Best Limburger Poems
~~~~~
Sometimes I feel like a hunk of Limburger cheese!
Poets pass my poetry as if it had the great aroma
of unwashed toes and knees.
.
These poets are the ones who pretend to be my
PS friends?
But off in the distance, they live in Big Ego City,
just beyond the bend.
.
They avoid better poets than I,and tis no surprise!
Prancing about the soup with guile and smiling disguise!
.
So,it's a damaging, unkind game they play.
My peace...is knowing Karma is coming their way.
~~~~~
January 3, 2020
11:45 pm PST
Categories:
limburger, friend, humorous, poetess,
Form:
Couplet
His desire was for a kiss or two
Those eyes danced with a gleam
She turned her head a kiss to dread
Increased his sexual steam
Everyday he wanted to play
French kissing in his dreams
She refused his looks and advance
Those kisses made her scream
Hairy did persist wanting to kiss
The Chihuahua did scheme
While she did sleep he kissed her feet
His eyes now danced agleam
He loved those feet he chanced to kiss
Like Limburger cheese cream
She had rubbed her feet to deter
his feats, she wasn't on his team
Just of fun..
This did not happen but the female Chihuahua
has French kissed my husband while he slept..LOL>>ROTFL
Categories:
limburger, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
My blue cheese is Limburger and it tastes like rotten meat.
Were I to put it twixt my toes, I would have stinky feet.
I once bought a big chunk of it, there's nothing I won't try.
It was the day that I did learn, be careful what you buy.
Being the person that I am, (I think I'm heaven scent)
And not to waste, a slice I put in my foe's car air vent.
Next day I got the 'evil eye' and I was very pleased.
I was not sure what I should do, so simply uttered "Cheese".
That nasty crap I'll buy no more for I'd be really dumb.
To those who make the rancid stuff, I'd say "it tastes of bum".
Written 1/6/18
Contest: My Blue Cheese is...
Hosted by Kevin Shaw
Categories:
limburger, food, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Can you forget that piece of cheese
that you inhaled? Oh, just a crumb it was.
But breathing while chewing, then choking!
Was it Cheddar, Cheshire?
Or that Limburger, Parmesan?
But, oh, that piece of cheese!
Not a morsel you'll forget,
or a temporary amnesia that will bring you peace.
A double Gloucester, some feta or mozzarella?
What about that Parmigiana-Reggiano?
Better, far better, not to inhale
a piece of cheese. It's peace you need.
(8 Jan 2024)
Categories:
limburger, anger, food, health, peace,
Form:
Free verse
Smaltz loved limburger cheese with passion
A fact that turned co-workers’ noses ashen.
The stench made ill all near his breath
Notes on his locker hinted at death.
Smaltz now finds cheddar fragrantly in fashion.
Categories:
limburger, humor,
Form:
Limerick
When I visited Victor today,
overwhelming stench drove me away.
We stood outside and talked.
I complained, and he balked:
“Don’t be mean. I can’t help it. OKAY?”
He let loose with a string of loud pops.
Neighbors fearing gunfire called the cops!
There would be no arrest,
but at neighbors’ behest,
they said, “Sir, make sure this problem stops.”
The police are now summoned no more.
There’s a problem, but not like before,
one that cannot be heard;
thus, no neighbors are stirred,
fearing terror of gunplay’s in store.
Victor has diarrhea a lot,
spending hours a day on the pot.
I declared, “We will go
to the doctor. He’ll know
how to diagnose just what you’ve got!”
Sugar-free treats, as Victor now knows,
were the cause of his gas and poop woes.
Way too many he ate.
Though he thought they were great,
doctor’s orders he did not oppose.
Victor called: “Come and visit me, please.”
I approached his front porch; on the breeze,
came an unpleasant smell.
Before long I could tell
he loves pintos and limburger cheese!
Categories:
limburger, food, friendship, hyperbole,
Form:
Limerick
She rails at unseen whisperers,
un-wrappers of gooey carmels.
Her hat is high and so am I,
drunk on her liederkranz chanel.
I imagine a well-placed apple
replacing her feathered chapeau.
An unpracticed William Tell zings
her headless with his bow.
Clever subtitles explain the plot.
The score sets an ominous tone.
Things are fine till next to me sits
a girl wearing limburger cologne.
©Kathryn McLoughlin Collins
July 4, 2012
Categories:
limburger, funny,
Form:
Rhyme
His mother taught him to say, "Please"
Before eating Limburger cheese
Each beat of his heart
Propelled a cheese fart
He tried to hide behind a sneeze
Categories:
limburger, humor,
Form:
Limerick
SAY CHEESE
A block of blue with some scrumptious salad veins.
White american melted over my toasted hot philly
and wizz creatively squirted on crackers entertain.
Stinky limburger a treat — a clothespin-nose silly.
Shredded, sliced or block —
I’ll hide cheese in my sock!
Cheddar logs, mild and sharp, on holiday platter,
I’d eat til sneak-Santa swaps for cookies and milk.
Boursin smoothed out over snackable treats and chatter.
When the kids go to bed - white wine and saanin silk.
Ooh the smooth and yummy
melt and grilled in my tummy!
A fondue pot with skewered vegetables and bread,
so gooey warm and stringy strung around my tongue.
Weighed out in ounces, yellow and white wed —
marbleized, or a brie wedge for the old or young.
