Long Youse Poems

‘She’s on again - the annual campin’ trip regatta,
and we’ve got ourselves together for our plans to Wonnangatta. 
The high country; you can’t beat it for the peace and quiet
unless of course some plans get...

Read More

Oppressor and the oppressed.

Who is the oppressed and who is the oppressor?
Who has the right to beat a random person on the street?
Who has the right when to pronounce a person guilty or to see...

Read More

Oi be nowt but an auld country hick,
we a liddle bit of gall, an a lotta stick.
Oi baint niver afeared to speak me mind,
nor critizise folks harshly iffen Oi find
zummit I don’t loik.  Tis...

Read More

Me real name it is Bill Vonbertouche,	
but for short most folk just call me Bill.
Me Mum and Dad say I’m real smart,	
but the girls reckon I’m just a dill.	

But let’s just get this one thing...

Read More

Another long weekend’s upon us and we’re ready, set to go,
To get amongst the bream again, along the river Tambo.
Our adrenaline is rushing and we’re really bloody keen,
To celebrate with fishing while, we’re toasting to...

Read More

“Where are you going?” Teddy asked, breaking in our conversation,
between Bulldog, ‘Newy’ and myself and noticed with his observation,
that the words of Phillip Island had been mentioned by us three,
so he gathered that we’re fishing,...

Read More

Her grand gals axed her one time
How did hers ever gits a date
Her done went ta a all gals school
Theys wudn't let no boys in
Ut makes me's won ders 
Yep ut sure do

Theys at that...

Read More

We were drinking in the Eagles Nest; a cozy little pub,
one Friday evening after work completed in the scrub.
Most of us are timber workers, who get paid on Friday night,
so we’re all cashed up and...

Read More

Oh yeah if you’re a fisherman,
and you’re rung up by a mate,
there’s always time to put down tools
with no need to contemplate,
‘cause fishing has that magic draw
to take you to your peak -
and evening is...

Read More

Brandin

I's jist gots back frum Y-OM_UN
An wents ta sees ma son un 'is wife
Thay war waitin fur a call ta goes helps a frien
An thays jist throwed me un.

Ut war un tha Kansas plains
Un thay...

Read More

Archie Bunker at the Pearly Gates

By Elton Camp

Archie almost died at the loading dock
The experience, to him, quite a shock
“If the crate hadn’t missed, I’d be dead”
The scary thought ran through his head

That night he...

Read More

Ah war out a walkin
Ut war a Sunday morn
Mah chores war all did
Warn't no need fer me et home

Ah walks along tha river
What does goes by er place
Hearin tha crickets singin
Un watchin dragonflies un tha...

Read More

The Union Pacific steamer billowed clouds of smoke as down the rails it raced!
Young soldiers aboard the crowded train contemplated the dire fates they faced.
Melancholy thoughts of hearth and home this Christmas Day were hard...

Read More

Two rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted...

Read More

Two rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted...

Read More

I'd spent the day down at the market and seen me sheep get sold,
And I'd got a pretty good price for the seven six months old,
So I bought some treats for those at home to...

Read More

On a Monday public holiday and with my son home from school,
we organized to go out fishing in a creek where blackfish rule,
and while we’re putting in the boot, our bamboo poles and fishing gear,
I...

Read More

I’ve spent years and years on my computer staring at the screen,
tapping on the alphabet; typing out a quirky poet scene.
A thesaurus is the saving grace when this poet needs a sign,   
so...

Read More

If Youse Guys

If youse guys knock on my door,
I ain’t gonna answer it, no freaking way, man!
Youse could be Perry Smith and Dick Hickock standing there,
Holding a flashlight, a fishing knife, and a shotgun, 
Thinking...

Read More

Television-
As American as Chop Suey,
We watch it day and night,
Till our minds get very gooey...

I remember shows,
That are no more,
Ones my dad, or I, 
Did adore

He loved his quiz shows,
A requirement of old age...
(Like moving...

Read More

One Sunday afternoon last summer with the weather being great,
we decided we should carry on one normal summer trait,
and put on a ‘barby’ for the neighbours, so we can socialise,
while we have a drink of...

Read More

The wife ‘n I were taken out
by me’ bosses on a Christmas ‘do’,
to a restaurant I can’t afford,
uptown in some swank avenue,
where a waiter dressed up to kill,
in a black formal suit with a tie,
pulled...

Read More

Rats can have over a million descendants
In eighteen months, talk about prolific
Don't know about all youse guys out there
But this guy finds that quite horrific

You'd produce enough gas for an atomic bomb
If you farted for...

Read More

Bet youse cain't guesses 
Whats I's done taday,
I's saddles up ma ol' roan
Un we's set off'n the trail
Whar tha doggies likes ta play.

Thay war tha fattest critters
Tha grass ut war belly high
Thay's maws war so...

Read More

I thought and I thought
I thought and I thunk
so very much thinking
My thoughts made me drunk

My friends are great friends
Friends that are friendly and true
They are far more than friends
These lovely friends one and two

They're...

Read More