Long Butch Poems
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We (me and the missus)
live in a decent
accommodations low income
quite modest rent,
which facility lacks no shortage
of gossip mongers
with mail delivery the major event
many old people smelling of unguent
faux superman thumping chests nsync
with hooking thumbs around
suspenders feigning to be affluent,
and self important as former
triple secret double agent
yeah, minus the snitches,
the one bedroom apartment
at highland manor ranks
as most satisfactory ascent
to appease our taste, and
general environmental ambient
aspects compared to other
housing situations of ours
so, despite most every nosy, ancient
snooty, hoity toity...tenant,
particularly one butch herd gal
with a cock eyed louey, facial accent
a perfect spectacle for circus big-tent
single bucked sharp front tooth
sparkles, mocks, glistens...
as if brushed with Pepsodent
of course displayed "FAKE"
seventh heaven-sent
friendliness, when poor us
near being penniless with only tencent
experienced a warm welcome
a short time after moving here
but demeanor thereafter went
postal - stamp ping like the dickens
as if yours truly an unrepentant
sin nurse stir jokester,
nonetheless minds hateful words adamant
lee averse to cast aspersions,
cuz a friendly gesture linkedin
with my preference to be cogent
practicing what this atheist doth silent
lee preach, sans attempt tubby tolerant
in the face of someone belligerent
attentive to mine credo, dogma, ethos...
while alive in this world be tolerant
of others, whether he/ she wuzzent
pleasant still recalling days of yore,
I felt disgusted with myself when hell-bent
to hurl expletives (adding insult to injury)
if somebody bad mouthed me,
thus object lesson not requiring fervent
fanatical religious fervor
plus gluten free and NON GMO
improving health of Clark Kent.
Butch and I saw the Stones at the 1969 Altamont Concert.
We had the time of our lives! We dropped acid and
did Quaaludes and snorted whatever was offered.
We were young and bullet proof that day.
We're senior citizens now but still rock.
We scored tickets to the Stones latest.
It was the time of our lives! We took
extra long naps and got ready.
Tie died house dress for me, and
Butch wore his leathers.
He complained that they rode up
in the back. I said lose weight.
We ate at our favorite joint
and got the early bird special.
We shared a glass of wine.
We can't mix our meds with booze.
On the drive to the stadium we
shared a medicinal joint for
our glaucoma. We parked in
handicapped and got our walkers.
We shuffled to the entrance and
Butch grabbed my ass. My man!
We got our seats and waited.
Mick Jagger shuffled onstage.
He had an oxygen tank but
seemed OK. The other Stones
followed and the crowd screamed
the best they could. A rattling gasp.
They performed 6 songs and said
that's all they had. Thanks for coming...
We took a Xanax to calm down
and shuffled home and dreamed.
My dear brother Butch,
Hair are the highlights of my week:
I got a job at the Hairway to Heaven salon!
Our motto: "We color your hair or dye trying"
When the interviewer said "I mustache you a question..."
I answered, "May I mullet over?"
Seriously, working there is a shear delight,
with some nice fringe benefits
They're a real cut above the rest
and I shave a lot of money on hair products...
I bought Dad a comb for Father's Day… I bet he'll never part with it
It is a long drive to the salon, but now I know all the short cuts
Oh hey, I know hair-growth seminars are not your style, but
call up your receding hairline buddies and comb on over!
It was great to see you last week, you are looking so trim!
I still feel terrible about the curling iron incident…
You can rest a-sheared I'll straighten it out
but I mussed warn you, you might get fro straighted
Just remember, $15 for a hairpiece is a small price toupée
You may not like short hair at first, but it will grow on you
...that's the mane thing
Did you hear Mom and Dad had a brush with death?
It was a very hairy situation with a real twist:
buzzing down the highway at a decent clip
someone tried to cut them off
Mom was ready to wig out, curl up and dye, but thankfully
Dad went to great lengths to avoid an accident
so there was no permanent damage
you had to see it to be-weave it
Ok, time for a couple of jokes to lighten the mood:
How does the man on the moon trim his hair?
Eclipse.
Why did Pavlov have such fabulous looking hair?
Conditioning.
Why do felines groom with their tongues?
They can't find their catacombs.
Why did the little girl watch "Black Stallion" more than "Babe"?
She liked pony tales more than pig tales.
What was the barber's sign before he went on vacation?
"Hair today, gone to Maui"
Did you hear about the novelty store selling fake piles of dung?
It was sham poo.
Just teasing!
