Long Jaded Poems
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Deep in your eyes when my gaze flies i feel,
Sometimes rain sometimes a river speaking.
Sometimes a night whispers something so still,
And feel someone a man like me seeking.
Over the years some of the stars faded.
Some of the doors meant to open stood shut.
Some hope and dreams lay by the streams jaded.
words that I bled screamed in her head, oh but !
The trees and wind tells me, "rescind, move on".
Memory pearls can't be hurled callously,
oh How can I, pierce a sad sky forlorn.
She's moonlight green gentle valley breezy.
Now She's a dove, clouds way above my soul,
flowers on dirt, her change of heart, will call.
(01.12.2022)
Ascending into the warp time zones of my mind
Jilted and jaded it all plays the same
Lost in inception caught in transparency
I want to break away
Not willing to fade
I stand here today
Incredibly humble
But seeking something more
I've been here and there
Shined in the light of shame
Coward in the dark of truth
Seeking some change
Carry the burden of pain
I wish to rise above the negative
A positive line is what I long for
It's not what I seem to be capable of
Alone and afaird is there somewhere to go
Beyond here
When it all crumbles
It falls apart
What will it take
What do I do
Where do I go
Is the destination clear
Is the goal absolute
In the challenges of today the past haunts the soul
In times of decent I need to outreach this bubble
I feel I deserve what is yet to come
Wish I had a clear vision
A course to follow with no obstacles
But life is not about easy its not about hard but it is what you make it out to be
Just continue forward
Never step back because in the end
This day means more then yesterday
It states that this is who I am
And I will always be the one that changes me.
Life is all white butterflies and yellow flowers
For the rich and blue eyed you
You want for nothing except perhaps
Teal tribulations
What do you know of amethyst angst
How it reels from your gut
And paralyzed purple souls
Vomiting violet verses of pansy poems
You lack liquid death felt by
The mother of a soft stillborn infant
How could you know peach pain
When your long lashes flash as magic wand
Instantly your wildest wishes are granted
You’ll never know hunger harm or hell
And I desperately despise you for it
Because you lack emerald empathy
You gloss over others loss as “God’s will”
Disenfranchising demise of dandelion dreams
As if death is a green gift to be opened
Your happiness is snorted in white lines up your
Nose leaving psychedelic rainbows in your spirit
An artificial light illuminates your mind
But you feel elaborately enlightened even elevated
Your life is rich your words your food even
Your grief seems scripted by gold and silver pen
The soft satin lavender lies you tell yourself
Are a jaded justification of lack of life’s joy
You dig a grave for the less fortunate in
Your poetic world full of magenta misery
Dressed up as colorful inspiration
You feed off others like a blood thirsty vampire
Never quoting never worrying at all
That AI stole your doily soul
No your rehabilitation is red white and blue
A flag burned by drug paraphernalia and
False imprisonment in cranial concentration camps
False because your mind doesn’t have to be there
You have all the tools you need to bleed
Feel reveal and write truth but
You chose not to
Your verses in ash smell of smoky hell’s dissent
Change is never the same
But to change is always the same
I've been down broken roads
Crossed corriod seas
Come to the end of my rope and turned around to make a knot to make sure it goes on
But the thoughts in my head seem so confusing
The direction my life is leaning me towards
Is filled with so many questions
A dream here and dream there and two kids to boot makes me believe life will always be the same
All you need Is love is claimed but to give your kids a chance to live makes a foundation shake
I've built no wealth no nest egg you see
All I get is cracked eggs and jaded edges that cut me down
I want my children to see I am not the failure the reflection sees
But the way Utah continues to grow the faster my pockets fill with lent and unclaimed dream particulars
Is change an answer or is the same the best resolution
So unsure so fearful
All I do is write letters to myself which I call poetic thoughts
But there is no poetry in motion for me
Only clouded thoughts and insufficient means
Where is the solution in an endless sentence I write about my life.
I never thought the end is soon to come
I have scars in my mind's eye that leave me numb
Stop playing mind games with me because I'm not fooled easily
Your fake lies and romance lullabies - I can't stand honestly
Unfortunately, life is not what it seems
You didn't mend my broken dreams
So, you left me in the dust of your farewells
Hopefully true love will find me - only time tells
You're a mystery to solve in my brain
You're making me feel so damn insane
I'll tell you what - I need you to stay away from me
You have the guts to leave me behind, I see
Your heart is unknown to me
Your actions are heartless as hell
You can't stop me from hurting myself because you didn't build me up fast enough
It seems as if life and its struggles got a lot more rough...I know you're trying to be tough
This harsh feeling overwhelms me and takes over my life
I can't handle all this chaos, commotion and strife
I'm jaded by your selfish decisions and you can't help, but be a success
While I'm a failure in my prison of painstaking regrets in excess
Don't deny me all day and night
Not everything is black and white
I won't back down on this fight for a better time spent with loved ones
You shot me a glare as I walked into the crowd and I loved you tons
But, now, I hate you to the extreme
You ruined my self-esteem and didn't make me beam
I believed in your fantasy words
That flew into my ears like birds
You treated me with maltreatment
I have added to your resentment
I never thought this could be the end of our friendship
It feels as if something special in me has died and dried up inside
Come on, be a man and please get a big grip
You cut me into pieces of nothingness and my heart is torn apart and denied
Please don't leave me here all alone in this room
My heart literally keeps pounding in anxious doom
I don't need you to criticize me with worthless, degrading comments
You treated me like a punching bag...don't fence me in by your ignorance
Please...
