Best Lordy Poems
For those who don't read blogs or know of Jan's successful first book, I've written a limerick for her and included it in my comment on her blog. She's included her interview in a podcast. I was asked to post my limerick here as well. If anyone would like to write a limerick in honor of her first publication, please join in and send me a limerick, or even a note to congratulate her. Thank you.
Jan, our Queen of Poop has a sexy voice
Crowned as Limerick Queen, she is our choice
But oh my lordy
Some are quite bawdy
Book sales are good ~ she's getting a Rolls Royce
by Lin Lane
Jan's poems are clever and funny too
Full of bawdy lines and some about poo
Comedy at its best
Her poems will attest
Read" A giggle a day" to not feel blue
by Tania Kitchin
No rolls Royce or Winnebago camper van
A sedia gestatoria, for Jan
One with a floating loo
For outdoor number two
Carried shoulder high around the Isle of Man
by David Kavanagh
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN
Jan Allison has written her first book
It was a mammoth task she undertook
Preview it on amazon
I'll guarantee you'll want one
I've read a bit and my whole body shook.
by Tom Cunningham
Jan nixed the idea of getting a Rolls
She opted to put wheels on toilet bowls
Her farts serve as a horn
She ignores those who scorn
And she never gets stopped to pay bridge tolls
by Mark Koplin
In a bathroom where tales tend to unfold
And humerous secrets are often told
There’s a plop and a cheer
Laughter rings loud and clear
In porcelain chambers poems are sold
by Arthur Vaso
Poetry Soup’s Queen of Poop
has made herself a news scoop!
She published her book
and that’s all it took.
A second book is now in the loop.
by Linda Alice Fowler
Congratulations Limerick queen Jan
A poetess who’s from the Isle of Man
Pleased your book is a hit
A giggle a day gift
From an hilarious comedian.
by Beryl Edmonds
Categories:
lordy, friendship,
Form:
Limerick
Always Prepared
Ready
Freddy
The Untamed
Feral
Ferril
What’s in Frankie’s Pockets?
Frankie’s
hankies
Patriotic Guy
Yankee
Frankie
Of the highest Quality
Fraser’s
razors
Small Eater
Grazer
Frazer
The Warlock
Pagan
Fagin
The Brilliant One
Star Glow
Fargo
Something’s About to Happen to Him
Herald
Gerald
Poet
The bard
Gerard
The Mimic
Parrot
Garret
Who Needs Pudding and Pie
Georgie
Porgie
Good Grief!
Lordy,
Gordy!
Best Things in his Garden
Gerrett’s
carrots
The Stoic
Steely
Greeley
What People Always Say to Him
Really,
Greeley?
The Generous One
Sharin’
Garen
Thrill Seeker
Gnarly
Harley
So Angry
Snarly
Harley
Embittered
Soured
Howard
Not Brave at All
Coward
Howard
What’s in Henny’s pocket
Henny’s
Pennies
The Pest
Vermin
Herman
What Herman Gives Each Sunday
Herman’s
sermons
Why Can’t He Just Stay Home?
Roamer
Homer
Better Than Ice Cream
Sherbet
Herbert
Get Him Band-aids
Howie’s
Owies
Nonsensical
Phooey
Huey
Always Amazed
Wowie
Howie
The Overly Sentimental One
Gooey
Huey
Categories:
lordy, boy,
Form:
Footle
My driveway is packed with the cars
of friends and family,
chips put out, and the little ones
are running joyously.
A cooler filled up with bag ice
keeps cold soda and beer,
I think half the folks I know
were able to get here.
I stand over a charcoal grill,
today it is my thing,
propane may work in a pinch,
but briquettes remain king
Coals seer some discount longhorn steaks,
bought from a friend of mine,
will turn the meat ninety degrees,
get perfect grill-mark lines.
My vegan niece sits not far off,
always looks thin and ill,
ready to tell everybody:
“It’s not okay to kill!”
As if the plants she likes to eat
didn’t go to their death,
some day she might see how it is,
but she ain’t got there yet.
The youngsters go high on the swings,
I hear metal chains squeak,
one even gets up far enough
to brush against some leaves.
Every few moments one flies off,
and lands half-stumbling,
turns back to his cousins and cries:
“That jump was amazing!”
The older kids are further back,
shagging some fly-balls down,
they mix it up with fast bouncers,
racing across the ground.
Inside men sit and watch the game,
share opinions on sports,
each convinced they know the deal,
which players to exhort.
