Long Spiraling Poems
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5/21/11-5/22/11
I rule over the night
undaunted with all my might
I have time to spare all I can bare
Watching the hand chime
tugging…pushing…shoving
through whirling toil
that feed the spoil
Perplexing strife
refusing to give up
Power and torment
We are too caught up in our own power
and ruling over each passing moment
each passing night…destroying the twin towers
Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?
I’m tossed…shifting around with uncontrolled anguish
Zipping…tripping over rambling bolts
spiraling into a mad house
Don’t enchant your intolerable voice
I see no love dwelling in this household
Do you seek for your power…
you insufferable traitor?
Seeking our upcoming doom
brewing strife in the heap of ruins
brewing strife while we still leave room
to obey and remain under power
You are assuming the worst
father…mother…
rule over the passing anguish…circling around
stumbling around…not aware
Hey you! play fair
Behave and stay awhile
before you feed the fire that holds sheer vile
Allow love to not be thrown away
into another pile
I grasp no love engrained
In our giving garden
that plants ceaseless approval
Pardon my faults
I was far from comforting sleep
Dread is driven mysteriously
Through an endless night
Moving on the tracks
Forming into an alarming train
Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?
Who did the labor suitably?
worthwhile father…pleasure-seeking mother
Don’t enchant your intolerable voices
and expect us to listen sensibly
Demanding us to do labor
and assist our displeased neighbor
Why do you melt the delight away?
Throwing away a flavor of ecstasy
and put us to glove-less labor
without putting our favor and opinion
into the overlooked pile
Burning agony
dries the buried glee
Saved for a grieving moment
Playing like a warped tune… unable to express
solitude that develops in the heart
raped by the ragged uncertainties
without taking heed of our pleas
These desirable moments
Cherished in the deplorable journey
They weren’t acknowledged by power
Love in those days were brand new
Do you have a clue?
they were cherished...
Bountiful…
stranded in a deserted past
in merciful beauty…caught under the spell
Where did that come to pass?
Where’s the love?
Who’s doing all the blaming?
Who’s choosing our faults?
Oh, fear! The sinister finger of a tornado!
Twisting, spinning, spiraling in turbulent
toroidal twirls of angry winds and high
pressures, few forces - natural or nay -
are as destructive or as frightening or
as beautiful! Yes, I am myself afraid
of those weaving beasts of spinning
horror, for there are few things as
certain to bring unavoidable death
and destruction, but I have also
always been drawn so to their
violent beauty and power, and
their affect on atmosphere and
light. There is little anyone can
do to avoid their wrath if they
find you, and that assured ill
anger of nature is why they
are so reviled ... buildings,
cars, animals, trees, bits,
pieces, farms, insects,
trucks, people, pets,
houses, things that
grow, move, stand
still, fixed, loose,
secured - there
is hardly any-
thing that is
outside the
mix of the
horror, but
if you are
a broad,
strong,
long,
flat,
....,,,,~>>~,,,,....
- Smooth, deep, thick, hard, layer of the finest concrete, then you are SOLID! -
Submitted on November 22, 2020
To the "SHAPE UP" Poetry Contest
Brian Strand, Judge & Sponsor
~ 1st Place ~ in the "The Shape Of My Art" Poetry Contest, Line Gauthier, Judge & Sponsor.
Bertrand Russell
was intrigued by systems theory,
appalled by systemic racism
within himself and others,
corporations and churches
not recognizing each other's wisdom
also found in temples and synagogues
and community investment banks
and poor houses.
He was also interested in political philosophy,
power of aristocrats
anticipating growing personal economic despotism
offering no respite
to green/blue democratic EarthLovers.
A contemporary of Einstein's,
who shared Russell's political philosophy
and perhaps his interest in 4Dimensional
prime NonZero-entropic space/time
co-arising dipolar bilateral
spatial/integral
physical/metaphysical systems
also sort of bicamerally structured
Russell writes,
"The reason physics has ceased to look for causes
is that, in fact,
there are no such things.
