I woke to see disoriented infinite shelves,
Enormous books lay with utmost silence.
In the floating dust, identity was found,
And under the endless meanings, the self was buried.
The turning pages reminded me of the unremembered hands,
Meanings were blurred, voices were invalidated.
Every dawn made me welcome to enjoy the curse,
For time had lost its aim.
Sometimes I met sufferers, while others were not counted,
Their tired eyes seemed to be of the weariness of traveling to eternity.
Voices filled with vain efforts, unable to be comprehended,
Since the mind was stuck in endless letters and pauses.
I understood that hell is not about fire or pain,
Though punishment was given through endless reading or searching.
I looked for a respite but was forever denied,
When properly ordered, souls drift astray forever.
Do tell, when seen, the sight of answers
The ones that are sought deep within.
Away now, dig graves deeper
Unearth the bones, the memories of pain therein.
Make use of scraps and stains placed in heart
The ones they chose not to see.
The ones that were once torn pieces apart
The ones that were shunned e’er so lightly.
Then write of past, and of stories sore
Name not once—pain—but many more.
Bleed the pen the soul’s last delight
Weep the tears, the forlorn sight.
And when finished, let all be dyed serene
The memory graves returned, and the heart pristine.
In my voice I screen in those acquisition visions
Captured those sounds of romancing my heart
Covet sparkled spotted crashed spectacle collisions
Revenant those posture posed unlocked mark
Heart moans in loss of love
Hands and arms restless, nothing no one to hold
Whereof, host of mind thoughts of doves
Encircling spectrum of images scrolled
I’m awakening in myself, I see my breath
Instilled I am alive and well;
I’m withstanding the purpose I am in a test
In dwelled in a position invalidated by my accel
Mine eyes dance
My heart sings
Mind’s in a trance
I am fertile tenaciously close clings eyes smiles grins
Revenant those posture posed unlocked marked
In my voice I screen in my acquisition vision
Captured those sounds of romancing my heart
Covet sparkled spotted crashed spectacle collision
Make God love not Humanity nor Satan wars
12/3/22
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2022©
You couldn't handle my feelings,
So unintentionally, I gave you my rage.
Sometimes in the form of text,
Sometimes on a page.
Words, are how I get things out.
This is something that you know.
When I hold too much inside,
The words inside me overflow.
But never did we talk it through,
You never bothered to mention them.
I felt so invalidated at the time,
So I vented my pain, again and again.
You kept my unanswered rantings,
As some twisted kind of proof.
Of how messed up I really was,
While you got to hide the truth.
You didn't hurt me with your fists,
Only occasionally with your words,
No. You scrubbed me out until I was invisible,
Abandoned me with my hurts.
You left me when I needed you most,
You were never emotionally there.
You gave me just a day or two,
And then you didn't care.
You stopped seeing me as a woman,
And started treating me like a tool.
Applying the bare minimum to get what you wanted.
Made me feel like such a fool.
I can't even buy a single card,
All the sentiments, seem fake.
I feel like we have run our course.
That staying married is a huge mistake.
You invalidated my feelings,
My emotions are real, true to the bone.
I feel things you only wish to feel,
A relationship isn’t just deals and stones.
You say I overthink everything,
Overthinking might be a blessing and a curse.
I dissect your every single move,
I swear my head might just burst.
You don’t see what I see,
The potential we could reach.
I need you to see my vision too,
Or we’ll be lessons hard to teach.
Old patterns, old behaviours,
Habits we have to leave behind.
My heart adores you deeply,
But do you see the worth I find?
We survived another raw moment,
Another time, things got real.
This isn’t a fantasy partnership,
We’re human, and love is our only deal.
I love you, sweetheart, with almost all I am.
Break me, and it’s done.
I’ll walk away,
To keep at least a piece of myself safe, one by one.
The temptations of armor, sheilding me from aching breaths. Save me from battle.
A ruthless, lying war. Makes your face hurt and your temples burn.
The anxiety eating away pieces of sanity. Laying down to sleep searing in your own heat, and waking shivering from the core.
43 minute blocks of time set aside to rest. And I close my eyes, every sound shakes my body.
Float weightless for seconds on end and snap back into a body made of rock. A tiny chisel rattles the bones in my neck.
Weak and so bleary eyed. I feel so damn invalidated, incapacitated, and inebriated.
Malevolent soul wrapped up in my nerves, who said you could stay?
A person I dont know lives here with me, a split indifferent personality.
Maybe tomorrow Ill become somebody new. And my fellow soldiers could love me a little more.
You resist the urge to laugh, but I tell you to feel free. Im safe here with my locked up jaw.
Ill be more numb than you have ever known me to be tonight. Well be so much better than fine.
Get down inside this bunker. Wait for the fallout. And pay no mind to the creatures in our mind.
Another tsunami for the warm heart
Another heart-rending chapter
After saying bye to her ill-fated dictator
After years and years of tribulations
The 1890 treaty has been invalidated
The obvious has become hazy
For our longtime neighbors
Unfortunately have become greedy
We the down-trodden watch innocently
Unaware of what will happen to our Chambo
And to us who drink from this thing
That has become the bone of contention
Still, we hopefully await
When this fiasco will be sorted out amicably
When again without fears
We will fish our Chambo joyously
It is said that letting go
can be the hardest thing
The part-time lovers,
corrupted friends,
pastime lovers and
incomplete bondings
holding final piece until the end
But I
embrace gratitude
For I have come to terms
that some will never come to terms
Their self dignity become suicidal tendency
grasping the breath of me
drowning in river Styx;
abundant dependency
Green coated envy
with lashes of solidarity;
tasting entrapment
as their new found hobby
As they let go
by digging trenches to nowhere
Mud slinging recollected teardrops
dripping invalidated errors
And I
should cry
these burdens
I should cry
I should
But these tears
know better
© Drake J. Eszes
Bestowing to you the best I could to show you my love
Learning how to achieve without the need of guiding hands
Invalidated but not allowing to be effortless
Never will it be a problem to feel you touch my heart
Doubting I am sometimes for I do not have the visual of knowing danger
Needing to be recognized even though I wouldn't be able to do the same
Everything I desire, but I wouldn't give up the sensations that my hands receive
Searching heat comforts me and surprises when it's a wanting body
Sorry that I could not see all that you have given me.
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