Limburger Poems | Examples

Dead Skunk Season

Dead Skunk Season, it goes best on a roast,
then sliced nice and thin, and served up on rye toast!

Dead Skunk Season, oh it costs, but you’ll pay!
A dash in the eggs drives the in-laws away!

Dead Skunk Season, no live critters were harmed;
the label says road-kill, but don’t be alarmed!

Dead Skunk Season, Gordon Ramsay’s a fan;
When it ruins your cookware, you’ll buy his new pan.

Dead Skunk Season, have some more if you please,
and while you are at it, pass the Limburger cheese!

Peace of Cheese

Can you forget that piece of cheese
that you inhaled? Oh, just a crumb it was.
But breathing while chewing, then choking!
Was it Cheddar, Cheshire?

Or that Limburger, Parmesan?
But, oh, that piece of cheese!
Not a morsel you'll forget,
or a temporary amnesia that will bring you peace.

A double Gloucester, some feta or mozzarella?
What about that Parmigiana-Reggiano?
Better, far better, not to inhale
a piece of cheese. It's peace you need.

(8 Jan 2024)

Flatulence, Poop, and Friendship

When I visited Victor today,
overwhelming stench drove me away.
We stood outside and talked.
I complained, and he balked:
“Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?”

He let loose with a string of loud pops.
Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops!
There would be no arrest,
but at neighbors’ behest,
they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.”

The police are now summoned no more.
There’s a problem, but not like before,
one that cannot be heard;    
thus, no neighbors are stirred,      
fearing terror of gunplay’s in store.    

Victor has diarrhea a lot,
spending hours a day on the pot.
I declared, “We will go
to the doctor. He’ll know
how to diagnose just what you’ve got!”

Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows, 
were the cause of his gas and poop woes.
Way too many he ate.
Though he thought they were great, 
doctor’s orders he did not oppose.

Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.”
I approached his front porch; on the breeze,
came an unpleasant smell.
Before long I could tell
he loves pintos and limburger cheese!

Forever Friends

Forever friends we are and will always be said the white rat.
This was news to the faerie, but he was nicer than her old cat.
I can get you kibble, lettuce, bits of bacon, or other treats she said.
Just a bit of peanut butter please, the white rat quickly said.

But do not put in in one of those snappy things, please.
And I might ask your for a tiny bit of limburger cheese.
He was an easy pet, and fun in a variety of ways.
She taught him to boogie, and he taught her glaze clays.

My Gal From Pamunkey

My gal from Pamunkey,
has decided to leave.
Cause I have funky undies,
like bad stinky cheese.
She doesn't think it's funny,
that I'm attracting bees.
Your butt get's pretty itchy,
if you use Limburger cheese.
Man, I gotta wash my jazz,
As Soon as, I'm free.

Ordering Breakfast At the Cafe

I would like peanut butter macaroni and cheese please.
And some tasty mice on my hamburger if it is not too much trouble.
The pancakes should have dollops of garbage and limburger cheese.
He will have a bowl of oatmeal, his mother said, on the double.

The waitress had six children of her own, so she understood well.
With a side of cartwheel and unicorns? She asked the four-year-old.
He was immediately in love, thought she was totally swell.
She could do not wrong now, this mother with a heart of gold.

Sneezy

His mother taught him to say, "Please"
Before eating Limburger cheese
Each beat of his heart
Propelled a cheese fart
He tried to hide behind a sneeze

Cheese

I don’t have a lingering doubt
That cheese is the gods’ gift to man.
It compliments other fine foods
Whether peppery, salty or bland.

There’s gorgonzola and Stilton,
Emmental, muenster and bleu,
There’s limburger, feta and Jack,
And hundreds of others, too.

When it’s cold outside and windy
There’s nothing as good for lunch
As a sandwich of toasted cheese,
Along with an apple for crunch

I’d rather have crackers and cheese
Than some kind of chips and goo.
And instead of a sweet dessert
Fruit and brie would nicely do!

Durians In Flight

To gormandize upon the fungal billowing  
of its noisome mustiness,
beguiles many to munch upon its earthy reek.
A creamy white meatiness enchants taste buds 
to pillage pale fetid delights,
while a gluttonous well-being 
                          permeates through every orifice.

Before they were banned from overhead storage
Durians ruled the sky.
Air sickness or a stomach churning turbulence
were deemed more desirable than
than those choking emissions
wafting from their pulpy substance.

