Long Pretty good Poems
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My palms would sweat. I’d get physically sick.
Why was I always the last one they’d pick?
There were times I would not be selected at all,
for a physical game, I was pretty darn small.
I watched as they’d point, whisper, and scheme;
avoid if they could choosing me for their team.
My Dad told me, “Son, God made you this small,
to prove it’s not height that makes someone tall.”
So, he set up a goal post, and bought me a tee.
He told me, “Success would be all up to me.”
I practiced my kicking whenever I could.
I worked very hard ‘till I got pretty good.
I’ll never forget that hot summer day,
tryouts for high-school to see who would play.
The teasing began as I stepped on the field.
My jersey so big, they laughed and they squealed.
The coach even grinned, as I heard him say,
“This is not a good sport for peewees to play.”
The practice was brutal, even more than I thought.
But then, towards the end, at last came my shot.
Coach explained how important a kicker would be.
Last season they had lost four games under three.
He placed the ball down on the thirty-yard line,
forty-yards from the goal I had claimed to be mine.
There must have been twenty or more who had tried,
all woefully short as the coach merely sighed.
With hands on his head he looked to the sky.
I was the last to step up and ask, “Can I try?”
Everyone laughed, ‘till he shouted, “Enough!”
then mockingly said to me, “Show us your stuff.”
As I carefully positioned the ball on the tee,
it seemed the whole world was laughing at me.
So, I called on the power that God will provide,
then glanced to a nod from my Dad on the side.
Three great big steps and my toe struck the ball.
I caught it just right. I knew how after all.
It seemed like slow-motion as the team stopped to stare.
The ball gently tumbled as if floating on air.
The looks on their faces I could never replace,
as it split through the uprights with plenty of space.
I looked towards my Dad now beaming with pride,
then turned to the coach with his mouth open wide.
Cheers were replacing the laughs I’d revered,
on the day that hard work overcame what I feared.
I went on to college and professional ball,
but that was the kick I enjoyed most of all.
I don’t think I’d ever have worked quite that hard,
if I wasn’t picked last on that old school yard.
Family Ties
Brothers should I leave you
And travel life for years without you
And should I never return to our home
Remember it was I who journeyed alone
And should the time in passing
Bring me memories of regret
Should the entire world forget?
To search for you when you are missing
And so ask yourselves why
Why should my brother be leaving?
And why for so long has he wandered solitary
Never returning
Brothers on some momentary day spent wishing
Without recognition
By my side you where resting
And did not speak my name
And in all the land and cities seen
None of your faces have been
While our blood and our brotherhood meandered through foreign streets
Less than a thought away
And should I never greet you again
Before this departure had made its pact
Would you stand by my door?
Lest you be turned away
The cold trap of our families living
And the continuous undiscovered lie
It was
That kept my feet from turning
For so long and farewell you have lost me
And for more than years have you waited
This silent reminder beckoned to me
To remind me of you
“ It was in April of 91 that I first returned, after traveling and working abroad. My
knock on our old blue front door was not greeted with smiles, but with vexed and
unwelcoming eyes. On my back a rucksack, on my feet old worn boots. This was the last time
I saw our Father and these were his only words.”
“You can’t stay here.” He even repeated it to make sure I had heard.
“You can’t stay here.”
“ I did not know it then, as I know now; of the filth he has fated and intended to my
life. Yet ever his fear of discovery built his lies for me. My last words to him were
these……..
“Do you see these boots?” I asked, “they are more than five years old and the most
comfortable boots I have ever worn. That’s a pretty good life for a pair of boots don’t
you think?”
And with those boots and my rucksack on my back I walked away. Not for a moment did he ask
me to stay or offer a moments ease, a cup of tea, or inquire as to where I was heading.
There was no farewell as up the road and into a different life I went walking.
Brothers should I leave you
And travel life for years without you
And should I never return to our home
Remember it was I who journeyed alone
Rudy in his wheelchair gets around pretty good. He has a good job and transportation via a special van. He shops at local stores and everyone is nice except at the drug store where the clerk seems to have a problem with Rudy.
Rudy has noticed the clerk is always nice to people ahead of him in the check-out line. Rudy may be paralyzed from the waist down but he isn’t dumb. Trying to figure out what the clerk’s problem is, Rudy has watched him carefully over several visits. He has come to the conclusion that the clerk has a problem with disabled people. That’s not an uncommon problem and it can result from various reasons. But Rudy figures that’s why the clerk treats him rudely and why he has to wait so long to be checked out.
