Long Tooted Poems

Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig...

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"50 Words for Poe: Keys"

He threw the car keys over to her
“Freedom keys babe”, he purred
“Silver Lady’s my girl” she said,

This he understood.

“Freedom keys babe, let’s blow this joint, make a getaway out of this...

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Before the phrase,  'road rage',  was born,                          ...

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I adopt dainty etiquette
when quenching thirst or dining
to buzzfeed growling beast
inside me tummy.

The missus requests obedience
raising both my little fingers in the air
upon taking beverage or repast to lips.

Additionally, she also requires I
(well healed husband...

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 A funny thing happened on the way to the Art Museum, 
I saw a seagull fly above a man wearing a soldier’s beret.
He landed on the arena of the respected Roman Colosseum,
pooped all over...

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As the day slowly fades into a much welcomed and peaceful night.
   The sound of crickets and bullfrogs serenade me as I turn out the light.
Well I told Jesus a quick summary of...

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As the day slowly fades into a much welcomed and peaceful night.
   The sound of crickets and bullfrogs serenade me as I turn out the light.
Well I told Jesus a quick summary of...

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Feint faint "Fake" no nor'easter

If putsch comes to shove,
aye ain't no doggone fraidy cat
nor chicken little
fearing coup d'état,
yours truly simply
risk averse, and more exact,
he stays sequestered
within these four walls,
cuz tis safest inside this flat
always... mein...

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Same within.Introspection of Sea Change

08/06/2016
Lemuel Griffiths
aka
Lem Gunn




Fiercest of battles above my head,
Same within.
 
Blue battling the grey,
'Never ending turmoil throughout time.

''I coulda' saved her, 
Kept her sane., 

Love is strange'' .., I told him.., concluded,...

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12/5/20


Better choose quick
Just might lose if
You don't do it

Awesome or a nuisance
It either was or wasn't in the blueprints
Still a loner, or already shot by Cupid's
Arrow, underneath a sky that is moonlit

They spread lies, but...

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Fannie Strumpet is a flatulent floozy
With each wiggle her rump lets out a doozy
She blows out so much gas
Foul vapor from her a$$
It's asphyxiating and makes me woozy

Fannie lets 'em rip without hesitation
When I point...

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We bullies jeered and we hooted.
We were big and bad and mean.
We told everyone he tooted
We called him Navy Bean.

We made fun of his homemade clothes,
We called him crazy and unclean.
We laughed at his gigantic...

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She is such a pretty porker the old sow said.
I thought you were too old for swine, said cousin Fred.
I may be tough, but I am certainly not dead,
She is a gorgeous gobbler, the old...

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There is a legend of a cowboy down in Texas
To whom they give the sobriquet of Pecos Bill.
It's said he rooted and he tooted
As across the plains he scooted,
Stetsoned, jeaned, bowlegged, and booted,
Pursuing cows and...

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A flying saucer landed 
In a farmer's fallow field. 
It had come from far away, 
Beyond Orion's starry shield. 
The aliens were mystified. 
They giggled and they squealed. 

The cows were in the pasture, 
Chewing...

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Let’s have a picnic I said! All eager and stuff.
My refrigerator was bare, which was a bit rough.
By the time my guest arrived I had baked beans and ham.
And a surprise guest, my flatulent grandma,...

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Imagine if our poop was a pretty pink
Or smelled like a dozen red roses
Beautiful music was heard when we tooted
There'd be no need for holding noses

We'd relish the thought of soiling our whites
To show off...

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Once upon a time there was a pug who's name was Doug.
He wore uggs, and played with slugs.
Doug looked like a bug.
Also doug has a favorite rug.
The pug always dug and sat in a mug.
Then...

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Belong in Dog Pound

Often have tooted my horn
And even one was born
In some sides a thorn.

Searching for a place to go
In wet weather or deep snow
Seems to be so slow.

So when the slow start going
What...

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