Not a word of work goes around,
and to me that’s just fine,
Boss-man gets five days of the week,
but these two? They are mine.
Wives and sisters sit on the deck,
indulging in girl-talk,
it may be a stereotype,
but lordy, how they squawk.
Then again, maybe it’s just me,
the introverted type,
gossiping in a big circle,
not something I would like…
Take off the ones medium rare,
three more minutes—well done,
plate them up, then give a shout:
“The steak’s on, everyone!”
Categories:
lordy, celebration, family, food, fun,
Form:
Rhyme
not entered in a contest
"There is no more dangerous menace to civilization
than a government of incompetent, corrupt, or vile men."
~ Ludwig von Mises
Presidential candidates are men of the same unfit kiN
Only one thing they are after ~ the votes of you and I
Left wing or the right; it's a catastrophe in the makinG
Its leadership offered, but it's just their word of moutH
They've made promises that neither of them has kepT
I make no distinction between a donkey or pachyderM
Curmudgeons are they, past prime. One with dementiA
And the other a felon with insufferable moral behavioR
Lordy, what dismal choices when America goes to votE
Categories:
lordy, political,
Form:
Acrostic
Slipping down inside a crystal chandelier
red rouge cheeks running on through
breathe as visions settle in my mind
you're just a little bit of nutty
with an apricot perfume
quite exceptional I do say
a kindred spirit bouquet
Teasing along the tip of my palate
caramel gaze of grandeur glows
as you kiss my parched lips away
partaking a perfect compliment
in every simple way
sparkles spill in anticipation
topping off a pleasant kind of day
lordy
Categories:
lordy, beauty, butterfly, imagery, love,
Form:
Personification
Well if it isn’t the Italian Princess herself! I just KNEW we’d finally meet. It must be our:
Karma,
Charma
(Whatcha say we…Ow! Look, you left a mark)
I swear to GOD I haven’t been drinking Deb! It’s YOU that’s making me all:
Woozy,
Guzzi
(Hold me up whouldja cher? Ohh yeah)
Wow, I’m trippin’ out Ortello! It’s like FAR OUT to rap with you man and those threads are like:
Groovin’
Ruben
(I’m an old hippie, what did you expect?)
Well look who’s here! Andrea, the sonnet queen herself! What you drinkin girl? How bout some:
Brandy,
Andie?
(Or maybe some ‘Southern Comfort?’ Ouch! You too?)
OH-MY-GOD, its Ms. Claudon-I-I-mean ONCLAUD (gulp) you’re getting me all:
Sweaty,
Nettie!
(Here, check my pulse)
C’mon Ms. Richards! Let’s take a walk and have a nice long talk about poetry…Why do you:
Tarry,
Carrie?
(I KNOW you’re busy but I’m SO lonely)
The Flower of the East! May I have this dance? Whew! Lordy me...Do I detect the sweet aroma of:
Jasmine,
Yasmin?
(This was SUPPOSED to be for your contest but I footled around and didn’t read the footling RULES)
Categories:
lordy, poets,
Form:
Footle
Dear Lordy, what have you done
this loony spouse given me…
he rants and TV- clicks all night
much like a freakish banshee!
Obsessed with horror movies
remote control is life's drug:
This model needs rebooting,
It's time for urgent de-bug.
11/11/2017
Written for Kevin Shaw's Surreal and Daft
Categories:
lordy, america, husband, silly,
Form:
Rhyme
Strange how it goes, they're waiting their turn
To flood my thoughts, these ideas to burn
Other times nothing, just rack my old brain
Get all pooped out, my attempts are in vain
Is there no place smack dab in the middle
Where rhymes reside and efforts are little
Why do we suffer a blankness at times
There must be a pill for starting these rhymes
Oh well, I'm really having the time of my life
Annoying struggles just add to the spice
We'd ALL be poets if these rhymes came easy
Wouldn't stand out with our words so breezy
Do you catch my drift, am I making any sense
Keep plugging away, don't be so damn tense
Rhymes will soon come, have ye no doubt
Flooding your brain, you'll stand up and shout
Lordy, I'm a poet just knew it all along
My heart doth sing a happiness thong!
© Jack Ellison 2013
Categories:
lordy, humorous, poetry,
Form:
Couplet
Adventures In Wonderland-Condensed Version
Alice
malice
Rabbit's
habit
"I'm late
can't wait"
tardy
lordy!
deep hole
took toll
she fell
oh well
found note
I quote,
"Drink me"
it's free
too big
took swig
she drank
then shrank
ate cake
mistake
Hatter
chatter
treed cat
too fat
March Hare
he's there
Red Queen
so mean
beguiled
poor child
from shakes
she wakes
it seemed
she dreamed
amends
tale ends
>>>>>>>>>
March 22nd, 2017
Jan Allison's Fabulous Fun Footles
Categories:
lordy, adventure, fantasy,
Form:
Free verse
What has happened to my muse?
