Long Self loathe Poems

La Historia-101, 2011
Vickie M. Ortiz Vazquez

Imagine, I cannot
To feel their lost
Longing for the return home
Rejoicing behind closed doors
Criminal act
Propagate servitude with miserable pay
Runaway between breaths
Hunted 
Capture, captive
Criminal act
Rape once again, over again
White women turned the...

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Walkin around head down
Praying I'll soon be casket bed bound
Whether it's from a gun when it spreads rounds
Or catch a disease that causes me to shed
pounds
And I pass away alone no tear drop sounds
Come to...

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At the core exists his emptiness
Spineless unrest smothers him
All due to nature’s wavering obscurity
And stumped awareness of inherent security

Fear took charge and penetrated his inner skin
Seeped into his veins 
Then settled in marrow
And so his...

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True beauty defined by that which is isolated 
The loathe for that which is natural. 
An internal abhor, despising her vivacious soulfulness. 
It is the pigment she is hated for
It is the excessive melamine they...

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Drowning in this whirlpool of emotions and facing the darkness myself 
Cyclones of flower petals pour all over the floor 
Their beauty I compare to myself 

Being force-fed the concept of beauty by shallow beings
An...

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It roars thunder and bellows a storm,
it's vengeful like scorned gods.
A gory feature of demonic forms!
And I see it more and more envelop,
everything about me.
Everything sanity marshals!
Till words said to me,
get repelled in possessed denial
and...

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*internal thinking* "Well, this is new. Maybe I should try this out…
I'm sure you can do it! 
You're totally a great writer. 
But, why do you want to try something that frustrates you?
Let's try the...

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------

When a Mother gives' Birth
She give's it with Love
She sore's to the High Heaven
To the Christ,
Fore She is giving birth
A gift from above...
      ------
Such a complication device
   ...

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Evict me from this grimy house
My son asked me what self-loathing is
His home still occupied with laughter
I was taken aback by his cleanliness
I told him it gathers like dust over time 
Sweep my house free...

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A shoelace, one that snags and tears when you try to tighten your shoe too tight. 
Who would have imagined, 
could be a tool used to take my daddy's life. 
Alcohol and drugs, a swirl...

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I am the queen of self destruction.
Ritualistic Razor sharp scrutiny of my reflection -
constantly spewing hate at my mid-section, 
whilst effortlessly faking the pursuit of perfection. 

A crumbled up heart beckons restitution in the midst
of...

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I have issues with the sun
It burns
It burns so much these days
It burns it hurts my face
Yet I am going out now
Right into this traffic jam
Right when the sun is big and bright
Where is dawn?...

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To dismiss any possibility before it even came
In our youthful lives was a an awful shame,
As I looked upon your eyes I saw the light 
That I never deserved even with all my might. 

I...

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I've been such a twisting winding road. 
The road that only leads back to me. 
The feeling of self contempt only 
thickening with every wasted day gone by. 

Struggling through the self loathe, 
And it's...

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Breath in sea’s 
                       Briny silence
       ...

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