Long Childishness Poems
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This is where my grief met Jeremiah's lamentations
OUR FATHER
As far as the east is from the west, that’s how far the Lord has removed our transgressions from us?
Why do I feel not far removed from my sins or the sins of others?
Suffocated by faults and indiscretions of human-ness that lacks discretion
Of fearlessness; the lack of intuition
Of childishness but a child born in the wrong time?
But God’s timing is always right?
Can you see this Lord?
Is heaven mastering this disaster only for our inferior minds to finally resurrect from the shambles?
And realise that You have been building us a new city all along.
I believe in the Author of fate so maybe that is where my hope springs from
Or from the crippling fear of the effects of reality
Disappointment
Shock
Is this how feeble we are as humans?
How our chromosomes, blood cells, alleles all created from dust can just wither away when one gust of wind comes before we can find shelter
How our intangible thoughts are invisible holograms that effect nothing
Our father who art in heaven should we lose faith while we are on earth because there is plenty in heaven?
Will we make it the pearly gates with our infirm humanly wrongs and all the cavities punctured in our teeth
And speak to the guardians in low tones of how we praised the Creator on earth forgetting to mention how our own faults in the sweetened land He placed us in; have led us to corroded incisors
We consume more sweetened sin than soured heaven.
I cannot stare at my reflection in the mirror because I feel like a ghost
And legend has it that once the undead return they leave no shadow
They simply exist among other human humans
Who put status updates on their whatsapps saying ‘be still and know that I am God?’
It is easy to be transfixed in the same position when the walls around you are not caving in
I feel I have been saying much without saying anything,
Because maybe this conversation should just be between me and Him
But I do not know what to say to Him
My human human-ness has failed me once again
So maybe He could just look into my laden heart, desperate thoughts and fearful mind
And decide where I can go from here
Where they can go from here
Where we can go from here...
For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever
Amen.
April 1 Relationship to God Bible Meditations Based on 1Kings 14-16
Key Verse –1Kings 14:15 For the LORD shall smite Israel, as a reed is shaken in the water, and he shall root up Israel out of this good land, which he gave to their fathers, and shall scatter them beyond the river, because they have made their groves, provoking the LORD to anger.
LORD GOD, YOU ARE MY INIQUITY-SMITER
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my shameful childishness
Thank You for checking my lack of reason due to my foolishness
I repent from feigning myself before Your righteousness
Help me follow Your commandments with earnestness.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my perilous rage
Thank You for blocking my evil thoughts that hinder my courage
I repent from indulging myself in sin’s vain wastage
Help me choose Your ways by Your guiding vantage.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my fatal jealousy
Thank You for transforming my attitude with Your truth and mercy
I repent from burying myself in humanistic tendency
Help me submit to Your leadership’s holy fervency.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my obvious imperfection
Thank You for correcting my shallow dedication and skin-deep devotion
I repent from presenting myself with hypocrisy’s passion
Help me do my part in the fulfillment of Your great commission.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my carnal involvement
Thank You for arresting my compromises of damaging engagement
I repent from immersing myself into worldly allurement
Help me abide in Your will midst Your perfection-enablement.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my fleshly might
Thank You for directing my walk toward Your throne’s light
I repent from encamping myself against Your protective sight
Help me stay in Your compassion’s delight.
Lord God, You are my iniquity-Smiter along my futile vanities
Thank You for illumining my vision through Your Word-certainties
I repent from hiding myself against worship-filled duties
Help me stand upon Your strong foundations of eternal verities.
April 1, 2023
Ominous Foreboding Augurs...
Innocuously incubated kindled
imperceptible dire strait
restlessness like tinder
with pinterest Deutsche agitate
barreling like a freight
train running so much
faster than an eight
track uber twittering,
rumbling, quickening and inculcate
dissension among dissolute
rabble rousers, who
do obediently initiate
rank and file will not abate,
boot re:reed out (bus) soon,
thence coalesces into ablegate
insidious encroachments
no longer patiently await...
ideal conditions to hatch
schism within parched
soil perfect for hate
mongers of democracy
breeds anarchy to facilitate
chaos, which quickly spreads
like kudzu, or wildfire Arson
Welles immediately forcing leader
of free world to abnegate,
(heard to trumpet "FORGET
THE WALL" mate),
(despite being caught in his
pink frilly underwear), to late
for Mar a Lago escape, where
formerly great wealth did
pool lightly coagulate
elite class heard faint stir of echoes,
then earsplitting clangorous louder
than an ICBM din (er bell)
rent asunder forcing
freedom of "FAKE
MEDIA" to abdicate
all the while pointing beringed
index finger to accentuate
his Taj Mahal ululation
interspersed veni, vedi,
veci stopping for spate
to coif (died in the will)
hirsute and aerate
said wind swept hairdo
pausing every now and again to snap
selfie portraits, plus
instagram loved ones to alleviate
that pompous, outsize,
and humongous ego fast deflate
ting into a shriveled up POTUS
float hissing boilerplate
hot airy premature ejaculations,
he would not capitulate
(sooner be rocketed
to Pyongyang and cell bate
good times with Kim
Jong-un to emasculate!