High above the Indian ocean 
passengers overcome by the funk 
demanded parachutes.
Some renounced their white privilege
or fell to their knees to pray for breathing masks
                               to drop.

Even when disembarked, cabs would not carry them
fearing the lingering grip of clammy odors.
While still in their departure lounges
hardened Limburger eaters grew pale,
trembling at the thought of flying unprotected 
from that most redolent of fruits,  
                                 the mighty all-pervading Durian.

Limburger Cheese Poetess

~~~~~

Sometimes I feel like a hunk of Limburger cheese!
Poets pass my poetry as if it had the great aroma 
of unwashed toes and knees.
.
These poets are the ones who pretend to be my 
PS friends?
But off in the distance, they live in Big Ego City, 
just beyond the bend.
.
They avoid better poets than I,and tis no surprise!
Prancing about the soup with guile and smiling disguise!
.
So,it's a damaging, unkind game they play.
My peace...is knowing Karma is coming their way.
                         ~~~~~

                   January 3, 2020
                      11:45 pm PST

In a Sour Mood Today

You know how cheese
Sometimes gets moldy and blue?
How milk oftimes  curdles
And smells bad too?

How babies (tho’ cute)
Love to be cuddled
But every so often
Carry a definite phew?

How dogs (and cats)
Our beloved companions
Sometimes develop a certain aura
And reek to high Heaven?

How certain cheeses
Can stink like bejesus
Like limburger  and Havarti
Like any dead thing I must say

Well…We all have our mood swings
Our good days and bad days
And so sad to say….
That these oft used cliches

Describe to a T
The mood that I’m in
…Today…

23 lines-100 words

My Crush

You were my crush;
The memory's sweet
But I can't take
Your stinking feet.

Don't get me wrong;
I've tried to please
But I can't stand
Limburger cheese.






Date Written: 4-15-2019
Contest Name:	I’m Crushing On You
Contest Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver

What Can I Do

What can I do if I like Limburger cheese
saying gazoontite when somebody sneezed
using a knife to eat my peas
sighing loudly with a jeez
What can I do when it's who I am
I'm doing the best I can

What can I do when I like taking naps
always answering with perhaps
enjoy embellishing facts
AND TEXTING IN ALL CAPS
What can I do when it's who I am
I'm doing the best I can

What can I do if I only like you
hoping you somehow like me too
do I call you out of the blue
to tell you I like only you
What can I do when it's who I am
I'm doing my best without you

Say Cheese

SAY CHEESE

A block of blue with some scrumptious salad veins.
White american melted over my toasted hot philly
and wizz creatively squirted on crackers entertain.
Stinky limburger a treat — a clothespin-nose silly.

Shredded, sliced or block —
I’ll hide cheese in my sock!

Cheddar logs, mild and sharp, on holiday platter,
I’d eat til sneak-Santa swaps for cookies and milk.
Boursin smoothed out over snackable treats and chatter.
When the kids go to bed - white wine and saanin silk.

Ooh the smooth and yummy
melt and grilled in my tummy!

A fondue pot with skewered vegetables and bread,
so gooey warm and stringy strung around my tongue.
Weighed out in ounces, yellow and white wed —
marbleized, or a brie wedge for the old or young.

Peeled and spread with
accoutrement blithe!

11/18/2018
Write a poem about cheese contest/Barry Stebbings

Cheese, Cheese, Cheese, and Brie

Acapella, Abbot’s gold, cheese made so big and bright and bold.
Pepper-jack, limburger, cheese on your pie. Why, oh, why, cook, why?
Mozzarella, Elberton Blue, cheese so tasty for me and you.
Cheddar Cheese logs, cheese dogs, cheese eggs, cheese fried on a paper state fair stick.
Serve me some Jalapenos with tasty blue cheese, and please make it quick!
Abertam, abundance, Juliana, cottage cheese, and Jindi Brie.
Almost all cheeses are expensive except home-made, which is free.
Pepper-jack, muenster, cheese on your grandma’s sweet apple pie.
Too busy drinking potato cheese soup, to ask your grandpa why,
Raw milk Feta, Red Buddy too, here is a grilled cheese sandwich for me and you.
Cheesecakes, cheese bakes, and cheese in garden- fresh celery smashed down deep.
I dream of her nightly, as my mind wanders into sleep.



Written 11-15-2018    Contest: Write a Poem about Cheese Poetry Contest
                                 Sponsor: Barry Stebbings

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