Long Embarrassing Poems
Long Embarrassing Poems. Below are the most popular long Embarrassing by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Embarrassing poems by poem length and keyword.
The deliberate hurt is
a wound never healing,
forgiveness may be granted
to that soul expiring;
and as the trembling lips
close, serenity descends.
To have loved such a person
would have been wrong, not smart;
nothing honorable and pleasant
came out of that foul mouth.
Some realize the demonic force
that was behind it to cause animosity
towards the kindest of hearts;
then is anger the curse of the unforgiven,
not to fully and sincerely apologize?
It's wiser to bear offense than to offend,
so that the guilt is not concealed inside,
but open to unfair criticism
rather than visual humanism;
and would one cope with implausibility?
Along our path, we may see roses...
smell their aroma and cherish their loveliness,
but beneath them there are many thorns
ready to poke those who rush judgment;
and they will bleed for not having been cautious,
or at least avoided the useless torment!
I have bled in my utter blindness,
putting everything at risk, sparing no mercy
for a quest to uphold my integrity
by being too complacent, and not showing kindness.
And ignoring that anger is the curse of the unforgiven,
I beat hard on my chest to feel the acute pain...
remembering the hostile voice putting me down;
embarrassing me of such a vulgar mannerism,
making me despise and hate any exhibited egotism!
The longest time has passed to shorten the brevity of compassion,
to make me aware that to have none is a denial of self!
Weep and mourn for shutting all doors on fairness, cruel soul;
sleep not, for remorse is a plague inflicted upon the unmerciful
who see themselves less useful than those discerning death!
Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci
Because I have a possum for a pet, people think I'm weird.
They're trying to ship me off to the funny farm like my family has feared.
People say that I should have a cat, a dog or maybe a rabbit.
Making pets out of wild animals is my thing, it's a bad habit.
I walk around my town with my possum on my shoulder.
A woman made a big mistake when she asked to hold her.
As she held my possum, she bit off a chunk of that woman's nose.
The woman became angry and violent and she and I came to blows.
I tried to win the fight but she was an expert at judo.
Everybody in my town says that my possum has to go.
It was embarrassing when she beat me up on the street.
I fought like a six year old and I wound up being dead meat.
When that woman put me to the street, it sure wasn't awesome.
Maybe people are right, maybe it's time to get rid of my possum.
Usually don't know if I'm coming or going
A confused old dude is what I mean
Even sometimes put the cart before the horse
Makes for an real interesting scene
So now you know, I have finally confessed
Can't keep it a secret any longer
I'm quite a bit different from you other poets
I'm a certified strange kind of author
See things differently than most normal folks
Have a weird way of looking at things
Perhaps you've noticed, never thought to ask
Just the way my pendulum swings
Absolutely happy in this delusional state
Too afflicted to know any better
Kind of embarrassing to tell you guys this
Still known to be a naughty bed wetter
So let's get serious, my P-Soup friends
I'm as normal as the rest of you
Wait, that's not sounding too much better
Think we're all a big bunch of kooks
© Jack Ellison 2014
Underwear, Me and Stand Up Comedy
Nothing quite as truly embarrassing,
Other than standing in front of strangers
unconsciously undressing.
Imagine, if you will, being alone on a stage, doing a comedy act.
And you feel your underwear fall to your
ankles which was, indeed, a real fact.
Luckily I was wearing a long, black dress!
When I felt my winter underwear at my
ankles, I was in a state of distress!
Please don't ask me why!
But I just bent over and threw them over
my shoulder toward the sky.
The audience hysterically laughed,
At my most embarrassing costume gaffe!
And~~ I did not miss a beat.
What's one to do when the act is over?
I found them hanging on the bass drum.
I thanked the warm audience, and took them and a cab home for relief and cover.