The law of [unilateral linear] causality
is a relic of a bygone age,
surviving, like the monarchy,
only because it is erroneously supposed
to do no [win/lose, either/or leftbrain dominant reductive] harm."
Here, Russell's parenthetical analogy
betrays his political philosophy
favoring natural/spiritual green/blue co-arising systemic democracy
of We The Healthy MultiCultural EarthPeople
causing and effecting
monoculturing
narcissistic aristocratic collective fantasies,
anthropocentric Naked EarthExploiting Emperors.
Causal systemic power travels down to up,
like root systems toward flowers,
nutritionally before,
secondarily, communication flowing back top to down,
like seeds embedding in Earth's co-invested future
multiculturing fertile soil
bearing multi-regenerational anticipated win/win fruits,
Dipolar co-arising in polyphonic apposition
more normatively nurturing
than win/lose bipolar challenges of monoculturing,
too aristocratically self-delusional
short-term empowering aggressors
leftbrain straight white western male predators
on organic polycultural matriarchal fields
of original nature/spirit win/win systemic energy
in which each individual ego
is EarthMother sacred
eco-politically born
For growing systemic
democratic cooperative green energy,
power,
empowerment,
enlightenment
of integrity's systemic multiculturing potential
for climate health,
internally ego-inspiring spiraling spiritual
as externally natural rooted
organic ecosystems of life
reversing monoculturing death.
As I age in place
into awareness of replaceability
I bow to humbling curiosity,
Whether more anxious
or anticipating,
I remain conflicted
About predicting
a win/win global healthy climate
sustainable outcome
In which my own anthroprivileged species
grows in ecological curiosity
and theological humility
Enough for winning healthy Earth
restoring justice,
inclusive
or exclusive?
of us.
A peaceful paradise of curious promise
for resiliently wealthy
multicultural ecofeminists
of all seeing/hearing EarthMother species
AND our leftbrain dominant
StraightWhiteMale capital growing fragile
and increasingly wounded Allies
Or will this Great Green Transition
end and recycle back again
a healthier peace and justice Earth
devoid of inhumane
predative
overpopulated rabid hetero-unsapient pests?
While this winEarth/loseAnthros
heart-stopping vision fails to mention
all the further kinship species
we have already helped exterminate
and will continue to take out with us,
Still
stunned
shunned
I remain quietly hopeful
that a seventh great extinction
might never come to be
before Second Comings
Of Edenic Civility
bereft of straight either/or lined
leftbrain dominant distractions
Extractions
from right interdependent circling
spiraling feeling
abundant historical multicultural traction
for healthy democratic energy
empowering flow
and enlightened nature/spirit MultiSpecies
Worshipping
polyculturing sensory resonant pleasures
of resilient health wealthy climate paradise
Recovering
old aging wonder,
humbling
and still actively curious
how EarthMother healthy ends
And rebegins
re-ligions wealthily ever after
with Yang empowering
Yintegral enlightening balance,
Either both/and way,
humane-divine hybrid consciousness
of
merely sublime natural
sensory aware
animating spirits,
Breaths of incoming
outgoing life
as love
regeneratively prevails.
And yet
I cannot resist some attachment,
as I limp toward my own ego-recentering
ultra-nonviolet
compassioning horizon,
Rooting for this new global age
of Green Cooperative EcoNonPaternal-Privileged
already leading our nonviolent communion
toward a resiliently restorative EarthJustice Way,
A curious winning for AnthroTribe
also winning Earth GreenPeace
to health/wealth new deal Thrive.
I fall and my mind begs my heart to get up
I try to stand on two shaky legs
But the weight of my soul has become too much to bear
The rips and tears in my heart have become too much to mend
I try to close my eyes but I’m continuously haunted by your smile
My heart yearns to pull your body close
To get wrapped up in your lyrical verse
My mind craves the sound of your voice
I try but I’m left with only one lyrical choice
I need you, I need you, I need you
My soul feels alive when I’m caught in your gaze
I let go of my fear and convince my heart to be brave.