It's not an easy thing to lose
Yet, it seems that I've misplaced it
Or, perhaps, I just erased it
In some absent-minded funk
(Lordy knows, I'm never drunk)
Maybe it's just up my sleeve
Waiting for a love's reprieve
Or stuffed deep inside a pocket
Hoping hopes a dream will rock it
Or perhaps behind the couch
Intent to end my writing slouch
Lost in darkness 'neath my bed
(A metaphor for "in my head")
Drifting on a spring-tide mistral
Or poised for ruin, in a pistol
Gossamer as an angel's wing
Or ebbing life, as sirens sing
Dancing on a moonlit sea
Bound for harbors, heavenly
In the grasp of horrors, dim
A last endeavor, chances, slim
Perhaps it's waiting just inside
The smile of a blushing bride
Or in the twisted roots of trees
A thousand angry honey bees
Framed like all the grandest art
Or served on silver, a' la carte
The promise of a mustard seed
Or in the depths of evil greed
The fevered itch of aged scars
Hot like dust, among the stars
See, that's the beauty of a muse
It hides inside whate'er we choose
Imagination sews its seam -
Bound only by how deep we dream
So, it was hiding, from the start
Within the chambers of my heart
And if your muse is missing, too
I'm sure that's where it waits ...
For YOU!
Written on May 10, 2020
Submitted on June 18, 2020
To the "Your Fave Poem 2020 Not Written For A Contest" Poetry Contest
John Hamilton, Judge & Sponsor.
Categories:
lordy, humorous, introspection, poetry, writing,
Form:
Rhyme
O’ I am standing in this river, in its waters clear and pure
I am washing away my troubles until they are no more
Accusations are beneath me, they’re not even worth my time
I can see right through you baby, I was never born blind
My vision is as clear as that water running beneath my feet
There will come a day my dreams will be more than complete
O’ I am standing in this river, in its waters clear and pure
I am washing away my troubles until they are no more
I ain’t looking backwards on the chains of folks that bind
No Lordy, unlike most I was built from a different kind
I’m hanging onto my own principles and I’m staying strong
Time’s up, you can’t ever make me do no more wrong
O’ I am standing in this river, in its waters clear and pure
I am washing away my troubles until they are no more
I’m heading home now, to the place I was born and bred
My feet cleansed by the water so with purity I now tread
With clarity in my mind and my soul once more released
No stopping now until my destination has been reached
O’ I am standing in this river, in its waters clear and pure
I am washing away my troubles until they are no more
O' yeah
I’m heading home now, to the place I was born and bred
My feet cleansed by the water so with purity I now tread
With clarity in my mind and my soul once more released
No stopping now until my destination has been reached
O’ I am standing in this river, in its waters clear and pure
I am washing away my troubles until they are no more . . .
Categories:
lordy, character, faith, inspirational, integrity,
Form:
Rhyme
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch you name
Him:Yellow, but my friends call me Yell
Me: Say again? I’m somewhat hearing impaired
Him: Yellow!! But my friends call me Yell!!
Me: There’s certainly no need to YELL at me sir
Him: Son of a…I said Yellow!! But my friends ca...
Me: Ahh, I see, so you’re a yellow fellow then?
Him: Okay whatever, yeah, I’m a yellow fellow
Me: Well, there’s nothing at all to be afraid of sir
Him: You givin’ me a BAD case of the red-ass here!
Me: A red Ass? Might I suggest that you dye it y...
Him:You and me are fixin’ to visit the hospital bud!
Me: Well, I’m certainly no doctor but it could be jaundice
Him:You’re gonna NEED a doctor, you yellow bellied…
Me: Sir, I'm certain that my abdomen is flesh toned, see?
Him: Oh lordy me! Pull your FREEKIN’ shirt back d....
Me: By the way, do you remember that song Mellow Yel…
Him: (Slam-Bam-Ooof!!)---Pretty sure its Donovan, right?
Me: No hir, my name ih NOH Donovan, ih’s Him Ryerson
Him: Gonna make me do this AGAIN? (more slam-bam-ooof)
Me: Excuse me hir, it heems I’ve fallen and cannoh geh up
Him: Call Life Alert and tell them you need a dentist...