¥¥¥¥¥
This was a true event, in my days doing stand up comedy. One of the best and happiest times of my life. Panagiota Romios
¥¥¥¥¥
July 5, 2020
3:30 pm PST
What Gobsmacks, Bamboozles and Confuses Me Poetry Contest
What gobsmacks, bamboozles and confuses me is that I place a poem in a contest and it placed the first time. Then, when I went back later to compliment the winners that afternoon and comment on my compliments; my compliments and congratulations and my name in the 1st place were gone, so I got an N/A… Computer glitches do happen it is aggravating, but it does happen. I am glad I had saved my poem. Thank you sponsor for your patience and being a good sponsor.
It astounded me when my husband felt
no pain when he had his first heart attack,
but bumps his toes and I learn an array
of words in high tone that takes me aback.
It's innate when my dog does a ditty
chasing a kitty in a speeding match,
but when he confronts it he wants to play.
Kitty hisses and draws it’s claws to scratch.
My son's sense of humor was decidedly quirky;
they all pushed and gave each other encouragement
I never knew what to expect from my turkeys.
Their poor wife’s now face the embarrassing moments.
10-24-2018
Late one night on Christmas Eve
I stood out all night in the snow
Half frozen, above and below
Just hoping to hear
The sound of reindeer
When suddenly I had to go
My fingers were numb from the chill
They fumbled my zipper, but still
It moved down a bit
Enough just to fit
No matter, it had to fulfill
I made sure no one was around
A secluded spot I had found
I pulled it out slow
Then started the flow
But nothing appeared on the ground
It just didn’t go as was planned
What then did I hold in my hand
Embarrassment swelled
My shirt tail I held
And sadly I now understand
Then sleigh bells about me did ring
A fat jolly elf they would bring
And to my regret
My pants were all wet
It was an embarrassing thing
When sure enough they did advance
Eight reindeer before me did prance
They looked down to see
Then chuckled in glee
Look, that guy just peed in his pants
I invited my oldest daughter to dinner for her half birthday.
It was highly embarrassing when she wrestled me to
The ground for the check, and I landed in some guy’s lap.
Sorry, I said. “This is my daughter.”
She glared at me.
“Why did you do that?” she asked me.
“Why did you bite my hand?” I asked back. “I have not had a tetanus shot.”
“You had one last February, remember?”
I suddenly remembered who FORCED me in to get one, because she did
not (prissy voice now) “Want her mother to get lock jaw.”
I had screamed and wailed and begged and sniffled and sobbed.
It did me no good. I got the shot that hurt less than my wailing and sobbing had.
“And could I please have my credit card back now?” I asked Miss Aggressive.
The waitress turned and looked when I said that, so I stuck out my tongue.
I had told her up front I would be paying, after all.
“Do you want to go shopping?” my daughter asked.
“I can’t,” I replied. “You have my credit card.”
So we looked at the dessert menu, but everything
was costly, and we both knew we would end up on the
floor again, maybe in sumo diapers, and we were too full
to wrestle without guaranteed bouts of flatulence the next time.
So we went to her house and watched six TV shows she wanted
me to “see” in about forty-two minutes.
Oh, my, you ask, how does anyone watch six TV shows in less than
an hour?
Easy when your daughter has the remote, and fast forwards through all
the parts she already saw that were “too boring to see” which means you
get to see some of the beginning, maybe a minute in the middle,
and if you are very lucky, the ending. Another enjoyable evening
with an assertive-borderline-aggressive-beyond-belief daughter
who obviously takes after her daddy’s side of the family.
I took her gift back, and went home.
It might be her birthday, but she did not deserve a gift,
due to blatant arrogance and having to be in charge of me.
No one else EVER tries to be in charge of me!
I dread the bleak dark end-of days when I end up at her mercy,
days in the future, when I cannot see out, or walk or talk, and she is my jailer.
Maybe she will deserve this birthday gift next year but I doubt it.
I have brought this birthday gift over six years in a row, and as
you can see, the less-aggressive one still has it.