I now absolve myself
that aforementioned jest,
a tongue in cheek diatribe belies
my means to predict any forecast,
yet if any resemblance
of chance events
materializes between
my pablum childishness at best
there could arise fruitful market
for kitsch sheen collectors items
high as Mount Everest!
True feelings.
What you don't understand from me
Don't going around taking about me like we ever met.
You see me walking around minding my own
But yet of course your stuck up attitude start to talk as if you know me.
You start assuming that I am grieving as if someone had died.
Only if you knew the truth I am actually grieving because of what people like you has or should I say have done to me.
My mother abandoned me since birth because of my father abusive behavior. Then me and my sister became the next target by him being abused by him.
So yes of course that would make someone grief at times.
Your dumbness and childishness, is so embarrassing I'll even grief for that to.
Your fellow kind took advantage of my kindness, some stole from me, some abused my mentality, my emotions,body and spirit and you do not make it any better by talking about me with negative lies.
But of course for sure I will always look like I am grieving.
Grieving for how I feel sorry for you to grow up in such a way, I feel sorry for your children if you have any that will carry your type of ways.
Past relationships that turned out to be a mistake. They cheated and lied but yet abused me as if I was the cheater. I think they all mentally ill for that did not make any sense. And no I never had a lot of partners before you wind up start taking about that to.
Don't judge me because of what I wear for I do not judge you from what you wear when your colors doesn't match.
You are not better than me no matter what ,for everything you know how to do, I know how to do them as well and by the way I am a fast learner.
You may had turned few people I was friends with against me as you can see that I don't care, for I am not desperate for friendship as bad as you.
What you don't understand from me and about me don't go around telling lies for you wouldn't like it if I do with to you, for I never told you nothing about me.
Love again
And love after love
Ends in dissolution of joy
I pause, not for me,
Because of this much I am certain
And long winded Socrates cannot pull the curtain
Of logics down unless a fallacy is there
I found what he has proven in every tear
And smile bemused with dry eyes
For I shall always be as I know to be
And who I am I know for certain.
Love again
And love after love
People come laden with feelings
Confused about their identity
Hoping to be cuddled, kiss
Flattered, fawn at, frazzle your nerves with demand for attention
And after every tantrum and scream
Sit pouting to be caressed
For you to beg their forgiveness for their childishness
And lack of maturity.
I could say "grow up!"
But you cannot tickle, cajole, or command growth
It is the spontaneous fulfilment of identity
The ultimate goal of maturity.
Love again
And love after love
Have failed, people withered without fruiting
For feeling is never enough
And keep changing like seasons, but without warning
The whole view of world falls in disarray
And I, desolate, alone, face this storm of disbelief
That God has no image left in the world,
But I
Knowing one more thing than Socrates
Thasoul
t love is a person, a being
So that love can only be the gift of self
The annihilation of individuality
The final becoming
Of the ultimate identitty. Every cohesion
And pelvic thrust is not the satisfaction until
Bone fuse with bone, and flesh with flesh
And God and man hold hands in one united soul.
Love again
And love after love
This approximation makes us vulnerable
Frightened
For ego is the only sacrifice love accepts
And with every flight the ritual of lies begin
Strand after strand
The decomposition of the soul
Marriages marred, melted in mist of tears
I stay peculiar with the years
From the potter's hand
I am the image as I am.
Francis, would you have
A place in your heart to acknowledge me?
I understood I caused you
Pain,tromour and misery
I was too stupid to even think about focusing on
Our love,The new companions I made
At Grounds blindfolded my eyes
To see the adoration we had
To recollect of how magnanimous you had been to me, your genuine romance .
The queenly treatment they showed,made me garbage you
Disdain you lastly jilting you
I said within me that
You were not my value
My mouth went against my heart.
My activities and considerations were so far separated.
You adored me with all aspects of you
However I acted so horrible and negligent
I long for you the entire evening and day
Furthermore, hold tight every word you say,
However all you see is childishness and pomposity,
Relaxed scorn and obliviousness.
Inside my room around evening time,
I as a rule have a ghost of you
Moaning and crying weakly after I damaged your heart
Basis, here I am with every one of the second thoughts
The better villains I met to the detriment of you ' the heavenly messenger I have known,
Have abandoned me , they have wrecked me
Basis ,I am mindful of all my intolerable demonstrations to you
I am grieved once more for causing you torment.
That is the last thing I at any point needed to do.
In any event, when I'm attempting to pay special attention to you and make the best choice,
I mess up; I'm upset for that as well.
I trust that you actually know the amount I love and treasure you,
Like nothing else in my life provides me with the adventure of being adored by you.
So I trust that you tune in and see it in my eyes,
This true conciliatory sentiment that accompanies tears from somewhere inside.
I am sorry forgive me.