It’s too early so I won’t let this feel like love
I can’t help but want to be your dove
Sailing on the winds of your emotions
A dolphins riding the waves of your devotion
In the ocean that is your heart
Why can’t I just let these feeling pass
My world is spinning way too fast
I’m lost, You find me, I’m lost again.
Your eyes draw me in but your fears push me out
Your lips beckon me closer
But doubt still clouds your mind
Why did we have to find each other now
The timing couldn’t be more wrong
(cuss) THIS!!!!!!
You still sing my heavenly song
A melodious rhapsody
Into this abyss
I fall to thee
I’m floating on your words
This is weird, I’m lost in three different worlds
I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m confused
I wish time would cease to tick
So I wouldn’t have to lose
Wishing amour shall cause our hands to fuse
So I never have to let go
So I’d never have to say “so…
Long” and “I’ll see you soon”
Spiraling, spiraling into this lonely doom
SAVE ME!!!!!!
Set my soul free
Unlock this prison that keeps our feelings hidden
Rescue my heart
It’s calling out to you
I’ll understand if you block me out
I can sense your fear
I know, I understand, I agree
Even if the Fates tell us we aren’t meant to be
I know you feel this too
Now do you understand this torment that I’m going through?
I am overcome with boundless affection
You have captured me with intellectual perfection.
Beating hearts, tempted souls
Feeling which weren’t supposed to grow
But yet they did and I see it clear
Sweet ……, I wish you near
Wrap you in my arms
Breathe in your scent
Countless hours in thought I’ve spent
In a state of mental disorder, your smiles and face inhabit the center, and the borders
Of my heart
Willing our threads never to part……
Form:
The cold chambers of my mind
Lacks happiness and a sense of belonging – I’m feeling soar
Under the snow is where you’ll find me
For, I’m snowed under by your heartless remarks, giving me the impression that you
used to envy me possibly
Under the water is where you’ll see my body
You can’t save me from drowning, so don’t make me change my mind…I’ll do the
impossible and I’ll do the opposite of what you tell me to do – let me go…help me,
somebody!
I loved you, girl…you were my darling angel
My dreams are broken because you abandoned me…carelessly…tactlessly…we used to
lack hands like two grand lands in agreement with each other – we’re those lovers
embracing each other lovingly and without a care
I’m all alone…I’m all alone…without a care…
I’m on my own…I’m on my own…everyone starts to stare
Can you look the other way someday?
Am I that attractive to you all? I’m sorry – I don’t roll that way!
You lead me to another lane…you knew where you were driving
You knew the course from the start; now, we hit a dead end, still surviving…arriving
undone
You ran me over heartlessly
You knew that I’d meet my fatality
You injured me inside and out
You hurt me badly without a doubt
Condescendingly, you burned away one of my favorite times of my life
I did the same thing to you, except I gave you space to regret everything you have done
to me – making me victim to your sinister strife
No apologies accepted…all will be rejected
In the long run, you’ll feel infected…
You are gonna be that orphan, all alone without blankets to wrap yourself around in –
having no time to commit even one childlike crime
You marinate and engorge in your abominable sin…spiraling from deep within you – where
have you been? You were my faithful kin once upon a time
Let me whisper in your ears
About how many times you’ve neglected me – for many years
You didn’t even noticed I have wept a thousand tears or more…you never reflected upon
me like mirrors
Don’t freeze my heart with your malicious, merciless words – its sole purpose is to harm
than do any good
How did you view love? Like a game?
Didn’t you feel this shame without a shameless name?
Don’t strike me with your perilous love…stop making me feel pity!
Don’t play rough! Play fair and please don’t neglect me…
Please don't neglect me once more . . .
