020

Graduation of Two

Graduation Of Two

It is a day to remember,
my son and grandson together,

Graduating with an A-plus,
so tell me what is all the fuss,

Cannot recall a dull moment,
from yearly gifts now bestowment,

Both of you summa cum laude,
G.P.A. four-point-oh lordy,

So come now, uncle and nephew,
we leased a hall for this venue,

Family and friends all gather,
Entertainment, food, gifts, matter,

Your dad and granddad are happy,
nana's countenance is pretty,

Interest, game technology,
twas both in your biology,

Twas in the cards with words on walls,
colleges with their protocols,

Tis best for both to get a house,
here are the keys as I espouse,

Since your parents bought your new cars,
I resolved to buy a just cause,

So here is a toast to you boys,
ere me young men, to books from toys,

Both part of our family tree,
today, a bit proudly it be.

2020 February 17

Rhyme Scheme:
Couplet

Humiliatus

Aren't we?
High class my ass
A veneer
That's all it is
Different thicknesses
Undercover libertines 
Counterfeit Charlatans
Not everyone, maybe
But the majority
All the worlds a stage
As you like it right
Not everyone, okay.
Yeah, altruism exists
In its anonymity
Even Mother T. supposedly had her hand in the till
Can you believe that
Negligence too, Lawks-a-lordy
One hundred and ninety-five countries
Eight billion people
Seven thousand languages
Forty-two hundred religions
The makings of a  show
…and it is, isn't it?
Nuke up
Puke up
Tally ho and away we go

I Wished I Had Stayed In Bed

Isn’t there just days you wished you had stayed in bed
I went to the shops, and a seagull crapped on my head
 
Everyone laughing saying you know it means good luck 
Not quite what I thought, as trying to remove the muck

Yeah, Lordy, how I wished I had stayed in bed

Broke Down

I woke this morning feeling cold
Hard to stay warm now that I'm old
Can no longer rely on my eyes
Everything is out of focus I realize
As I stumble into the kitchen knowing
I've got to slam coffee to get going
My walking is not what it used to be
Got a sore hip and a bum knee
I don't worry much about combing my hair
Gone over the years, not much there
Honey asks if I want a quickie
Sadly my performance these days is quite iffy
My glory days are in the past
Don't know how much longer I can last
Today is my birthday, oh Lordy, Lordy
Falling apart now that I'm forty
Don't shake your head at me
Just because your ninety three

I Decided To Chose Me

Your obsession for me made me drift away
I don't know why in the world you think I would stay
Missed called and unanswered text
You should have known that my mind was not your sexual context
I let you in a few months ago
Now I put you on death row
Not to kill you in a dramatic phase
But to free you from me
Because you thought 
You had me star gazed
Little did you know this could never be
While during sex you say you love me
I sit down to have a conversation
To make sense of this situation 
I told you that you would bring out frustration
Just give me my emancipation
I dare not to engage you again because
The real reason you don't have a job due to you being a felon
Push through the controlling nature of this man
Made me feel less than human
I took a stand for myself for once
Now you leave and said you're missing out an lucky one
So I say good bye and close the door
Look down and received a text saying "didn't you want more"
Im glad the door is closed 
Lordy up above knows 
How to fill me to strike a pose
In a spiritual place to be free
I looked upwards towards heaven an finally found me

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