I had a separate social life where stoners didn’t exist
it was when I came alive so many ladies kissed
happy days fulfilling life that all the stoners missed
people come and go with time but those stoners persist
They never learned to socialise without an angry mist
it went from pulling girls all night to waving around fists
from mature company to childishness you babysit
learning company you keep is the most important bit
I was carefree and confident without a single worry
charming girls with compliments no shortage in no hurry
but with stoners I couldn’t be my natural self and happy
turning me self conscious under pressure and quite lousy
When we went out no one would pull and they stayed in a crowd
which made the night uncomfortable the other groups spread out
giving freedom to meet girls but stoners stand surround
which I thought was immature invading space and sound
This is what those stoners saw an awkward guy who couldn’t pull
while other groups would see me cool attracting many girls and more
and stoners love it when you fail they don’t exactly treat you well
they get one girl who never leaves and you’re the one left lonely
with a stoner memory that wasn’t there and didn’t see
the best nights when I felt free to confidently act as me
that separate life that I once had drifting into history
stoners start to tell people I’m not successful socially
It’s funny really nobody hears me stoners say I lie so weirdly
speaking of the past I had people laugh telling me don’t be daft
lying of a life that they do not believe I ever had
of all the groups of friends I’ve known the worst became the last!
~~ooOO If I Were A Boy OOoo~~
If I were a boy, how cool that would be!
I’d always have a friend ready to play with me
Through boyhood to manhood I know he’d be there
We’d play together always, happy to share.
The cowboys won’t worry if the Indians attack
I’d get out my weapon and fight them all back.
The monsters would disappear from under the bed
With my weapon in my hand, I’d strike them all dead.
Girls they say are faster learning at school
But with my weapon in my hand I’d show them I’m cool.
Writing when I want; my letters nice and slow
I’d even write my name into the white virgin snow.
The life of a boy is all balls it seems,
From baseball to football and cricket.
With my weapon in my hand I’d knock every ball in
Through the hoop, in the net and hit the wicket.
As a man my friend would still be with me
More controlled put away, and not accidentally.
As a member now of the opposite gender,
I’d be gifted with the power of childishness to remember.
Where as girls grow soppy and want a boy to love them
Boy’s grow strong, and want to go out with men.
To swill pints of ale and make themselves sick
But they count every pint as though some great trick.
If I were a boy I’d take my pride in my hand
I’d hit the highest point on the wall when I stand.
I’d have the biggest, most powerful one ever
My throw would be talked about and forgotten never.
If I were a man I’d have huge shoulders, strong I would be.
If I were a man I’d be the man that loves me.
If I were an Olympian I‘d be the pride of the nation
As you know well, every boy is gifted with
A huge imagination.
I woke up on a fresh Friday morning and introduced myself to a new day
A sweet smile stretched and a beautiful kiss of the wind lay on my cheek
Brushing my teeth and heading off to the kitchen for a delicious breakfast,
A visitor knocked on my cheek’s door
Kind and caring I was, for I welcomed him and opened my pink castle’s doors
An old visitor, it was,
Beside him was a young man holding the old man like something dear
I invited both of them to the dining room where a long red carpet lay
and walls of pearls guarded my castle
My pink castle doors were strongly fastened; no air can survive
Coffee and tea were offered to the gentlemen in front of me
A sip from here and a gulp from there
Words began to mutter themselves out of the old man’s cave:
“Ab ovo, I am here with a wise gift to thee
I am here because it is time for thou to hold and protect thee wise
For it is a symbol of wisdom and not ignorance
It is a symbol of maturity and not childishness
Come my wise child, rise”
And so, the young man rose and approached towards me
In his hands was a parchment carved with beautiful scarlet ink
Vigilantly, I slowly opened it to read:
“Today, a wisdom tooth shall tear its way towards sunlight
For you, dear beholder, have become shrewd enough to be handed a crown
Never lose it, never leave it, never take it off
Never let anybody borrow it and never forget about it
Tonight, you shall feel pain, but you are strong
Hold on and don’t give up, for you shall behold a treasure”
Suddenly, a drift of whistling wind entered my castle
The visitors were gone,
Pain stroke, but a wisdom tooth grew…
It was one of those chance encounters; the Common Room,
mid-morning on a brisk April day. She bounced in with a radiant smile
and absent-mindedly scanned the newspapers. I was reading a magazine.
At loose ends, we were both looking for something to do, so I suggested
an afternoon on the river together. She said 'Sure!' and we gathered
the ingredients for a picnic and set off for St Aldates.
The day was simply beautiful! There was a breeze cool enough
to pimple her skin, so I offered her my sweater. The Cherwell looked
inviting, its surface dancing with ripples, brightly dappled with sunshine.
I took her hand and settled her in the punt, grasping the pole to guide us
into midstream. There were many others enjoying the early afternoon,
some ladies with parasols and long, flowing print dresses, but we
took no heed. We wore jeans and sweatshirts and were enjoying one
another's company. We reached a shallow bridge and I ducked, angling
the pole so we would clear the span. As we drifted under I grabbed the pole
to bring it clear of the water, and horrified, I found it was stuck in the
river bed! The punt sailed quietly on without its helmsman, as I was left
clinging, and sliding slowly into the river. We broke into uncontrollable
laughter; she because of my childishness and lack of restraint, and I
because of my embarrassing plight! Finally she secured the punt with
the paddle and I retrieved the pole, drying myself as best I could on the bank.
We drank wine and ate bread, cheese and grapes, giggling and teasing
each other like two children at play.