At first, Rudy didn’t know what to do but then an idea struck one morning while he was getting into his chair. Rudy had to go to the drug store that day and would have to deal with the clerk again. But this time he went with a small box on his lap that had a side panel. When it was his turn finally to be checked out, Rudy opened the side panel and a small non-venomous snake slipped out of the box and curled up on Rudy's lap.
The clerk jumped at the sight of the snake, hit the emergency button under the counter, and checked Rudy out quickly. Rudy appreciated that. And the snake never moved.
When the cops pulled up to ask Rudy about the snake, he showed them his zoo I.D. card. It showed that he worked at the city zoo as chief herpetologist. Rudy explained he was taking the snake back to the zoo after overnight observation. He said the snake had gotten out of the box while he was waiting in the check-out line. True to a point. Rudy never mentioned that he had opened the panel in the box to let the snake out to meet the clerk.
The cops called the zoo and the zoo verified the story and said a van was on the way to pick Rudy up. He was a valued employee. The cops let Rudy go.
Following this incident, Rudy has never had to wait a long time in the drug store again. The clerk is always nice, even nicer when Rudy has the box in his lap. It’s usually empty but how would the clerk know.
Some day Rudy hopes to talk to him about his problem with disabled people. Rudy plans to tell him disabled people don’t bite.
Donal Mahoney
Born into a landscape,
Not quite littered with landmines,
But the occasional hole -
Holes that seem inescapable,
Like quicksand -
When I fall, I just keep falling.
Where is the bottom, the nadir?
It's impossible to know.
It's impossible to get out,
Like being captured in a whirlpool,
My only direction is in and down.
Like a lost spider in a toilet bowl
When it's flushed.
A vicious cycle -
The only direction is down and in.
I live in fear of these holes.
Above ground,
I find friends and pleasures,
Challenges and detractors,
But nothing I can't handle.
Once I fall in,
And approach the vortex,
I'm hopeless.
There is no pleasure.
My friends don't understand.
There is no way out.
There is no bottom.
I can only fall -
In and down.
Yet, I'm living proof
That one can escape.
Perhaps, I began in a kind of vicious cycle
A cycle of anger,
A cycle of hate.
Cycles upon cycles,
Round and round,
With no escape.
Tit for tat,
It seems such cycles
Can only deepen.
But, somehow, I got out.
It took time.
Like George Harrison said,
"All things must pass".
A few times, I fell in love.
It was like being pulled into a vortex,
Without choice.
My heart was broken.
Somehow, I got out.
It took time.
All things must pass.
Once, suddenly,
My health was dealt a blow,
Resulting in physical pain,
Sending me,
Down, down, down.
I thought I could never get out.
I still have the health problem,
But I'm out of the hole.
It took time.
All things must pass.
Once, suddenly,
I lost my girlfriend.
I lost my job.
I lost my house.
I lost my family.
The ground under me was removed,
I found myself with strangers
on Christmas day.
Even there, I was unwelcome.
And I fell down, down, down.
But I'm out of the hole.
It took time.
All Things Must pass.
I live in fear of these holes,
And I think I'm pretty good at avoiding them,
But there is no guarantee,
And I never know
When I will fall
down, down, down.
I'm sure many people
Have likewise fallen deep
Into seemingly hopeless
vicious cyclic whirlpools
Of despair.
I wonder,
If even whole societies,
Can suffer
Vicious cycles,
Tit for tat,
Of of hate, hopelessness, ignorance,
And despair,
And, if so,
One day, this too,
Shall pass.
This is a continuation of an explanation I started at the end of The Liars Club post. So, to wrap this up I guess. The two complaints against the lawyer and the psychiatrist were promptly dismissed. BUT, the complaint against the therapist with the board of social workers in Minnesota is still pending. :/ Yeah, I know. Long time with no conclusion. I have pretty much given up on that. But they still send me a notice from time to time telling me that my case is still to be considered and that these things take time. Yeah? Whateva. :) So, I hope you can see the reality of all of this because it is my reputation on the line. I'm going to ask you. Have none of you ever had this kind of hurtful thought enter your mind in passing? If you say you haven't, then I truly have to wonder if you're being honest with yourself. Yes, that's an awful thought. But, that's the point people. It was just a thought. I hope you can see me in the light in which I tried to convey this episode in my life. I had to go in front of a board of directors at one of the temporary hospitals they put me in after the 2 month stay at the mental health unit. And tell my story about the intention vs just a thought before they would let me go. And that is why they let me go and they also wrote a memo in my file that they concurred with me about the situation. Whew! I hope if you've read this you can see a bit of my side. I'm sure there will be some who just don't give much credence to my side and will defend her reasoning for doing what she did. But she did more damage than she did good. Except for the fact that she probably saved my life. But then she screwed it up pretty good too. I can only imagine all the people my old girl friend has told about this. As she is quite social, and as you know, people love a good piece of gossip. Thanks for reading if you still are. This was actually pretty cathartic for me. Love Leslie.
