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NEXT CHRISTMAS IT WILL BE SO SO DIFFERENT

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Another Christmas day is finally here The very thought fills me with such fear I have to try and control my old Aunty Mable Once she hits the gin she gets very unstable Uncle Arthur rushes in and opens the sherry then sups half the bottle and gets really merry He begins to sing carols at the top of his voice I put up with the din… I don’t have much choice! The last to arrive are old Gladys and Bert Bert always wears his distasteful Santa shirt Gladys walks through the door and starts to moan I wish Bert would leave the old cow at home! She whines from the moment she removes her coat And heads for the sofa and grabs the remote Demanding she has her dinner on her knee - There’s some crap on the TV that she wants to see I politely tell Gladys the dinner table is set And the film will be repeated of that you can bet So she sits at the table and picks at her starter then moans very loudly to poor Uncle Arthur The table’s soon laden with wonderful food But Gladys is seething, she’s so blinking rude She says the turkey’s tasteless and it's bone dry So I pass her the gravy and I try not to cry Bert finishes the bowl of chestnuts and sprouts He’ll be passing foul wind in copious amounts After rich figgy pud he crams in six mince pies … It’s no wonder he’s gross with huge wobbly thighs They descend on me each and every year And eat all my food my wine and my beer Then we open the gifts that lie under the tree As per usual they bring just one present for me Gladys has knitted me a horrendous jumper it's two sizes too large, I just want to thump her I dutifully put in on and I feign my delight … but it will be in the rubbish bin later tonight! At three we watch The Queen on the telly Bert’s farting begins; the room gets so smelly Within minute’s they’re snoring away in their chair I retreat to the kitchen and silently swear By the time they wake up all the dishes are done The doorbell rings; thank god their taxi has come! This is the LAST time they'll take advantage of me … Cos I've booked a yule cruise on the Caribbean sea! Fiction write 12/14/17

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




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Date: 12/19/2019 10:15:00 AM
Jan, This is a Christmas poem wonder beginning to end. Bon voyage! -Richard
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Date: 12/16/2017 11:20:00 AM
Enjoyed this cute and funny poem. Nicely done. Have a Merry Christmas and best wishes in the new year. My health is getting better and getting some energy back now so hoping this next year is the best yet. love phyl
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/16/2017 12:11:00 PM
Thanks Phyllis glad to know you are recovering - I have to have surgery to remove a lump from my boob which won't be done until the new year but I have the best gift of all my son coming home for Christmas and New Year:-) have a wonderful time over the festive period:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 9:36:00 PM
haha this is great, made me laugh :) hugs x
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/15/2017 2:03:00 AM
Glad you enjoyed Cas:-)Have a wonderful time with Tom and Abbie:-) hugs Jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 5:29:00 PM
Fiction indeed Jan, only the truth of everyday (Christmas) life could read as good as this,,,i've got to be honest with you, i've read thousands and more poems, but this type of poetry the typical british laughing at ourselves are my favourites, and this certainly is right up there with the very best...Enjoy your cruise you deserved it....
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/15/2017 2:03:00 AM
I wish i was on a cruise Harry - I might be able to find my muse but i think after this poem she is returning. Yes Christmas is a time that can bring great issues in families and I just had fun with this fictional poem for me but i guess it is all to real for some others:-( Have a wonderful time over the festive period - I have my son home for almost 2 weeks ... I want for no other gift:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 4:41:00 PM
jan - you have outdone yourself on this one! you made it seem so realistic and the rhyme and rhythm are spot-on! i'm glad it's fiction, but i really enjoyed reading every verse...
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 4:45:00 PM
Aww thanks Ilene i have just read and commented your poem ... this happens so often to us! Pure fiction, my muse has been on a cruise and i think she is finally back but I have so little time at the moment with so many activities at this time of year:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 1:39:00 PM
Jan, once again I enjoyed your humor, thanks for the chuckle. I think every family has one or two like this; thank goodness it's not the whole family. John
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 3:25:00 PM
Pure fiction John and I think my muse has returned from her cruise!:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 12:48:00 PM
- What a creepy family, Jan - Really enjoy reading this Christmas story so funny details :) - Do not forget to book Caribbean Cruise tickets for next Christmas - I know this figure that fell asleep in a chair ... I experienced it last year - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 3:27:00 PM
We actually did go on a Christmas cruise in 2006 ... Costa Concordia when she was just 6 months old ... and now she lies in ruins along with those who sadly lost their lives when she sank:-( hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 12:16:00 PM
This is hilarious Jan and unfortunately the way it is in some families! I enjoyed every word! Thank you for the humor this morning. It is 65 degrees here...cold for Hawaii. Have a great night! : )
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 3:29:00 PM
Oh 65 degrees I will swap it was 8 degrees here lol. I had such fun writing this silly poem and am grateful people read to the end as its a much longer poem than I am used to posting and I'm glad it made you smile:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 11:44:00 AM
I don't blame you one bit for going on that cruise! Do it every year! Really cute write.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 3:30:00 PM
We did go on a Christmas cruise in 2006 ... read my comment to Connie!!! Thanks for dropping by Dale:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 10:55:00 AM
Hello Jan,this poem is fiction. this is a good thing. No one should have a Christmas like this. That is horrible. have a nice day my friend.
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 11:26:00 AM
Yes pure fiction, I wrote it at work today!:-) hugs jan xx
Date: 12/14/2017 9:42:00 AM
Very nicely done Jan....thanks for the laughs...
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JAN ALLISON
Date: 12/14/2017 11:27:00 AM
Thanks Joseph Glad I made you smile, folks like that would be a nightmare every year!:-( hugs jan xx