Unlike natural humane organisms,
like toad
and squirrel
and goldfinch bodies and brains,
Spiritual humane organisms,
like toad
and squirrel
and goldfinch matters and minds,
remain unchanged
by my perception
reception of them v us
as separate,
even laughably autonomous spirits
rather than One EarthTribe Holonic Laughing Spirit
Of interdependent integrity
with win/win
left-dominant/right-prominent
west/east
north/south
ego/eco-politically good-humored intentions
for multicultural empowerment
against monotheistic disempowerment
of all these natural
and spiritual
humane nature/spirits,
unseparated.
Natural bodies
do not share this uniting equity
between separate embodied perceptions,
merely sober secular,
and One disembodied unlistening God
stubbornly refusing to open ZeroZone Original Soul
of interdependently uniting re-creation
without uniformly uninviting
reduction of humanity
to win/lose violently inhumane capitalists,
Evolutionary devolutionary
inevitable mortal soul lose/lose terrorists,
anger inflamers
fear-mongerers
suffering blamers
decay re-arrangers
degenerative fragmenting managers
of separately supremely un-natural
absence of peace history.
Spiritual matters and minds
uncover no natural body and brain differences
in-between One radically Sacred EveryWhere and Time
and No fundamentally secularized timeless place in NotParadise Hell
Interdependently re-articulating
this perpetually changing,
growing
knowing
discovering spiritual mind as rational matter
and natural brain within neurally interdependent bodies
Integrally open, not industriously closed,
Organic, not just technologically useful,
Refining health, not so much defining materialistic wealth,
EarthTribes spiraling synergetic ZeroZen
Holy Enspirited
Win/Win Soul,
West/East dipolar co-arising Anima Mundi
fundamentally EitherRight/OrWrong RightWing
and evangelically BothNatural/AndSpiritual LeftWing
gospel multicultures
living together, not apart,
for GoodHumored MotherParadise,
Natural systemic healthy/wealth purpose,
inside spiritual polycultural communicating communion,
polypathic
polyphonic
polynomial Zero
Zone of nature/spirit heuristic separation
with not quite so much LeftBrain dominating demand
for embodied definition
through nature v spirit segregation.
years of writing and learning
working
guts spilled
heart ripped out
torn to holes
stabbing myself open
and spreading myself thin
learning this about that thing
this thing about that stuff
computer whizz i am not
but one comes along
and i am forever lost in the shuffle of the game
playing with myself
solitaire with levels
puzzles with destinations to surf the web to give
my writing a new purpose
lead you here to find where else for you to go to find the next puzzle to ponder and
meaning of it all
as if I'm some genius
unfinished puzzle
I've been shut down
and how do i explain this to my children
walking in my crutches
who cannot afford to be read one more time
as i whine in the midst of my goose chase
of level three leading you back to level one
and my space is just a place to look for something to do
top point at the famous players and how i got my foot in the door
and how they know me one day
and I'm not shy to get my attention whether I'm good or not
i have something to say
we are a community and I'm here for the life of fun and games
I'm here for the utopia
why does it have to be like a bully ruled school yard of conviction where no one
knows who they think they are
and no one is worrying about who questions anybody
and laugh at estimations
of underestimating thew jobs we never apply for
fingers pointing over here and over there and nothing left to lose
so was it worth it
when now i cant sign in due to scandal
i cant fix any perfected mistakes due to friends who know pass codes that affect
me still
tight lips are sinking my ship and the truth be told
the police wont get involved
just thought you should know I'm in the Center of nothing
spiraling out to place to find if i can be
where none will ever go
a journal of the one who was everything written of emotion from gods joke
to inspiration to writers and communicating generation gaps
and now its all lost because of hate crimes we cant solve and peoples
paranoias of technology and phishing scams
cant sell my work anymore or access my pay pal
years of work not backed up
lumpy lessons served with lemon aid
just go surf and see the game
do the pieces fit
of the head strong ahead of his timer terrified false prophet goose chase
inter net hacked shut down?