Please...don't desert me like this...
Please...
Please...don't leave me in the abyss
You remind me of happy days
I know we have parted our ways
But, I want you back, so that I can have a friend to lean on
I have been a horrible person and I'm sorry that you're gone
Where do we Stand?
Losing ourselves
It's not a point
An arrival
A destination
A departure
A beginning
A never ending
An end
a time to mend
In the groundlessness
We’re standing
Where we stand
Ground shaking,
Earth shattering
You and me til the end.
Its true
Unshakable
Others will not complete us
It's you who I trust
They will not save me
Here I am
Exposing all my wounds
The lost fragments of my bones
Our raw hearts beating still
Share shameful secrets If you will
Drop the mask
And all pretenses
Expose the unprotected
The gilded and the jaded
Risk being rejected
Ridiculed and shamed
But I’m not forever maimed
My arms are here to hold you
We are loved for who we are
We stand where we stand
Ground shaking
Earth shattering
You and me til the end.
The coming alive
before we die
It might take a lifetime
to discover
It might take a long time
to recover
It is a rare happenstance
That the one
you always longed for
Is the one who ached for you.
Of pale melancholy
And the infinite fall
Of broken machinery
Cast upon vast shores
Decimation reservation
The prodigal son returns
Jagged reigns of jaded egos
Amber suns stretching upon seas of sanctuary
Blue oysters cast a cult of personality
Here is where the mechanicals recoiled
Gears turned deep inside the obelisk
Onyx realms reaching to monolithic cities
Blacken the sky is on fire of desolations dawn
Volumes fills my fancies with arcane dreams
Milky white universe’s immaculate ejaculate dynastic
Covers pale melancholy machinery of it…
Drips and drains into serenity
Tides borne cryptic things from ancient depths
Fathoms different shores
Odd engines images forges, engages, enrages
Facades of the Deities
Castings from altered shores
Drudged up in desolate depths
Dark quagmires in nightmares explore
The Melancholy and pale machines implore
Something fetal feral twisted engorged
An abomination spills upon the floor
A pale machine of marrow and blood
In spines broken bones
Hooked finger Nails Nine Inches long
Pitch black eyes watch a haloed star
Of holocaustic blooms
In infernal flowers, flames, flurries
Something seeps, creeps, down deep, furies
Lurches on to heavens door
Breeds, seeds, forsaken monstrosities
Of pale machinery and mythic beings,
The melancholy of humanity,
A pale something expires
Eternal winter of
Broken Machinery
cast upon vast moonlit shores
Where am I
Along the path of life
An abiding faith lies,
The primrose lines the way
Through winter’s harshest wrath;
A vernal lush display.
Along the path of life
Amongst abandoned leaves,
Vibrant, petal gems rise
On mounds of jaded green;
Through fickle April skies.
Along the path of life
Serenity and peace,
Where Lenten Roses bloom;
Evergreen woody stems
Emerging from earths womb.
Date: April 16, 2022
For: All April in Monchielle Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich
Syllables verified on Howmanysyllables.com
Grammar verified on Poetry Soup
Rhyme verified on Rhymezone.com
Placed 4th in contest
"VIII ..."
I wrote a poem
on my way home,
the fragile halo broke into sharp pieces
of foolsgold, like shattered mirror glass
I scattered as breadcrumbs,
to feed the murder of crows;
I wrote a poem
on my way home,
my wings broken in a bent passage, clipped,
by the gaslight, reading too much into everything,
the feathers fell into the path of strange foraging creatures,
in their labyrinths, and within their tears like ocean pools, I scried
the essence of each one, found and lost,
their charms enchanted me, to no end,
in this removed place of the unexplored obscure;
from their laments, I wrote a poem.
I saw my jaded windows reflect amber fires,
lit high like funeral pyres, and from their reigning ash I built
new alters to warm the frozen void I felt within;
on my heart their tap dancing fingers like light progressed
the lessons forgotten - and amidst them all, a silent echo did imprint:
Love.
Eternal.
Strength.
Candide Diderot. ‘26
When I was young, I wanted to run away to the circus. Then one day I realized the circus was life! Are we not the clown, the strongman, the freak, the daredevil? Is there not personal sorrow and the desperate search for pleasure? The flying trapeze man and woman are in love, and every performance, they risk the breaking of their heart. When one almost falls to their death, the audience cries out, and then claps even louder! The freak show is hidden in the back, though its location is well known to local politicians. Then to play the games on the midway, with its crooked carnies, rigged set ups, and worldly women. The city is 'the big top', its chaotic gyrations and jaded excitements, all part of the show. The grandstands are filled with 'television head' people, buzzing with excitement. See the eye of the tiger, hear the trumpet of that greatest of beasts, cowl at the jungle kings exclamation! Later that night, a young boy lying in bed, wonders if it was just a dream. Then, far off in the distance, a whispering growl was heard!