Peeled and spread with
accoutrement blithe!
11/18/2018
Write a poem about cheese contest/Barry Stebbings
Categories:
limburger, food,
Form:
Rhyme
My pet mouse Louie is a connoisseur of exotic cheese,
But when it comes to gratifying him, he's mighty hard to please!
I have my own choice of cheese, therefor, 'tis an ongoing clash,
Between me and Louie at which he has become somewhat brash!
If I set a snack of limburger before him, he'll turn up his nose,
And I learned mighty quick to no longer on him that crud impose!
I happen to like a simple cheddar but Louie will clearly voice,
His desire for an expensive gouda if he had to make the choice!
We both abhor cottage cheese on that we can readily agree,
But he savors bizarre cheeses such as Greek feta and French brie!
The latter two I can barely tolerate and well-nigh cause me to retch!
I hate to divulge this but Louie is becoming a bothersome kvetch!
Lately he insists on me catering ricotta, swiss and mozzarella.
(Ain't gonna happen, you can bet your life on that, little fella!)
Alas, my dilemma was solved by my cat who relishes tasty mice;
Louie was devoured by ravenous Jeff the cat which wasn't very nice!
Entry for Barry Stebbins' "Poem About Cheese" Contest
(15 November 2018)
Categories:
limburger, food, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
CHEESE
Wisconsin is the Cheese Capitol of the USA
There you can find cheese ever on display
And of this wonderful thing called cheese
There is a type for everyone if you please
There's Cheese Grits, and Nacho Cheese
Muenster, Guta, and Cantonese
Goats and cows milk both are used
Making it easy to become confused
Even sheep and camels get in on the act
Their milk is used for cheese -- that's a fact
Cheese is a staple familiar to all
It comes in slices or rolled up in a ball
There's Parmagiano-Reggiano, Gouda and Brie
And smelly Limburger, you may want to try
Roquefort, Camembert, Cotija and Chevre
Monterey Jack and Mozzarella
Emmental, Taleggio, and Feta
The list goes on, and the Cheese gets better
But I'm only allowed to post twenty lines
So you'll have to Google for more flavors to find
10 November 2018
For the contest sponsored by Barry Stebbings
Categories:
limburger, culture, food, fun,
Form:
Rhyme
Acapella, Abbot’s gold, cheese made so big and bright and bold.
Pepper-jack, limburger, cheese on your pie. Why, oh, why, cook, why?
Mozzarella, Elberton Blue, cheese so tasty for me and you.
Cheddar Cheese logs, cheese dogs, cheese eggs, cheese fried on a paper state fair stick.
Serve me some Jalapenos with tasty blue cheese, and please make it quick!
Abertam, abundance, Juliana, cottage cheese, and Jindi Brie.
Almost all cheeses are expensive except home-made, which is free.
Pepper-jack, muenster, cheese on your grandma’s sweet apple pie.
Too busy drinking potato cheese soup, to ask your grandpa why,
Raw milk Feta, Red Buddy too, here is a grilled cheese sandwich for me and you.
Cheesecakes, cheese bakes, and cheese in garden- fresh celery smashed down deep.
I dream of her nightly, as my mind wanders into sleep.
Written 11-15-2018 Contest: Write a Poem about Cheese Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Barry Stebbings
Categories:
limburger, 10th grade, 5th grade,
Form:
Rhyme
My gal from Pamunkey,
has decided to leave.
Cause I have funky undies,
like bad stinky cheese.
She doesn't think it's funny,
that I'm attracting bees.
Your butt get's pretty itchy,
if you use Limburger cheese.
Man, I gotta wash my jazz,
As Soon as, I'm free.
Categories:
limburger, fun, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
I would like peanut butter macaroni and cheese please.
And some tasty mice on my hamburger if it is not too much trouble.
The pancakes should have dollops of garbage and limburger cheese.
He will have a bowl of oatmeal, his mother said, on the double.
The waitress had six children of her own, so she understood well.
With a side of cartwheel and unicorns? She asked the four-year-old.
He was immediately in love, thought she was totally swell.
She could do not wrong now, this mother with a heart of gold.
Categories:
limburger, mother, parents,
Form:
Rhyme
I fell down the rabbit hole and was shocked when I saw
The old vial with the faded label that said “lah dee dah dah”
Eat me or drink me, but good luck, you little creep.
Because I am up here, and you are down there so deep.
So this was Alice’s place, where her adventure had begun.
I thought it was going to be delightful, a whole bunch of fun.
I heard a door click and I knew I was locked into this place.
My chin began to quiver, and my heart started to race.
It is moldy and musty and smells like last month’s limburger cheese.
I knew immediately I had hit my head hard, and could not do what I please.
I struggled to get up on that table with the vial that was so far away.
Get real! Yelled a voice. Open the door, idiot, if you are going to stay!
I opened the door and the Mad Hatter’s tea part was going on strong.
He was yelling obscenities at Dweedle Dew and Dweedle You, this was wrong.
Is this Alice’s hole? I asked and there was ridiculous loud laughter from the throng.
The queen of hearts bent over and let me get a good peek at her thong.
I am in hell I thought, not Carroll’s dream or adventure book at all.
They were crazy here. I agree said the Cheshire Cat who was big and tall.
So get out of this dream, just open your eyes, and go quickly away.
But then they began to play scrabble, so I decided to stay.
Categories:
limburger, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Rhyme