(unsettled conscience beckons expunging)
Upon espying aesthetically pleasing lass
(considerably younger than me),
middle aged ma'am, or classy older woman
impetuousness overtakes rationality
courting acquaintanceship constituting
aforementioned type female
these premature ejaculations
blindside yours truly
upon comfort level
of unfamiliar lady recipient,
(especially years gone by
with then young daughters in tow)
oft times lacked conscientious wherewithal,
how embarrassing offspring felt
at their buffoon papa appearing,
intimating, kickstarting... rapport
at first blush evincing politesse,
yet keen eldest progeny
adept to discern in apropos overture,
despite being well mannered
couched foray, an unconscious insinuation
discerned, hinted, leveraged...
unspoken ulterior motive,
yet honest to dog overt blurting
complement toward veritable stranger
essentially, intrepidly, overtly...
stated genuine pleasantry
attempting to recoup losses
from utterly abysmal
socially withdrawn adolescence
could easily be interpreted
as sexual innuendo
(particularly witnessed by
acutely perceptive first born),
whose reverence, asper in this dada
plummeted, especially cuz
similar instances occurred,
where ambiguity
to formulate unfavorable conclusion
tacked on her growing
list of gripes against dada
loosely analogous to Martin Luther,
whereby his “95 Theses,”
which propounded two central beliefs -
the Bible and central religious authority -
humans may reach salvation only
by their faith and not by their deeds -
was to spark Protestant Reformation,
which essentially kindled
figurative fuel to the fire
incrementally cleaving paternal dotage
undesirable, no matter Pedophilia
never goaded what in mine mind
amounted proving daring do,
since suppressed infatuations
decades past, this then
extremely reclusive knew
nothing about powder milk biscuits
to give shy people the strength
they need to get up and
do what needs to be done.
Thus, an apologia without exception,
whether or not these words seen to deux
darling daughters, plus
other gals who experienced discomfort
at innocuous attempt
to get linkedin with
whirling wide webbing of women.
Christmas is just around the corner
convulsions in the stomach region
Poor elves who create all the toys
and Santa takes the credit
Squeezing me into the bus
to the nearest shopping mall
Puts the body into fight or flight mode
Burn some money
Christmas music in the background
Speakers spewing out the traditional carols
over and over again
My brother needs a padlock
Wrapped in white soft toilet paper
Christmas offering:
An electric nose hair trimmer
... embarrassing
Symbolic gifts
The goal is not to be entertaining,
but the demand is rising
Christmas stress reaches undiscovered heights
Hormones flood the bloodstream
Writhes on the floor with stomach aches
interprets the pain positively
Hear the angels sing messages of peace
with charisma and glimmers in the eyes
December is full of forced cuddling
The stockings are hanging by the fireplace
Chaos with festive cheer
Merry Christmas
Into the woods on a bright summers day
With a basket of food for her Grandma
But before she arrived she would pick a bouquet
A gift for her Grandma on this her birthday
She noticed the gamekeeper passing her by
So called out his name as she waved him goodbye
Normally friendly, but today Wolf looked down
As she saw on his face an embarrassing frown
She decided to check if her Granny was up
So she got out her mobile to call and checkup
She heard a strange voice but the signal was poor
Grandma’s voice was too deep, said she wanted to sleep
Maybe visit tomorrow for today she felt weak
This made her suspicious she started to shake
For her dear sweet Grandma should be baking a cake
She decided to call on her friend PC Blake
For her instinct was telling her something was wrong
as she called him to ask could he please come along
So together they wended their way through the wood
Nearing Grandma’s chalet, she removed her red hood
As they reached her front door, heard a voice shout for more
So perplexed and alarmed they went in fully armed
But imagine their shock, not believing their eyes
For Grandma was getting a birthday surprise
Grandma and Wolf stark-naked on the floor
Cavorting and frolicking, they were making amour
So discreetly they left, gently closing Grandma’s door…
8th January 2019
Competition: Into The Woods
Sponsor: Silent One
2nd placement
A different take on this ancient fairy tale...
Contest BRIAN STRAND YOU CHOOSE
Sponsor Brian Strand