Terminal Choice

crushed at rock bottom he gathered the fragments of descent slow motion agony that started at a plateau of deluded deceit free falling sadness spiraling out of control beyond fast repair the black dog on his shoulder had survived the fall and barked another round of sadness an insurmountable sorrow cheered on ‘you are useless and even void and oblivion are having a laugh’ a tunnel with no light and the canary asphyxiated in the mine shaft another panic attack unable to ease the landing of a scarred mind scared and confused he gathered the pieces and stabbing shards with broken bones and un-abating accusations he collected his guilt fears and shame about yet another defeat at the foundation of evil demons and miserable clairvoyants spoke in bifurcated obsessions possessed by the mother of all depressions he reached for a glimmer of hope he searched for a message from science deities and reason yet unable to guide his emotions all efforts crashed without rescue the rope had twisted once more and he dangled helpless face down just enough slack to disfigure his angry face that featured disgust and yet as the blood flooded his brain he surrendered his objections one final attempt and he severed the noose with the open fracture of the razor sharp dislocation sticking out just below the palm of his hand with a further snap of his wrist and life line he surrendered lost dreams if life gave you hemlock but the vessel had cracked on the impact of the smash and grab of lifeless cycle of disassociated insanity he resolved to drink his own blood and call upon autoimmune response after all the medication had been useless and hours on Freud’s couch had only imprinted more festering pressure sores on purulent skin cognitive explorations had only dragged him further down self-denial religion mantras and science had failed to invoke sanity and healing levitation would not emerge when he fell from the edge of madness the cross lay in pieces and nails had lacerated his heart and resolve just when he felt the pulse getting weaker and with delirious gaze he succumbed to a last ditch attempt to reassemble a piece of his soul wrote an ultimate will on the wall and vowed to hand over let go and live 15th June 2020