Take hair,
Curly
Ron desperately wanted to have a girlfriend
He’d looked after his old mum right till the end
Ron was a tall and extremely attractive guy
Unfortunately poor Ron was so terribly shy
He saw a poster in a window for a single’s night
There’d be lots of ladies, it seemed just right
He phoned the organiser, her name was Eva
She’d greet him at the door; he couldn’t wait to meet her
Eva smiled when she saw Ron’s handsome face
with her skin-tight dress he baulked at her embrace
Her huge breasts looked like two bald headed men
He extracted himself; so he could breathe again!
Tables for two were set up around the room
Scented candles gave off a lovely perfume
Ron sat down at a table in search of a date
Would he be lucky and meet his soul mate?
Big Beryl sat down; she had such bad halitosis
She covered her mouth hoping Ron wouldn’t notice
The moment she spoke poor Ron got a foul blast
When their time was up; Ron moved seats - fast!
Then next he met Ann; she was obsessed with her pussy
He would only eat Whiskas; her Tom was ever so fussy
But any hope of romance they had to defer
As Ron had an allergy to animal fur
Butch Bertha said she preferred women to guys
Ron thought it a pity as she had such lovely eyes
Her mother had forced her to go out that night
They both agreed a date just wouldn’t be right
Mavis nervously sat down, she was painfully thin
From the smell of her breath, she’d been hitting the gin
She said she’d had a tipple to steady her nerves
And she’d got her hip flask if she needed reserves!
Ron began to think speed dating contrary
Then a beauty arrived, her name was Mary
Pretty in pink she stood out from the crowd
She was shy and demure and she wasn’t too loud
Ron hesitantly asked Mary if he could give her a call
And their very first date was at the local dance hall
At the end of the night they shared their first kiss
Now they’re happily married and life is just bliss
09-27-17
Dear Santa Claws, for Christmas I’d like a new chew bone; I’ve been a real good dog this year; I don’t even bite the cat, Sheba, when she attacks my head, as I sleep and that’s not easy to do since Sheba has put a lot of holes in my head. I’d also like some medicine for it.
Please bring me a new bed too, as mine reeks of cat urine; Sheba peed on it 5 times last week, while Mommy and me were at the park.
As far as cats go, Sheba is OK but, I wish she’d stop eating all of my treats. Please bring her some of her own. Oh and one of those catnip mice she’s so crazy about, it puts her to sleep for a long time and that’ll give me a chance to play with my own toys, for a change.
Mommy could use a new winter scarf too; Sheba keeps shredding’em with her claws; she really hates anything that has fringe. It gets really ugly to watch. It’s a good thing that I’m such a good dog; otherwise I’d bite Sheba in half when she destroys things…(Does she know how lucky she is…I doubt it.)
If it’s not asking too much, can I also get a new bag of jerky treats? Also one of those neat colored rope bone toys? I love the way the ends tickle my nose when I play with it. The one you bought last year; Sheba tore it up, mistaking the stringy ends for Mommy’s scarf fringe.
You can have my last jerky treat when you come, if you want. That is, if Sheba hasn’t eaten it yet. You can also have some of my water if you’re thirsty but, please be careful not to, leave your face fur in it. Last year I almost choked to death on a piece of it. If you’d like, you can have my last pig ear too. I know all of that work in one night probably gives you a powerful appetite. (Sheba hates pig ears so I doubt she’ll mess with it.) Thanks Santa.
Sincerely,
Butch, The Dog
PS: Be careful flying Santa, there’s some new creature out flying around; his name is “Drone” and he drinks, I think ‘cause he fell last weekend and just missed my head.
Exactly, twenty-one years ago this very day
On the hushed, whispering shores of Lake Tahoe,
I walked my Princess, down the aisle and gave her away.
In that lush garden of the sun, you two, became one!
Under that white gazebo, so utterly sparkling,
When time seemed to stand virtually still,
I saw my stunning daughter, my darling,
Become a wife, against a backdrop of Lake Tahoe’s hills.
Your touching sapphire days together were still ahead,
Thank you, Butch for being the true, love of her life.
Then, a few years later, baby Eddie, cooed in his bed.
You two, by far, are the perfect husband and wife.
May all things beautiful come your way.
You both cared for me and keep me part of your life
And your big dream, that your son in the MLB, one day, shall play!
God bless you with all the very best and free from strife.