Note: Dear reader, I wrote the Chrysalis to announce that I am 61 yr's old and I am transitioning Male to Female. Does this matter in this past occurrence. Only in so much as I was presenting and was known as Robert then, not Leslie. I'm still in need of changing my name legally. <3
I like to think
I could do it if I wanted to
I tell myself it's situational, these things
It's not your fault,
it's not your fault
Look around
Everything is dying
And I didn't see this coming
Far away
The sky was clear
Lack of color has never been so threatening
Ignition
Start my flame again
I can't be lost with you
Feel it burrowing
Relaying this information
Is the only way I can move on
Photographs are hard enough to look at
But it's even harder through the layer of water
This suspense is threatening
Relaying this information is the only way I can move on
And before you start to question everything
Save your breath
I like to think I could do it if I wanted to
And it's confidence like that
That will lead to my reign of success
I like to tell myself
It's situational, these things
It's not your fault
It's not your fault
But I like to think
I could make it there if I wanted to
And it's faith like that
That will pave the road to my story of success
Realizing that it's pointless taking advice from you
Always telling me right from wrong
Like your the perfect moral compass
I've already done more nice things
Than you will in your entire life
And it's thoughts like that
That make me question my integrity
But lately I've been feeling pretty good about myself
Far away
The sky's still clear
But I've learned to never trust what you don't understand
And my gut has never let me down
So realign yourself
And I'll walk away in a hastily fashion
Look around
Everything is dying
Far away
The sky looked clear
And I gave in to false hope again
I keep telling myself
Never trust something that can't be explain
I tell myself
It's situational, these things
It's not your fault,
It's not your fault
But lately I've been feeling pretty good about myself
And it's confidence like that
That will get me where I need to be
Ignition
Spark my flame
In the background of a romantic scene
In a suburban living room
Set while snow is falling endlessly
I know someday
Expectations will be the death of me
But along the way,
I like to think,
I could make it last
If I wanted to
OH BE THIS POEM AS SACRED AS HER NAME
Often I am compelled to hover over her shoulder
Each letter formed, each thought defined
For she has poetry on a leash
And walks it, pray I, at least three times a day
For she owns words that are her property
Well, not so much ownership but instead just rather properly
When roars the cage, when spears are aimed
When hoards of men come at her who the lovely’s never ever claimed
Fear not, poetry’s prize
For thou art ever in your Heavenly Father’s eyes
For you were birthed when an angel whispered “Autumn,” and that’s how you were
named……………………………….......
I see her sitting by a kerosene lamp with a quill pen just because it brings her back to a
simpler place
Where each sentence is aptly signified
And in each syllable she writes in the middle of all that is dignified
For this be a lady
A lady who can take on the persona of that which she chooses her poetry to be
One day she writes genius about how we all know life is a struggle, but then at the end of
the day, hopefully you have some with whom to snuggle
Or she’ll describe the horrors we hear of every day while most are deaf and blind but she
takes all our sorrow to her angelic heart
For one so wise should pen meet eyes and place upon a page of profundity with which the
words and verbiage she vies
Yet she always tames the concept she struggles with
Okay, so perhaps I’ll agree, she’s not the best
But take twenty poems by twenty poets and I’ll bet hers is the best, and if not first, hers is
definitely better than the rest
© 2011.…..~free cee!~
Pretty good for an old geezer (geazer) and I still haven’t gotten an answer, if I have more
than one mouse I have mice what if I have more than one moose? AND IF ANYONE
DESERVES A MORE HANDCRAFTED AND DELICATELY PHRASED POEMTHAN THE ABOVE, IT’S U
D……but don’t forget, the only time I get to use e-mail is at noon because that’s the only
time the old-age home I live in allows us us…if you wanna write it’s,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
free cee
666 satanic street
c/o Dying Legends Old AGE HOME
Abu-Dhabi, somewhere ===they don’t even have zip codes
It will make its way to me, fear not
I was born to a family with a sister and brothers
I was blessed also with a mom and her mother
I thought I was theirs to nurture and raise me
Till I could live on my own, but that was crazy
What no one ever told me, what nobody did say
Was before I was born, I was sold as a slave
The slave master, satan, was always around about
Though he was never seen or ever heard out loud
“Decide for yourself whatever is good or evil
Be your own boss, its your life and its legal
Be your own God, make up all of your own rules
Don’t let anyone tell you what to think or do”
Your parents never loved you as much as the others?