* Edited and extended version of a previous post
Dedicated to the VERY talented poet Monterey Sirak whose contest this poem placed in...Thanks Monterey!
Categories:
lordy, color, humorous, violence,
Form:
Light Verse
ELocution
ELocution
Diction ENglish grammer proper nouns predicates verbs learn the way the language
works then grow up to be a poet and throw it all away today to make new words to
make poems bleed to make the rhymes the prose doth need. Shakespeare is an
affluance. He rubbed off some on my purple prose. O God! how wonderful are Thy
works! Thou makest the rotting log to nourish banks of violets, and from the
stagnant pool at Thy word springs forth the lotus that covers all with fragrance and
beauty! Sonnet #3,000,745,001 OH LORDy
OH LORDy, howe wondrous is thy working beauty. Thou doth makest the rott sprout
violets from olden logg on water bank nearest stagnant pool whilst at Thy WORD the
lotus springeth forthwith to cover over all the smelling salts nearest hand to hold in
cuppboard bare the bone for elbert Hubbard gone. Hark the light from yonder glaring
glen forsook the frames the lenses now opaqued. Blind to world of beauty winter
paints a white mistaken ache in me. Amid the bones of whited elephaunt skunks
rome near me to harken when the crow calls daybeak come. Caw the raven quoth.
God forbode a man, that an Englaisman should tell or act a lie, neithor the Son of
GOD my Jesus, that He should feel repentance or compunction [for what his Father
has promised]. Has He sayeth, and shall He not say on? Or has He spoken and shall
He not make it gooder. Oh LORDy. For the reasoneth He stays upon His bethroned
placement is quite evident for iff GOD were to walk the Earth as a mere man in sight
of all this assembled Heathorns even for just one day twold make us all so jealous of
the miricles in the clay. For Jesus could open up his hand wiht a plott of dirty clay
and make a violet blooming say. Oh Lordy.
Categories:
lordy, allegory, education, inspirational, on
Form:
Prose Poetry
Machiavelli s'been stewing
teardrops in the Soup
Stooping to new lows
for SYMPATHY
stirring chickens in the coop
Seems some folks will do anything
for what they think is fame
Swiss cheese stories for glory
Lordy! Whaddah' shame!
Reminds me of two classic movies...
"Freddie Lives" and the other is
"The Crying Game"...
but this one's very unbelievable, it ain't scary,
and it's much
MUCH more lame!~
Categories:
lordy, bereavement, betrayal, drink, giggle,
Form:
Epitaph
Toasty mornings with teakettles whistling bring to mind Danish days on Marata’s
horse farm, ponies prancing in the unusually warm sunlight, and new fangled
sparkling silver water fountains. Mirada, Karen and Laura’s Mom hosted Bob, Jamie
and I for a summer vacation. We had just settled into the whitewashed kitchen
when the problem was presented to us. For years the housed herd of guest horses
had been watered by filling lovely old white porcelain cast iron tubs which had been
scattered all over the rolling green fields of the farm in Faum.
Mirada had the forward thinking idea of saving farm hand time [and her the hourly
wage] of piping water to these beautiful horses with new fountains! Yes, my
lovelies, all you have to do is push your nose right here. Out bubbles crisp cool clean
water, minus the dead flies, which often drowned in the old tub! Seems horses are
very suspicious. Nope the herd was having none of it. Soon, if not cajoled, they
would be passing out from lack of water in the Danish summer’s heat. What foreign
creature had replaced their friendly old white tub of water? Where was their water?
They saw no water. Sure there was a scent of it from that pole but “What the
heck?” snorted the black stallion shaking his head at the girls.
We were told there would be no breakfast, lunch or dinner for us until we helped
get those horses watered. So off we went, shuffling our feet to a meet and greet
with the herd. Marata and the girls knew the horses. We almost knew a horse from
a cow. I went right up to this large black beauty, pet his nose and rubbed my cheek
on his face, love at first sight! Blackie started following me and we walked toward
the fountain. Then the sun glanced off the dreaded thing and he shied. I pushed the
control, filled my hands with water and brought him some. Lordy, lordy he drank
from my hands! The herd behind him whinnied. I tried to get him nearer the fountain
but it was a no, go. He’d drink from my hands but not the fountain. It just goes to
show you, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink, is really
TRUE!
*The next morning Laura begged her own pony AGAIN to drink. He finally did the rest did too then ;)
Categories:
lordy, familyold, water, farm, horse,
Form:
Narrative