something to think about for you!!
crushed at rock bottom he gathered the fragments of descent
slow motion agony that started at a plateau of deluded deceit
free falling sadness spiraling out of control beyond fast repair
the black dog on his shoulder had survived the fall and barked
another round of sadness an insurmountable sorrow cheered on
‘you are useless and even void and oblivion are having a laugh’
a tunnel with no light and the canary asphyxiated in the mine shaft
another panic attack unable to ease the landing of a scarred mind
scared and confused he gathered the pieces and stabbing shards
with broken bones and un-abating accusations he collected his guilt
fears and shame about yet another defeat at the foundation of evil
demons and miserable clairvoyants spoke in bifurcated obsessions
possessed by the mother of all depressions he reached for a glimmer
of hope he searched for a message from science deities and reason
yet unable to guide his emotions all efforts crashed without rescue
the rope had twisted once more and he dangled helpless face down
just enough slack to disfigure his angry face that featured disgust
and yet as the blood flooded his brain he surrendered his objections
one final attempt and he severed the noose with the open fracture of
the razor sharp dislocation sticking out just below the palm of his hand
with a further snap of his wrist and life line he surrendered lost dreams
if life gave you hemlock but the vessel had cracked on the impact
of the smash and grab of lifeless cycle of disassociated insanity he
resolved to drink his own blood and call upon autoimmune response
after all the medication had been useless and hours on Freud’s couch
had only imprinted more festering pressure sores on purulent skin
cognitive explorations had only dragged him further down self-denial
religion mantras and science had failed to invoke sanity and healing
levitation would not emerge when he fell from the edge of madness
the cross lay in pieces and nails had lacerated his heart and resolve
just when he felt the pulse getting weaker and with delirious gaze
he succumbed to a last ditch attempt to reassemble a piece of his soul
wrote an ultimate will on the wall and vowed to hand over let go and live
15th June 2020
Oh, this life has pierced my soul many times,
thrust me into bottomless pits;
impaled and bleeding- this girl has plummeted down,
falling, tumbling, immersed 'til I am sinking.
Life has thrown the dagger,
the plunge is deep.
Oh, death has left me so gutted and lost,
I have wept forlorn and grieving;
have asked why, why has this destiny been written,
I want an eraser- I will change my own fate.
Why life must you always,
eviscerate.
Oh, life sometimes you have sent me adrift,
sent me on journey's misleading;
given me false, flawed and corrupt information,
erroneous- leaving me hallucinating.
Life you have given facts
so fallacious.
Oh, life you have left me in a whirlwind,
on swirling, twisting gauzy threads;
but instead of down I am spiraling on up,
there is this cyclone- in the mazes of my mind.
I hold a tendril in,
a vortex twirl.
Oh, life amaze and show me the beauty,
tease me with the puzzle of you;
rattle, ruffle, and entangle your mystery,
this girl- is ready to be bemused and bedazzled.
Life I am awestruck,
bewilder me.
Oh, life I have this great thirsty yearning,
do not torture and torment me;
for I want only to enchant you with my charm.
I forgive you for the bottomless pit journey.
Life I am in the mood,
to tantalize.
Oh, life you may find me an odd, weird girl,
I like things just a tad bizarre;
yes I can be strange and a little eccentric,
for example- I like wearing old vintage clothes.
Life I am questioning,
and curious.
Oh, life make me a sweet crimson flower,
flame-colored deep in a garden;
dress me up in fury and flaming red petals,
I wish to be- a fallen lady just growing.
Life make me a beauty,
dressed in scarlet.
______________________
June 14, 2018
Poetry/Verse/The Dagger of Life
Copyright Protected, ID 18-1030-996-01
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
Written for the contest, Eight Word Challenge 7
sponsor, John Hamilton
First Place