Be angry and bitter, don’t forgive them or bother
They did not care enough to punish you? Was it abuse?
They ignored you? Controlled you? There is no excuse!
Nobody really loves you, why do you go on living?
Everyone would be better off, I am not kidding
You will just be miserable the rest of your life
Get out of this hell, leave your husband or wife
You don’t need a savior you are not all that bad
You are a pretty good person, just dealt a bad hand
But something kept telling me this was not right
Not really on my own, but a slave day and night
Then somebody told me about a slave freer: Jesus
Who did die to redeem us and in the past freed us
Long ago He paid the price, I’d been freed for ages
If I believed all His promises on His Bible pages
I bought you from satan to whom you were sold
I alone hold your deed now, but you must be bold
When he comes to reclaim you and come he will
Show him your deed has been stamped: Paid in full!
I’ve forgiven you all of your debts that is true
But there are debts owed you must forgive too
I have died to free you but for you to be loosed
You must also loose all those who have hurt you
When I died, I gave you in My will to Father God
And to you I left all My power over satan to trod
If he comes to you with lies of any bill overdue
Show him My will, resist him, he’ll flee from you
God will always be with you, His promises are true
He will send His Spirit to live in and guide you
His love casts out fear and you will know peace
So trust in His love for you, be born anew. Free!
(I wrote this when I was 16 years old (40 years ago!). As I dug it out I was actually quite impressed with my views at that age so long ago and how relevant it is even today.)
People are everywhere. All the people in the world, no matter what culture, no matter what color, are still just people. But is everyone the same? You may say no, but I say yes. We are more the same than we are different. Don't all people love? Don't all people hate? Don't all people eat, sleep, worry, think and care? I believe we all care whether we want to admit it or not. But I also believe that people are different in several ways too. All people don't speak the same language, or feel the same way about certain issues. We don't all like the same foods or music. These are the things that set us all apart and keep us separated. But we were all created in the same image, as one people, with all the same makeup. At least that's the way it was supposed to be.
We the people messed it all up. We sinned, so God had to divide us. He separated us. Remember the Tower of Babel? He gave us all different languages to speak so we would have more trouble understanding one another. But at one time, we were all one people. Then he gave us different lands to inhabit. He separated us even more. He did a pretty good job of separating us, don't you think? But in the beginning, we were one people. One people, under Him. That's what we once were, a long time ago. I think that's what we should be now. I believe that is what we could be again. If we wanted to.
I believe we can be one people. All we have to do is believe in ourselves and believe in each other. We should listen to our friends, neighbors, and relatives and try to understand each other. Other people have different views than we do. They come from different cultures. They like different foods and music. But they were created by God also. If God wanted everyone to be the same and think the same, He would have made us all the same. But He gave us differences. We are different, but we are not so different. We are more the same than we realize. We are all just people. One people. And in time, we can yet become one people again. One nation, one world.
Walking down the street
With a fast pace heart beat
Not knowing where I am going
Not knowing what path is ahead of me
Looking in all directions
Not knowing what I am looking for
Bam…it hits me like a brick wall
I turn my head and there is this girl standing about 5’6 tall
Her body glowing in the moonlight
As I look up to the stars and look back at her
She has a smile on her face that is ever so bright
Not knowing what to say
The beauty of this girl has left me speechless
I am like a little kid not knowing what to do at recess
Do I walk past her and say hi under my breathe
Do I give her a head nod so she knows I am looking at her
No no no
I finally build up my courage and approach her
Next thing I knew I woke up and everything was a great big blur
I asked myself
Was I dreaming?
I roll over to get out of bed and there’s a number
So I think why not give it a call
She answers and says hello
Shocked that its really her so my words come out slurred as if I was melting in snow
I ask if we can meet up to see if it’s really the girl of my dreams
She says yes with no hesitation
So as I arrive at this certain location
She comes out the corner
In awe I can’t believe it was really her beauty and all
My legs got weak as if I was about to fall
I took her to lunch and had a ball
Laughing and smiling
I couldn’t believe I was out with a girl of such stature
As we wrap up lunch and begin our sunset walk
My feelings for her are still in utter shock
I begin to open her door with all her feelings
But she slams it in my face
I am thinking to myself she has been hurt
But later she says “I got something to tell you”
Me having a good idea and a pretty good clue
She says she is taken
I replied no you must have me mistaken
You’re the girl of my dreams
Sadly that’s all she will ever be
Have you ever wanted someone in which you can’t touch but only see?
I am so foolish to think a girl like that would ever be into me
I slowly walk myself down to the local store
My feelings are hurt and my heart is heavy as I hit the cold floor
I should have known that there was already love behind her door
© Jeremy Fennell