Long Bonking Poems

Jesus searched for disciples in the Middle East

came up with Thomas Mark Mathew and John

quite a leap of faith from the dessert to London

with bridges burning and not a bush in sight

oh ye of little...

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It started with an apple in paradise or was it a date they consumed

Had they kept their clothes off laundry day would have been easier

	The smell of seduction and no fake news

Honestly who cares whether...

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his mouth was wide open like a whispering heart

‘bring me sex drugs rock and roll back the years’

but prayers went unheard and the little blue pill

failed to arouse healing and he went flaccidly home

from the...

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A raccoon met a dustbin and began a chat. A curry in a barbeque had a very tasteful hat. In the world there was nineteen fish with arms talking about tailoring a view. Where they...

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He Walked on Water

In my youth, I thought it was a farce!
Because I wanted man to be the great
overcomer, not a God!
And most assuredly I found, faith in 
man to be an absolute, total bummer!

The darling...

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…fighting for peace with guns is like bonking for virginity

it is a macho world but then women can be excellent killers

the barrel phallus washed from conscience dipped into blood

a thin membrane between defence and aggression...

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Right Hand Twist
With a twisted sexuality like that
Anything was possible

Especially when you were called Zenky
And were from Oldham

The most deprived town in England
But that doesn’t matter

For only personal attributes do
He has a big four inch...

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BIN JAMAL

A pervert by the name of Bin Jamel
Was charged with bizarre sex with a mammal 
the charges were read
Bin Jamal went red
Cos the charge was bonking a fat camel... 


JOHNNY McGOOS

Did you hear about...

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My third eye is
Stuck with the unfortunate view
Of the brass band that connects the two spheres of my glasses.  
I take Advil for the head-aches.

Closing it doesn't work, I've realized.
When I close the middle...

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