Tribute to Elena and Butch
Blessed Anniversary Wishes
With love, Mom
11/3/2022
Today it’s Sally’s birthday party; she’s the star of the show
She’s a lovely little girl and all her friends are invited to go
They arrive on the doorstep with presents in their hand
Wearing their best clothes, oh don’t they look so grand
Excited children are entertained by Coco the clown
She’s jolly person but her face wears a sad frown
Coco blows up balloons and amazing animals are created
The children clutch them eagerly; they simply are elated
The dining table is laden with glorious treats
Sandwiches, crisps, cakes and biscuits to eat
Sally’s birthday cake is shaped like a cute little cat
Cats are her favourite animal; her kitten is called Pat
The children sing ‘happy birthday’ and Sally makes a wish
Her mum cuts up the pretty cake and serves it on a dish
After tea is over a magician arrives to entertain
He’s called The Great Suprendo but it’s not his real name!
The magician does lots of magic tricks, the children think he’s ace
When he produces a fluffy rabbit they have a smile on their face
Soon the party is over and its time for the children to go home
Sally had a wonderful time but now she’s sad as she’s now alone
Secretly hiding in the kitchen is the Great Suprendo
He gives her the rabbit, her shrieks of delight reach a crescendo!
Mummy and daddy had planned this birthday surprise
Sally is so happy that tears spring into her eyes
Daddy had made the rabbit a wooden rabbit hutch
Sally is overjoyed, and names her pet rabbit Butch
Contest: The Birthday Party
Sponsor: Nayda Ivette Negron
01~31~16
I walk into the bathroom
And what do I see?
A pretty gray cat
Staring up at me.
He's sitting in the bathtub
Pretty as you please,
Waiting for someone
To come and meet his needs.
He wants a drink of water
From the faucet in the tub,
But there's no water flowing
At this feline refreshment pub.
He stares at me as if to say,
"I know you know what to do.
Just turn that big round knobby thing,
And the water will come through."
And so I read his kitty mind,
And I turn that knobby thing.
Sure enough the water comes
For Butch kitty to drink.
He laps the water thirstily
Until he wants no more,
Then he shakes the water off his paws
And flees quickly out the door.
Now I don't mind indulging him,
Or being wrapped around his paws,
But I wish that when he'd drunk enough
He'd learn to turn it off!
(This was my first cat and he truly had me wrapped around his paws. Sadly, he died two and a half years ago and I still miss him very much.)
”Oh! Man, these golden rods
Hot and full of butter lots
Salted just rightly
I hold ever so tightly
Even Butch and Bailey my dogs
Licks their lips for the flavor
Wishing I’d just drop one
No! Boy, ain’t gonna happen this I’m gonna savor
Grands Munz is holding 5 more
I’m hoping I’ve gotten room for them boy…
Yum…Each kernel of these cobs are sweet and spicy so
Blend butter with honey and cayenne and spread it loosely
WoW! Did I also say there’re juicy?
These corn cobs before grilling it Grands with pulled back on the husks made it so tender....
Grands also got Parmesan butter and a little cheese, this I’ll always remember
a mixture of olive oil, basting it with a garlicky Parmesan butter as it grills
Some with some lemon juice hot cobs
The Parmesan melts and clings while the olive oil
And lemon dribble “Hot cobs” stomach full to my neck I’m sure
Butch and Bailey panting com’on drop one already
Fish. Corn on the cob has an earthy, natural taste that pairs well with fish. ...
Corn then gets submerged in melted butter. “Hot Cobs”
Generous pinch of salt and a pinch of black pepper it’s just glorious
Keep’em comin Grands Munz this here corn on the cob simply marvelous
“Hot cobs” ooh, boy
Grands what’s the milk for?”
10/6/19
Contest Placement #2
For Realism Art Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Eve Roper
Picked Picture # 3
Longing for a Lunker
When I was but a lad
Butch and I would fish.
In any stream or river
To catch a “lunker” was our wish.
As we reached our teens
Our angling skills we honed.
But still our quest eluded us
We bought our big fish boned.
When we were at the river’s edge
Small shop’s, the bank would line
For they knew where the lunkers lived
Caught and smoked them up just fine
But alas, graduation came and went
We parted ways to never meet.
Butch taught biology to kids
We both found wives so sweet.
I only hear from him at Christmas
And oft a card without a note.
I wonder as the years went by
If he ever over- filled his boat.
I’m probably too feeble now
To land a lunker if one would bite.
But I still hold onto my dream
Of that exhausting, fun-filled fight.
Do you have something?
That lingering wish.
To run a marathon race
Or bake someone their favorite dish.
Don’t give up that dream
Wish on my aging friend
It may eventually happen
During our time at Heaven’s end.
For that may be what heaven is
A time of praise & worship of our King
But also time then set-aside
To pet our dogs and for other things.
Written by oldbuck, May 10, 2016 as he thought about days gone by and opportunities missed.